


Oh, Did I Say That I Want You?

by pietromavximoff



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst and Fluff and Smut, F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Mutual Pining, Shameless Smut, Slow Build, daryl and beth are dumb and they can't admit they really like each other, he's so soft for her it makes me sick, healing each other's scars, mechanic daryl and songbird beth, pretending to have feelings that are actually real
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-25
Updated: 2020-12-26
Packaged: 2021-03-10 07:53:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 91,274
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27710026
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pietromavximoff/pseuds/pietromavximoff
Summary: Beth Greene's car is on it's last life, so when Daryl Dixon offers his help after finding her broken down on the side of the road, she can hardly believe her luck. Even harder to believe is him agreeing to pretend to be her boyfriend to convince her family and friends that she truly has moved on from her mother's death. But it's hard to know what's pretend and what's not when real feelings get involved, and tensions rise when they both realise they're no longer keeping up their façade as a friendly favour.
Relationships: Daryl Dixon & Beth Greene, Daryl Dixon/Beth Greene
Comments: 118
Kudos: 146





	1. When The Rain Clears

**Author's Note:**

> will be updating regularly since i've finished writing this fic! leave me some love in the comments if you enjoy :)

By the time Fall came around that year, the Greene farm was well and truly deserted. Usually a bustling place bursting with noise and laughter, it was unsettlingly quiet when Beth Greene woke up the first September day without her siblings there. Her brother Shawn had left for college the night before and her sister Maggie was working in the city. She split her time between the farm and Glenn’s apartment, and although Beth liked Maggie’s boyfriend plenty, it was hard not to resent him taking her away for the week as she made her way downstairs and was met with an empty kitchen.

From the window overlooking the rest of the farm, Beth spotted her father bending over the hood of her beaten up car. She had only bought it last week, finally having saved enough money from her odd summer jobs over the years, and at twenty thought she ought to finally have one of her own. Although she was the third owner and it was definitely well past it’s prime, Beth knew if she could get it fixed up properly it would last her, at least long enough to save up as much money as she could to get out of this town. She needed this car to workout, she realised, needed this to be something good. She’d subconsciously tied being able to move on from her mother’s death to this car and what it symbolised for her. The freedom, the pay off of working hard and being able to finally have something good, something that symbolised hope. She was headed to college next year, that much she knew, but something about the thought of deadlines and pressure left something to be desired. She flourished under pressure but she knew she didn’t need it to be great. Her mother had told her that much about her before she died the previous year and Beth was determined to believe it. If she didn’t, that would have to mean that her mother was wrong about everything else she’d told her, and Beth wasn’t about to face a reality where that was possible. She didn’t think about it much. Her mother had once told her to believe in rainbows, and so everytime Beth had seen one she was filled with a sense of comfort. So she would be determined and brave and she would be good enough. She didn’t like thinking about college, just felt it was a necessary evil to get ahead. No, when she thought about her future, she was buying guitars and pianos and singing in dimly lit dive bars and road tripping around the country and seeing the world.

Her father swung open the front door, wiping his boots on the welcome mat before entering the kitchen.

‘You’d better get that car to the mechanic, Bethy. The engine sounds one more stall away from dying.’

Beth sighed, dragging her eyes away from the orange-green leaves littering the windowsill. ‘That bad?’

Hershel shook his head, a smile forming as he looked at his youngest daughter. Beth had always had a good relationship with her father, if not somewhat different now after her mother’s death. After what Beth had done.

‘Worse. Martinez should be able to fit you in today, I’ll give him a call and let him know you’re coming. I don’t know how much good it’ll do but seems like you’re stuck with it now.’

Beth thanked her father grudgingly as she resigned herself to the day. She’d wanted to take her horse through the empty fields around the farm, maybe bring a notepad and try for some new lyrics but it was clear her car was a more pressing issue. She thought of how Maggie would smirk over the phone when Beth told her she had been right to call her car a piece of trash the day she brought it home and silently thought that she’d hold off on telling her it was beyond repair for the time being.

There was only one mechanic shop in town, thankfully close enough to the farm, but as Beth drove down the deserted back road, the usually quick journey felt longer and longer each time an ominous hiss or sputter came from the engine. Scrunching up her nose and hoping it didn’t give out as she pulled in through the gate, Beth entered the scrappy yard to see an unfamiliar man leaning on the wall opposite her, eyes trained ahead as he lit a cigarette.

Before Beth could do anything more than park her car and open her door, Martinez was coming out from the office ahead, hand up in greeting. He’d been a friend of her fathers for years and Beth was familiar with him and his family, although it didn’t stop her nervous feeling as she moved past the man leaning against the wall, walking through his cloud of smoke. She had no idea about cars and something told her that this place was filled with burly men who who weren’t nearly as upbeat as Martinez. A quick scan around confirmed her suspicions.

‘How are you, chica?’

Beth smiled warmly as she tossed him her keys. Most people these days were a little over enthusiastic with their greetings towards her and she appreciated the gesture but saw right through it as an attempt to lighten the mood lest anything unsavoury be brought up. Unsavoury was one word for it. She felt the white scar along her wrist burn against her bracelets as the memory of blood and agony cut intrusively into her thoughts. Unsavoury.

‘Bright as a button.’ She grinned, shoving her hands into her pockets as Martinez nodded, hanging his head.

‘Alright, I deserve that. How’s your dad?’

The sincerity of his tone made Beth wish she hadn’t been sarcastic. It was easy to ask how someone was when you didn’t really care. Asking how someone was when you truly wanted to know was different. Martinez and his family had been there by the Greene’s side for the last year, providing a steady support that was not forgotten.

Beth softened her tone. ‘He’s doing okay. Best he can, I guess.’

Martinez nodded at that, offering her a sympathetic smile before squinting up towards the sun. ‘Alright, what’s wrong with the car?’

Beth snorted. ‘There’s not much right.’ She turned to the older man who was surveying her car with a frown. ‘But don’t tell my daddy that.’

The humid air was finding its way down her neck, her hair seeming to absorb the sunlight and making her shift uncomfortably in the heat.

Martinez frowned as he peered inside of the hood, pulling and twisting things Beth wouldn’t have the faintest idea about. He shook his head.

‘Hell of a car you stuck yourself with. Don’t even know if half this stuff is fixable. I’ll have a look at my schedule and get back to you. Sit tight.’

Beth watched as he turned back to the office and disappeared inside. The yard was bathed in sunlight and she was getting hot leaning against her car but the man opposite who was smoking was taking up the only shade and she wasn’t about to go stand next to him. Her gaze lingered on his grease-covered hands, following a vein up his taut arms and quickly tearing her eyes away before he caught her staring. She crossed her arms and turned her face towards the sun, eyes closed, humming lightly under her breath. When she was like this, she could almost imagine it was any other summer day. Maggie and Shawn would be waiting for her at the farm and they’d eat peaches under the giant willow tree and her father would smile and watch them laughing and her mother would bring out her guitar and ask her to sing. When she was like this, she could almost imagine her mother was still alive.

Beth opened her eyes, squinting into the sun as she heard Martinez’ voice calling her from across the yard, pulling a cap on as he made his way over. She listened as he reeled off everything wrong with her car, from the engine to the brakes, nodding and trying to hide her dejection. She definitely had been rash in buying it, but she thought that maybe things would work out for once. Still, she wasn’t going to give up just yet.

‘I’m slammed today, but I can get one of the Dixon’s to have a look at it for you, see if we can fix up the things that are more urgent.’

Beth nodded gratefully. The name Dixon stirred up memories in her mind, things her father had said over the years about that family. Beth couldn’t remember specifics, but it wasn’t anything good. At Martinez’ words, a man working on a car nearby looked up and grinned, making his way over. He looked in his fifties, hair cropped short and a hard glint in his eye. The man who’d been quiet in the shadows stood up a little straighter.

Martinez nodded at him. ‘Alright, I’ll leave you with Merle. Say hi to your dad for me.’

He squeezed Beth’s shoulder lightly and she smiled, thanking him. She turned to the other mechanic who was watching Martinez walk away lazily.

‘Alright, blondie, what’s the problem?’ He had a smug smile as he flicked his eyes to her.

Beth suspected he could sense that she knew little to nothing about cars and was only asking to see her squirm.

She replied evenly, ‘thought you were the mechanic. Aren’t you meant to know?’

‘Sassy, are we?’ The man grinned as though he’d wanted that reply all along. The figure in the shadows put out his cigarette and walked over to the car the other had just come from.

‘I’ll have a look under the hood for you but I ain’t makin’ any promises. Name’s Merle.’

Beth nodded politely but kept her arms crossed over her chest. He seemed harmless enough, but she had enough experience with guys she’d thought could be harmless to realise that maybe she wasn’t always the best judge of character purely because she liked to see the good in everyone. She liked to believe everyone had good, at least. That was another thing her mother had taught her. Another thing she refused to stop believing in, another thing she couldn’t bear to not believe in.

The heat that day was blaring, not unusual for this time of the month but uncomfortable to stand in nonetheless. Beth was fidgeting with her bracelets when Merle finally stood up straight, slamming the hood of her car down in exasperation. He wiped sweat from his brow with the back of his hand.

‘Ain’t good news, blondie.’ Beth prickled at the nickname. ‘Car’s a write off, gonna cost you a hell of a lot more to fix up than it’ll cost to get a new one.’

Beth gnashed her teeth together stubbornly. That was not part of the plan. ‘Surely there’s something you can do.’

Merle laughed indulgently. ‘Ain’t gonna find no one in the state of Georgia who’s willin’ to waste their time fixin’ that up for you, no matter how much you bat your pretty eyes at ‘em.’

Beth glowered at him, wondering if he was too lazy to fix it or if Martinez would agree upon closer inspection. He was a good man and Beth trusted that he’d trust the word of any one of his men working under him. But if she accepted this, then that was it for her car, for her payoff of working hard, for her ability to be able to use this as a way of moving past her mother’s death. The scar on her wrist itched.

Beth nodded finally, taking the keys from Merle’s outstretched hand and getting into her car numbly. It seemed there was nothing she could do about it but accept it. She drove away from the garage in silence, feeling her chest grow heavier as the hope of the new beginning this car had given her slowly drained out.

* * *

The first thing Beth did when she got home was call Maggie. Her and her sister had always been close, but this last year had seen them go from sisters to best friends. They’d spent the summer together, from driving down to Tybee Island for the weekend and riding their horses in the woods near the farm all day.

Maggie answered on the third ring. ‘Beth?’

‘Hey, Mags. How’s work?’ Beth could practically see Maggie scowling through the phone.

‘You know not to ask me that when you call.’ Maggie worked at a law firm in the city and she hated her job nearly as much as she loved it most days. Today seemed like an even fifty-fifty split. ‘What’re you up to?’

Beth sighed, flopping down on her bed and staring at the ceiling. She didn’t want to admit her car was a hopeless case just yet. ‘Was gonna go for a ride.’

‘Oh yeah? Nelly feeling up to it?’

Beth grimaced at this, remembering how quick her childhood horse had tired the other day from a simple trot. Was this all growing up was – watching things you knew to be once full of life slowly deteriorate and die? If it was, she wanted no part in it.

‘I’ll get daddy to check on her. How’s Glenn?’

And that guaranteed Beth another half hour of listening to Maggie speak animatedly about her boyfriend, and Beth was grateful that all she had to do was lay on her bed and make a noise of agreement or surprise every now and then. Her mind drifted as it always did, no matter what she did to try and distract herself. Today, her mind was on her car, on Merle’s weather beaten face refusing to fix it, on the last tiny hope she’d held onto for a different life slip away. She knew it was stupid to place all her hope in a piece of junk but something in her had genuinely believed that if she could make this work, then there was hope for her future. She couldn’t explain it when Maggie or her father hounded her about it and she suspected she would not be able to explain it to anyone else who asked. It was enough for her to know. Well, it had been.

‘And the car?’

Beth tugged at her bed sheets. ‘Working on it.’

They talked a bit more but eventually Maggie was dragged away by someone on the other end.

‘I’ll see you next week, okay? I’ve got a few days off and I’m bringing Glenn down, make sure you tell dad –’

Beth barely managed to get a goodbye in before Maggie hung up. She rolled over to look out her window, wondering what on earth she was going to do with her unfixable car. The sun would be down soon and she still wanted to go for a ride with Nelly, even if it was a short one. Passing her father on the way down, she assured him she’d be back for dinner, noticing with a sinking feeling his look of concern but leaving before he got the chance to protest.

The stables were peaceful, the animals enjoying the quiet September brought. Nelly greeted Beth as she usually did – an affectionate nuzzle to the neck – and Beth felt a wave of reassurance that her horse didn’t seem out of the ordinary today. Hooking in her stirrups and strapping in a saddle, Beth led Nelly out of the stables before boosting herself up. She had a notepad in her pocket but she found as she rode that she didn’t want to stop and think about what to write, knowing that her feeling of dejection about her car would only translate to lyrics that would be too heavy for such a sunny day. She led Nelly across a green field, skirting the woods around the farm. She knew them well enough, but wouldn’t risk going in alone. Nelly was easily spooked, and snakes were rampant here. Eventually having to accept that it would be dark soon and knowing her father would worry about her if she wasn’t home when she said she’d be, she led Nelly in a trot back to the stables, paying close attention to the animal’s breathing and hoping that there would be nothing wrong with her. There was a lot that had changed in the last year but she knew she didn’t have it in her for any more of it. She couldn’t bear to lose anyone else, least of all a horse who she’d shared most of her life with. She needed constants, she needed steady. As she walked back into the farmhouse, she watched the sun slowly slipping off the horizon and felt the familiar tug of melancholy. Her mother had been gone long enough that most people didn’t bring it up when they saw her, but it was still in their eyes when they looked at her, in their tone of voice when they spoke. Beth had her mother in her eyes when she looked in the mirror, saw that same blue steel that had brought her so much comfort for so many years and wondered at how she could look at herself now and see such weakness where there was meant to be strength. The scar on her wrist tingled when she thought about that day she cut it open with a shard of broken mirror. She thought she had wanted to die that day but she knew now she didn’t. It was more about feeling, about wanting an outlet for her grief. Some people took out their sadness on others but she would never intentionally harm anyone but herself. She’d learnt the hard way that even by hurting herself she had hurt others, her friends, her sister and brother, her father. And she thought that maybe that’s what love was after all, maybe it wasn’t just looking after others but looking after yourself too and making sure everyone else who loved you could see that. She’d been trying these last few months, to make it up to them. To Maggie and Shawn, who didn’t like the idea of her at home alone for long periods of time, to her father who would look over her sharply each morning as though he might be able to know whether or not she was having a good day or a bad one. Her family’s attempts to reassure themselves that she would not do something like that again would do nothing to stop her if she had already put her mind to something. But she let them take comfort in their rules anyway. After all, she’d been the one to break the trust in the first place.

Beth slipped quietly upstairs after dinner and into bed. These days, she didn’t sleep all that well but tonight she was tired, drained. Thoughts of her unfixable car weighed heavily on her mind and for once she found she could go to sleep the moment her head hit the pillow and drift off easily into fuzzy nothingness for a while.

* * *

Beth’s bedroom window had always been her favourite spot to sit and watch the rest of the farm. From there, she could lay along the frame and watch the grass being tickled by the breeze, see the trees quiver each time someone plucked a peach off a branch, watch the barn doors swinging open in mornings for the chickens to pour out. This morning however, it was nothing but a source of annoyance as the giant uncovered glass let in a streaming patch of sunlight straight into Beth’s squinted eyes. Groggily, she checked the time. It wasn’t even eight yet but she had gone to sleep quite early. She had dreamed about her mother, as she did most nights. Unlike most mornings however, today she was feeling particularly motivated from her sleep and jumped into the shower, determined that she do one thing today that would improve her mood and take her mind of the previous day’s failings. It was hard not to think about the day before as she hopped into her car and was reminded of it as the engine sputtered to life. Thrumming her fingers against the steering wheel anxiously and hoping that it would grant her half an hour more, she pulled out of the farm and drove towards town. It was a warm day and although Beth was in shorts and a t-shirt, her car was still filled with stiflingly hot air so she wound all the windows down. The forecast had predicted rain and her father had made her take a jacket just in case, but that was forgotten on the backseat in the heat. The air conditioner didn’t work of course, but it wasn’t so bad as she drove down the empty road singing loud enough to drown out the worrying noises coming out of her car, hair whipping around her face with the wind. And somehow, she was pulling in to park in front of the local music store and the car and her were still in one piece.

The tiny store was run by an older man who usually kept to himself by the back and today was no exception. He looked up at the sound of the door dinging as she opened it and offered her a nod and Beth felt quite free to peruse the empty store in silence. Writing lyrics was one thing but making music was another. She had one old guitar at home that had been used mainly by her mother, and although that worked well enough, she longed for grand pianos, ukuleles, harps, anything else that she could put her fingers to and make something. Right about now she’d settle for a new acoustic guitar, although her last purchase had pretty much left no room for spending money. Still, it was enough for now to simply walk down the dusty aisles and pick up and strum instruments and feel the soft vibrations run through her, too. One day, she’d have all of this. Some day soon, she’d take off away from this town and she would be in some unfamiliar place that didn’t bring up memories of the last year and she’d sing and play music and she’d be good.

Beth spent another twenty minutes in the store, bidding the old man goodbye before getting back into her car. Across the road, she saw two girls she’d been to high school with laughing arm in arm as they walked down the street. She felt like she was looking into a mirror of herself a year ago. She couldn’t even remember the last time she spoke to any of her friends and it frightened her a little to find she no longer cared all that much. It was like she was two people, or had been; before her mother had died and after her mother had died. The girl she was after – the girl she was now – knew she didn’t need to surround herself with people just to feel complete or liked. There was a lot she’d learnt since losing contact with her friends and in an odd way she was grateful for it. She missed being in the company of people who truly cared about her and who she truly cared about but no longer would she force relationships that just weren’t meant to work. That had been how she’d broken up with her ex-boyfriend, Zach. It had been a difficult time and maybe a lot of it could have been attributed to everything going on in her life but Beth knew even though she had been terrified to be alone that this was best. She was overwhelmed by guilt the first few weeks, knowing how much he didn’t deserve his heart broken but she knew that this was something she needed to do for herself.

And now she found, turning the key in the ignition carefully as though the car might sense her trepidation, she was at the point she had been able to see a year ago and just not quite reach. This thought brought her comfort at least, and she drove out of town back towards the farm with an odd sense of consolation.

The sun had disappeared sometime since she’d been inside and now the scent of rain hung in the muggy air. Beth wound the windows back up, seeing one at the back refusing to move and cursing under her breath. She tried a few times pushing and pulling the button in frustration but it stayed wound down stuck. And just as she was about to turn off the long road and onto the narrow one that led to the farm, the car’s engine let out a threatening hiss and she felt her car slowing.

‘No, no, no.’ Beth moaned as she quickly pulled over to the side, letting the car roll the last few seconds it could before it completely sputtered out. Beth sank her head onto the steering wheel for a moment before swinging open her door and getting out. Hands on her hips, she stared at her broken piece of junk before making her way to the front and opening up the hood, coughing in the smoke. She couldn’t fool herself; she had no idea what to look for or what could be wrong. Martinez’ and Merle’s voices ran through her head and she scowled at them for being right. Hanging her head and knowing her only choice was to call her dad, Beth started walking back to the car when she heard a low rumbling sound growing louder from the road behind her.

Spinning around, Beth watched warily as the motorbike slowed as it drew nearer to her before coming to a stop on her side of the road. Beth squinted through the sun to see the rider dismounting, hand over his eyes to keep them in the shade as he nodded towards her.

‘Y’alright?’ His voice was rough, muffled behind the black bandana covering his mouth. A second later when he shifted, letting the sunlight hit his face, Beth recognised him as the smoking man at the garage yesterday.

Feeling a little more relieved but still cautious lest he be anything like Merle, Beth nodded slowly, waving vaguely to her smoking car.

‘Car just died. I’m not sure what’s wrong with it.’

The man crossed the empty road, eyes raking over her, glinting in the sun. ‘You were at Martinez’ yesterday.’ It wasn’t a question but Beth nodded.

‘Apparently it’s a lost cause, should have known better than to drive it.’

The man hesitated between her and the car for a moment, then, like it was against his better judgement, pulled the bandana past his chin and walked over to inspect the engine. Beth watched somewhat awkwardly, not sure if she should say anything as he bent over, pulling a rag out of his back pocket to better touch the still-hot parts.

A moment later, Beth felt a raindrop on her face and looked to the angry clouds. It was still achingly hot but they were overdue for a good storm and judging from the colour of the sky, that was coming sooner rather than later. Beth stood on her toes, peering around as the man grunted, experimenting with a knob. A second later he was walking past her and bending into the driver’s side of the car, turning the key in the ignition. His eyes squinted as the car let out a low whining sound.

‘Battery’s dead.’ He muttered, looking back to her. Beth’s stomach sank a little. He held her gaze for a moment before looking away, wiping his greasy hands with the rag. ‘Got a pair of jumpers, can get it goin’ again but you shouldn’t be drivin’ this around. Ain’t worth the risk, gettin’ stuck out here in the middle of nowhere.’

Beth nodded evenly, feeling a few more raindrops hit her cheek. ‘You just carry jumper cables with you?’

‘I’m a mechanic.’ He replied, eyes squinted and voice tinged with amusement.

Beth tried to keep her face from burning, quick to change the subject from her own idiocy. ‘So that guy yesterday wasn’t lying about the car.’

‘My brother might be a lot of things but he ain’t a liar.’

Beth’s eyes widened. ‘He’s your brother?’

She hadn’t meant it in a bad way but there was no way of expressing this to him. She thought of Merle’s unpleasant face, of his smug self-assurance and then of the man in front of her – reserved, wary, as though he was less sure of himself than he was about her.

The man cleared his throat, turning back to his motorcycle. And just as he reached it a giant clap of thunder disrupted the still morning and rain started coming down hard. Beth gasped at the sudden cold washing over her, drenching her hair and clothes immediately. She ran into her car, watching the man retrieve the cables from a bag attached to his motorcycle before she yelled loudly over the sound of the rain slapping gravel, ‘come on!’

He looked at her through the rain as he made his way closer, a hand over his eyes, but stayed still. It was probably a bad idea, Beth knew, but she wasn’t about to let him stand in the pouring rain on her account. And it wasn’t like they had many other options. She rolled her eyes at his apparent stubbornness before leaning over to the passenger side and opening the door.

‘Get in.’ She said, hoping her voice wasn’t drowned out by the storm. He threw the cables onto the floor next to him and bent over the hood once again, ignoring her. Beth, not even sure why she was so bothered by this but knowing it irritated her all the same, darted out of the car, careful not to slip in the mud as she reached him.

‘Come on, it’s raining way too hard out here, you can barely see anything.’

The man looked at her again, and this time Beth could see the hard flint of his eyes soften slightly. Reluctantly, he followed her and made his way into the passenger seat, slamming the door shut behind him.

‘Oh, no, the rain’s getting in –’ Beth spun around, pulling the jacket she’d forgotten she’d had off the backseat and fastening it around the back window frame, opening the door slightly and then closing it hard to make sure it stayed put. She turned back around to the steering wheel, panting, pushing wet hair off her face. Then, remembering she wasn’t alone, she turned to the man in the passenger seat and was shocked to see his hard blue eyes on her, watching her somewhat cautiously. They were both drenched to the bone, shaking slightly from the shock of cold against the humid air. She grinned at him, letting out a breathy laugh.

‘I’m Beth.’

It took a moment for him to answer. His eyes darted between hers before looking outside to the unrelenting rain and muttering in his gravely voice, ‘Daryl.’

‘So that guy Merle is your brother?’

Daryl was fidgeting with the door handle, body facing away from her as though he needed to be ready to jump out in a moment’s notice.

‘Mm.’

So he was a Dixon, too. This didn’t bother Beth but she knew what her father would say if he knew she was sitting in her car alone with a Dixon. Beth, sensing he wasn’t the talkative type but being one herself, turned away from him to watch the rain hitting the road harshly.

‘I didn’t think it’d storm this hard.’ Her voice was quiet compared to the claps of thunder overhead but she knew he heard her. ‘Would’ve tried to get home quicker if I knew.’

Nothing. The sound of the raindrops on the roof were not enough to distract from the stark silence. Sitting in her broken down car in the rain made Beth feel no better about the fact that it was a complete dud.

‘I bought it a few weeks ago. The car.’ She added, seeing the way Daryl’s head turned to her. ‘I thought it’d be the start of something, you know? I know it sounds dumb but I thought if I could do this then I could do anything. I feel pretty stupid now,’ she added, wondering why the hell she was even telling him this in the first place. Her incessant need to fill uncomfortable silences paired with the fact that she hadn’t had anyone else other than Maggie, Shawn and her father to tell were encouraging her to speak.

Daryl didn’t say anything to this. Just as a heavy silence was about to set in once again between the two of them, he muttered, ‘he’s an asshole but he ain’t right ‘bout this.’

‘What?’

Daryl chewed on his bottom lip. ‘My brother. The car.’ He nodded towards the hood.

‘Thought you said he didn’t lie?’

‘He don’t. Gives up easy, though.’

A tiny flower of hope blossomed in Beth’s chest. ‘So you can fix it?’

Her eyes were glued to him now and under her gaze he shifted, averting his eyes and shrugging. But it was too late for him to backtrack now that he’d dangled that chance in front of her.

‘Look, I’ll pay anything.’ Beth turned her body to better face him. ‘I need this car to work and I can’t explain why but it’s important.’

Daryl dragged his eyes back to her and she thought she saw something shift behind them, something that made them brighter, something that took down the veil in front of them. Or maybe she just had rain in her eyes.

‘I ain’t makin’ any promises.’

Beth grinned, remembering his brother saying the same. Daryl’s eyes were stuck on her smile as though it was feeding him light. He tore his eyes away when he realised just how long he had been staring for and Beth felt a little jump in her stomach. The rain hadn’t eased but after a few minutes she began to block it out, lost in thoughts of her mother, of how this car still symbolised her chance to move on from the broken girl she’d been a year ago.

‘Thanks for stopping, by the way.’

Daryl nodded slowly, still biting down the inside of his cheek, watching the rain through the windshield.

‘Thought I recognised this death trap from yesterday.’ He remarked and it took Beth a second to realise he was being smart with her.

‘Ha ha.’ She replied but didn’t miss the way a corner of his mouth curled up. She felt another odd flutter in her stomach and imagined what Maggie would say if she could see her fawning over a Dixon.

‘Rain’s easing.’ Daryl muttered, peering through the windscreen up to the sky.

‘Right.’ Beth said, ignoring her disappointment. It was stupid she knew, but there was something about him that made her curious to see what would happen if they stayed in the car a little while longer.

Daryl turned to her and nodded, getting out. He got to work silently at the hood of the car. The rain was still falling, not as heavily as before but enough that it caused annoyance. Beth got out anyway and stood next to him, watching him work and trying to ignore the way his wet muscles flexed every now and then.

‘Give it a try when I say.’ Daryl nodded to her car and she paused by the ignition as he leant against his bike and revved the engine, rumbling cutting through the noise of the rain. He met her eyes and gave her a quick nod and Beth turned the key and broke into a grin of delight as it came to life.

‘You did it!’ She laughed, rain hitting her face but she no longer cared. Daryl’s expression was still somewhat guarded, almost as though it was a reflex to close himself off, but his eyes let him down. He was watching closely, too closely to feign indifference or act as though he was impervious to her joy. His eyes were fixed on her smile, hands absently pulling out a pair of leather gloves from his pocket and fitting them on but Beth sensed that was more for something to do than a real need for them.

Beth made her way over to him, trying not to think of her overwhelming urge to hug him. It wasn’t as simple as just fixing her car – he had given her hope, had brought it back to life after she’d thought she no longer had reason to believe in it. Getting this car fixed was the first step to moving on from her mother. This was something she was depending on to move forward. And Daryl couldn’t possibly know how much that meant to her but she hoped that he could see enough of it written on her face.

Beth shook her head in disbelief, smiling wildly. ‘Thankyou.’

Daryl nodded, dipping his head slightly. He looked around to the empty road then back to her.

‘Better follow me to the shop, have a proper look at it there.’

Beth nodded, hands wringing together in front of her as she watched him mount his bike, pulling his bandana back over his mouth. Her damp hair was sticking uncomfortably to her neck and she was sure the hot air was doing nothing to stop it from curling up around her temples but for some strange reason all she could focus on was Daryl. His head was slightly bent to the side, eyes on her as his hands contracted against his legs a few times although he gave the impression he wasn’t doing it consciously. God, why was she looking at his hands on his legs, letting her mind wander over them?

Beth cleared her throat, surprised at the heat that was creeping up her chest. ‘I’ll, um, I’ll follow you there.’

Daryl looked away quickly, gripping the handlebars of his bike and revving it again. He waited until she was inside her car before taking off down the road. Beth followed him, relieved that at least the windscreen wipers worked. By the time she pulled into the car yard, the rain had eased into a light drizzle. Daryl was dismounting his bike, peeling his gloves off and unwrapping the bandana from his mouth. Before either of them had a chance to say anything, a man emerged from one of the offices, an annoyed look on his face.

‘Where the hell you been, Dixon?’

Beth, sensing from his already demanding demeanour this must be Mitch, the man who was in charge when Martinez wasn’t around, hurriedly made her way towards the two men.

‘Your brother’s already on thin enough ice and you showing up to work half an hour late isn’t gonna get you anywhere other than out on your ass, I told you last time he overstepped that you’re both gone if anything else happened –’

‘It’s my fault.’ Beth interrupted, stepping between the two. Daryl looking at Mitch with intense dislike, a snarl across his face, and Beth suspected she intervened just in time. Mitch looked at her as though he was just noticing she was there.

‘My car broke down, Daryl fixed it for me, offered to take it back here and work on it. He saved me, I would have been stuck in that storm by myself if he hadn’t.’

Mitch glared at her, silent for a few moments. Behind her, she could hear Daryl breathing hard and she sensed that had she not said anything Daryl would have defended himself a lot less amicably than she had.

The other man glanced at Daryl but it was clear he wouldn’t say anything else with Beth there. ‘Get to work.’

Beth watched him disappear into one of the offices and spun around to face Daryl, eyebrows raised.

‘Mitch, right? He seems nice.’ Beth tossed her keys to Daryl and he caught them deftly against his chest, nodding in response to her question. She could tell that encounter had bothered him but when he spoke, it was to her surprise that he sounded sincere.

‘Thanks for that.’ He muttered, clearing his throat as he looked at her. ‘You know him?’

‘Just what I’ve heart from my dad. He’s friends with Martinez. Doesn’t seem to like you much.’ Beth offered, wondering if he’d have anything to say to that or simply ignore her.

Daryl pulled out a cigarette from his pocket and stuck it in his mouth harshly. He flicked his lighter and sucked in a deep breath. Beth had never smoked before but there was something about the way he was doing it, like it was allowing him to breathe fresh air, that grabbed her attention.

‘Yeah, he’s an asshole.’ Daryl said, popping the hood of her car. While Daryl had a look inside, Beth scanned the rest of the shop. There were a few men working on the opposite end of the yard but for the most part they were completely out of earshot. Something told her Daryl would have no issue saying what he thought even if people could hear him. They stood in silence for a few minutes and Beth leant against the brick wall, watching Daryl through lazy eyes as he fiddled around with parts, bending over and making note of what he found.

Finally, he looked up, watching her with squinted eyes as though he was looking at the sun.

‘Dead battery, brake pads are worn, damaged suspension, leaking radiator –’

‘Okay, got it.’ Beth sighed, pushing her rapidly curling hair out of her eyes. ‘Is it fixable?’

Daryl let out a breath, cigarette dangling from his mouth. ‘’S a lot of work.’

‘That’s not a no.’ Beth chimed hopefully.

Daryl searched her eyes before nodding, breathing out heavily. ‘I’ll see what I can do.’

A grin split Beth’s face in two. ‘Thankyou, Daryl. You have no idea what this means to me, really.’

Daryl looked away and this time Beth could see for sure that he was feigning indifference. After a moment he closed the hood, leaning against it with his two hands. ‘Got a ride home?’

Beth, still engrossed in joy at this news, nodded distractedly. ‘Uh, actually, I was hoping for one last favour. Do you think you could teach me a bit? About the car, I mean. Looking after it, how to change the oil and all that. I wouldn’t know the first thing about it and I figure if anything like what happened earlier happened again I wouldn’t know what to do. Only if you have time.’ She finished quickly, looking away awkwardly.

Daryl was silent for a second, then muttered, ‘alright.’

When Beth looked back, he was chewing on the corner of his mouth, watching her through hooded eyes. ‘Least I can do, anyway.’

‘What do you mean?’

Daryl shrugged, turning away from her and picking up the notepad he’d been listing the problems with her car on. ‘You know. Before.’

Beth got the feeling Daryl didn’t speak much at all, let alone speak about things that meant something to him.

‘What – Mitch?’

Daryl nodded. ‘You, uh – really saved my ass.’ He tongued the inside of his cheek as he looked back to her and Beth could see just how much it was costing him to admit this. ‘If you need anything else, any other favours . . .’ he trailed off, letting her finish the rest of the sentence perhaps only because he wasn’t sure he could do it himself. Beth could tell like her, he didn’t enjoy owing other people anything.

‘You’ll be the first to know.’

Although Beth was sure Daryl had plenty more work to do, he stayed with her for the next hour, showing her how to check the oil and water levels in her car. At one point, she got oil on her arm and Daryl tossed his bandana to her absent-mindedly to wipe it off. Although it seemed he didn’t think much of it, this gesture warmed her more than she could comprehend. By the time midday hit, Beth finally decided she’d taken up enough of his time. Suddenly self-conscious that she’d been there half the day and was probably beginning to annoy him now, she said a rushed goodbye, filling out her contact information and walking out of the yard. It was ten minutes of wandering down the street until Beth realised she needed a lift home. Wondering how on earth the day had turned out how it had, she called her father, who was there not long after with an abundance of questions.

Beth answered them all as honestly as she could, leaving out the part that the mechanic in question was Daryl Dixon. It wasn’t that she was ashamed or cared what people thought, more that she wanted to keep this to herself for now. It would stay her own memory for a while longer, and one of the first times since her mother had died that she genuinely had been able to not think about it for a few hours. That was something special whether she wanted to admit it or not.

Despite what Beth had tried to convince herself throughout the day, now that she sat staring out the window of the car bumping down a gravel road, she knew what she could not admit before – she wanted to see Daryl again. It wasn’t exactly a lie that she wanted to learn about her car and how to maintain it, but she knew if it was any other mechanic at that garage she would not have asked that of them. She wondered if Daryl would have agreed to anyone else had they asked. Maybe she was reading too much into it. Maybe he treated everyone like this or maybe just the women. He didn’t strike her as that type and somewhere deep down she knew she was right but it was hard to trust herself knowing she’d once thought it a good idea to cut open her wrist. Beth had a tendency to romanticize things, if only because she wanted desperately to believe that magic could exist in real life as well as between the pages of a book or on a movie screen. And maybe this was all it was – her romanticizing it, making herself believe things had been better than they were. But she didn’t want to believe that and she found, as her father reached the road her car had broken down to begin with, that it wasn’t hard to convince herself that whatever just happened was something special, when there was a bright rainbow waiting for her in the suddenly-clear sky.


	2. Maybe I'll Let You In

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beth asks Daryl for a favour he doesn't refuse.

The rest of the week went by agonisingly slow. Between Beth counting down the days until Maggie would return and waiting by her silent phone for a call from Daryl about her car, she filled her time by helping out Hershel with chores, but even that couldn’t take her mind off everything. As much as she had wanted to go to the mechanics and see about her car, she’d forced herself to stay home, thinking that it was best to wait until Daryl called her. But it had been five days and she’d heard nothing. Feeling slightly irritated, Beth tried not to think too hard about it as she stood out on her front porch and waited for Maggie to arrive. Her sister had called her just a few minutes before saying she was around the corner, and Beth knew she and Glenn would provide a welcome distraction to thoughts of Daryl. It wasn’t even her car that she was thinking about most of the time – she knew somehow that Daryl was someone she could trust with it, knew that he’d be true to his word. No, it was thoughts of his sharp eyes and tensed arms and leather gloves that kept floating into her mind despite how hard she tried pushing them out.

‘Beth!’ Maggie called, window down and hair whipping across her face wildly. Beth broke into a grin, jogging down the stairs as Glenn pulled in and turned the car off. Maggie jumped out and hugged her, squeezed her hands and asked how she was, but Beth didn’t miss the way her eyes surveyed her sharply, searching for any sign she should be concerned. Beth, knowing Maggie would be able to sense if there was something off, quickly greeted Glenn, pulling him into a hug.

‘Let’s get your stuff inside.’ Beth offered, pulling up the boot and grabbing a few bags, hoping Maggie didn’t see through her.

A few minutes later they were settled at the dining table and Maggie and Glenn were filling Beth and Hershel in about the week they’d had. Beth was right; they did provide a good distraction. For the first time in the last few days, her mind was completely off her car and Daryl as she sat and listened and laughed at Maggie’s stories and Glenn’s jokes. She’d missed them more than she could say.

‘And then the guy just throws his stuff to the ground and bolts out of the elevator screaming like a maniac.’

Hershel let out a chuckle. ‘Sounds like you two got your hands full up there.’

Maggie nodded, leaning back. ‘Yeah, well, I’m just glad we could make it down for Carl’s birthday.’

Beth’s head snapped up at this. ‘That’s this week?’

Maggie turned to her younger sister. ‘What, afraid you’ll see Zach there?’ She teased.

Beth, knowing full well that’s exactly what had caused her sudden panic, scoffed and said, ‘no.’

Glenn and Maggie exchanged a knowing glance. Her and Zach had been broken up now long enough but the thought of going to this party knowing he most certainly would be invited too made her feel a little queasy. She’d heard the other week that he had a new girlfriend, which she was happy about for him, but it did nothing to put her family at ease that she was okay with it all. Plus, she didn’t like the way Glenn and Maggie had looked at each other, like they’d been worried that she couldn’t handle seeing him there. Which was ridiculous, since she’d broken up with him, and of course totally not ridiculous, since she’d been a little unpredictable the last year.

‘I mean, you don’t have to go –’ Maggie started, clearly feeling bad about teasing her earlier.

‘No, of course I’ll go. I babysat Carl for years, I’m not gonna miss his fourteenth birthday. Besides,’ she added slyly, a bizarre idea popping into her head, ‘maybe I’ve got a date you don’t know about.’

Maggie scoffed at that and Glenn laughed, shaking his head. ‘Tell you what, if that’s true, you got nothing to worry about from Zach.’

Beth silently agreed, unable to get the ludicrous idea out that had just formed in her head. For the rest of the afternoon, she was only half-listening to the conversation, the other part of her mind playing out the thought that was growing louder and louder until Maggie and Glenn finally retired upstairs to freshen up for dinner.

‘Hey, daddy, I’m gonna ask Maggie if I can borrow her car, gonna go check on mine at the mechanic’s.’

Hershel turned to her from the kitchen sink with a curious glance. ‘Alright, but you be home for dinner, now.’

Whether or not he noticed the way Beth was nervously picking at her nails he didn’t say, but she knew he couldn’t miss the way she practically bounced up the stairs to grab Maggie’s keys.

Twenty minutes later and she was parking outside the garage, an odd nervous flutter in her stomach. There was a very real chance that Daryl would refuse her but she knew unless she did this she would never know for sure. Her idea was crazy and ridiculous to even entertain and yet she could not stop the feeling that this was the answer. And this was how she got through the party distracted, without worrying about what everyone else thought or what Zach had to say or the fact that she was still missing her mother with an aching intensity. This was how she proved to everyone she was okay.

Daryl was nowhere to be seen as she entered the yard, and for a moment she wondered if he was even working that day. She caught sight of his brother, leaning against a wall talking to another man, and then Martinez, who gave her a wave from the other side of the yard, mid-conversation with a customer.

‘Beth?’ Daryl’s gravelly voice came from behind her and she spun around, unable to keep the grin from her face when she saw him.

‘Hey.’

‘Hey.’

Beth watched the steady rise and fall of his chest. Realising he was waiting for her to speak, she hurriedly asked, ‘how’s the car?’

Daryl nodded towards the back of the yard where she saw her car parked, hood up and parts all over the ground. ‘Ain’t all better but ‘s gettin’ there.’

Beth felt a tiny weight off her chest lift as she heard the words. She hadn’t been expecting bad news but it was still good to hear that she was that little bit closer to what she had been relying on to be able to move on from the last year.

‘I really appreciate it.’ Beth looked up, squinting in the sun, wondering how on earth she was going to broach this topic now that she was here and Daryl was standing in front of her.

‘Radio’s broken.’

Distracted, Beth turned to him again and watched his eyebrows raise as she laughed at that.

‘That’s okay. I sing.’

Daryl, face half-scrunched as the clouds shifted and poured more light onto them, pulled out a rag from his pocket and began slowly wiping his fingers down. ‘You sing?’ He asked, and Beth could see a tiny bit of interest coming through his eyes as he watched her.

Beth leaned back, crossing her arms over her chest as she regarded him, slightly satisfied that she had said something he could not hide his interest from. ‘Yeah. Bet you’d like it, too.’

‘You gonna sing for me?’

Almost as though he hadn’t meant to say that to her aloud, Daryl looked away cautiously, but at the sound of Beth’s bubbling laughter he turned back to her and allowed a coy smile to spread across his face.

‘Alright, well how about this. I take you up on that favour you promised and maybe you hear me sing.’

Daryl couldn’t hide what was in his gaze as he looked at her now. He cleared his throat, wind blowing his hair across his eyes. Beth watched the way a corner of his mouth curled up as he nodded, saw his pointed teeth poke out either side and she realised she hadn’t seen him smile before and at the same moment realised she’d very much like to see it again.

‘What you got in mind?’

* * *

Everytime Beth Greene crossed Daryl Dixon’s mind, it surprised him how quickly and effectively she could make space in his head and settle down. Most days these days he kept to himself, although Merle was not one to lay low. He was constantly preoccupied with work or his brother; either one usually took all day and enough energy that by the time he got home at the end of the day he was spent and able to fall asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow. Adding Beth Greene to the mix had certainly not been part of the plan. When she’d come past the garage that day, he felt an odd stab of guilt that he hadn’t been in contact with her about her car but could not ignore the irrational thrill that coursed through him at the sight of her. This was precisely why he hadn’t called her.

Daryl had tried desperately to ignore that first pang he’d felt when he stopped his bike for her the day of the storm. He wasn’t the kind to go out of his way helping people out, but something about her standing alone on that empty road caused him to veer off course and stop. She’d make his head spin that day, with her bright smile and easy nature and he’d forced himself to brush it off but he’d been off course ever since he made the choice to stop and help her. It had worked to ignore her for a while, to work all day and allow Merle to distract him so that when he got to his apartment at night, he could fall asleep without thought of her. That had worked, up until today, where she’d come in and something in him shifted again and he couldn’t help the way he replied to her as though he was allowing himself to act on this blossoming desire.

_You gonna sing for me?_

The moment those words had left his mouth he knew he had made a mistake, knew he’d read into things far too much and at best she’d brush him off or at worst, she’d think he was some creepy man hitting on her, but she did neither of the two. Instead, she’d responded with that laugh of hers, that laughter that felt to his heart like the sun felt to his skin. And he began to think that maybe that part of himself that he thought had died long ago still existed, somewhere. And now he couldn’t remember wanting anything like he wanted to hear her sing.

_I take you up on that favour you promised and maybe you hear me sing._

He’d smiled at that, a real smile, and he knew she couldn’t possibly know how rare that was but it didn’t matter. He knew. And maybe that’s why he lay in bed now, unable to sleep, unable to wipe his mind clean of her, her blonde hair circling her head, her bright eyes searching for things in his he didn’t think he had. There was something about the thought of disappointing her that made his stomach twist, and so he’d agreed to her ridiculous request, and he knew that although it was under the guise of being even with her, he was doing it for selfish reasons. He’d always been selfish, but he’d never stolen light before.

_‘I need you to come with me to a party. It’s for the Sheriff’s son’s who I used to babysit and there are gonna be some people there who I haven’t seen in a while. And other people who worry about me a lot. I need to prove to them that I’m okay, that I’m moving on from things. I need – I don’t know, something tangible. Something they can see, something they can’t doubt.’_

_Daryl didn’t know what exactly he’d expected her to say but it wasn’t this._

_‘You want me to come with you to a party?’ He managed after a moment._

_Beth, cheeks tinted with pink but still watching him with that expectant smile, those hopeful eyes, had clarified. ‘Yeah. I know it sounds kinda crazy. I want you to pretend to be my boyfriend.’_

Most of the rest of the day had gone by in a blur. She’d left shortly after he’d agreed, saying something about her sister but Daryl might as well have not heard. Instead, it was Merle’s voice filling his head, inside and out, some real and some not. He hadn’t heard what she’d asked of him or what he’d agreed to but seeing Beth speaking to Daryl was enough to turn his brother into someone a lot harder than usual to put up with. Daryl couldn’t tell if it was jealousy – he’d never shown anyone interest up until now, or if it was their father in Merle’s ear as he was in Daryl’s, but there was one thing for sure – seeing Daryl and Beth talking as they had made Merle realise that perhaps he wouldn’t have Daryl there whenever he needed him, as he always had.

Daryl sat up in his bed, hugging his knees to his chest and hanging his head, remembering what had happened the moment Beth had left.

_Merle walked up to him, eyeing Beth as she made her way out, a cocky grin on his face that didn’t fully disguise his surprise._

_‘You into that little blonde thing now, Darylina?’_

_‘Shut up.’ Daryl snarled, feeling his good mood vanish. He turned back to his work but Merle’s chuckle was maddening as he leant back on the brick wall leisurely. Daryl had grown numb to his brother’s countless boasts and jibes about women he had been with or wanted to be with, but Beth was not someone he wanted his brother anywhere near, and he knew he would feel that way if it was this situation or if they were complete strangers. She exuded light and he felt guilty enough being the one she chose to share it with without having his brother picking around her like a vulture._

_‘She’s gonna have her fun with you but she ain’t gonna stick ‘round. Trust me, baby bro, I know girls like her. Deep down, you know she can do much better’n your ass.’_

_Daryl chewed on his tongue as he picked up a wrench, hoping the noise it made against the bolt he was untightening would drown out his brother’s voice, but he had no such luck._

_‘No harm in what you want, anyway. Ain’t wanna share with ol’ Merle, maybe I can have her after you –’_

_Daryl was moving quicker than Merle anticipated, throwing down the wrench and shoving Merle back into the brick wall. Merle let out a raucous laugh, walking away with a smug look on his face as though he’d succeeded in proving to Daryl just how much he didn’t deserve her. Just how things would not change, and it would still be him and Daryl at the end of the day._

Now, Daryl rubbed a hand across his chin, thinking of his and Beth’s bargain. After he’d agreed, her face had lit up and Daryl couldn’t find a way to tear his eyes off her. She’d gone into details about where to pick her up from and what time and he was lucky to take any of that in. She’d rendered him something he’d never been – quiet. Not in the physical sense, for he was never a big talker, but in the emotional sense. She was somehow able to hold back the raging war in his mind and make him still.

A pool of moonlight was rapidly spreading across his bed, illuminating the space he sat. He turned towards his open window, letting the cool breeze hit his face. It was a favour she needed from him, nothing more. He could get through pretending to be her boyfriend for a few hours and he could fix her car and that would be it. And then he would forget her, because surely forgetting her had to be easier than wanting her. Unsure if this thought troubled him more than it comforted him, he fell back onto his pillow, hand on his forehead, willing for the first time in a while to be finally dragged into a deep sleep.

* * *

When Beth woke the morning of Carl’s birthday, she felt a nervous flutter spread through her body as she sat up, blinking in the light. She’d distracted herself most of the day before – she, Maggie and Glenn had spent time riding around the farm and going into town to catch up in the sunshine. Maggie hadn’t asked Beth if she was indeed bringing someone to the party, as she’d led them to believe, but Beth knew her sister hadn’t missed the dazed grin on her face when she returned from the mechanic. Maggie hadn’t asked where she’d been but by her knowing smirk she seemed to know she’d find out sooner or later. And it would be sooner. The birthday party wasn’t until six that night, but Beth couldn’t help the strange jumpy feeling she had throughout the morning. She joined Maggie and Glenn for breakfast, talking distractedly about their plans for the rest of the week and how they’d both managed to get an extra few days off work, but her mind was only half focussed on that. The other half was working in overdrive, running through what she’d wear that night, what she’d say, how she’d explain to her family when Daryl turned up to the farm to pick her up, if this was even a good idea at all or if it was about to blow up in her face. Thinking that it might be best they didn’t find out the moment he turned up, Beth took a deep breath and waited for a lull in the conversation. If she was going to do this, it would have to be convincing. Glenn and Hershel would believe her easier than Maggie would. If she was going to do this, there was no room for doubt.

‘So, I’m kinda seeing someone.’

Maggie’s head snapped around, her mouth agape. ‘What?’

Beth nodded and smiled in what she hoped came across as an “I’m nervous to tell you because I really like him” and not an “I’m nervous to tell you because this is a lie” kind of way.

‘You have a boyfriend?’ Maggie could barely contain her excitement and Beth ignored the pang of guilt she felt about lying to her sister. She nodded.

‘Well, who is he?’

Beth leant back, knowing she couldn’t give too much detail in case she got tangled in them later on.

‘We met a few weeks ago in town. We really like each other, we’ve had a few dates since then. Daddy doesn’t know,’ she added hastily, ‘but I invited him tonight. Thought you guys should know before he turns up.’

Glenn was smiling. ‘That’s awesome Beth, we’re really happy for you.’

‘What’s his name?’ Maggie asked, grinning and in doing so confirming Beth’s suspicions that this would convince her family she was okay. Maggie and Glenn both seemed happy for her, but underneath that, there was a sense of relief. Whether or not they realised, this was Beth changing things in her life after a long time of being stagnant. This was a good thing. Now the tricky part.

Beth knew that the Dixon’s had a reputation, and could only imagine what Maggie had heard about them, let alone her father.

‘Daryl Dixon.’

‘Daryl . . . Dixon?’ Maggie repeated, dumbfounded, eyes sharp. ‘As in Will Dixon’s son – Merle Dixon’s brother?’

Beth nodded and winced internally at Maggie’s obvious disapproval.

‘Beth, that family is –’

‘Look, I don’t know his family yet but he’s not like that. Trust me Maggie, I know what I’m doing. Just give him a chance. I really like him.’ And as much as she wanted to believe every word was a lie, the last part just came out too naturally.

‘He’s older than you –’

‘Maggie.’ Beth’s voice was soft but it did what she’d intended. Maggie’s glare softened and Glenn put an arm around her.

‘At least we can meet him tonight, see what he’s like.’

Beth nodded. ‘That’s the idea.’

After a few seconds of silence, Maggie sighed heavily, but Beth guessed she wasn’t out of the woods yet.

‘Well, alright. But I’m not sticking around for when you tell dad.’

Beth had grimaced at that, but as it turned out, Hershel took the news arguably better than Maggie had. At least, he hadn’t hated the idea of her having a boyfriend. She’d left out the part about him being a Dixon, Maggie’s reaction still playing through her head and knowing her father’s would be a hundred times worse. Beth knew her father knew a lot more about that family than she did but she also knew he did not know about Daryl. He would just have to meet him later than night and see he wasn’t what he thought. And at the very least, she felt a small sense of relief at her father’s smile when Beth told him she was happy. It wasn’t technically a lie – she was. She was just trying to figure out what exactly she was happy about if it wasn’t being with Daryl. It felt agonisingly slow talking to her family about this but she knew the more she did the less they’d have reason to interrogate Daryl later that night. Still reeling from her conversation with her father, Beth spent the rest of the afternoon running through things people might say to them and how their answers had to match. And suddenly it was nearly time to leave and Beth had no choice but to drag her thoughts away from worries of the night and get ready. She got dressed, looking out her window every few minutes but Daryl didn’t arrive until she had put her shoes on and was waiting downstairs with Maggie and Glenn. Hershel had an errand to run but would meet them at the party. Feeling grateful that at least Daryl wouldn’t be bombarded with them all at once, Beth nervously allowed Maggie and Glenn to absorb her attention. She fingered the floaty material of her shirt as she listened to their conversation. Maggie was stunning in black pants and a black blazer, and Beth suddenly felt slightly underdressed. As much as she’d thought about it during the day, when it had come down to choosing an outfit she’d blindly picked the first thing she’d seen. At least she’d be comfortable in her jeans and off the shoulder top.

Beth’s head pricked up at the low rumble of an engine nearing the farmhouse. She got up, her stomach in knots, hoping that she looked more excited than sick. A soft knock on the door and Maggie and Glenn were following her to the front, hanging back behind her as she opened it shakily.

Daryl was standing on the threshold, peering inside somewhat nervously. He was dressed in all black and even though his clothes were sharp, he still had that same ruggedness to him he had when he’d been working with the bandana around his neck. What was most surprising though wasn’t the way his presence calmed Beth immediately or even the fact that he’d actually turned up, but the bunch of Bluebells that he held in his hand. When he met her eyes, he stilled for a moment then, looking behind her to see Maggie and Glenn eagerly on their tiptoes behind Beth, he cleared his throat.

‘Hey.’ Daryl stepped over the threshold, offering her the flowers. Beth took them, hands brushing his and trying to act as though this was a commonplace thing. For an absurd moment she wondered if she should kiss him but quickly pushed the thought firmly out.

‘Hey.’

‘Ahem.’ Maggie coughed not so subtly from behind them and Beth spun around, knowing she could not falter for a moment under her sister’s watchful eye.

‘Daryl, this is Maggie,’ she paused, allowing the two to greet each other before introducing Glenn. There was a few seconds silence after that, in which Beth seriously contemplated running out the door and leaving them there, but by the time she decided she had to stay, Daryl was already speaking.

‘’S good to finally meet you. Beth talks ‘bout you all the time.’

Trying her best to hide her nonplussed expression, Beth grinned at her sister and Glenn, heart hammering. Daryl seemed to understand what she did too – if they were going to do this, they were committing to it, and they had to make it believable.

‘Oh, yeah?’ Maggie asked, a polite smile on her face as she sized up Daryl. Her eyes lingered on the flowers clutched in Beth’s hand. ‘First time we’ve heard about you.’

Beth jumped in before Daryl had a chance to respond. ‘We should go. Wouldn’t want to be late.’

Glenn nodded at that, looking a Maggie with a slightly humoured expression. Clearly he hadn’t seen just how protective over Beth Maggie could be. Well, if that exchange had told him anything, he was about to.

‘Meet you guys there.’ Beth said brightly, practically pushing them out of the door. She placed the bouquet of flowers carefully on the stairs as she locked up behind her. She eyed Maggie as she stared at Daryl’s motorcycle before shaking her head reluctantly, allowing herself to be tugged away by Glenn.

‘See you in ten.’

Beth and Daryl walked slowly down the porch steps towards his bike as Maggie and Glenn got into their car and drove off down the road. Thankful for a chance for reprieve, Beth turned to Daryl once she was sure the other two couldn’t see them. He was mounting his bike, peeling his black gloves on, a cigarette already dangling from his mouth.

When he noticed her looking, he paused. It was still bright out and in the warmth of the dying sun his eyes seemed to be thawing.

‘’S that alright?’ He flicked a lighter and the orange lit his face up for a second.

Beth let out an exhilarated laugh. ‘Yeah. Honestly, I kind of thought you might not come.’

Daryl let out a huff of smoke at that, squinting at her in the sun, the ghost of a smile playing across his lips. ‘Told you, Greene. Least I can do.’

‘Flowers added a nice touch.’ Beth mused.

Daryl held her gaze for a moment before looking back to the ground, adjusting his grip on the handlebars. ‘Yeah, well. ‘S more believable. Hop on.’

‘Yes Mr. Dixon.’ Beth teased as she mounted the bike, letting her legs slide over the leather and rest against his. She’d never ridden a motorcycle before and Daryl seemed to know.

‘Make sure you hold on.’

‘Where?’ Beth placed her hands tentatively around his middle, waiting for him to tell her that was wrong but all she was greeted with was deep breath in, feeling his chest swell beneath her fingertips.

‘There?’ For a moment she worried her voice was lost amongst the noise of the bike as Daryl turned the key in the ignition and it roared to life.

‘There.’ He replied.

And this time not even the thrum of the engine or the wind picking up was able to drown out Beth’s suddenly loud, singular thought that she would hold on there as long as she could.

* * *

They arrived at the party with a little time to spare. Beth guessed Maggie and Glenn had stalled on the road, waiting for them. Either that or Daryl’s motorbike was just faster. Remembering her dizzying feeling as the wind sped through her hair, clutching Daryl tighter as they disappeared through empty streets sent a thrill through Beth’s spine. Now, she dismounted quickly, too aware of her hands on him. Voices mixed with music were pouring out from inside the Sheriff’s house invitingly but they hesitated in the front garden.

‘We should wait for Maggie and Glenn.’ Beth murmured, eyes on the shadows decorating the windows. In truth, she was nervous about being here with all these people, most if not all of whom knew what she’d done last year. Beth’s scar felt white hot and she nervously fiddled with her bracelets. She turned back to Daryl who was eyeing her wrist.

‘Alright.’

Beth let her hand drop, hoping he hadn’t seen anything. The last thing she needed was for him to think of her as they all did.

‘So, if anyone asks, we met in town a few weeks ago. Been on a few dates. We’re head over heels.’ She grinned, rolling her eyes. Daryl nodded, staring out to the quiet street.

‘Who is it?’ His voice was low. It had gotten dark quick, and now the only light came from the orange spilling out of the house, casting shadows all around them.

‘Who’s what?’

‘Whoever you’re doin’ this for.’

Beth chewed on her tongue. She hadn’t given him much information about the whole thing. ‘Everyone.’

Daryl held her gaze and Beth couldn’t tell if he was interested or simply passing time. She crossed her arms over her chest, watching the ground. When she spoke, her voice was soft.

‘There’s some people in there who know some things about me. I don’t know, I guess I want to prove them wrong. Show them that I’ve moved on. Same with my family. They mean well, but I can’t move on until they do. I need them to know I’m okay, and so far they haven’t taken my word for it.’

Daryl was silent for a moment, chewing on his lip thoughtfully.

‘Reckon you got me for the same reason you got that piece of shit back at the shop.’

If she’d thought he was observant before, she hadn’t been giving him enough credit. Beth was slowly seeing through his rough demeanour, little by little, crack by crack, he was peeling it away. Or maybe it was her.

‘This is how I move on. Look, we don’t have to share. I mean, I barely know anything about you. It can stay that way, if that’s what you want.’ A warm breeze played through her hair but she let it float across her face as she watched him.

Daryl gave her a slight nod and looked away, chewing his bottom lip thoughtfully. The silence seemed heavier than before and it was with some relief that a pair of headlights blinded them as a car drew nearer.

Maggie and Glenn joined them once they’d parked, holding hands. Beth wondered what Daryl would say if holding hands was part of the deal and then shook the thought immediately. She took a deep breath, returning her sister’s smile, and opened the front door, knowing that whatever would happen tonight at least she had Daryl to fall back on.


	3. This Fragile Heart Of Mine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beth shares a little more about her past and Daryl realises he's beginning to care for her in a way he's unfamiliar with.

Daryl couldn’t remember the last time he went to a party. Technically, he wouldn’t consider this in the same calibre as the gatherings he used to go to with Merle – this was a kid’s birthday after all, but still – he hadn’t been around this many people in a long, long time. He followed Beth in, ignoring the sinking feeling in his stomach as he took in the crowds of people, the bright lights, the polite chatter that he’d never been good at. Beth looked behind to make sure he was following before turning back to Maggie, who’d pulled her arm and pointed in the opposite direction.

‘Good of you to come tonight.’ Glenn muttered in an undertone beside him. Daryl turned.

‘Oh, it’s not that big a deal, but there’s a lot of people here that are important to Beth. Meeting us, her father and Zach all in one night? Yeah, sure is ballsy.’

They followed the sisters down the hallway towards the backdoor. At the mention of Beth’s father, Daryl felt an odd twist in his stomach that he knew had nothing to do with Beth and everything to do with himself. Ignoring his own old problems that were pushing to the surface, he bit. ‘Zach?’

Glenn’s head swivelled around, eyes wide. ‘Beth’s ex? She didn’t tell you?’

‘Nah.’ Daryl replied, realising Glenn thought he was jealous. He tried to change the topic, knowing that it would look strange if he asked Glenn about it instead of Beth. Not that he wanted to ask anyway.

‘What’s her father like?’

Glenn laughed as he closed the back swinging door shut behind them. Warm night air danced pleasantly across their skin. ‘He’ll make you work for it, that’s for sure. But he’s a good man. Reckon you got nothing to worry about.’

Daryl knew Glenn was trying to be kind but all he felt was a strange sinking feeling at his words. If Beth’s father was a good man, and he didn’t doubt he would be, then he would see right through Daryl. Hell, all he had to do was ask for a last name and that would be all he’d need to know.

It was a moment before Daryl realised Beth and Maggie were walking ahead to greet someone.

‘Hey, Carl, Happy Birthday!’ Beth held out her arms as a young boy greeted her with enthusiasm.

‘Beth! I didn’t think you’d come after last –’

‘Of course I’d come.’ Beth cut him off, smiling, but Daryl noticed that Maggie’s face froze as she finished the boy’s sentence in her head. Daryl was here as a favour, nothing more, and once he did this they would be even and he could go back to his safe, lonely life. He shouldn’t be wondering about why Beth was doing this or what she needed to show people she’d moved on from. But if he was to play her boyfriend, then he either needed to know, or he needed to act like he knew. This would all be for nothing if Maggie or Glenn saw him standing there apparently indifferent and he didn’t know why he even cared about making it believable, all he knew was he did not want to be the cause of Beth’s disappointment if he didn’t.

‘Carl, this is my boyfriend, Daryl.’ Beth turned, beaming, and Daryl shuffled forward, taking Carl’s outstretched hand with a hint of amusement. The boy schooled his features in what Daryl suspected was meant to be intimidating.

‘My dad’s the Sheriff.’

Daryl paused, staring at Carl as he let his hand go.

‘Make sure you’re nice to Beth.’

Maggie and Glenn burst out laughing and Beth covered her face in embarrassment but Daryl didn’t waver as he held Carl’s gaze and replied, ‘yes, sir.’

Carl seemed satisfied with this answer because he smiled, nodding to Daryl who returned the gesture with an increasing sense of bewilderment. There was a silence, then Maggie announced she needed a drink and dragged Glenn away. Carl excused himself as someone from the other side of the garden called his name and left Beth and Daryl standing in the corner under the warm fairy lights, quite alone.

‘Got a boyfriend I don’t know ‘bout?’ Daryl asked, feeling relieved when she glanced at him and laughed.

‘Carl’s a good kid. Used to babysit him all the time, my daddy always used to say he had a crush on me.’

Daryl didn’t know how to respond to that. Beth was one of the only people he’d met that could make him feel at ease and on edge all at once. But he wasn’t made for small talk at parties and he didn’t know what to say to someone when they spoke about emotions this openly. Merle had never spoken about feelings to Daryl and in turn, Daryl had never spoken about feelings to anyone else. He’d been taught to block them out or push them down, whichever made them drift further. Being around Beth, her easy nature and willingness to be open with him was jarring. It was as though he was looking at her and how good she was and realising for the first time in his life, _oh, I can be good, too._

‘I should probably tell you.’ Beth’s eyes were searching the faces around them. ‘My ex boyfriend’s got a brother around Carl’s age, so he’s probably going to be here.’

‘Glenn told me.’

‘Oh.’ The music from the inside quietened as the song changed. ‘I should have told you, I just – I don’t know. You ever wish you could just change?’ Her eyes were searching as she waited for his answer.

‘Mm.’ It was all Daryl could manage as he saw her vulnerability. He wanted to agree with her, to tell her he’d wanted to change his whole life, to be someone else or maybe still himself but with a little less pain. It scared him a little, to realise that things inside her matched things inside him because that would mean the same things could set them alight, and if the way she was looking at him was anything to go off, one right answer from him could change a lot. They both wanted to change, so why was the thought terrifying him?

‘Yeah.’ Beth breathed out, turning back to the crowd. ‘C’mon. Let’s go find the others.’

Daryl followed Beth back into the house, his mind more scattered than ever. If Merle could see him right now, he’d have a few things to say. Even when he wasn’t around, his brother was still in his head, making him doubt himself. What the hell was he doing here, pretending to be some girl’s boyfriend when he didn’t even know why? And why was he doing it despite not knowing why, despite knowing he was too old and too broken for someone like her? Surely she had someone else she could have asked. But she’d asked him – a near stranger to be something strangely intimate, no matter how fake it might be. That was something, even if he wasn’t sure what. Daryl was nothing his whole life if not a realist but being around Beth gave him a strange shimmery feeling he wasn’t familiar with. Something that felt like hope. Something that tasted like ruin.

‘Oh, my dad’s here.’

Daryl’s head snapped up and followed Beth’s line of sight to an older man who was passing through the front door, greeting someone nearby. He looked friendly enough but he was speaking with people he clearly liked and this was to be expected. How he’d handle his youngest daughter springing a surprise boyfriend on him who happened to be a Dixon, Daryl was about to find out.

Beth turned to him and in the warm light her eyes were glowing sapphires. ‘Don’t be nervous. He’s a little intimidating and he probably won’t like you. But I don’t care. He needs this same as Maggie and Glenn and everyone else. They need to see I’m not that same person they knew. They need to see I can take care of myself.’

Daryl held her gaze, feeling his chest contract. Why on earth was he so nervous? He shouldn’t care at all, should go up and meet this man and carry on this act and then go home at the end of the night and wake up the next morning and forget all about this. He should forget about her. But something in him was failing for the first time, something vital that usually stopped him before he got to this point. Now that he was here, he didn’t know what to do. How had she snuck through years of barricades, defences that ran so far he could no longer tell where they ended, all in the span of a few days?

‘You sure you’re up for this?’ Beth asked nervously, and it was Daryl’s reflex response that gave him that final push he needed.

‘Yeah.’ He replied automatically. He cleared his throat and gave Beth a reassuring nod.

She smiled at him, grateful, and muttered, ‘c’mon,’ before making her way towards her father.

Daryl stuck right behind her through the hallway, a few people moving to make way for them, double-taking as they saw them together. Daryl tried not to let his eyes dart around but he couldn’t help it. The ease of spotting threats was ingrained into him. It was how he’d survived so far. And even though these wolves had champagne glasses in their hands instead of claws, he knew underneath they were all the same.

‘Bethy, there you are.’ Beth’s father moved forward to embrace his daughter. Daryl hung back warily, wondering if he’d already spotted him. ‘Have you seen your sister, there’s a friend of mine I want to –’

‘Not now, Daddy, I’ve got someone important I want you to meet.’ Beth turned to Daryl and he saw a flash of apprehension in her eyes. She paused as she looked at him, then back to her father, and Daryl didn’t think as he stepped forward and cleared his throat, offering his hand to the other man.

‘Daryl. Beth and I – uh –’

Beth quickly recovered. ‘Daryl and I are seeing each other.’

If there had not been the steady beat of music in the background coupled with tens of voices chattering away over the top of it, it might have been quite comical for an outsider to observe them standing frozen in silence as Beth’s father took in this news.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, the man took Daryl’s outstretched hand firmly and shook. ‘Hershel.’

‘Good to meet you.’ Daryl held the man’s gaze and hoped he couldn’t see through him. He cringed internally at how low and raspy his voice came out.

Hershel dropped his hand and looked to his daughter incredulously. ‘Why am I only hearing about this now?’

Beth chewed on her lip nervously. ‘I didn’t plan this, it just all happened really fast and we thought tonight would be a good chance to meet everyone. I told you earlier –’

Hershel had already turned to Daryl, eyes analysing. ‘Now if I remember correctly, Will Dixon had two sons. You the youngest?’

Daryl nodded at that, ignoring the horrible dropping sensation in his stomach. Hershel seemed to be sizing him up, looking from him to his daughter. Daryl had an overwhelming urge to ensure him this was all for show but he knew he could do nothing but stand there and be judged. Something he was not good at.

‘Daryl,’ Beth emphasized, looking pointedly at her father, ‘is the one who’s fixing my car right now. He works with Martinez, actually.’

Hershel nodded slowly, still not taking his eyes off Daryl, who suspected he was running through everything he knew about his father. There were lots of ugly stories to choose from so Daryl gave him a few seconds.

Eventually, it seemed the initial shock had worn off. ‘Nice to meet you, Daryl. I have a lot to discuss with you. You’ll have to excuse me for the moment, I have a birthday wish to deliver.’

Hershel nodded shortly at Daryl, eyes hard and then looked to Beth, his gaze perplexed, but all he said was, ‘I’ll be back shortly.’

Beth and Daryl both watched as Hershel made his way down the hallway and towards the back door. The moment he was out of sight, Beth collapsed against the wall.

‘I can’t believe I actually did that.’ She ran a hand through her hair, shaking her head. Daryl was hit with the smell of vanilla and it did nothing to ease the roaring in his chest. Before he could say anything, she was looking up at him, her face split into a grin. ‘Thanks, for doing that. Stepping in like that, I . . . god all I could think in that moment was when he chased my first boyfriend off the farm with a shotgun because he caught us kissing –’ she broke off into a breathless laugh.

Daryl scrunched his nose, turning back to where Hershel had disappeared, wondering whether the older man was contemplating the same thing for him. ‘Could’a told me that.’

‘Need to know only.’ Beth grinned. ‘That wasn’t so bad.’

And although Daryl felt as though Hershel had marked him with a target the moment he’d shook his hand, he found it hard to be worried about that, about how the plan could easily fall apart, about what they all thought of him and Beth when he saw her relieved smile, eyes shining at him, and he thought he must be doing something right.

Daryl looked to the ground, the music slowly blaring back into his ears. He sensed Beth looking at him and he gave her a moment to look away before he turned back to her, but she was still watching him.

‘What now?’ He asked.

Beth shrugged, that radiant smile still on her face. ‘Wanna get a drink?’

Daryl raised an eyebrow at her mischievous grin. ‘You ain’t even old enough to.’

Beth rolled her eyes at him, pushing off the wall. Daryl noticed her fingers were shaking slightly, and realised what she’d just done was a bigger deal than she’d led on. And he knew he shouldn’t care but he couldn’t help it – he wanted to know what had happened to make her like this. What had been done to her, what she’d done, to make her want to convince everyone she had moved on.

‘What are you, my chaperone now?’

Daryl eyed her, fighting the urge to smile. ‘I ain’t exactly gonna make a good impression if people notice you’re drinking.’

Beth blew out a huff of air and retorted, as though it was the most obvious thing in the world, ‘who said anyone’s gonna see?’

She reached her hand out and beckoned him, floating down the hallway and into a surprisingly empty kitchen. Daryl followed her cagily, looking out the window into the backyard. From there he could see Maggie and Glenn, sitting on a garden bed each with a beer in hand, and Hershel, a little further away from them, talking to a man with a concerned expression on his face who Daryl recognised.

‘Your dad close with the Sheriff?’ Daryl asked Beth, turning to see her rifling through the bottles of alcohol left on the table.

Beth looked up, a bottle of tequila in one hand and vodka in the other. ‘Mm? Oh, yeah, they’re pretty close. I babysat Carl for years and they became pretty good friends. Why, you know him?’

Daryl snorted, leaning back against the kitchen bench with his arms folded. ‘My brother’s had enough run-ins with him.’

Beth wiggled her eyebrows at that, pointing at him. ‘You shared.’

Daryl recalled their conversation from out the front. Feeling as though he’d been hit over the head slightly, he watched in bemusement as Beth selected a bottle and pulled out two plastic cups. Talking about himself was hard enough but talking about his brother and admitting to her that he at least embodied the name Dixon was something else. And he hadn’t even given it a second thought before it left his mouth.

Beth pushed the red cup into his hands, but as he was about to refuse, she shook her head.

‘Come on, we’re stuck here the rest of the night. Might as well make the best of it.’ Something in her eyes glinted as she said it, and it could have been the fairy lights outside reflecting in the blue or it could have just been a trick of Daryl’s mind but either way, they had done their job.

‘Hell,’ Daryl muttered as he took the cup from her, ‘might as well make the best of it.’

Beth beamed, letting out a small laugh before pouring a generous amount of liquid into his cup and doing the same in hers.

‘’S this?’

‘Rum.’ Beth answered brightly. Her face scrunched up as she took a big gulp.

‘Rum?’ Daryl asked shrewdly, taking a drink. He wasn’t used to sweet alcohol but downed his cup anyway. Unbidden, thoughts of Hershel saying he wanted to have a chat with him floated through his mind. He glanced outside but he was still preoccupied with the Sheriff.

‘What would you prefer?’ Beth asked, refilling their cups.

Daryl shrugged. Alcohol was never meant to taste good, not to him anyway. He’s been using it to numb too long to enjoy it properly, but right here and now, it seemed to taste better.

‘First time I tried alcohol, I threw up.’ Beth said, leaning against the counter opposite him and watching the drink swirl around her cup. ‘I was so nervous that I’d had it, I reckon it wasn’t even the alcohol that made me sick. My dad, he had a big drinking problem years ago, never let any of us touch the stuff. Well, Maggie’s the wild child. He still doesn’t know I’ve tried it but she’s relaxed him a bit.’

Daryl took another generous gulp, his throat burning from all his words that were drowning in the sweet syrup, sliding back down. He didn’t know how to do this but he would try.

‘And if he found you drinkin’ now?’

‘He’d kill me. Then he’d kill you, for drinking with me.’ Beth replied sweetly and Daryl couldn’t help the grin that started to spread on his face. He noticed Beth notice it and looked away quickly.

‘What about you?’

‘What about me?’

Beth lolled her head to her shoulder. ‘First time you got drunk?’

Daryl shrugged again, taking another sip. ‘Don’t remember. Been drunk a lot of times. Done a lot of stupid shit.’

‘Oh, yeah? Like what?’ Her voice was light but Daryl couldn’t bring himself to indulge her. How was she to know, just how tainted his past was, just how undeserving he was of a moment with her?

Beth, sensing he wasn’t going to answer, looked away with a flicker of disappointment on her face. ‘What about your brother?’

‘Mm?’

Beth shook her head at his relentlessness. ‘What’s he like?’

‘You met him, what do you think?’

There was a sound from outside like a glass shattering and Beth and Daryl turned to the window, jumpy, but a moment later everyone was going about as normal.

‘He seems okay. Not like you, though.’

Daryl couldn’t help it – his interest was piqued. He drained the last of the liquid in his cup, feeling it burning all the way down to his chest. ‘Oh yeah? And you know what I’m like?’

Beth pushed off the bench she was leaning on and walked closer to Daryl. He was frozen in place, watching her hair fall across her cheekbones and knowing in an instant he would let this girl do just about whatever she wanted. No matter what he’d been trying to tell himself all night, he was not the one in control, and it was not through her forcing the reins but him giving them to her. There it was. He wanted to not think for once, to not let himself self-sabotage. He’d given her all the control and she could sense it, too.

‘Maybe I want to.’ Beth breathed, the smell of rum and vanilla filling Daryl’s senses as she stood opposite him, close enough to touch. If he sat up a little straighter they’d be closer.

The backdoor swung open and they both jumped apart, Beth hastily turning to the sink to get a glass of water as footsteps rounded the corner. Maggie peered into the kitchen.

‘There you are; I’ve been looking for you.’

Beth turned to her sister with an angelic smile. ‘What’s up?’

‘I spoke to Daddy before.’ Maggie settled against the countertop with a grimace. ‘He doesn’t seem too happy about the two of you. He wants to talk to you, actually.’

‘Right now?’ Beth asked, eyeing Daryl, who pointedly kept his gaze ahead.

Maggie nodded and waited in silence until Beth conceded that she’d have to go, leaving the room after a cautious glace between her sister and Daryl. There was an awkward silence between the two as the back door swung shut, letting music in for the few seconds it had been open, now back to the dull blare. Once Beth was out of the house, Maggie turned to Daryl. He’d sensed when he met Beth’s older sister that she was protective of her and he didn’t blame her – there were plenty of bad men in the world, men that would happily take what they wanted from her. But if Maggie thought Beth vulnerable and unable to make her own choices, she was mistaken, and as Daryl took in her hard glare, he was reminded a little of his own brother. Merle had never been overprotective, but he had tried his best to take Daryl under his wing, to look out for him, even if it hadn’t always come across like that. He suspected Maggie’s concern ran far deeper for a reason he didn’t yet know.

‘My dad doesn’t like you.’ Maggie said, her stare not wavering.

Daryl didn’t react – this did not come as a shock. He was used to people not liking him, was used to encouraging people to not like him. He wondered if Beth was getting a similar conversation outside with Hershel.

‘And I’m only saying this not because I like you or anything,’ Maggie assured him with a stern look, ‘but because Glenn seems to think you’re alright and Beth seems to like you so I guess you deserve a chance. I’m giving you the benefit of the doubt. I won’t threaten you with empty promises about what I’ll do if something happens to her, but just know I’m trusting you. Don’t do anything to hurt my sister.’

Daryl held Maggie’s gaze steadily, and he hoped she could see in his eyes something she could trust.

‘Ain’t gonna hurt her. Would never want to.’

Maggie’s face relaxed slightly and she nodded. Turning away to leave the kitchen, she caught herself on the door and turned back around, pointing to the open rum bottle.

‘I’d put that back if I were you. Wouldn’t want anyone to notice.’

Then she was gone and Daryl was left standing alone in the kitchen. He did as she’d suggested, placing the bottle back amongst the rest, before turning to the window. The only light outside was coming from the fairy lights strung up across the garden but he spotted Beth easily, her blonde hair shining around her like a halo. She was glowering at her father, who had that same hard glint in his eye that Maggie had.

Daryl knew this was what Beth wanted but even still, he couldn’t help feeling bad that his presence was causing this. He supposed that at least with everyone preoccupied with the idea of the two of them together they would have less energy to put into being concerned about whatever it was she was trying to get away from.

Ignoring the idea of just walking out the front door unnoticed, hopping on his bike and leaving, he forced himself to the back garden, opening the swinging door and accidentally walking into someone.

‘Sorry.’ Daryl muttered, pushing past the figure to get to Beth but he turned back around at the sound of his own name.

‘Dixon.’

Daryl eyed the Sheriff. He had a beer in his hand and wasn’t wearing his usual uniform but he still managed to hold that authority.

‘Grimes.’ Daryl nodded, chewing on his bottom lip nervously. He’d never been in any real trouble with him, but Merle had plenty of times and he and the Sheriff knew each other well enough by the amount of times Daryl had to bail his brother out.

‘Didn’t know you and Carl were friends.’ The man joked.

Daryl tiled his head. ‘Kid’s yours?’ At Rick’s nod, Daryl said, ‘I’m here with Beth. We’re, uh –’

‘Beth Greene?’

For a moment, Daryl wondered if Rick was going to make a comment about how he didn’t approve or how he should stay away from her, but all he said was, ‘alright, Daryl. Enjoy the party.’

He dipped his head and continued inside, Daryl filling with a sense of relief watching him go. It was automatic, at this point, to feel that dread whenever he saw police. They rarely meant anything good, and the last few months dealing with Merle had been worse than usual. Rick Grimes seemed fair though, and at the very least, he hadn’t seemed to pass any judgement upon hearing Daryl and Beth were together. Daryl couldn’t decide if this was a good thing or bad.

Behind him, he heard Beth’s laugh and he remembered what he was doing out there in the first place. As he made his way over, he saw that Hershel was nowhere in sight, and that Beth was talking to Glenn. Again, another strange wave of relief even though he shouldn’t care if her father was there or not. There was something about intentionally tangling himself up in her life, knowing he would not be there long, that was gnawing at him.

‘Daryl, there you are!’ Glenn exclaimed, turning his body to allow Daryl into their little huddle. ‘I was just telling Beth that we all have to do something, the four of us, while Maggie and I are still in town. Sound good?’

Daryl nodded in what he hoped came off as enthusiastic, biting down his strange feeling of guilt. He didn’t pretend to be a good man and he certainly had done his fair share of bad things in his life, but being face to face with good people and lying to them wasn’t sitting right. Or maybe it was just that he knew he would eventually have to leave this strange night and go back to his life that was nothing like this. Maybe it was the thought that this was what his life could be – people who liked him and having someone like Beth.

‘Awesome.’ Glenn grinned. ‘Alright, I’ll leave the two of you alone, gonna get another drink.’

Beth gave him a little wave and he saluted her before making his way back inside. She turned to Daryl, face still lit up with her smile. ‘Come sit.’ She reached out and pulled his arm casually towards a small bench.

It was a still night, barely any breeze at all yet Daryl felt his arms erupt in goosebumps at her touch. He hadn’t been expecting it, and skin on skin contact like this was not something that happened everyday for him. He supposed it was a normal thing to her, but to him it was a deeply intimate thing – feeling the touch of someone else on you. Her fingers were off him by the time they sat down, leaning back and watching the twinkling lights, but he thought that maybe her prints were still there. They sat like that for a while, observing everyone around them, in their own little bubble. There were kids running around, laughing, and adults either scolding them or paying no attention to them, glasses of alcohol in their hands or left carelessly on garden beds.

‘Don’t worry, this’ll be over soon.’ Beth’s smile gleamed under the warm lights.

‘Havin’ the time of my life, can’t you tell?’ Daryl retorted immediately.

Beth rolled her eyes and Daryl bit his tongue before he said anything else. Really, this party was not so bad. It was sure a hell of a lot better than getting drunk or high in Merle’s dealer’s crack den. And better than sitting at home like he would be tonight, either worrying about Merle or lost in his own head. No, in comparison, this wasn’t so bad.

‘Oh, no.’ Beth’s voice was weary as she straightened her spine, peering around people to get a clear view of the back door, which was swinging open. Daryl watched as a boy who looked a few years older than Beth entered the garden, a smaller boy similar in looks by his side. As soon as the younger boy spotted Carl, he broke away from his older brother and ran to his friend.

Daryl turned to Beth, noticing she’d gripped her hands together nervously.

‘Zach?’ He guessed and she nodded.

‘Okay, here’s where you really pay me back, Dixon.’ Beth’s eyes were darting around, making sure no one could hear. ‘We’ve been broken up a while but I broke his heart. I know he still thinks that I’ll take him back or come to my senses or whatever and this is the first time I’m seeing him since then. It’ll be good for him, to see me with you. Help him move on, you know?’

Daryl nodded as Beth’s ex boyfriend made his way over. He’d ask questions later.

Zach stopped in front of them, hands in his pockets. ‘Beth?’ His voice was surprised and again Daryl had to wonder what had happened between them.

‘Hey, Zach.’ Beth stood up and allowed him to pull her into a hug. Daryl, not sure how to act, stood up next to her and waited to be introduced.

‘It’s good to see you.’ Zach smiled, pushing back his hair.

Beth returned the smile but moved in slightly closer to Daryl. ‘You too. There’s actually someone I want you to meet. This is Daryl. My boyfriend.’

Zach’s eyes widened as he took in Daryl. Finally, he held out a hand and Daryl took it, surprised at the firm grip but shaking it anyway, maybe squeezing a little too hard.

Zach turned back to Beth, his eyes drinking her in. Had Daryl really been her boyfriend, he probably would be feeling a stab of jealousy or at the very least irritation at the way Zach was staring at her, but he wasn’t her boyfriend and he had no right to feel that way.

‘I didn’t – sorry, I didn’t realise that you had a boyfriend –’

Beth moved in closer to Daryl as Zach said this, and he took a long breath in as Beth’s hand gripped his bicep, her hair falling across his shoulder as she leant into him.

‘How have you been?’ Zach asked, concern on his face as his troubled eyes took in the way they she was holding onto Daryl.

‘Really good. You?’

Zach nodded in response and turned to Daryl. ‘How’d the two of you meet?’

Beth’s scent was all Daryl could focus on. Her blonde hair tickled his neck. ‘In town a couple weeks ago.’

‘Never seen you around.’ Zach tilted his head slightly, trying to size Daryl up.

‘Ain’t a pretty little corner, where I’m from.’ Daryl said, his voice barely more than a rasp. ‘Don’t think you would have.’

Zach nodded at this, then turned back to Beth. ‘I’m gonna go say hi to a few people. We should catch up sometime, you know, talk about what happened.’

Beth stilled slightly at his words but Daryl could only feel it because she was so close. ‘We’ll see.’

At this, her ex-boyfriend nodded and said a rushed goodbye to them before disappearing into the house. Beth was still holding onto Daryl’s arm a minute after Zach left.

‘Sorry.’ She said quickly, releasing him and moving away. She didn’t meet his eye.

‘Y’alright?’ Daryl asked, slightly unsure of what he’d do if she said no, but luckily she nodded.

‘I’m okay. Just – seeing him. Brings up a lot of things from a time I’d rather forget.’

Daryl stood in uncomfortable silence next to her. Chatter and laughter floated in the space between them but Daryl barely paid it any attention. How could he, when her bright blue eyes seemed to be drowning in memories of past hurts?

‘You know, maybe this wasn’t the best idea.’ Beth mumbled, placing her hands over her face. ‘Sorry for dragging you into this. You can go.’

Daryl blew out a breath, finding it bugged him to see her this way. ‘C’mon, Greene. Bit late for that.’

Beth peered through her fingers, eyes hopeful. ‘’Sides, your dad ain’t gonna let me leave without givin’ me that grillin’ he promised.’

Beth let out a shaky laugh at that. ‘Alright. But I owe you one, after all this.’

Daryl didn’t respond to this as he was struck with a strange thought that maybe they would just keep going like this – one favour after the next, perpetually stuck in a cycle of payback. Maybe they’d see each other again under the guise of settling an invisible debt that no longer existed. Surely Beth knew by know, that Daryl wasn’t doing this anymore because he felt he owed her anything.

‘What now?’ Daryl asked, holding her gaze as she dropped her hands from her face, running her hands through her hair.

‘Get through tonight. C’mon, they’ll be doing cake soon.’

Beth nudged him lightly and he followed her inside again, sitting with Maggie and Glenn around the coffee table in the living room. They stayed there for the next hour or so, and Daryl was surprised at how much he actually spoke to them. Not just when they asked him questions directly, but when they joked of things, talked about their jobs and their lives. Daryl had never felt the need to connect with others like this and maybe it was because he’d never had the chance to or maybe it was because he did not see the point. Something was different tonight, in that moment right then.

Before he knew it, the night was over. Carl had blown out his candles and everyone had cake and a few last drinks. Maggie seemed to have loosened up a little and it was with a fit of laughter that her and Beth managed to sneak the half-empty bottle of rum from the kitchen back to their little group and the four of them shared the rest of it. Hershel found them once everyone was clearing out and Daryl’s good mood suddenly dissipated.

‘I expect you’re taking Bethy home?’

Daryl nodded.

Hershel eyed him over once then looked to Beth. ‘No dawdling. I want to have a word with you before you leave.’ It was clear this last part was directed at Daryl.

Beth didn’t seem too concerned but Daryl couldn’t ignore the pit in his stomach that opened up as Hershel bid goodbye to everyone else. Had Daryl really been dating Beth, this might be different, but now he was a mess of unfounded worry and guilt. He followed Beth out, waving to Maggie and Glenn as they drove off.

‘See?’ Beth asked as she climbed on the back of his motorcycle, wrapping her arms once again around his middle. ‘That wasn’t so bad.’

Daryl pulled on his black gloves, revving the engine as the bike roared to life. He shrugged half-heartedly, not knowing where this sudden burst of longing had come from. Was he really feeling regretful that the night was over? If his brother could see him, he’d be laughing.

Daryl sped to the farm and all he could feel was Beth’s small squeezes everytime he rounded a corner or gave the bike a little more gas. When they reached the dimly lit house, it was quiet. Hershel, Maggie and Glenn weren’t home yet and for a moment the empty land seemed to belong to only the two of them.

‘Guess we’re even now, Greene.’ Daryl muttered, peering at her through his hair. He dismounted and she did the same, gracefully untangling herself from him.

Beth crossed her arms over her chest, the moonlight hitting her collarbones. ‘Guess so.’ Her voice was soft.

‘Thanks. You can go now, if you don’t want to listen to my dad being a hard-ass. I can make up some excuse.’

The thought had crossed Daryl’s mind when they’d rode in but he knew he couldn’t do that, and leave her to explain where he’d gone. At the very least if this was it, then he’d see it through even if it meant listening to Hershel warning him away from her.

‘I’ll wait.’ Daryl said, chewing on his bottom lip as he watched Beth. There was something else bugging him and maybe the feeling was amplified from the rum they’d had or maybe it was just because he knew that they weren’t going to be like this again, but he couldn’t ignore it anymore.

‘What happened to you?’

The low chirping of the cicadas was all that filled the silence for a moment. Then, ‘my mom died.’

Daryl hadn’t been expecting that and immediately he regretted asking her. Not just because he didn’t know how to respond to it, but because it seemed as though now he’d brought it up she’d be thinking about that, and he could imagine that tonight had been a good distraction. That was the point of him being there in the first place, wasn’t it?

‘’M sorry.’

Beth nodded, smiling at him softly. ‘It’s okay. You deserve to know; after all you’ve done.’

Daryl disagreed but didn’t say anything. Now was not about how he felt about himself, the things he’d done wrong and the things he could never deserve. He never told anyone about himself but her grief bothered him in a way he’d never anticipated; he found he wanted to share some of his own with her, to let her know that she wasn’t the only one that had to go through something so horrible. 

‘My mom died, too.’

Beth’s head pricked up, her eyebrows knotting in concern. ‘Yeah?’

Daryl nodded. ‘Was a long time ago.’

‘I’m sorry, Daryl.’

Her voice was satin, falling over his whole body and his name off her lips were a razor edge. She’d spill his blood if he wasn’t careful.

Daryl cleared his throat, more to distract himself from his thoughts than anything else. It wasn’t like he thought of his mother a whole lot but he could still remember the boy he’d been, suddenly lost and more alone than ever. His eyes raked over Beth, then the big farmhouse.

‘You got a lot of people who worry ‘bout you.’

Beth let out a shaky laugh, pulling her hair back. ‘Yeah. Can’t blame them. I haven’t exactly been the picture of health the last year.’

Daryl knew he shouldn’t – ask or care – but it was quiet and she was there and for the first time, he wanted to know about someone else’s pain. And he did not know if he could repress this feeling and not act on it, but he knew he didn’t want to.

‘Cause of your mom?’

Beth nodded, letting out another shaky breath, eyes glassy. When she spoke, it was slowly, deliberately, like she was weighing each word on her tongue before it left her mouth.

‘I haven’t told anyone. Well, most people know but it’s not from me telling them.’ She paused, taking in another unsteady breath.

Daryl watched her carefully, knowing that she was about to share something intimate with him, knowing she’d chosen him to tell. Judging from her last words, everyone else that knew, knew not because she’d wanted them to. He couldn’t help the small flower of warmth that opened in his chest, knowing somehow she trusted him with this.

‘I nearly killed myself last year.’ Beth’s words hung heavy in the air, her voice trembling. Daryl didn’t move but felt his heart begin beating furiously, his mouth dry. ‘I don’t think I wanted to, not really. It was after my mom died. It hit me harder than everyone else. I think I just expected her to be around forever, you know?’

Beth looked up at him, her eyes wide and filled with tears. Daryl nodded. She didn’t need to explain pain to him of all people. Or why she did what she did.

Beth moved in closer to him and, with her eyes darting determinedly between his, pulled the bracelets that crowded her small wrist up, revealing a long silvery scar. Daryl looked at it, feeling his stomach turn at the thought of her doing that to herself. She could have died. She could have died and Daryl would never have met her, never have felt her warmth, never had even known she existed. The thought unsettled him more than he could fathom.

‘I locked myself in the bathroom, smashed my mirror.’ Beth’s voice was filled with regret. ‘I think I just wanted someone to see what it felt like for me inside.’ She cleared her throat, wiping her eyes. ‘Anyway. There you go.’

The silence was once again only filled by chirping cicadas as a warm breeze blew through the trees around them. Daryl, knowing that the rest of her family must be close, didn’t let his mind talk himself out of what he was about to do. All he knew was that he could feel her pain as though it were his own, and something in him desperately wanted to let her know that she was not as alone as she thought she was. He reached out a hand, brushing his fingers across her wrist, across her scar, ignoring the way his whole body shook.

Beth sucked in a breath sharply at this, her eyes fluttering shut as the wind pushed her hair across her face. Daryl kept his fingers across her scar, stroking her skin softly with his knuckles, watching the tear that fell down her cheek. There were many things Daryl wanted to say to her, things about how he was grateful she told him and how he had scars of his own, but the words got stuck in his throat. Maybe he wasn’t ready for that, but that was okay. She was there and she could feel him and that was enough.

The moment seemed it could have lasted forever, but the sound of a car and the flashing of headlights brought Daryl and Beth back to reality. Daryl moved away from her hastily, busying himself with retying his bandana around the handlebars of his bike for something to do. When he looked up again, Maggie, Glenn and Hershel were parked opposite them, babbling and laughing and making their way over. Beth was beaming, walking over to them, no trace of tears or sadness on her face; nothing that they could worry about. She laughed lightly as she helped Maggie grab a few bags out of the car, rolling her eyes good-naturedly at Glenn as he nearly tripped over trying to help.

Seeing her with them like this compared to how she’d just been with him, it was hard for Daryl not to feel as though she’d let him in to some special, secret part of her no one else was allowed. It seemed as though she was trying so hard to be strong for them that when she had moments alone, she forgot she was pretending most of the time. And with Daryl, she’d let him in, let him see that sometimes she was just as scared and sad as they feared she was.

Beth met his eye over the car door and a smile chased itself across her face and Daryl couldn’t help smile back, his own fondness for her beginning to show. And then all he could suddenly hear were Maggie’s words in his head, warning him away from hurting her sister, and he thought that she’d had it all wrong. Maybe Beth would be the one to break his heart, after all.


	4. Tell Me You Feel It Too

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maggie invites Daryl over to a dinner party and digs a little deeper into his apparent relationship with Beth.

Beth had tried desperately to listen to what her father was saying to Daryl, but gave up when she realised she was out of earshot from the house. She peeked out the window and saw her father and Daryl standing by his motorbike. Daryl had his hands in his pockets and was watching Hershel through a guarded expression, nodding every now and again. Beth couldn’t see her dad’s face but she could picture his stern, intimidating appearance and severe tone just fine by herself. She’d gotten an earful of it already, back at the party. Maggie and Glenn had gone straight up to bed when they’d got in, mumbling about being tired, which Beth knew was code for them having drank too much. Or maybe they were going off to have sex. Either way, she silently thanked that Maggie’s room was across from hers and not next to, lest she hear anything from them throughout the night.

Beth, accepting she was no good just standing at the front door watching a conversation she couldn’t hear, turned around and was going to make her way up the stairs when something bright blue caught her eye. The flowers Daryl had given her at the start of the night were still where she’d left them on the stairs. With a warm sensation running through her, she picked them up, rummaging around the kitchen for a vase before filling it with water and placing them inside. She decided to put them on the windowsill in her room, where the sunlight could reach. From her window upstairs she had another view of Daryl and her father, still in deep conversation. Deciding that was enough for someone who wasn’t even her real boyfriend and didn’t deserve Hershel’s disapproval, Beth quickly made her way back downstairs and outside into the balmy night.

‘You done scaring him off?’ Beth asked her father as she neared the two men.

Hershel peered around to her, a little unimpressed, but finally nodded and shook Daryl’s hand.

‘I’m tired and I wanna say goodnight to Daryl before I go to sleep. See you inside, okay?’ Beth smiled at her father encouragingly as he hesitated by them. He shook his head a little before patting her on the shoulder, seemingly accepting there was nothing more he could do. Hershel made his way back up the porch and into the house, closing the screen door softly behind him.

‘Sorry about that.’ Beth muttered when she was sure he was out of earshot. She turned to Daryl. ‘He likes to do that with anyone Maggie or I ever show interest in, don’t take it personally.’

She imagined it was hard not to for Daryl, seeing as his family seemed to have a bad reputation, but he just nodded, ducking his head. She couldn’t tell if whatever her father had said bothered him, but she didn’t want to ask and make it seem as though it mattered. After all, he was probably aching to get out of there and be rid of their deal.

‘I’ll let you get some rest.’ Daryl said in a low voice, turning and mounting his bike.

Beth ignored the biting disappointment forming in her chest, proving her right.

‘What’re you gonna say to them? ‘Bout us?’ Daryl asked suddenly, his eyes glowing blue in the dark.

Beth hesitated for a moment. ‘I guess I’ll keep up pretending to see you as long as I can. Tonight was enough, to make everyone see I’m capable of moving on. Haven’t really thought much further.’

Daryl nodded again, picking at the rubber around his handlebars. ‘I can, y’know – if you need me again . . .’ He let Beth finish the rest of the sentence in her head.

Hoping he couldn’t hear how loud her heart was thrumming in her ears, Beth smiled. ‘Thanks. I’ll keep that in mind –’

‘Beth!’ Maggie’s voice called from the front door and a second later, she was making her way to them, Glenn close behind. ‘Oh, good we caught you before you left.’ Beth’s sister turned to Daryl. ‘My daddy wanted to invite you over, one night this week. For dinner. You know, get to know you better.’

Daryl seemed to freeze. Beth took in Glenn’s encouraging smile and Maggie’s expectant gaze and, remembering Daryl’s words from only seconds ago, knew he didn’t have a choice even if this was what he’d choose.

‘’Course. Just let me know when.’

Maggie smiled. ‘Good. Well, night. See you inside, Beth.’

Beth watched as her sister spun on her heel and made her way up the porch stairs, Glenn trailing after a quick handshake with Daryl.

‘Probably should have thought a bit more about all this.’ Beth admitted, watching Daryl’s face carefully for any sign he was annoyed or fed up with it, but she found none of that.

‘’S’alright.’

Beth couldn’t help the smile spreading across her face. ‘You’re a life saver, Daryl Dixon.’

Daryl, sucking in on his lips and watching her with careful eyes, allowed himself to steal another glance at her before revving his engine. And perhaps it was because she was about to watch him go and she suddenly badly wanted him to stay, but Beth moved in forward and wrapped her arms around his shoulders, resting her head somewhat tentatively against his. Daryl wasn’t moving but it was a deliberate kind of stillness, one that seemed to come out of shock rather than displeasure. And then, just as she began to pull away, his hand was cupping her elbow and he was holding her closer. She breathed in his scent; wood and motor oil and pine before finally allowing herself to let him go.

‘I’ll be in touch, about the car.’ Daryl said over the roar of the engine, his voice shaking slightly. He nodded towards the house, a flicker in his eye, but did not look at her again. ‘See you soon.’

‘See you soon.’ Beth echoed, wrapping her arms tight around her chest as she watched him drive off into the dark night.

* * *

Daryl’s ride back to his apartment went by in a haze. Once he’d left the Greene farm and got back onto the main road, his mind had wandered off on its own accord, tangled in thoughts of that night. How he’d actually enjoyed himself – really enjoyed himself – for the first time in a long, long time. Beth’s scent still filled the air around his head and, unbidden, the memory of her laughing with Maggie, of the way she didn’t bend to her father, the way she looked at him when their tongues were saturated in rum, clouded his mind. She’d hugged him – wrapped her arms around him and rested her head against him and he’d been breathless.

Once he reached the door of his apartment building and parked his bike, he knew he couldn’t allow himself to be distracted by her like this any longer. He’d fulfilled his end of the bargain and now all he had to do was fix her car and send her on her way. There was no reason this should be any more drawn-out than it already was. But nagging at Daryl was the agreement he’d made to go back to that farm and pretend one more time. And nagging even more, from the darker place he’d pushed it down, was the knowledge that he wanted to go back and see her, pretend or not. And that sent a thrill through him that terrified him.

Daryl never had crushes or even a desire for women – especially not growing up the way he had. Perhaps because he’d grown up the way he’d had. Will Dixon had been a misogynistic asshole amongst a range of other things and had done his best to turn him and Merle into the same monsters. Merle was nowhere near their father but he was hell of a lot closer than Daryl was or ever would be. Especially when it came to women. Dragging Daryl out to countless bars or dealer’s dens all usually ended the same way – Merle throwing women at Daryl and convincing him to sleep with them to prove himself as a man. Daryl had given in a few times in his youth but could not remember names or faces now. Long gone was the time he could be influenced by Merle, and Merle had perhaps realised that, because eventually he gave up hounding him. Not that he no longer made jokes about how Daryl didn’t get any or call him “Darylina”, but if that was the worst of it, then Daryl could live with it. What he found he could not live with right now, was the strange feeling settling in his stomach.

Daryl had reached his apartment door. Fumbling for a moment with the lock, he walked in to the familiar space, the dim glow of a street light coming in through a window. He made straight for the bathroom, blinking in the stark white light. He turned on the shower, stripping off and throwing his clothes in a pile on the floor. He never usually looked in the mirror when he was naked – never really needed a reason to – and there were far more reasons not to. He could feel the ugly scars decorating his back burning, itching to be seen, but Daryl kept them until the very end. He didn’t like looking at his face and he didn’t do it now, just glanced over his mouth where hairs were coming through again on his chin and above his lip. Then lower, to his chest, where his skin was tanned from hours each day spent working out in the sun, muscles tight and defined along his biceps and forearms. Then, he turned and allowed himself, for the first time in a while, to look at his back. Lashes and welts were spread across the battered skin, long turned to scars. They didn’t hurt anymore, but remembering they were there and how they had gotten there did. He thought of his father’s drunken rages, of belts and burning pokers and whips, of Merle moving out and leaving him alone. He thought of the white scar across Beth’s wrist and felt his pulse jump at the thought that they both had scars, proof that they had lived through whatever had caused them. And proof that the scars healing meant nothing, if it still tortured them inside as it did. The shower was getting hot now, the steam filling up the bathroom and starting to cloud his reflection in the glass. He got in, allowing a small relief as the burning water hit his back, hoping that it was hot enough to melt away everything else, reminding him that things could still hurt there, that he could still feel.

And again, that unsettling feeling in his stomach found a way to stir and despite there being a hundred reasons why this was not good, Daryl did not shake it this time. Beth Greene was in his head, under his skin. It could have been her bright smile or her determined eyes, or the fact that she was the only person in a long time to show him any kind of affection, but Daryl knew it ran deeper than that already. She’d shown him her heart, and in return, whether he had known it or not, he’d shown her he cared. And the fact that he did care jarred him, made him wonder how the hell she had managed to break through his damaged body and stubborn mind. From years of not needing or wanting anyone, all of a sudden, she was all he could think about. She was bright and she was good and there was something in her that he had as well. He didn’t pretend to be a saint, but he was good when he’d been around her that night. For once, he’d been content and out of his own head long enough to realise that he quite liked where he was. And Daryl knew that wistful feeling he had before he left had nothing to do with what he was coming back to and everything to do with what he was leaving behind.

Daryl turned his face to the shower head, allowing the water to wash over him, and if there was any chance that the water would too wash away his thoughts of Beth, he didn’t let it. Lathering up soap in his hands, he washed his weary body before rubbing a hand over his face, pushing his hair out of his eyes. Soap bubbles still not completely gone, he leant his other hand on the glass shower wall beside him, ducking his head as the water hit his back again. He kept a hand in his hair, tugging slightly as he thought. Here, the noise of splashing and the steam that filled the room was the closest he got to anonymity. Who was he, amidst the scorching water and suffocating air? This was the closest he could get to pretending he could be someone else, someone who deserved her. And it was only pretend, so what did it matter?

Daryl had tried not to read into things, but how could he not, when all that filled his head was the way his fingers trembled as he’d reached out to touch Beth’s wrist that night. His hands were made for hurting and tearing, not for caressing or being gentle. They shook with the knowledge that they had never done this before and they didn’t know how. He’d felt her hands around his waist burning through his clothes, the thrum of his motorcycle all around them. The way she’d squeezed him tighter, pushing her body into his, each time they rounded a corner. The way rum would never be the same now, not when it had been mixed with the warm vanilla of her perfume when she’d neared him in the kitchen and had teased that maybe she wanted to know him.

Without really thinking about it, Daryl let the hand tangled in his hair travel down his body. It slipped on his skin, on the soap suds that hadn’t fully washed away yet, to his groin. He stilled, feeling the blood rush and the small twisting of desire in his stomach, before giving in, surprised at how hard he already was.

Daryl had never felt this craving shoot through him at the mere thought of someone before, and it stunned him a little that this part of himself worked. Sex or getting off on his own had never been at the top of his list of priorities, and whenever he did the latter it was only for a release before he got on with his day. It was never about enjoying himself, about imagining this feeling could be something he had with someone else. He knew he would never deserve her and he probably shouldn’t be doing this, either, but he also was safe in the knowledge that there was no chance of this happening in real life. At least here, in the steam and hot water, Daryl could do this and imagine for a moment that Beth could be his. That she could want him, too. He thought of her skin, of how it’d feel under his rough hands, of how he could bend to taste her, of how he could make her sing.

Daryl’s head dipped lower, a shaking breath escaping him as he stroked himself slowly, revelling in the feeling for once instead of speeding it up so it was over quicker. He was slow, almost teasing himself as he imagined her wanting him as he wanted her, how her nipples would harden at his touch, how he’d make her pussy soaking wet with his fingers. Flashes of her ran through his mind – her blown out pupils as she’d gotten off his bike shakily, her hair falling across his shoulder as she wrapped her hand around his bicep, his name rolling off her tongue, out of her lips. It was impossible now to slow himself as his cock throbbed, his heart smashing against his ribs in search of her. But in the end it was the memory of Beth drenched in rain, panting in her car with him beside her, that breathless laugh escaping her and clothes clinging to her body, that quickened his hand, that made him come undone. He let out a low groan as he spent himself down the shower drain, heart racing and breath staggered.

Daryl allowed himself a few seconds more of bliss, of thinking of her and nothing but her, before the rushing water grew loud once again in his ears. He opened his eyes, images of her fading as he turned off the tap and reached for a towel. It hadn’t lasted but he’d known it wouldn’t. It was just about a moment where he could pretend that he was allowed to have these things. He felt a trace of shame followed by guilt run through him, knowing he had no right to her and no right to think of her in this way.

Beth seemed so far away, so untouchable, so blatantly different to him that it made no sense at all that she’d ever look at him the way he looked at her. It made sense, that he’d be drawn to her as he was. He’d been denied and had denied himself good things all his life. And it wasn’t just that she was a good thing. There was something else that Daryl couldn’t place about her, that made him feel comforted, seen. But he could not give her anything, could offer nothing to make her life better. He could see so much in her perhaps because he had nothing himself. Daryl’s mind clearer now, he dried himself, annoyed, knowing he had read far too much into it all. Why on earth would she want someone like him, even entertain it? It was harmless flirting at most, and she could do that because she was her. Daryl was never one for flirting, both because he was bad at it and also because his heart had never been in it. Beth could have anyone she wanted, and he sure as hell wasn’t fooling himself into thinking she wanted him anymore than she needed him. It was a bargain, a favour, and it would end after this faux family dinner.

Exhausted from the night, Daryl sank into bed, determined to get Beth Greene out of his mind but somehow he managed to fall asleep with her name on his lips, and she followed him into his dreams.

* * *

Beth didn’t suspect that Maggie had any doubts about her and Daryl until the morning of the dinner party Hershel had arranged. Well, actually, Maggie had arranged it, which was the initial catalyst for Beth’s suspicion towards her sister. It had been the topic of discussion first thing in the morning when Beth woke, an anxious flutter in her stomach at the thought of seeing Daryl again, the first time since Carl’s birthday three days ago. She’d called the mechanic’s the day before, nervously pacing her room before Martinez picked up. She’d originally planned to speak with Daryl, but her last-minute apprehension pushed her to just tell Martinez to pass on the time for dinner the next night. He agreed and gave her a quick update on her car but she was barely listening, mind wandering off, misplaced in thoughts of Daryl. Somehow, her mind couldn’t seem to stay away from reliving the night of the party, of the way having his presence by her side did much more than just what she intended it to do for everyone else. It was what he did for her, that really got her thinking. And Beth knew that she was probably being a stupid girl with a stupid crush and he would most definitely turn her down if she tried to act on any kind of whim, but it didn’t stop her heart racing as she thought of seeing him again.

It wasn’t so much finding out that Maggie had arranged the dinner party than finding out that Hershel knew nothing about it, that really got Beth worried.

‘I don’t see what the big deal is,’ Maggie had raised an eyebrow over breakfast that morning.

‘Well, I don’t see why you had to act like daddy organised it. Daryl’s probably feeling nervous enough about it as it is.’ Beth had retorted, knowing that this wouldn’t technically be a lie, just the truth of something Maggie knew nothing about.

‘He’s got nothing to worry about.’ Maggie dismissed. Glenn sat beside her, a half-exasperated look on his face as he shovelled cereal into his mouth.

Still, an uneasy feeling settled over Beth. ‘What’re you planning, lure him over and interrogate him?’

Maggie grinned but didn’t deny it. ‘Just want to get to know him better. We barely know anything about the two of you.’ She looked to Glenn innocently, but Beth knew her sister well enough.

Behind her apparent harmless façade, Beth could see a glint in her eye. And although she had no solid proof, she had a sinking feeling that Maggie had been smart enough to figure out what Beth was truly doing. Beth should have seen it coming, for sure. They’d grown up together and whatever Beth had gone through with puberty, Maggie had gone through first. And Maggie knew well enough that whenever Beth had crushes, she did not shut up about them. The first time she’d even spoken to Zach had prefaced an hour-long conversation that was mostly Beth gushing and Maggie nodding along in amusement. The first time she’d kissed Jimmy had seen Maggie privy to an entire journal-worthy entry about every single detail.

Beth should have known better than to expect Maggie to believe that a man she’d never spoken about before that day could be her boyfriend. But Beth was not about to give in. Because if she conceded that Maggie was right, then she was undoing everything she’d tried so hard to convince everyone of. And she was not about to watch her father’s disappointed face when he realised that she wasn’t doing nearly as well as she pretended to be, despite his reservations about Daryl.

‘Well, get your questions ready.’ Beth smiled, wondering if she could somehow pull Daryl aside before he came in that night to prepare him. Really, it was a miracle he was even coming at all. She hoped this wouldn’t be the thing that made him realise that she was just some dumb girl playing a silly game. It was much more than that, she just hoped he could see that.

The day went agonisingly slow and although Beth spent most of it in her room attempting to write music, for once that didn’t make the time pass as fast as usual. Beth took a long time showering, letting the hot water run down her body as she slowly sank to the floor. As usual when she was without her bracelets, her eyes wandered to the scar on her wrist, and the slow, sapping feeling followed. She didn’t exactly have to remember what had happened that day, but it was enough to see the mark and to know what had driven her to it. She missed her mother terribly but it was not something that came and went; it was something that was always there, just perhaps a little louder when she was alone. And, because she could not seem to get him off her mind, she was reminded of the way Daryl reached out with his shaking fingers and placed them against her scar. He hadn’t said anything but Beth could feel anything he could have said in the way he caressed her gently, far gentler than she would have believed. She might let her optimism cloud her judgement most days, but him doing that was something that she could not help but think meant something more. Surely, if he had not cared, if he had wanted the night to end so he would no longer feel indebted to her, he would have made an excuse and left. Men that did not care did not touch like that. Men that did not care would not offer to help her again. Or maybe she’d made him feel awkward, and maybe he’d just felt bad. Either way, she thought, tilting her head back so the water washed over her face, he would just have to get through tonight and then he could be rid of her.

When Beth had noticed the bluebells that Daryl had got her dying in the vase, she’d carefully taken them out and pressed them between her journal. She eyed the stems sticking out of it as she rushed out of the bathroom to get dressed, wondering if they were just a polite gesture, a way to further maintain their lie, or something more.

Dressed and dry, Beth raced down the stairs to the kitchen where Maggie and Glenn were making dinner. The dining room was bathed in warm light from the crackling fireplace, the table set perfectly.

‘Smells good.’

Maggie’s head turned, eyeing Beth with an amused expression, before teasing, ‘jeez, didn’t realise tonight had a dress code.’

Beth flushed slightly, but saw in Maggie’s eyes a challenge. She was wearing tight black shorts that she knew hugged her figure and another off the shoulder top similar to what she wore to the party, but light yellow and much more sheer. She would not be the one to break first. Her and Daryl would convince Maggie tonight that they were together – and that, more importantly, Beth was moving on and doing well – one way or another. And so what if Beth felt that dressing up a little might earn her a few extra glances from Daryl, furthering the lie she was trying to sell? Maggie didn’t need to know that.

Beth played with the edges of her sleeves as she floated around the kitchen, inspecting the food.

‘Sorry for wanting to look nice for my boyfriend.’ She glanced meaningfully at Glenn, who laughed, holding his hands up in surrender.

‘Ouch.’ Maggie smirked, shaking her head at her sister’s cheek, and raised an eyebrow she thought Beth couldn’t see at Glenn. ‘When’s price charming getting here, anyway?’ Maggie asked, leaning over to peer into a boiling pot.

‘Soon. Where’s Daddy?’

‘Outside, said he’d be inside in a minute.’

Beth nodded, taking a seat nervously. She knew that tonight ran much deeper than just convincing Maggie and Glenn that her and Daryl were really together. There was also her father, who was much more protective and much more of a better judge of character. And it was because of this that she knew Hershel would trust her when she said that she was doing well, that she was moving on, that she was happy with Daryl. It hurt her a little, to know she was lying to him, but she knew it would hurt him a lot more to think that because she was lying, it meant she was still the same girl that had cut open her wrist. If Daryl was the only way to make them see that she was truly getting better, then she could live with the lie.

The rumbling of a motorbike brought Beth back to her senses and she sprang up, turning to Maggie and Glenn and saying, ‘I got it,’ before either of them had a chance to move.

Daryl was dismounting his bike by the time she jogged down the porch steps, the dying sun glaring into her eyes. Around them, the drooping blossom trees were beginning to grow flowers, and a few misplaced petals drifted through the breeze.

‘Hey.’ Beth was breathless but she hoped Daryl would attribute it to her practically running towards him and not something else, like how at the sight of him she’d been suddenly overcome by a flutter of nervousness.

‘Hey.’ Daryl peeled off his gloves, regarding her through hooded eyes. She didn’t miss the way his gaze travelled over her collarbones before meeting her eyes once more. ‘Would’ve brought wine or somethin’, but your dad don’t drink so –’

‘You remembered.’ Beth said before she could stop herself, astonished that he had paid enough attention to retain what she’d said to memory let alone think to bring something over for dinner. Again, she tried not to read too much into it, but again, she couldn’t fathom that someone who did not care would do something like this.

Daryl winced as though he was wondering if he’d done something wrong, but at her slow smile he seemed to relax.

‘It’s okay, I got another way you can make up for it.’ Beth said quickly, then, glancing around to make sure no one was looking, she grabbed Daryl’s hand and dragged him to the side of the house where they wouldn’t be seen or heard. One of the giant blossom trees hugged the space around them, cutting them off from the rest of the farm. Beth stopped short, awkwardly unhanding him and searching his expression, which was a little surprised, a little closed-off.

‘Sorry.’ She grinned, moving away from him, leaning back onto the tree trunk. She clasped her hands together in front of her just in case she was tempted to grab him on a whim again. ‘I just – Maggie’s onto us. She’s the one who wanted this dinner, not my dad. Just wanted to warn you before we go in, she’ll probably ask a bunch of questions but it’s not cause she doesn’t like you. It’s cause she knows me too well.’

Daryl was silent for a moment, shifting his weight slightly onto his other foot. He nodded, chewing on his lip as he looked at her. In the silence, Beth tried not to let her eyes wander across his chest or arms, where a black button-up shirt clung to him.

‘I’ll owe you for this.’ Beth muttered, turning back to check that the coast was clear before they left.

Daryl cleared his throat. ‘Ain’t that what got us into this in the first place?’ His low voice was tinged with humour, and a ghost of a smile crossed his face as he watched her break into a laugh, conceding.

‘Yeah, alright.’

‘If we don’t convince them?’

Beth titled her head, sighing. ‘I guess I go back to who I was before in their eyes.’

At this, Daryl looked away from her. He was still biting down on the inside of his mouth, silent for a moment. Then, ‘guess we’ll just have to convince them.’

He didn’t look back at Beth until it seemed he could no longer bear the silence. Her tongue darted across her bottom lip as she weighed her reply.

‘Careful, Dixon. Wouldn’t want to get in over your head, now.’ Her tone was light but there was a tiny challenge in it that she knew Daryl didn’t miss by the way his head pricked up. His eyes brushed over her teasing smirk but his mouth betrayed him and he lost the battle he’d been fighting; Beth watched his slow, shy smile in delight, knowing now how rare it was to see and knowing now that this was him just as vulnerable as she had been when she showed him her scar.

And once again, the air between them was charged, and they both seemed to sense at the same time that there was something tangible that they should probably pretend to ignore. Daryl cleared his throat like he was remembering himself, nodding towards the house.

‘Let’s get this over with.’ Beth grimaced, leading the way out just in time. Her sister had opened the front door, peering out into the front yard for them.

‘There you are!’ Maggie watched them make their way up the porch steps, entertained. She swung around a wooden spoon in one hand, her other in the pocket of her apron.

‘Good to see you again, Daryl.’

Beth watched Daryl nod, lips pulled together in a polite, friendly expression. Beth thought of the smile he’d just shared with her and felt a small rush through her stomach.

‘You too.’ Daryl hesitated in the doorway, then turned back to Beth and without warning, put an arm around her shoulders and allowed her to lead him inside. Beth, heart racing at this sudden contact, tried her best to look comfortable and not like her skin was just set alight by his touch. His fingers against her scar a few nights ago were tentative, nervous, but his hand on her shoulder now was firm, reassuring, and although Beth knew it was only there to further their fiction, she could not stop the goosebumps that formed against his rough hands.

Maggie spun back around when they reached the kitchen as Glenn made his way over, shaking Daryl’s free hand. They both eyed his arm around her shoulder innocently enough, but Beth saw the fleeting look they exchanged. For the next few minutes, his arm was all Beth could focus on. Her father came in and greeted him, the same stern mannerism that he’d adopted at Carl’s birthday, but Beth could not bring herself to worry too much as Daryl’s scent enveloped her. He smelt of pine, of a forest, of motor oil and wood, and it was with a sinking feeling that he eventually let her go when Maggie asked them to be seated for dinner. Beth sat down distractedly, Daryl on one side of her and Maggie across from her. Her sister might think this all an elaborate façade and she’d be right to think so, but she’d be wrong to think that there were no feelings involved. On Beth’s part, at least. Dizzy with the rush she’d had at Daryl’s touch, she absently nodded when Glenn passed her the potatoes, thinking that it was ironic she had warned Daryl not to get in over his head when she already was.

* * *

‘Okay, that is so not what happened!’ Beth exclaimed, kicking Maggie lightly under the table. Her sister grinned at her, swinging her leg back. Dinner was over but they all lingered around the table, bellies full and fire still crackling in the hearth.

‘Then what?’

Beth rolled her eyes, grinning, half-embarrassed that Maggie had taken it upon herself to tell Daryl about the time years ago when Beth had woken up to find a snake inside her bedroom.

‘I did not scream that loud. And Shawn did not try to kill it with a fire extinguisher.’

Maggie’s eyebrows raised in amusement. ‘Oh? Then what?’

Beth grumbled, looking down at her napkin. ‘I tried to blow it away with my hairdryer.’

At this, Glenn burst out into a fit of laughter, wiping his eyes with a napkin. Hershel was chuckling indulgently from the other side of the table, no doubt remembering the moment he’d found his three children huddled in the corner of Beth’s room defending themselves with various household appliances.

Daryl seemed to be biting back a smile, but he was quiet and he had been for the majority of the night. No one had prodded at him or their relationship yet, but Beth knew it was only a matter of time.

‘How’d you get rid of it?’ Glenn asked, turning to Maggie, who met Beth’s eyes and started laughing again at the memory.

‘I think it finally got sick of us screaming at it. Slithered out down the stairs under Shawn’s pathetic magazine fort and Daddy was able to catch it.’

Beth played with her glass, fingers tracing the rim, wondering how Shawn was going at college. She missed her brother, especially when her whole family was together like this. Maggie started speaking before Beth was able to ask if anyone had heard from him the last few days.

‘You and Daryl coming with us on the weekend?’

Distracted, Beth looked up. ‘What?’

‘Must have forgot to tell you.’ Maggie said, eyes sparkling. ‘Glenn and I are going down to the beach for a night, thought it’d be a good chance to get to know Daryl and spend some quality time with you before we get back to the city.’

Beth was stunned for a moment, but recovered quickly. ‘Um, I’m not sure, I think Daryl might have to work –’

She turned to Daryl, eyes screaming for help, and he nodded in agreement.

‘Oh, come on, I’m sure you can get one day off. We don’t come down that often.’

That was a downright lie, since Maggie and Glenn drove down as much as they could but Beth let it slide, knowing her sister was trying to see just how far they were willing to go to make this believable. Beth watched as Daryl chewed on the bottom of his lip, eyes darting between an expectant Maggie and a smiling Glenn. He cleared his throat.

‘I’ll see what I can do.’

‘Great!’ Maggie exclaimed, turning to Glenn, who returned her smile.

Beth’s mind was in overdrive; Maggie organising this dinner to ambush them was bad enough but wanting them to go on a weekend away with them? She was good. Beth knew there was no way Daryl was doing that and she didn’t expect him to. This dinner gesture had been one out of kindness, maybe pity after seeing her scar, but this was where it ended. She tried not to think about how her tummy turned at the thought of Daryl and her spending a weekend together, pretending to be lovers, even sharing a bed.

‘So, you got a brother, right Daryl?’ Maggie asked, breaking the silence.

Beth stilled, turning a little to see Daryl’s face better. He seemed well-versed in indifference as he nodded to her sister.

‘Merle.’

From the other end of the table, Hershel shifted in his seat.

‘Right. What does he do?’

Beth knew Maggie was only being polite, and maybe a little nosey, but she also knew that Daryl’s relationship with his brother was strained, and she suspected she didn’t even know the half of it. Daryl knew well enough that everyone in this town had heard stories of the Dixons.

‘They work at Martinez’ together, remember?’ Beth supplied flippantly, watching the steady fall of Daryl’s chest as he released a breath.

‘Have you met him before?’

Beth answered immediately, sensing a bombard of questions would follow. ‘Just once, when I took my car in.’

Maggie nodded. ‘How old’s Daryl again?’

This took Beth by surprise, not only because she found she did now know the exact answer but because Maggie was directing the question at her, knowing it would not make sense for her not to know.

There was a painful silence and then Daryl, knuckles white against the table, muttered, ‘thirty-four.’

This did not shock Beth by any means; she’d guessed as much and knew that while he may have a few years on her, it did not change that she knew he was a good man. Besides – she knew age was not any indication of maturity or knowledge, after all – she was only twenty and she’d been through a lot the last year that often made her feel ancient, and nothing like her old friends who were the same age.

Beth sneaked a glance at Daryl again and saw his eyes cast down to the table, hands tensed as he waited for their responses.

‘Hm.’ Maggie said, leaning back in her chair, looking to Beth.

It wasn’t fair, that Daryl should do Beth a favour and be made to feel inferior, even if Maggie’s intention was only to catch her sister out in her elaborate scheme. Maggie’s plan was not to make Daryl feel awkward or embarrassed, but she could certainly be single-minded sometimes when it came to getting what she wanted. And if she was making Daryl uncomfortable, she wouldn’t even notice because she was too busy looking at her younger sister. Beth couldn’t sit in the silence of it anymore.

‘Dad was older than mom when they first met, right?’ Beth turned to her father, determined. Hershel watched her for a moment before he nodded, sighing.

‘That’s true. Your mother and I did have a few years between us.’

Beth breathed out slowly, turning back to Maggie who shrugged. Beth feigned reaching over for the water jug but instead used the opportunity to steal another proper glance at Daryl, whose eyes darted to her, thoughtful. Maybe he’d known how much it cost her to bring her mother up or maybe he was just grateful that she’d stood up for him, but it was there, whatever it was. Beth smiled softly before settling back down without the jug, hoping no one noticed.

‘So, how’d you two meet?’ Glenn asked, clearly thinking this would lighten the mood. Beth felt another nervous twinge of panic shoot through her and was babbling before Daryl got the chance to respond.

‘Oh, a few weeks ago.’ She worked hard to try and figure out what she could lie about in her head, but her thoughts seemed to be determined to be scrambled with everyone staring at her expectantly. ‘I was in town, looking for a new guitar and ran into Daryl on the street. Got to talking, he asked me out. Now here we are.’ Beth grinned, hoping that the little they all knew about Daryl would be enough to make the fact that he’d apparently asked her out minutes after meeting her believable.

Maggie frowned. ‘When was that? I don’t remember you going into town in the last few weeks.’

Beth cursed herself silently for forgetting she had spent the entire summer glued to the hip with Maggie. ‘Oh, must have been a day you had something else on.’ She replied, smiling sweetly.

Maggie half-smiled, nodding as though she was just remembering. ‘Oh, of course.’

‘What did you think of Beth when you met her?’ Glenn asked Daryl, leaning forward. The good thing about Glenn was that he saw the good in everyone and did not seem to be set on digging any deeper like Maggie. The bad thing was that he didn’t seem to realise that this was possibly the worst question to ask Daryl. Beth didn’t know him well but even she knew that he was not someone who could just talk about his feelings easily. Especially about a girl he was pretending to be in a relationship with to her intrusive family.

Daryl chewed out his bottom lip viciously and Beth was sure he’d draw blood. It took him a few moments but then he cleared his throat, sitting up a little straighter.

‘I, uh – wanted to see her again.’ Daryl’s voice was scraping its way out of his throat as though he was dragging the words out by force. He looked back to the table, nodding a little, almost to himself. Although his words were directed to all of them, Beth had the feeling that if he could, he’d turn and look her in the eye. ‘She’s bright.’

Stunned, Beth blinked rapidly as she looked away, hoping that her face read pleasant surprise instead of downright shock. She’d always tried to be a good person, something her mother had instilled in her from very young and something she’d carried with her after she died. But she’d never thought she was _bright_. Hearing Daryl say this, this admission, this confession, in front of her family and in front of her, meant more to her than he could possibly know.

‘Whoa.’ Glenn was beaming, eyebrows raised, impressed.

‘Yeah, whoa.’ Maggie muttered, face softening as she looked to Daryl. Hershel was watching this exchange with interest, crossing his hands over his lap. Because she felt like she was about to explode with tension more than anything else, Beth took a drink of water and slammed her glass on the table a little harder than necessary and Maggie cleared her throat, tearing her eyes away from Daryl with a mild expression.

‘Done interrogating my boyfriend, now?’ Beth tried to keep her voice as casual and good-natured as possible as Maggie and Glenn nodded, silent. Well, if Daryl had been trying to throw them off the trail it had worked. Maggie clearly hadn’t expected such a heart-felt answer and for now at least, she seemed sated.

The moment passed and then Hershel, Glenn and Maggie broke into another conversation about work and they seemed occupied enough that Beth felt she could properly turn to look at Daryl without rousing suspicion.

He was still staring at the table, looking as though he’d been deaf to his surroundings since he’d last spoke. He was close enough to touch, if she scooted her chair over a little, but she didn’t do that. Without drawing attention to herself, Beth breathed out his name, just loud enough for him to hear.

Daryl turned his head to her, eyes hesitant, as though he wasn’t sure what he’d be met with when he looked at her. Knowing she could say little else with everyone within earshot, Beth held his gaze, hoping that he could see exactly what that had meant to her.

Daryl was still for a second, then jerked his head noncommittally, turning back to the rest of her family, but he didn’t speak for a long while after that, and Beth was left wondering if he hadn’t just admitted something to everyone else, but also to himself.


	5. Tell Me How You Want Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daryl, feeling suffocated in the Greene's house, pushes Beth away and sparks a fight that tells him she understands parts of him better than he does himself.

Daryl found that even though he was wound up tightly into a ball of nerves most of the night, Beth Greene still found a way to disarm him even when he’d thought he had been prepared for anything.

The dinner party overall seemed to have been a success, at least from what Daryl could tell. Maggie was no longer interrogating them as they sat around the dining table, long after they’d finished eating, although Beth’s father was another thing. It was somehow working against him, that Hershel believed they were really together, when that’s what they wanted. A few times Daryl had caught the older man observing him with an unreadable expression, much to his dislike. Beth didn’t seem too concerned but it didn’t take a genius to figure out that this man loved his daughters and was fiercely protective over his youngest. Daryl couldn’t blame him for that but it did make him feel as though he was suffocating under his gaze. Perhaps it was because of what Beth had done the previous year, but Daryl had a sinking feeling that told him it was more attributed to the fact that he was a Dixon. Knowing that this would be the last time Daryl would have to pretend to be anything to Beth, he’d pushed the feeling aside and had tried to get through the rest of the night with as little disruption as possible.

And then Beth Greene had done it again, had somehow wriggled her way past his tough exterior and found a way to pierce him in a place he felt, forcing him to confront uncomfortable truths that he’d rather ignore.

It was after Daryl had declined Hershel’s offer for coffee that things began to really set in for him. It was the culmination of every little thing that night that had cut him, every bad thought that he’d had about himself that seemed to be proven true, that forced him out of his chair. He was too old, too broken, too undeserving of a thing like Beth. Quickly making the excuse that he had to use the bathroom, Daryl stumbled down the hallway without direction before realising Beth had followed him.

‘You’re going the wrong way.’

Daryl spun on his heel, unbelievably uneasy. Suddenly he was choking in this house with these people, knowing he was not a good person but pretending otherwise.

Beth frowned at his expression. ‘You okay?’

Daryl nodded, looking past her, knowing if he met her eyes again he’d be troubled at the sight of her worried.

‘Something’s wrong.’ Beth said, and it was her saying this and not asking, as though she could simply tell by looking at him, that sent a feeling through him that he shouldn’t have. Disarming. She cared about him.

‘Bathroom’s there.’ Beth said slowly, pointing behind her to a door that Daryl hadn’t even seen as he walked past.

He nodded quickly, moving around her before closing the door behind him. There was silence for a moment as he leant on the sink, head dipped low. What the hell was he doing here? It wasn’t because he was a good man at all – he wasn’t just doing a stranger a favour anymore. It was more than that, much more, and he couldn’t pretend otherwise. Sitting in the farmhouse, seeing the Greene family – a real family as they should be – made him feel a wave of melancholy he’d never felt before. He wasn’t fool enough to think that he could have ever had that, and maybe that’s why he’d felt so strange sitting in it now, apparently a part of it. Because this was what good people were and this is what they did. Daryl could not help the itching feeling spreading across his back as his scars demanded space in his thoughts. He could never be this, and maybe Maggie was only trying to catch her sister out or maybe she could see it on him as much as her father could. Maybe they all could. What the hell was he doing here?

‘Daryl?’ Beth’s soft voice floated through the space between the door and the floor.

He pulled open the door and she was standing in the threshold, a concerned look crossing her face.

‘What’s wrong?’

It hurt him, knowing what he had to do, but it was all he knew. And if she was simply using him to put on a good face in front of her family, then this would not hurt her nearly as much as it hurt him.

‘Gotta go.’ Daryl muttered, hands in his pockets. He gripped the sharp teeth on his keys with enough pressure to slice through skin.

Beth faltered. ‘Oh. Is everything okay?’

Daryl allowed himself one last look, one final moment where he could greedily remember her face before she hated him.

‘Done playin’ this game.’ He tried not to cringe at how cruel his voice sounded, but knew that this was how it had to be.

Beth’s face fell, her eyes searching him. ‘I thought –’

‘Get what you want from me?’

‘Daryl –’

He cut her off with a glare, watching her face close up. Good. She should hate him as much as he hated himself. He was much too old, too tainted, too broken for someone like her. And even though he thought maybe it was just him twisting reality and reading into the way she looked at him or the way her skin had covered in goosebumps when he touched her, he wanted to be sure. If there was any reason Beth had begun to see something in him she liked, he could not live with knowing that he would never be deserving of her. And he would not ruin her just to have her.

‘Come get your car at the end of the week.’ Daryl said to her before turning away and walking back into the dining room. He looked to Hershel, to the perfectly laid out dining table, to the way the cutlery matched and none of the glasses were chipped. ‘Headin’ out.’

Hershel stood up, looking behind him to his daughter. ‘Everything okay?’

Maggie and Glenn turned around to look at them, equal concern on their faces. Daryl could not stand to look at them, to be in this perfect house with this perfect family any longer. It only reminded him of things he’d never had, could never have. He nodded, reaching over to shake Hershel’s hand.

‘We’ll have to have you around again soon.’ Hershel offered, gazing quizzically at Daryl as he turned away, muttering a goodbye to Maggie and Glenn.

Daryl hoped that Beth wouldn’t follow him out but he’d never put much stock into hopes. He heard her light footsteps approaching as he mounted his bike and turned the engine on. Even the revving of it echoing into the night could not drown out her lilting voice.

‘Did I do something?’

Daryl would rather her scream at him, call him every name under the sun, anything but look at him with those bright blue eyes and wonder if she had done anything to warrant this from him. He turned away, watching the road ahead steadily, pulling his leather gloves on.

‘No.’ Daryl replied, weighing up his next words. He knew she’d come past the mechanics to pick up her car but he wouldn’t be there when she did. He would not be able to face her again, not after this. ‘Hope you got what you needed.’

Daryl didn’t glance back at her, but he knew if he did he’d see hurt all over her face. She didn’t deserve this but a small hurt now was better than a big hurt later. This was better than realising he was not a good man, that he did not do good things. She’d somehow managed to convince him, just for a moment, that he was someone else. That he could be someone else. Merle’s voice echoed through his head.

_She ain’t gonna stick ‘round . . . deep down, you know she can do much better’n your ass._

If there even was the the tiniest chance that she felt something for him, Daryl wasn’t sticking around to prove his brother right. He did not look to Beth when she said his name one last time and he did not turn around as he sped out of the Greene farm into the night.

Arriving at his apartment was a bittersweet thing. As Daryl unlocked the door and threw himself on the couch, he sank his head into his hands, relieved that he was alone and slightly uneasy that he had left Beth like that. There was nothing else to be done about it, though, and he attempted to distract himself by calling Merle to see where he was, but his brother sent him straight to voicemail. Daryl cursed under his breath, throwing his phone across the coffee table in front of him. Sinking his head into his hands, he replayed over and over Beth’s hurt expression as he’d pushed her away. It was a while before he got up, and it was only to retrieve his buzzing phone.

‘Hey, Darylina,’ Merle slurred on the other end. In the background, loud music and chatter blared through into Daryl’s silent apartment. ‘Where you been?’

‘Where are you?’ Daryl asked, ignoring his question.

‘Some bar in some part o’town. Who knows. Why don’t you come on down?’

Daryl, not really knowing why he’d called his brother in the first place, didn’t answer. If there was any part of him that had foolishly thought that Merle could offer him some solace, he didn’t know what he’d been thinking. Merle, it turned out, wasn’t even a good distraction.

‘Oh, that’s right. You got that little blonde thing, what’s her name? Farmer’s girl. You tap that yet, brother?’

Daryl fought to keep control of his voice. ‘Ain’t like that.’ He growled but his words fell onto deaf ears.

‘Mm, you tap that soon or I will, got me a couple blondes here tonight, wouldn’t say no to a third –’

Merle’s voice cut off abruptly as Daryl hung up on him, throwing his phone across the table with greater force than before. He knew his brother was mostly harmless, but hearing him talk like that in general got on his nerves, let alone hearing him talk that way about Beth. It was just further proof that he was no good, that Hershel and Maggie were right to judge him on his Dixon name.

Daryl conceded a few minutes later that sitting idly with his thoughts would only drive him mad, so he got up and went to the fridge, hand resting on the bottles of Moonshine on the second shelf. Sorely tempted though he was, he let his cold fingers slide away, knowing that even in a drunken state Beth Greene would still find a way to haunt him. Plus, if it was something Will Dixon would do, he would not.

_She’s bright._

Why had he said that? There were plenty of other ways to make Beth’s family believe their lie. He could have said that he’d thought she was pretty, or that he wanted to get to know her more, because he had, because he did. Not that she was to him what the sun was on a cold day.

And he thought maybe that what had scared him most was that being at the Greene’s house had felt more like home than his own home ever had. Not his apartment, which was nice enough albeit bare, from the empty shelves to the plain fridge, but the place he’d grown up in. Inside Beth’s house there’d been family photos on every wall, pictures of the Greene siblings growing up and Hershel when he was younger and someone else Daryl assumed was Beth’s mom. They were smiling at him through their glass walls, trapped in paper and ink, forever that age, forever that moment. Daryl didn’t have any baby pictures of him and Merle or any other pictures at all for that matter. Anything that might have been in their old house had burnt down along with his mother. But all the terrible memories had stayed. The abuse, the neglect. Beth’s home was covered top to bottom in things that said she was loved, that their home was a safe place to be in. It had choked Daryl just to set foot in it, to sit at the perfect table, free of cigarette burns, to look at the painted walls free of angry kicked-out holes. Those things did not belong to him and they never would.

Daryl didn’t know how long it had been – perhaps an hour – but he eventually made his way into his room, hoping he was tired enough to fall straight to sleep. Beth was certainly wearing his alertness down, numbing his senses ever so slowly so that all he was left with was a buzzing, uneasy feeling when he thought of her.

A sharp knocking on his door had his head whipping around. Thinking that it must be Merle, Daryl blew out an exasperated breath and swung open the door to find Beth Greene standing in front of him, panting, still wearing the same black shorts and yellow top from dinner that night.

For a moment, he was lost for words, but it didn’t matter because she stormed into his apartment and whirled around to face him, her face set determinedly. For a second he wondered how she’d found his place, then he remembered that her family was close with Martinez. Daryl was vaguely aware that he’d swung the door closed as he watched her, but before he could string words together to ask what the hell she was doing here, she was speaking.

‘What’s your problem?’

The cool steel of her voice sparked something in Daryl, something that was usually ignited in response to anger. This, he understood well.

‘If you didn’t want to pretend to be my boyfriend anymore that’s fine. But you can’t just storm out of my house like that and expect me to be okay with it.’ Beth was standing near his couch, shaking a little when he looked at her fingers but her spine was straight and head high.

‘The hell do you want from me, girl?’

‘I don’t know, telling me what’s wrong could be a start.’

Daryl huffed out a breath, turning away from her. ‘What’s it to you?’

Beth blinked her big eyes at him and he felt a jolt of shame run through him at the tone he’d taken with her.

But in her face was a challenge and the same annoying stubbornness he had in himself. If she was coming here with the intention of getting him to apologise, she wouldn’t get it as easy as she thought.

‘Daryl, I’m sorry if I did something –’

And he had to cut her off at that, because how could she still possibly think his actions were her fault?

‘Ain’t you.’

‘Then what, you just projecting your bullshit issues onto me?’ Beth demanded.

Daryl turned back to her, breathing hard. She’d hit somewhere close to the truth and he was an animal trapped in a cage, barring his teeth at the things that were frightening him.

‘You don’t know nothin’ ‘bout it.’

Beth let out a disbelieving laugh, pushing her hair out of her eyes. ‘I guess not. Same as how you don’t know anything about me, but you think you can just show up and act like you give a shit and then leave.’

‘You think me playin’ along with your games is me givin’ a shit? Might wanna raise the bar a bit.’ Daryl spat. ‘Least I don’t try bullshitting my way through life by pretending I’m fine to everyone that gives a shit about me.’

Hurt crossed Beth’s face but she didn’t shy away like he thought she would.

‘Yeah, guess I should be like you and push everyone away in case, God forbid, they get too close.’ She was almost shouting now, anger flashing in her eyes.

Again, she’d disarmed him with the truth. She was right of course, and it was because she was right that he retracted even further within himself, pushing her even further out.

‘What do you want?’ Daryl was yelling now, moving in closer to Beth and suddenly they were a breath apart, both breathing furiously, staring defiantly at each other.

‘Stop acting like you don’t give a shit, like you don’t feel anything –’

‘The fuck you know ‘bout what I feel?’ Daryl snarled at her, feeling her stuttering breath across his cheeks. ‘You don’t fuckin’ know me.’

‘I know you felt something for me, otherwise you wouldn’t have agreed to any of this in the first place.’

Daryl was too aware of how close they were, of how he could smell the sweet vanilla on her skin and see the tiny flecks of green around her pupils.

‘That what you think?’

‘That’s what I know.’

There was a frustrated silence, where Beth and Daryl both stared at each other, breathing in and out deeply, unsure of the other or what to do next, waiting for someone to break.

‘You don’t know nothin’.’ Daryl growled, moving a little away from her, burning. Beth watched him, slightly apprehensive but still refusing to break. ‘Think you got it all figured out, huh? I ain’t some project you can come along and fix. I ain’t some lost puppy that’ll follow you around. And I sure as hell ain’t your boyfriend.’

‘If you stopped assuming what other people were thinking about you for one second you’d know I don’t think any of that about you.’ Beth spat back.

‘The fuck more do you want then?’

Beth stilled, chest heaving. Daryl couldn’t help it when he watched her; she was still somehow beautiful, angry with him or not.

‘Just admit that you felt something for me. Admit that you did and it scared you. But don’t lie and pretend you felt nothing.’ Beth voice was shaking with anger but Daryl knew she was not the kind of person to show up at peoples houses and confront them. This was a lot. This was too much.

‘That gonna make you feel better?’ Daryl scowled, walking around the kitchen bench to get further away from her.

Beth pushed her hair from her face again, aggravated. ‘Sure as hell won’t make me feel any worse.’

Daryl was brimming with anger, with every unresolved issue of his that was making this so impossible. If he’d been better, maybe he would be the kind of man that could admit to this without any kind of self-loathing attached, instead of pushing her away until everything threatened to burst out. But he wasn’t.

‘You know what your family thinks when they see me? Huh? What your dad thinks?’ Daryl’s voice was raised once again and he saw Beth flinch away slightly, her eyes burning holes in him. ‘Just some asshole redneck takin’ advantage of his daughter. Your sister sure as hell don’t like me and I don’t blame her. Ain’t meant for playin’ pretend in a pretty farmhouse actin’ like my life means shit. Ain’t meant for vacations whenever I feel like it, either.’

Beth made to reply but Daryl cut her off, all of his built up feelings from the night finally seeing a chance for release.

‘You think I can ever belong in a place like that – where you got stories instead of scars every night?’ Somewhere in him, he knew he was telling her too much, letting her in despite what he’d said. ‘We ain’t from the same world. If you’re lookin’ for somethin’ good in me you’re gonna be lookin’ a long time.’

Beth rolled her eyes, throwing her hands up in the air. ‘You keep trying to convince the world that you’re not good if it helps you sleep at night –’

‘The fuck you think ‘s gonna happen, girl? Think I’m gonna start fawnin’ over you like some damn teenager tryin’ to get his dick sucked, think I’m gonna fall in love with you ‘cause we’re playin’ pretend?’

Beth’s eyes widened at his words, face flushing, but when she replied her voice was just as angry as his. ‘I thought you were better than acting like you don’t give a shit about anyone but yourself.’

‘You ain’t got any fuckin’ idea.’ Daryl moved in closer, breathing hard, voice threatening to rouse the neighbours. ‘Pull the first guy you can find into doin’ you some bullshit favour and you’re that fuckin’ full on your own bullshit that you think think it’s real.’

Beth’s eyebrows pulled together furiously but her words were calm venom when they came out of her mouth.

‘Sorry you’re not convincing enough to make me believe that the guy who doesn’t do shit for anyone else is suddenly throwing away favours for free. You’re really trying to make me buy that?’

‘Don’t give a fuck what you do or don’t buy.’ Daryl spat, turning away at her blazing look. She was right, to hate him. He wanted her to. Maybe that would prove that he was the person he’d always been told he was, always believed he was. He’d been stupid to think or pretend he could be anything else.

‘You’re afraid.’ Beth said finally, and when Daryl turned back around, her eyes were ice. ‘You’re afraid because you don’t let anyone in and you’re scared because you want to.’

Daryl took a shuddering breath in, stepping forward. To her credit, Beth didn’t back away, just held his gaze with the same anger.

‘I don’t fuckin’ want you.’

Beth’s eyes narrowed as they darted between his. ‘I don’t believe you.’

There was a moment where they stared at each other, breathing in the same stifling air between them, chests heaving and fingers trembling. Then Beth turned away and Daryl didn’t look around at the sound of her slamming his apartment door shut. He was left breathing hard, moving to the kitchen bench to sink his head in his hands as he thought of that blazing look she’d had in her eyes and how all he had been able to think about in those last few seconds was how close her lips were to his.

* * *

Daryl slept terribly that night, but that wasn’t all that unusual. At least he had been tossing and turning most of it and hadn’t been asleep uninterrupted long enough to have dreams of her. When the sun finally hit his eyes the next morning, he blinked them open as though he’d been awake already. A strange nothingness took over him for a second before he remembered his and Beth’s fight the night before.

A loud rapping on his door interrupted their voices echoing in his head and forced him out of bed. For an absurd moment, he thought it might be Beth again, but shook the idea as soon as it formed. He didn’t know if they would see each other again but he knew that he’d hate himself forever for yelling at her like that, and that scared him because there was a good chance that he would never have the chance to atone for it. Not that he even knew if he would or not. Beth no longer needed him to pretend to be her boyfriend and he could allow the relief that bloomed at the thought of him never having to try and pretend to live up to other people’s expectations and he could ignore the nagging feeling that worked at his edges that felt a lot like disappointment at the same time.

‘Finally.’ Merle pushed past Daryl as he opened the door, throwing himself onto the couch immediately. Daryl turned, unimpressed, to see his brother with his arms splayed out and his head thrown back.

‘You stink of whiskey.’ Daryl muttered, folding his arms over his chest as Merle moaned. He definitely wasn’t in the mood to try and keep his brother in check today. Merle was not always around, but usually when he was he was either in need of Daryl’s help or in need of a place to sleep off his hangover.

‘You’d know all about it, baby brother, if you came out with me like I asked.’

Daryl ignored this, shoving Merle’s dirty shoes off his couch, more out of annoyance than anything else. He suddenly remembered calling him the night before, desperate for some kind of distraction to his spiralling thoughts of Beth.

‘What were you doin’, anyways Darylina?’

Daryl clenched his jaw, turning away from Merle and looking for his keys. The sooner he left for work, the better. Merle could sleep his hangover off and be gone by the time he was home.

‘Oh, ‘s’right, I forgot. You and that little blonde thing, right?’ Merle didn’t bother looking up but he had a smug edge to his voice that told Daryl he knew he’d gotten his attention. His older brother was an antagonizer and always had been.

‘I ain’t never seen you sweet on no one before, got me thinkin’ your dick ain’t been workin’ right –’

Daryl huffed, turning to leave his brother rotting on the couch. Why he ever let him in was beyond him. Merle was harmless most of the time but he was infuriating. And for some reason, Daryl wanted to keep anything about Beth away from his brother, all to himself, as though if he admitted aloud what he was feeling he’d be punished for it. Speaking things aloud made them so much more true. And it wasn’t like anything had happened or would happen between them. Even Beth didn’t know what he really thought about her, at least not as a fact.

‘Aw, come on, don’t be like that.’ Merle groaned, lifting his head up, squinting at Daryl as he walked out of the room. ‘Be careful, ‘s all I’m sayin’.’

Daryl paused, looking back at his brother. ‘What?’

Merle let his head flop back down, squinting at the ceiling, but satisfied he’d gotten his attention. ‘Girl like that, she gonna break your heart, little brother. Might not work on ol’Merle, but I know you. You’ve always been the sweet one. She bats her pretty lashes and you go runnin’. Needs her piece of shit car fixed, you fix it. I don’t know what kind of spell she got you under, hell, maybe you’ve just realised you finally wanna get your dick hard after all this time – but you do well to stay away from her. Little things like her always cause more trouble’n they’re worth.’

Daryl glared at Merle, knowing that his brother didn’t know what he was saying half the time, but not being able to help the way his words slipped into his mind. Beth Greene was a whole lot better than him and a whole lot more deserving of better things and he was fooling himself if he ever thought she’d want him. Especially after last night. He knew it was true, but hearing it from someone who usually had no idea about this kind of stuff hurt a little more. Merle was selfish, and maybe he just didn’t want Daryl to realise he could have more in life than just this, or maybe it was just because his head was hurting and he needed someone to take it out on, but he was right anyway.

‘How you feelin’?’

Merle groaned, slapping a hand to his forehead. ‘Like shit.’

Daryl didn’t turn back around as he left the room. ‘Good.’

* * *

Beth didn’t expect to see Daryl Dixon again after the night they’d fought. She left his apartment with her fingers shaking, almost getting lost looking for the exit because she was so distracted.

Beth had been mad, so mad at him for leaving the farm the way he had, that she barely even had to think before grabbing Maggie’s keys, calling Martinez for the address and driving off into the night. She did not believe that he could feel little enough that leaving her like that wouldn’t make him feel bad. She needed to get something out of him, a hint of a feeling that told her she wasn’t being completely unreasonable expecting him to be decent towards her instead of treating her like she was some dumb girl with a crush. And she had got it in the form of his shaking voice, forced out of his throat, torn from some dark place that he went to find what he needed to push people away.

_I don’t fuckin’ want you._

Daryl’s feelings had him running scared and now she new it. And although he had let her see just how broken he truly was, Beth suspected that letting her in would haunt him more than pushing her away.

When she got home, she darted into her room, thankful that Maggie and Glenn were too busy to notice. Opening a window so the warm night air could float in and keep her company, Beth lay facing the ceiling, replaying that night all over in her head. Daryl’s arm around her, his small smile at the story Maggie had told, his voice when he’d called her bright, the way he was looking at her when she was crazed and yelling at him. The way that he’d seemed to get heavier and heavier during the night. Beth didn’t know what it was about but judging from the blow up they’d had at his apartment, he had a lot of things he was carrying around silently. If that truly was the last time they’d see each other, Beth thought sleepily, then at least she could be content that she’d left on her terms. And that they had both gotten something out of it that maybe they hadn’t bet on. She’d gotten him to admit that he had felt something that scared him, even without saying the words out loud, and in return, she’d been assertive for the first time in her life. He’d given her that without even knowing. Beth couldn’t remember a time where she’d wanted to give someone a piece of her mind so badly that it outweighed her need to be polite.

The next morning wasn’t as peaceful as it seemed. Beth woke up to quiet chittering from the birds on the willow outside of her window, sun streaming in. She was allowed a minute of quiet before Maggie’s laughter cut in to her thoughts, and suddenly she remembered the night before, angry and passionate and filled with the strange longing she often got when she finished books or movies.

When she got downstairs, she was greeted with Maggie and Glenn pouring over a map sprawled on the breakfast table. Glenn’s arm was playing with Maggie’s hair absently and Beth quickly looked away as a strange image of her and Daryl doing the same popped into her mind. What was she thinking? They could never have that, for a lot of reasons but mostly because any kind of touch they had already had was all for show. And mostly because they would never touch again, for show or not. They both knew going into this that it was all a façade and although Daryl might have felt a little thing for her, she knew it couldn’t be anything like what she was beginning to feel for him. His was a flutter that bothered him, that he pushed away because he wanted it to go, and hers was an ocean that drowned her when she least expected.

‘Morning.’ Maggie grinned, eyeing Beth. ‘Have fun at your boyfriends last night?’

Beth rolled her eyes, grateful she’d chosen that moment to stick her head in the fridge as she felt blood rush to her cheeks. She busied herself with pouring a glass of apple juice, shoving away hers and Daryl’s angry voices that replayed in her head, as Maggie went on.

‘Was everything alright? He left in a hurry –’

‘Yep.’ Beth answered quickly. ‘Just had something to do.’

Maggie wiggled her eyebrows. ‘And you had to go help?’

Beth contemplated playing in to Maggie’s suspicion and insinuating that she had gone to Daryl’s for a little alone time, but even the thought of saying that aloud made her stomach flutter with nervousness. Knowing she had no other acceptable excuse available, she settled on, ‘don’t ask me about what I do in my spare time and I won’t ask what you and Glenn do,’ flashing a cheeky smile that made Glenn laugh and look to Maggie embarrassedly.

‘You can ask.’ Maggie replied, flourishing her hands across the table. ‘We’re planning that beach night. Gonna leave tomorrow, you and Daryl in?’

Again, Beth was taken aback by the directness of the question. Somehow, she’d convinced herself that Daryl would only exist as her boyfriend as long as she’d needed him to. How was she going to slowly explain her family seeing and hearing about him less and less without needing to say they broke up just for an excuse? That wasn’t even an option, she thought grimly. It would defeat the whole purpose of having him pretend to be with her to convince her family she was moving on. An unexpected break-up would be just what Maggie and Hershel needed to begin worrying all over her again and set her back to the start.

‘I think he’s working.’

‘Hm.’ Maggie turned back to the map, saying nothing else, but Beth could tell that her sister’s suspicion was setting in once again.

‘Well, we’re leaving tomorrow morning if you guys can make it.’ Glenn offered sincerely and Beth nodded.

‘I’ll keep that in mind, thanks. Where’s Daddy?’

Maggie finished scribbling on the map and leant back on her chair, yawning. ‘Went out to help Martinez. No idea what it’s about but sounded serious. Didn’t say how long he’d be.’

Glenn ducked his head closer to the map, studying possible routes as Beth took in Maggie’s words. Martinez was a good friend of theirs and wouldn’t be involved in anything dangerous. She thought back to when the Sheriff had taken one of the men he employed at the garage in for questioning about some missing drugs from an evidence locker, but that had all fizzled out.

‘Serious?’ She echoed and Maggie shrugged, unbothered.

‘Probably nothing. Wanna help outside?’

And the rest of the day slipped away easily as Beth, Maggie and Glenn tended to chores around the farm. They stopped midday for lunch, laying out a blanket in the field behind their house and letting the sun make them lazy. And although Beth couldn’t seem to stop thinking about Daryl, she felt relief as her attention was forced away from him for minutes at a time when she spoke to Maggie and Glenn. And when her thoughts inevitably made their way back to Daryl, she made sure she had her notebook handy. Lately, lyrics were coming to her as easily as breathing and her notebook was slowly but surely filling up with unfinished poems, zealous ramblings and melancholy words.

Night fell and the Greene’s made an honourable attempt at watching a movie, but so tired they were from the day that they all ended up calling it a night before they dosed off on the couch.

Beth had been tired but the moment she walked upstairs and lay in her bed she was wide awake again, thoughts back on Daryl. She didn’t know exactly what it was she wanted from him. Sure, she could see that behind his rugged exterior he was a better man than he wanted people to believe and sure, she thought he was good-looking and sure, there was something about the rough gravel of his voice that sent shivers through her spine, but that didn’t mean she liked him. She sure as hell knew he didn’t want to be her boyfriend, even if he had also maybe liked her. The thought of their fight came back to her and she heard his words echoing.

_Ain’t meant for playin’ pretend in a pretty farmhouse actin’ like my life means shit . . . you_ _think I can ever belong in a place like that – where you got stories instead of scars every night?_

_I don’t fuckin’ want you._

And then her voice, small and sure, cutting through all his layers of overwhelming fear and anger.

_I don’t believe you._

Although he wasn’t in front of her right now, Beth knew that if she saw him again she’d get her rush of frustration back immediately. Even now, thinking of how he’d left dinner that night because he was too much of a coward to allow himself to feel the things he did, made her blood pump harder.

Beth fell into a restless sleep eventually but in her dreams their voices echoed together, shouting over each other and interrupting, and neither of them stopping.


	6. Burning Together, Breaking Apart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daryl and Beth finally act on their feelings and Merle drags his brother back into his dangerous life.

Maggie and Glenn were all packed up and ready to go by the time Beth joined them downstairs the next morning. She’d watched them loading up the car from her bedroom window with a small twinge of jealousy. There was Glenn, laughing at something Maggie said and there was Maggie, pulling Glenn in for a quick peck on the lips and there was Beth, watching them with a strange wistfulness that felt a lot like it was Daryl Dixon’s fault. She still remembered what it was like to have a boyfriend; her and Zach hadn’t been split up that long. And she didn’t need that – didn’t need the loving glances or the intertwined fingers or the stolen kisses – but some strange part of her wanted it. Ever since Daryl’s arm had wound around her shoulder the other night to convince everyone else of their intimacy, she was starting to think it had worked a little too well on her.

‘Be safe.’ Beth said from her place on the porch, watching them through fingers that shielded the sun.

Maggie looked up. ‘We will. Wish you and Daryl could have made it.’

Beth nodded, trying to seem like she too was disappointed for the same reason. ‘Yeah. Next time, maybe.’

‘You going to be okay? On your own I mean.’ Maggie asked cautiously, her eyes filling with concern.

‘Of course.’ Beth assured with a wave of her arm.

She allowed her sister to sweep her into a hug, then Glenn, agreeing to tell Hershel they’d left. Her father still hadn’t returned from whatever he was helping Martinez with, and Beth had begun to worry until he’d called earlier in the morning saying that he was okay, but whatever he was doing might take another day. Beth knew better than to ask what it was, but was still curious about it. But if Hershel said he was okay then that was good enough.

Beth watched Maggie and Glenn drive out as Maggie’s words hit her properly. She had the whole farm to herself. Dropping the arm that was waving at them as they grew further and further away, Beth turned back into the house and plopped herself at the kitchen table. Great. No family there, no friends to call and nothing to distract her from how the hell she was going to keep up this ruse she’d created with Daryl. Outside, thick grey clouds obscured the sun and immediately everything inside was thrown into a sharper relief, vibrant colours being sapped away, shadows lighter. She glanced around the kitchen, then walked aimlessly through to the living room, taking in the empty house.

Beth contemplated calling Shawn to see how he was, but knew he was most likely in a class at this time. She could go into town, wait no she couldn’t – her car was still at Martinez’. Cursing under her breath, she eventually settled on going back up to her room and trying to figure out some chords for a jumble of lyrics, but even that got tiresome after a while. There was nothing she could do to distract herself from the annoyance she still felt towards Daryl. She bent to vehemently scribble out some line about how his lips probably tasted like smoke, smudged ink across her page without realising and let out an angry groan, throwing her pen across the room.

Beth’s pillows dipped as she sank back onto them, spent and frustrated beyond belief that the one thing that usually worked in distracting her couldn’t. Daryl goddamn Dixon was all over her brain like he’d been branded there. That guttural voice, his eyes flashing at her in anger, his arms tensing as he worked on her car that first day. And Beth couldn’t help it, no matter how annoyed at him she was, she couldn’t help the feeling in her stomach she got at the thought of him, that dropping sensation like she was at the highest point of a rollercoaster and had just begun to fall. She could try and convince herself that it was only because they’d been pretending to be together, but who was she kidding? There was no one left to fool but herself. She’d felt that fluttering in her gut each time he’d looked at her and none more than the other night, both when he’d been at the farm and when she’d been at his apartment. Even when he wasn’t pretending, it was still there, even when he was angry and yelling. There was something to be said about the way her heart had hammered harder everytime Daryl had gotten closer, despite their fight. And she knew it was stupid and that he either didn’t want her or wouldn’t let himself want her, but she was alone in her room and she could pretend for a while.

Beth’s fingers seemed to have a mind of their own as they absently skipped across the drawstring of her shorts and tugged at the thread. Even with Zach, she hadn’t felt this burning desire, this constant irritation that was only worsened by the fight they’d had the night before. She couldn’t deny that she had thought about Daryl’s lips, even when he’d been snapping and snarling at her. His rough hands, how they’d feel against her skin. Close enough to touch, sharing breaths as they’d stared at each other stubbornly, angrily – what would he have done if she’d tried to kiss him? Would she have pushed her away, would he have kissed her back?

Beth let her eyes flutter closed as her fingers pushed away the fabric of her underwear. Here, by herself in her room, she was allowing herself this. Maybe all she needed was to just get it out of her system – she hadn’t been with anyone since Zach and doing what she was right now was just as rare as doing it with someone else nowadays. She hadn’t had a proper moment to herself all summer, and although she was sure she could have been doing something more productive at the moment, she knew she needed this. It was Daryl’s doing, all of it. All her confusion and frustration and the little circles her tummy swam in at the thought of him. She let herself melt into it, mulling in the anger she felt towards him but knowing that a lot of it was misplaced tension, tension that she was starting to see was coming from somewhere else entirely. She was wet now, head dipping back and mouth slightly parted as she thought of him. In her mind, his hands were touching her like she was now, his teeth were grazing down her neck, his arms gripping her thighs, voice husky in her ear as he moaned her name.

Beth let out a muffled breath before remembering she was alone. She quickened her fingers, no longer stifling soft moans as they escaped her. So close was she that she didn’t hear the car pull up into the driveway and she almost didn’t hear the sharp knocking on the front door.

Beth jumped up, scrambling as though she’d been caught, quickly pulling her shorts back up and rushing downstairs. Expecting Maggie and Glenn back saying they’d forgotten something, Beth opened the door without checking and stilled, eyes growing wide as she took in Daryl Dixon.

For a moment, they stared at each other, and as Beth had known it would be, her frustration with him was back as the shock wore off. She knew Daryl was a good man, at least a lot better than he gave himself credit for, and yet he point-blank refused to believe it. And this shouldn’t have bothered her so much except she had started to like him a bit, and him being too scared of letting someone in had thrown a bit of a spanner in the works.

Beth noticed Daryl look her up once as he took her in and immediately felt her cheeks catch fire. She turned sideways to catch her reflection in the glass of the door and saw her hair frizzy from the pillows, cheeks flushed and shorts untied. She cleared her throat as though there was nothing out of the ordinary, hoping what she’d been doing wasn’t as obvious as her mind was screaming it was.

Daryl, seeming to finally realise that he should be the one to say something as he’d shown up at her door, muttered, ‘car’s done.’

Beth blinked, looking around him to see her hopeless vehicle parked, Daryl’s motorcycle attached at the towbar.

‘I – thanks.’ She said, a little surprised that he’d delivered it to her like this. She looked him over again. His hair was messed up from the wind and his eyes refused to meet hers but his hands were stained with car oil and so was his t-shirt. Had he finished it quickly so he wouldn’t have to see her again?

Daryl nodded stiffly, pulling the keys from his pocket and tossing them at her. Then, he turned and began walking back down the porch steps towards his bike.

Beth, a little taken aback and still feeling awkward from what she’d been thinking about moments ago, snapped back to reality. He didn’t get to leave just like this, without any kind of apology or admission. He’d barely even looked at her, and now he was going to leave and pretend none of it had meant anything. It wasn’t like they’d bonded greatly but still, she knew he’d felt something, and as small as it was it was worth him acknowledging.

‘That’s it?’ Beth’s voice rang out and Daryl stopped, turning back to her.

The sunlight hit his face and coloured his eyes deep sapphire. He was chewing on the inside of his mouth as though tossing up responses.

‘What?’

His careless tone set Beth’s teeth on edge. She crossed her arms, leaning against the front door.

‘”Car’s done”.’ She imitated, watching in satisfaction as a hint of annoyance fell across his face. Good. She wanted him irritated with her, or angry, or hating her. Anything was better than the nothing she was getting.

‘What’s your problem?’ Daryl asked, voice forcibly even.

Beth considered him, feeling her gut twisting, her heart punching against her ribs with each second that passed. ‘We’re not doing this again.’

Daryl squinted in the sunlight as he moved closer to her, still at the foot of the porch stairs. ‘You’re right, we’re not.’ He made to turn away.

Beth’s eyes narrowed as she scraped the inside of her lip with her teeth. ‘You know, you got a lot to say about how you don’t deserve things. But how would you know if all you do is reject them?’

‘The hell are you talkin’ about?’ Daryl spun back around, his tone dangerously growing angrier, but his question sounded a lot like he knew what she was talking about. ‘This fun for you, huh? You like getting’ me so damn riled up all the time?’

He was already up the steps, a second away from her. He stopped short like he physically couldn’t get any closer.

Beth let out a cold laugh, ignoring the way her stomach contracted at his sudden nearness. Her heart fluttered furiously and she was beginning to feel some of that tension she’d thought was misplaced. Nope, she’d found it alright, and it was burning her.

‘Why you getting so riled up if you don’t care?’

Daryl scowled at her. ‘You had your fun.’

He turned away again but this only served to make Beth angrier with him. Without thinking, she leapt forward and caught his wrist, spinning him back around with surprising strength.

Daryl glared at her, chest rising and falling quickly, and then at her hand. She let him go but she could not mistake the jolts that shot through her fingers at his touch.

‘What the hell is wrong with you? Do you feel anything?’

Daryl’s mouth was curled up in a snarl. His eyes went from her legs to her collarbones, and Beth knew she didn’t imagine the way they lingered over her lips. She knew she was taking a gamble bringing this up but she didn’t care. Daryl Dixon had just about pushed her to her limit, and in between his burning glares and her still-tingling body, she knew she couldn’t just let him leave that easily.

‘Tell me again. Tell me like you mean it, and I won’t say another word.’

Beth could tell Daryl knew what she meant the moment the words had left her lips. His eyes darkened, searching between hers – hunted, irate, doubting. And then he was inches from her face and she had her back flat against the side of the front door and the only space between them was filled with his words, laced with spite, ‘I don’t want you.’

And because Beth had known that was exactly what he’d say, it was easy for her to move in closer, so close their noses were practically touching, so close she could smell the motor oil on him, and whisper, ‘I don’t believe you.’

They were both breathing in and out as though they’d been running, too aware of their close proximity and being too careful to not accidentally brush one another. Daryl was staring at her with that hard, fixed glare, and just as Beth thought that she should let him go, a weary look as though he was tired of fighting it crossed his face, and he let out a small breath before closing the space between them by crushing her lips with his.

Beth was blissfully unaware of anything other than the fact that Daryl Dixon was kissing her. After a surprised second, she kissed him back, feeling his body relax against her as she did. She looped an arm around his neck, fingers sprawled in his hair and pulled him even closer. After a beat, he responded by placing his hands against her hips and pinning her to the door, pushing the weight of his body against her.

Beth’s lips were on fire, parting to let Daryl’s tongue in eagerly, somehow registering in all this that he did indeed taste like smoke. Her brain couldn’t seem to process that this was happening – Daryl was kissing her like his life depended on it on the front porch of her house minutes after she’d been in her bedroom wistfully thinking on how that would never happen.

Beth let out a gasping breath when he tore his lips away, afraid for a moment he would stop, but subsiding when he started kissing her jawline instead, working his way to her earlobe. Her stomach was clenched in a flutter of nervous energy and her breath was short and quick as she felt waves of desire run through her body. He pulled her up and as she squeezed her legs tightly around him, he groaned into her neck, an animal-like noise, a sound that told her he had no control. And suddenly this wasn’t enough – she needed to have as much of him as he’d allow.

‘Come on,’ Beth panted into his neck, pushing him off her enough to place her shaking legs back on the ground. Daryl followed her without a moment’s hesitation, all the way up the stairs and into her bedroom.

Despite being home alone, Beth closed the door before tugging him by the arm onto her bed. Their lips found each other again as Daryl lowered himself on top of her, pinning her down once more. She bucked her hips into his groin in answer, wrapping her legs back around him at the tortured sound he made.

But he was still holding back a little, and Beth could tell. Instead of telling him with words, she found his hand that was digging into her leg and used it to tug her shorts down. His fingers explored the inside of her thigh with her silent permission before tracing the outline of her slit over her underwear. She whimpered into his neck and his head came up to look at her, eyes hungry.

‘You like that, huh, sweetheart?’ Daryl was teasing her, he knew it, setting her bones on fire and only allowing the tiniest bit of reprieve each time his fingers skipped over her clit like that.

Beth nodded, skin ridiculously sensitive to his touch and mind overwhelmed at the sound of him mocking her in that low growl of his. She was barely breathing as he finally tore away the material blocking him and plunged two fingers inside of her.

‘God,’ she moaned as she threw her head back, hair sticking to her neck. She came back up for air and saw Daryl watching her through heavy eyelids, smirking a little.

Furious that he could elicit such a feeling out of her when he’d barely even touched her longer than a minute, Beth was not to be outdone. She quickly reached around and fumbled with the button of his pants before pulling them down. She felt his bulge against her thigh but didn’t wait to see what he’d do next before her hands were snaking across his belly, weaving down to feel his length over the fabric of his underwear. She pulled them off impatiently, allowing his cock to spring free.

Daryl’s head dipped into her shoulder, fingers still pumping hard inside of her. ‘Christ girl, you’re so damn wet.’

Beth couldn’t help the smile that tugged at the corner of her mouth. Her mind was still reeling, hardly believing this was really happening, but her body was more than ready.

‘Was thinking about you before you got here,’ she panted, and although she didn’t say what she’d been doing, she knew Daryl had figured it out.

His eyes met hers and he was battling between doubt and desire. His pupils were blown wide as his fingers pushed deeper inside her and she groaned as his thumb found her clit and rubbed her there gently.

‘Made me hard, the other night,’ Daryl’s breath tickled her ear as his teeth scraped across the shell of it, ‘just thinkin’ ‘bout you. ‘Bout what I would do to you, to make you sing.’

‘You got me.’ Beth breathed, eyes squeezing shut as he moved quicker and quicker inside her. If she’d have known this was going to happen, she might have pictured it slower, more tentative, less demanding. But they were ravenous against each other’s lips, fingers moving quicker than thoughts could form. Deep down, Beth knew that from the second they’d met and there’d been that strange charge between them, it would lead to her wanting this, sooner or later. It had only been a question of whether Daryl would let himself want it too, and right now, with his fingers inside her and his cock pressing into her hip, she could feel just how badly he wanted it. They were greedily taking pieces of each other, like they might right all their sins with each shaking breath they drew from the other.

Daryl growled as Beth teased the head of his throbbing cock over her wet entrance. He was unwavering now, had shed that unsure, apprehensive skin the moment he’d followed her through the front door. Beth wasn’t slowing and neither was Daryl, and it was almost a competition, to see how far the other would go, to see if they wanted each other badly enough that they would lose the things that were holding them back. They did.

Daryl pulled Beth’s t-shirt over her head, her blonde hair falling around her in a mess as he threw it to the side. He sank his head against her chest, fingers scraping at the clasp of her bra as he rocked above her, dragging his cock along her, relishing in her stuttering breaths as he teased her soaking opening. Impatient, he tugged harder, finally ripping her bra off and taking one of her breasts in his mouth, sucking obscenely.

Beth was dripping wet now and she knew Daryl could feel it as his erection slipped up and down her clit with ease. His tongue was circling one of her nipples, teeth grazing her skin lightly as she squirmed in pleasure underneath him. They were still too far apart, she needed him closer. She tilted her hips up slowly and the head of his cock slipped past her tingling lips and inside her.

Daryl nearly collapsed on her, biting down on her nipple hard at the sudden sensation. Beth, feeling just how big even the tip of him was, allowed the wave of pressure that coursed through her before it turned to hunger. Still not close enough.

‘Fuck, Beth –’ Daryl took in a shaky breath, arms caged around her head, tangling in her hair. They caught each other’s gaze for a second, and any worries about whether the other wanted this immediately vanished. Beth was aching for him and she saw the same longing mirrored in his eyes. She was almost delirious with desire, with the pressure of not even half of him inside her pushing her to beg for more. And it was not unrequited; she could see in his eyes, hear in the shaky breaths that caught in his throat, that he needed her just as much.

‘Come on, Daryl,’ Beth said, half-teasing with her inviting eyes and half-pleading with her needy tone, pelvis writhing under him as she burned. She made to move her hips up again but Daryl had beat her to it, biceps straining around her as he thrust into her roughly.

A groan escaped Beth’s throat as she took the rest of him. After a few shallow strokes, she grew used to the dull ache around her walls and allowed a small breath of release, fingernails making half moons on his back through his shirt. Daryl’s head was in the crook of her neck but at the sound of her steady breathing, he came up for air, looking at her through his messy hair. She thought he must have been able to read her mind, to see it on her face just how badly she wanted him, because he barely let her take in another breath before quickening his pace, trembling hands going straight to her hips as he pulled himself up. The feeling of him inside her was almost too much and now paired with the fact that he was balanced on his knees, rough hands squeezing her sides hard enough to make bruises, thrusting in and out of her mercilessly, it was unbearable.

Beth barely had the strength to lift her head off the bed as he pounded her, the sound of his balls slapping her ass the only noise as they both chased the same wave of pleasure. She was close, all it would take was the lightest touch from him and she’d crumble.

‘Daryl –’ She moaned, hands going to her breasts, palming her nipples. Through her half-closed lids she saw Daryl’s tongue dart out across his bottom lip, mouth parted slightly open as he watched her. She needed him to know just how good this was feeling for her, but the look on his face told her he already did. He was fighting for control too – she could see the hard, determined glint in his eyes as he pumped into her ruthlessly, hipbones digging against her skin with each stroke. His shirt was still on, stuck to him, hair plastered to the sides of his face like hers as a grunt tore from his throat and he quickened his pace impossibly.

Beth whimpered, head jerking backwards as she was pushed to the edge. Daryl’s cock filled her perfectly, her walls hugging around him with the exact pressure needed to make him hungrier and hungrier each time he forced himself out of her.

‘Fuck.’ Daryl’s voice was a low grunt and his fingers dug into Beth’s skin and she was sure there’d be bruises and she hoped there would be.

‘Don’t stop,’ Beth wailed, hands bunching up into fists around her sheets as something deep inside her wound up tight, ready for release.

Daryl was happy to oblige, prying a hand from her hip and trailing it down her chest lightly, flicking a nipple and tracing her belly button before two of his fingers were rubbing her clit in circles and suddenly the pressure of him inside of her paired with his fingers was too much.

‘F-fuck!’ Beth cried, and Daryl, knowing she was about to come, ripped his fingers away and wrapped his arms around both her thighs, thrusts getting more forceful right before he shook with release at the same time as her. Daryl whimpered as he came, collapsing and burying his head into her neck as he quickly pulled out, releasing himself across her stomach.

They came down slowly together, both breathing hard, skin slick with sweat. Then Daryl rolled off Beth, as though just realising he might be crushing her. He met her eyes, glancing apologetically at her stomach.

‘Sorry –’

Beth shook her head, letting out a disbelieving laugh. Right then she didn’t care at all that they were a mess, that she was naked on her bed with Daryl Dixon next to her and that if anyone walked in right now she’d be dead. She cared that she’d reduced him from growls to moans, that she knew he’d wanted her just as she’d wanted him. Right then there was only his eyes, searching hers, hoping he’d find that she still looked at him in the same way she had before this. And she knew at once that someone who just wanted sex didn’t look like that afterwards, like she was holding his glass heart in her hands and threatening to smash it. Daryl was waiting for her to say what he was thinking, what he needed to hear aloud, what he couldn’t say alone.

Beth pulled her t-shirt from the floor, wiping down her stomach before rolling onto her side, facing him. She was usually a little self-conscious after sex, but how could she be now, when his pupils were still blown wide at the sight of her, drinking her in like he couldn’t quite believe she was real?

‘Don’t want me, huh?’ Beth grinned smugly, a warm relief spreading through her chest at the sight of his timid smile back. Then, almost as though turning the corners of his mouth upward had unlocked the door, he was grinning at her, really grinning, like when she’d teased him that day they’d made their deal, pointed canines and all. But he was giving her more than that, almost like he didn’t have it in him to stop it anymore, like he didn’t want to. He let out a small huff of laughter and Beth’s heart fluttered. That laugh – his laugh – she’d never heard anything like it. It was a minute before she realised she should probably look away, but she couldn’t seem to, not when he was smiling at her like she was the only reason he had to smile, not when his eyes were on hers, heavy and searching and somehow sated. And she couldn’t help it, as insane as it sounded, she had fallen for her own con. Laying next to him in her bed, having him smile like that at her, she was sated too.

* * *

Daryl was painfully aware that Beth Greene was still laying naked next to him, golden hair shining in the sunlight. Not for the first tine, he didn’t quite know how he could decipher what he was feeling, all he knew was that she’d wanted him like he’d wanted her. He’d had her, and she’d wanted him to touch her, to kiss her, trusted him enough to be vulnerable. And she’d made him smile, and he knew he didn’t need to think too hard about how exactly that had happened when he looked at her and felt mind-numbing sunshine spread through him. It wasn’t just the sex, although that had been something else. He’d never been with someone like that before, not like he had with Beth. He’d never had the eye contact, the burning skin, the aching in his gut that was almost painful, the complete loss of control that told him he’d do anything she wanted if she asked. Hell, he would have been happy burying his head between her thighs for the rest of the day just to see her eyes flutter closed and that line between her brow that told him just how much she liked it. It was more than all that though, and realising now just how deep his feelings ran sent him downstairs and outside, on the porch lighting a cigarette.

The sun was blistering but Daryl stood in the shade, listening to the acres of silent land outside the farm. There was something peaceful about being out there, the same feeling he got when he was out in the woods hunting. He wasn’t alone now like he was in the woods, yet this feeling was the same sense of contentment. Right now it didn’t feel like there was another person with him, and that’s how he knew he was in even deeper than he’d thought. She made him quiet like he was alone, but so much better because he wasn’t.

Beth joined him a minute later, in fresh clothes and her hair tied up messily behind her head. His fingers ached to run through it again. He took a long drag of his cigarette, blowing out smoke, careful not to get her with it.

‘Daryl?’ Beth’s voice was unsure, and when he turned to look at her she did not meet his eyes. Something had changed in the time between him leaving the room and her coming out here. ‘It’s just sex, right? That’s all it was?’

Daryl’s chest tightened painfully. Maybe she hadn’t enjoyed it as much as he had. He didn’t allow himself a moment to think about how she couldn’t know it was so much more to him than just sex that before he answered, ‘ain’t got to mean anythin’.’

Beth nodded, staring out into the fields that had been previously occupying him, as though she’d expected those words. ‘I just – I don’t want you to think that I’m in love with you or anything –’

Daryl couldn’t deny that her rushed words were stinging somewhere, but on the surface he felt a grim satisfaction that some part of him had been right – it was too good to be true. She must know, how much better than him she could do. He didn’t blame her – if all she’d wanted from him was an orgasm, he’d give it to her gladly. And he had. He pushed his disappointment down, feeling that part of him he’d allowed to open up in the last hour close in on him. He heard Merle’s voice in his head, reprimanding him for being so stupid.

_Aw come on, baby bro, did you really think a girl like her would want anythin’ more from gutter trash like you? She just needed to get her rocks off, now she got a clear head she can see she can do better._

‘We fucked. Ain’t love.’ Daryl looked away, wincing at his brash tone.

Beth’s eyes widened but she nodded quickly. ‘Good.’ She looked to his motorcycle, still attached to her car by the towbar. ‘Guess you don’t owe me anymore.’

Daryl turned away, chewing on his lip, biting away the words he desperately wanted to say. But he couldn’t tell her that the way he had acted didn’t make sense even to him, that each time he tried pushing her away it was because he wanted her closer. She deserved someone who wasn’t broken, someone who could stand in front of her and look her in the eyes and tell her what she meant to them. He couldn’t ask her to sing for him either just so he might get another moment with her. He couldn’t tease her and say that she’d promised him because here she was, after he’d just given more of himself to her than he’d ever thought possible, putting up her walls just as he had the other night. He couldn’t blame her and he didn’t, just himself, for fooling himself once again into thinking this was something he could have. He never would and he knew that now, and something like relief swarmed his chest amongst all the other feelings. A small part of him knew that at least now, he could give in to whatever else she wanted from him, knowing that that’s all he would get and knowing that he couldn’t disappoint her. He’d lap up anything she could give him, he’d starve on bones if it meant she still wanted him around, no matter the reason. But of course, that was only one tiny part of it all. Overwhelmingly, he felt numb, as though he’d cut out a part of himself expecting it to be replaced with something better only to find that it was going to remain empty.

Daryl sucked on his cigarette, breathing out smoke as his chest ached. Beth was still staring at his motorbike, arms wrapped around herself, shivering despite the heat outside.

Knowing he was only torturing himself by staying, he turned away and walked down the porch steps towards his bike. As he fumbled with the latch connecting it to the car, he caught Beth ducking her head onto the railing she lent on. As much as he wanted to ask her if something was wrong, he knew starting down that path was only good for hurting them both more.

Daryl started his bike, pulling on his leather gloves, cigarette dangling from his mouth. He caught Beth’s eye as he revved the engine and she tried to smile, but it fell off her face when they locked gazes. He sped away from the farm, going over the last hour in his head, wondering how the hell he’d gotten in so deep with her. There wasn’t a moment he’d known, more of a slow realisation that he noticed everytime she’d crept into his head. It was complicated and it was messy and there were probably a hundred reasons why they wouldn’t work. Daryl just had to listen to them instead of his own foolish hope that told him he had found something he never thought he’d find in his whole life. Knowing Merle would be waiting for him at his apartment, Daryl took a longer route home through the woods. He counted the trees he flew by, each just another thing about him that felt different, anew. Was he growing or was he changing, or were they both the same thing? Now that he’d noticed things about Beth, he was noticing everything, as though he’d been in a long sleep until she’d woken him. If there was one thing he was certain of, it was that Beth Greene had ruined the world for him and opened his eyes to it at the same time.

* * *

‘You’re in luck, baby bro.’

Merle had an easy grin on his face, tipping his chair back as Daryl got home. He was sitting at the kitchen table flicking a switch blade, tilting dangerously backward.

Daryl, barely in the mood to be by himself right now let alone Merle, reluctantly gave his brother his attention, knowing he would not stop bothering him until he gave in.

‘Goddamn Mitch’s in deep with the Sheriff. Word is he got caught with a couple grams of blow in his car on the way to work yesterday.’

‘So what?’ Daryl muttered, turning away. He’d never liked Mitch and didn’t feel particularly inclined to pity him for being arrested for something that was his fault.

‘Uh uh uh,’ Merle sang, waiting until Daryl had given him his attention once more. Daryl gritted his teeth, forcing himself to turn back around. Merle didn’t know just how volatile Daryl felt right now, just how much he was aching to feel anything other than the burning Beth Greene had left in him.

‘So Martinez is scampering. I mean, we know he’s a good guy but if Mitch acts like he got somethin’ to hide? Who knows what the Sheriff’ll do, what else he’ll find.’

‘’S your point?’ Daryl asked, increasingly impatient. Merle always did like being dramatic.

‘My point,’ Merle continued, coating his words in honey. ‘Is that you can put your no good ass to some good use finally. Lucky you. Get that blonde girl you been glued to down here. Pete’s havin’ a barbeque, gettin’ everyone together to make sure ol’ Rick Grimes don’t go sniffin’ where he shouldn’t and don’t find any more on his brother.’

Daryl opened his mouth to object but Merle shushed him before he had a chance to speak.

‘All you gotta do is –’

‘The hell’s she got to do with this?’ Daryl snarled, walking up closer to his brother. Merle raised an eyebrow at Daryl’s harsh tone but simply rolled his shoulders, swaying back on his chair.

‘C’mon, Darylina. Put two and two together. Ain’t no good girl like her hangin’ around pieces of shit like us. We need as much as we can get to make it seem like we had nothin’ to do with Mitch –’

‘I ain’t got shit to do with it.’ Daryl spat. For years, drugs had been a big part of Daryl’s life. He’d never been addicted, not like he suspected Merle to be, but he’d lean on them a lot of nights when things got too loud in his head, when the scars on his back ached like they were fresh. He’d been clean for a long time and there was no way he was letting Merle drag him back in.

‘You think the Sheriff’s really gonna buy that, man?’

As much as Daryl hated to admit it, his arrogant brother had a point. The name Dixon already had enough of a reputation down there that if anything was found on Merle, drugs or worse, Daryl would go down automatically, too.

‘Don’t give a shit what he buys. She ain’t part of this.’

Merle licked his teeth, wriggling his eyebrows suggestively. ‘Trouble in paradise?’

‘Fuck off.’ Daryl scowled, turning back away but Merle slammed a hand down on the table, a loud slap reverberating through the kitchen. Daryl winced, freezing. His mind knew that he didn’t have anything to fear from his brother but his body had taken over on involuntary responses.

‘Now you listen here, brother.’ Merle’s smug act had dropped and underneath he was deadly serious. ‘You and I are goin’ to that gatherin’. We’re gonna go along with Pete’s bullshit plan to cover us and we’re gonna sit with his family, and Martinez’, kids and wives and all, and you’re gonna bring that girl you been balls-deep in and we’re all gonna have a grand time, you hear?’

Daryl glowered, chewing on the inside of his mouth as he desperately thought of a way out of it. He could say no, but now that he knew how serious his brother was, he was second-guessing. Merle must be in deep, to be this desperate. And if he knew anything about his brother, it was that desperation made him do whatever it took to survive. And if that meant making sure he and Daryl both seemed respectable, that they were good enough men for Beth Greene to be hanging around, then he would get her with or without Daryl. He didn’t have a choice.

‘How the hell’s Grimes even gonna know ‘bout any of this?’ Daryl asked, more to try pick apart the plan than because he actually wanted to know.

‘Martinez’ll be there and he and the Sheriff go way back. You can bet if Grimes comes diggin’, Martinez’ll vouch for us. Especially if that pretty blonde thing’s with us. He knows her father, knows her family; wouldn’t imagine she’d get in with the likes of us unless we’re half-decent.’

A lot of Merle’s words had bothered Daryl, especially in his smug tone, especially when they came out strung in that order. He didn’t need to say that Beth wouldn’t voluntarily go near the likes of Merle, that much seemed clear enough to his infuriating brother.

‘She ain’t an ornament.’ Daryl glared at his brother. ‘Ain’t draggin’ her into this shit just to get Grimes off your back.’

The glint in Merle’s eye got dangerously hard. ‘Oh, yes you are. You remember the last time I went to prison, baby brother. You remember I said it ain’t never happenin’ again. With or without you.’

Daryl let out an angry breath, turning to slam a cupboard closed. He sank his head into his hands, leaning on the kitchen bench for a moment. When he looked up, some of that burning Beth had left in him was in his eyes, in that hunger in his belly, for although he was he was not deserving of her, he would allow himself to protect her. Merle meant what he said, that much Daryl didn’t need to doubt. He sighed, rubbing at his eyes before turning to his brother, who was watching him cheerfully.

‘When the fuck is this thing?’


	7. Something More

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beth and Daryl keep up their façade at the barbeque, finding it harder to discern the pretend feelings amongst the real ones.

Beth had been a nervous wreck ever since Daryl had called her the day after they’d slept together, voice slightly distant and stiff, to ask her to go with him to a barbeque. Stunned, she’d had to make him repeat his request to make sure she wasn’t imagining it. She listened to him stuttering through an explanation that detailed his brother making him drag her along since they were apparently dating, before agreeing. Beth felt a little bad that her lie was not only slowly becoming a full-time job to maintain but also becoming something Daryl had to live with now, too. He hadn’t given her any details other than they’d have to pretend to be together to save face and that Martinez and his family would be there, which gave Beth a little breathing room. At least she’d be in the company of a few people she was comfortable with other than Daryl. She felt a small pit open in her stomach at the thought of what Daryl must have felt coming to the farm for dinner, going to Carl’s birthday with only her by his side against a sea of sharks.

‘How about this one?’ Beth asked, poking her head out from behind her bedroom door. Maggie looked up from the landing, sighing and sitting back to get a better view as Beth walked out of her room in a pair of denim shorts and a white singlet. She scrunched her nose.

‘You’re going to a barbeque, you got to dress up a little more than that.’

Beth marched back into her room, ripping off the singlet. ‘I don’t wanna be too overdressed –’

‘Why don’t you just ask Daryl what the dress code is?’ Maggie asked smoothly.

Beth stalled as she flicked through her closet, hoping the loud noise of the coat hangers clanging together would give the impression she was occupied.

‘I don’t wanna bother him, he’s at work.’ She answered quickly, tearing out a red skirt and then promptly throwing it back once she’d examined it closer. The thought of calling Daryl to ask what to wear seemed silly, frivolous, given they had much more to occupy them. And maybe a little part of Beth was nervous to talk to him again after everything that had happened.

_It’s just sex, right? That’s all it was?_

Even as the words had left her mouth Beth had fought hard to make them sound believable. After Daryl had gone downstairs for a smoke and Beth had been left in her room alone, she’d thought that maybe he’d had a temporary lapse in judgement, maybe he’d just felt like getting off and she happened to be there and willing. Despite what she already knew about the kind of man he was, it didn’t stop her thoughts spiralling to the worst case scenario. And the last thing she wanted was for him to think that she was falling for him – she didn’t even let herself think that. He was cagey and unpredictable and above all, completely convinced that he did not deserve good things and so Beth had pretended, like she was so good at doing, that it hadn’t meant as much as it had to her because she was scared that if she told him just how special it had been, he’d push her away. Again.

_We fucked. Ain’t love._

Though Daryl’s words had hurt she forced herself to agree. What the hell was she doing anyway, falling for him? He didn’t owe it to her to be interested just because they’d had sex. Maybe it was only her that had felt it was different to any other time she’d slept with someone. Not that she had a wealth of experience, but she’d had her fair share. It had never felt like every nerve in her body was on fire, like her chest would collapse on itself from the thumping of her heartbeat or like her legs would never stop shaking afterwards. Daryl’s words said that he didn’t feel as strongly for her but the way he’d touched her, the way he’d watched her when they were hot and sweating and racing to the same blissful release said that he did. But alright. If he wanted to keep her away, then she wouldn’t force him. It was him, after all, who’d called her first, who’d asked her to come to the barbeque. Beth was trying not to read into it but she couldn’t help it – he didn’t have to bring her but he’d asked her anyway. Surely it had to mean something.

Maggie made a disapproving noise as Beth walked out in jeans. ‘It’s hot out and you look like you’re going to the supermarket. Wear a dress or something, you’ll look nicer.’

Beth grumbled back to her closet and after a moment’s hesitation, pushed the hangers aside to reveal a small pile of miscellaneous items behind her winter coats. A lump in her throat formed at the sight of them. She purposely avoided that spot each day, knowing that stacked there were things that had been gifted to her by her mother. Beth felt an ache run through her at the thought of birthdays and holidays and regular days that her mother had brought back something for Beth that reminded her of her daughter. Carefully, as though disturbing the air around them would somehow make a difference to anything, Beth reached in and tugged on a piece of yellow satin poking out from between a fluffy blanket and Annette’s old handbag.

The dress unfolded itself as Beth held it up, hugging it close across her torso, inhaling the dusty scent as though it was her mother’s. For if she was all but dust now, then she was here, with her in this room and every room.

And because she seemed to have no control of her thoughts these days, she thought of her car, sitting out the front completely untouched since Daryl had brought it over the other day. Beth had almost been scared to go near it, didn’t want to turn it on in case it broke down all over again, knowing that if it did so would her ability to function normally without her mother. Annette would know what to do, she’d know what Beth should wear, she’d know how to make it better. But her mom wasn’t here and if Beth had to figure out things for herself, she did not want the help of Hershel or Maggie or anyone else when it came down to it. She’d do things her way, because they made sense to her, because they helped her survive. The satin was cool against her skin and as she slipped it on, she felt a strange comforting feeling settle in her stomach. The dress might be a horrible symbol of what she’d lost but right now it was turning into a reassuring reminder of what she’d once had and somehow that was different and it wasn’t hurting as much as she’d been afraid it would. Before Beth emerged from her room to show Maggie, she decided that she was driving her car to the barbeque because that’s what her mother would have told her to do and that’s what she knew she should do. No more fear, no more skirting around things that reminded her. Remembering was a curse but it was one she was going to have to live with one way or another. This way, at least she could bear the thought of her mother by knowing that she’d be right beside her, encouraging her to do whatever it took to move on and start living her life again.

Beth walked past her mirror, eyeing her reflection before leaning on her doorframe, dress hugging her chest and falling softly across her thighs.

Maggie whistled appreciatively. ‘Perfect.’

* * *

Daryl had his hand around a cold beer, tuning out Merle as best he could as he sat in Pete’s backyard. It was sunny out, the trees overhead blowing slightly in the warm breeze as laughter filled the air. Mitch had been released from custody two days before, but he was making sure to distract everyone well, from offering food straight from the barbeque to fetching drinks from the kitchen. Pete was not so calm, hanging between people and drifting from conversation to conversation nervously. From what Daryl could tell from the few times he’d talked to him, he was a hell of a lot nicer than his brother and about as involved with whatever the hell Merle and Mitch were as Daryl was. Martinez was there too, inside with his wife and two kids talking to a few of the other men who worked with them.

‘You listening, boy?’ Merle aimed a kick at Daryl’s leg.

‘What?’

‘When’s your little blonde friend gettin’ here?’

Daryl huffed, turning away from his brother, taking a long drink. Although he’d had little choice calling Beth, knowing that Merle would find a way to involve her anyway, he still had felt slightly sick when he’d invited her. She didn’t know, of course, that she was there to make the Dixon’s seem better than they were, but rather that Daryl needed her to keep up their false pretence of a relationship. That part was true, although it pained Daryl to keep the real reason from her, not only because he found that he truly did want her there but because he knew she was safer not knowing. And also because Daryl had his suspicions about Merle’s reasoning. Having Beth here to make them look better made enough sense, but having the barbeque in the first place was less explainable. Merle had said it was just in case Grimes came digging, but the chance of him leaving the Dixons alone purely because he heard word that Beth Greene was going out with one of them was an excuse that fell apart the more Daryl turned it over in his mind. He hadn’t said anything to his brother, but he’d been watching each exchange he’d had with Mitch since they got to the barbeque sharply.

Daryl had felt a wave of shock run through him when Beth had actually agreed to come since they’d left on such uncertain terms, but then again he wasn’t complaining. He’d declared that he’d happily take as much as she gave, and the fact that she even wanted to see him again was enough.

‘Get your head outta the damn clouds, boy. Your girl’s here.’

Daryl turned automatically to the swinging garden gate as Beth made her way through, pushing an overgrown branch out of her path as she walked nervously in. Out of the corner of his eye, Daryl noticed a few of the men turn and watch her walk in, exchanging disbelieving glances with each other as they realised that this girl was here for Daryl.

Beth looked nervous, eyes scanning across the groups of people before they landed on Daryl. A wave of relief seemed to wash over her and some of the tension she was holding in her shoulders waned as she made her way over.

Daryl knew he shouldn’t let thoughts like this develop, but it was hard not to stare at her as she made her way over. The yellow dress she wore hung perfectly off her, brushing her legs and revealing so much of her creamy skin that Daryl had to remember where they were before images of her naked started seeping into his mind. He’d kissed that skin, licked slick beads of sweat off it, had his oil-covered hands all over it. One wrist was adorned with thin gold bracelets, and although Daryl knew of the scar that hid behind them, it didn’t stop her from being beautiful. With the sun hitting her like this, she was golden, her hair a halo and her dress turning her into a goddess, something ethereal. He stood up as she neared them with a nervous smile, her face open for him to see all of her misgivings and anxieties.

‘Hey.’ Beth said, stopping just in front of Daryl, before realising Merle was staring at them. She raised her eyebrows as if to say “well, if we’re doing this, we’re selling it” before leaning in and giving Daryl a soft kiss on the cheek.

When Daryl had ridden to Pete’s on his motorbike, he’d run through all the possible scenarios in his mind of what he and Beth might have to do to ensure their relationship be believable. He’d known physical affection would be expected, yet nothing quite prepared him for the jolt that ran through him at her arms wrapping around him, fingers painfully close to the scars that she did not know existed, her lips warm against him. Daryl pulled away somewhat awkwardly, knowing Merle’s sharp eyes were following them. He hoped he hadn’t winced.

When Beth turned to his brother, her face was free of anything Daryl had been able to see on it earlier. He knew well that she was good at pretending to for the sake of others.

‘Good to see you again, blondie.’ Merle grinned, flashing one of his gold teeth and winking. Daryl rolled his eyes, Beth’s shoulder brushing his arm lightly as she leaned backwards on her heels. Daryl had worn a sleeveless shirt but regretted this decision immediately as he felt her soft skin on his, feeding thoughts from his traitorous mind and throwing him into distraction.

Beth was smiling at Merle indulgently but Daryl knew that she hadn’t forgotten their first meeting. ‘Likewise.’

‘So how did my stubborn ass of a little brother end up with the likes of someone as fine as yourself?’ Merle turned to Daryl, hands up in mock surrender. ‘Meanin’ no offence little brother. Just can’t quite seem to wrap my head around someone as pretty as you,’ he eyed Beth up and down, ‘endin’ up with this sorry son of a bitch.’

Beth’s smile quirked up and she turned to Daryl with an amused expression, apparently indifferent to Merle’s effort to make her uncomfortable. ‘He fixed my car, for a start.’

Merle chuckled. ‘Ain’t sayin’ you’re wrong darlin’ but you can’t judge a man by what he’ll do to get laid –’

‘Oh, I judge a man by how he makes people feel.’ Beth interrupted smoothly as Daryl tensed up beside her, glaring at his brother angrily. It was one thing to tease them but to make Beth feel as though Daryl had only been interested in her because he wanted sex was something else. Especially when Merle knew Daryl better than anyone and knew just how inaccurate that statement was.

Merle gave a hoot at her answer, clearly not expecting her to retort so quickly. He finished his beer, eyeing her as he did and to Beth’s credit, she did not waver.

‘Got yourself a little firecracker.’ Merle nodded at Beth and although she didn’t know it, that was as good a compliment as Merle could give. ‘Welcome to the family, blondie. We’re gonna get along jus’ fine.’

Beth smiled slowly but Daryl felt a pang in his gut at those words. He didn’t feel particularly bad for lying to his brother, but there was something about seeing him like this that felt strange. He was happy for him, Daryl realised. As much of a pain in the ass Merle was and as much shit as he could talk, this was him saying he was glad that Daryl was with Beth.

Daryl cleared his throat. ‘Want a drink?’

Beth nodded quickly, saying a goodbye to Merle, and her politeness seemed to both disarm his brother and confuse him.

‘Sorry, ‘bout him,’ Daryl started in an undertone as they walked through the backyard towards the house. ‘He’s a dumb-ass, says whatever he wants –’

‘It’s okay. Not your fault.’ Beth answered, turning to him with a grin. ‘We were pretty convincing.’

Daryl thought of her kiss and nodded, silent.

Beth picked up on his lack of enthusiasm. ‘I just thought it’d seem more real, I mean, couples kiss when they see each other, right?’ Her voice was a little shyer now.

Daryl shrugged, attempting to be nonchalant, not wanting to admit he wouldn’t have any idea what couples did because he’d never had that. It never bothered him because he liked being alone but now there was Beth and he couldn’t remember what it was like to wake up not wanting her.

‘Probably better you did, Merle don’t believe anythin’ til he sees it.’

‘Sounds like Maggie.’ Beth grinned as Daryl swung open the back door to let her in.

Before he could reply, Martinez had looked up at the noise and stood up, face splitting into a smile. ‘There you are, chica! How are you?’ He excused himself from the group he was talking to before making his way over to them in the kitchen. ‘So it’s true, huh?’

Beth had peered around him to wave hello at his wife and kids, and Daryl remembered that the Greenes knew Martinez’ family well.

‘What’s true?’ Beth asked, distracted by the kids calling her name to get her attention.

‘You and Dixon over here.’

Beth grinned, rolling her eyes. ‘My dad tell you? Don’t you two have anything else to talk about?’

Martinez laughed, nodding fairly. ‘Spent a long time with him this week, you run out of conversation at a certain point.’

‘I suppose you’re not going to tell me what he was helping you with since I got nothing out of him.’

Beth was greeted with an apologetic look. ‘If he won’t tell you, I’m definitely not.’

Daryl watched this exchange with mild interest, picking up on Martinez crossing his arms around his middle and his quick change of topic.

‘So anyway, you and Dixon.’ He nodded at Daryl, who was a little surprised to see nothing but acceptance on the other man’s face. It almost felt wrong, as though he was being denied the judgement he deserved.

‘Me and Dixon.’ Beth breathed out, turning to Daryl and looping an arm around his without warning. Daryl, a little more prepared than the first time, responded by leaning in to her slightly, her body surprisingly solid against him.

‘Would never have pegged it, but you two look good together.’ Martinez turned around at the sound of his name. ‘I’ll see you guys later.’ He excused himself with a wave, moving back to the couch where his family was.

Daryl made a noise in the back of his throat and Beth took her hands off him as though he were fire. She cleared her throat, moving away from him somewhat awkwardly and looking into the cooler by the door. She pulled out a lemonade and Daryl was reminded that she wasn’t even legal drinking age yet. He looked away, feeling guilty, wondering if everyone there was thinking the same thing he was at that moment. Before he could dwell any further, Beth snapped the cooler lid shut.

‘I know what you’re thinking. Don’t. It’s bullshit.’

Daryl, amazed that she had managed to be there less than five minutes and already send him through several different emotions, swallowed.

‘Ain’t all bullshit.’ He turned to the screen door, nodding at the others outside. ‘Don’t make sense for a girl like you to even give me a second look.’

Beth considered his words, seemingly fighting with herself on what to say. ‘Good thing we’re just pretending, then.’ Her voice was quiet and it didn’t seem like her heart was in it.

Daryl tried desperately not to read into that. ‘Probably all wonderin’ how the hell I ended up with you, like my brother.’

Beth’s eyes searched his, taking a deep breath before reaching out and steering him back to the door. She paused with her hand on the knob, turning back over her shoulder to him playfully, eyes growing wide as she realised just how close they were. Daryl stilled, neither wanting to move away but knowing he couldn’t move in. Beth recovered quicker than Daryl, and with her face inches from his, blue eyes sparkling as though she held a secret, she muttered, ‘let them wonder.’

* * *

As the afternoon passed by, Daryl grew less and less tense with Beth by his side. He was still eyeing Merle cautiously, watching him each time he went up for a drink and moved by Mitch, the corner of his mouth working inconspicuously. In the back of his mind he had a nagging feeling that something wasn’t right.

But with Beth by his side, he wanted less and less to care about what his brother was up to, wanted to stay sitting beside her on the worn fold out chairs as the sun died, cicadas chirping and chatter all around their little bubble. Twice since speaking to Martinez had Beth and Daryl been made to play pretend again. The first time had been when Pete had come around to introduce himself to Beth, Mitch joining them halfway through their polite conversation to rile them.

Pete seemed to genuinely be interested but Mitch had his arms crossed, eyes hungrily roaming over Beth, shooting Daryl a look that was almost jealous. If Daryl wasn’t deserving of Beth, Mitch was undeserving a hundred times over. Daryl’s veins felt as though they were made of sandpaper as he eyed Mitch carefully, watching the way the man’s gaze drifted over Beth’s collarbones eagerly, down to her knees peeking out of the slit of her dress. When Beth had reached out, playing with Daryl’s fingers as his arm hung off his chair while Pete was talking enthusiastically about their shared interest in music, Daryl could not help the tiny wave of pleasure that blossomed in his chest at Mitch’s sour look. She’d kept her fingers weaving through his for the rest of the conversation, which Daryl could no longer pay attention to if he tried.

An hour after that, they had to pretend again when they were approached by Martinez’ wife, Caroline, and their two kids. Beth seemed to relax a little at their presence, sitting back in her chair and laughing easily as she caught up with them.

‘So where have you been hiding Daryl all this time?’ Caroline asked, grinning.

Beth considered Daryl with a quirked brow. ‘We’re still pretty new.’

Caroline measured Daryl up as her two kids ran circles around her. The little girl stopped, dizzy, and collapsed into Beth’s lap, pulling at her hair.

‘Come on, Beth, come look at what we made!’

Beth allowed the two children to lead her a little away to the garden bed where she crouched, watching patiently as they gave her a tour of their dirt castles.

‘We haven’t met before, but I’ve heard a few things about you and your brother from Caesar.’

Daryl felt a nervous twinge in his gut, knowing exactly the kind of words usually followed that statement.

Caroline turned to eye Merle pointedly before fixing her gaze back on Daryl. ‘He seems to like you. Merle, not so much but . . .’

Daryl held the woman’s gaze steadily, as she sighed, watching Beth playing with her kids fondly.

‘You using Beth?’

Daryl shook his head.

‘You make sure you treat that girl right. I won’t be having her hurt again, not by anyone.’

Daryl sat, uncomfortable under the woman’s stern look, ignoring his automatic instinct to flee as it reared in his belly like a dragon.

‘I ain’t gonna hurt her.’

It was the truth and perhaps Caroline could sense his earnest, because she nodded. ‘That girl’s been through a lot in the last year. She’s tough but I need to make sure she’s okay. I owe it to her, to her mother.’

Daryl nodded. He couldn’t blame her for wanting peace of mind that Beth wasn’t being taken advantage of but it didn’t ease the uncomfortable feeling in his chest. That’s what people thought of them, of him. That’s what they’d always think of him.

‘Well, I’m happy for you two. From what Caesar tells me, you’re both better off with each other.’

‘What’s that?’ Beth was back, holding the kids one in each hand, a bright smile on her face. Her fingers were dirty from the soil, black gathering under her nails but she didn’t seem to notice.

‘Just saying I’m glad you’ve found each other. You seem really happy, Beth.’ Caroline ushered her kids back to her side as Beth beamed, pushing her hair from her face.

‘I am.’

Daryl’s heart lurched painfully. She was acting, he knew, but it didn’t stop him from imagining this was real, that he was the cause of her bright eyes and wide smile.

‘Probably giving Hershel a daily heart attack running around after you, the way you two have been looking at each other.’

Daryl felt colour rise to his cheeks, looking to his feet. Great. He’d been so obviously staring at Beth all afternoon that someone had pointed it out to them. Beth let out a delighted laugh after a second of surprised silence and her dress blew in the light breeze across his hand, wrapping him in satin.

‘Are we that obvious?’

 _She’s just pretending_ , Daryl thought, wondering if he could pretend that convincingly too. _She hasn’t been looking at me._

Caroline laughed. ‘Don’t worry, I remember what it was like to be young once.’ She shared a knowing smile with them as Daryl looked back up. ‘Anyway. Better get these two washed up.’

Daryl gave her a small nod as she scooped her children’s hands in hers, giving them one last smile before turning back towards the house.

Beth turned to Daryl apologetically. The sun was still setting, an orange glow hitting her face.

‘She wasn’t too hard on you, was she?’

Daryl shook his head, tearing his eyes away. ‘Just wanted to make sure you were okay.’

Beth sighed, sinking back into a chair. After a moment, Daryl sat next to her, noticing a bit of dirt on her cheek. Probably from when she’d moved her hair from her face. He imagined sweeping his fingers across her smooth skin there, wiping away the dirt. He pushed the thought away abruptly.

‘Come on you two, have a little fun!’ Merle’s voice broke through the quiet that surrounded them.

He was staggering over, a beer in his hand and a grin on his face. He plopped himself down next to them, spreading his legs wide.

‘How come you ain’t drinkin’, girly?’

Beth shifted uncomfortably. Merle tipped his head towards her, eyes bulging slightly as he turned to Daryl with a meaningful glance. ‘Jesus, how young is this girl? She even legal yet, baby brother? Goin’ after a piece of jailbait.’

Daryl’s stomach plunged. ‘Shut the fuck up.’ He snapped, anger coursing through him despite knowing Merle’s words weren’t true. If his own brother had no problem thinking this, then there was no reason everyone else at this party wouldn’t. Something inside Daryl was being pulled back tight, an arrow waiting to be let go. He hadn’t noticed it until now but it had been there all afternoon, between the men looking in disbelief at Beth and Caroline ensuring her wellbeing. Merle had always liked younger women – something he shared with their father – but Daryl knew his brother would never knowingly pursue anyone underage. Merle’s crass tone was fuelled by the drink but Beth didn’t know him well enough to brush off a comment like that and Daryl didn’t expect her to. Still, Daryl couldn’t ignore the sick twisting in his stomach at the thought that maybe he was just as bad as his father, after all. He couldn’t let himself think it but if he did he’d be drowning in self-hatred, thinking he was sick for wanting Beth, for looking at her the way he did. And he knew that wasn’t true, but it was hard to remember who he was and who he wasn’t when he was around the likes of Merle. Daryl took in a shaking breath but forced himself to be grounded. All Merle wanted was a reaction because dysfunction was what he thrived off. There was no truth to his words and no belief.

It had worked, and Merle was wearing a shit-eating grin as he watched Daryl bristle uncomfortably, and as much as Daryl knew not to give him any other response, Beth either didn’t realise this is what his brother wanted or didn’t care.

‘Excuse me?’ Beth’s eyes narrowed at Merle’s indulgent laugh, her tone dangerously controlled.

‘Hey, I ain’t judgin’ –’

‘It’s none of your business.’ Beth was staring daggers at Merle, her brow crinkling in disgust. ‘I’m old enough.’

Merle chuckled and tipped his head back, downing the rest of his beer.

‘Alright, blondie.’

‘You really think your brother would go after an underage girl?’ Beth’s revulsion with Merle was apparent, and Daryl felt an odd twinge of relief in his gut. At least Beth didn’t seem to have any misgivings about their age difference.

‘Hey, if you’re ready and willin’, what’s it really make a difference how old . . .’

Daryl’s insides grated at Merle’s words, fists clenching as the true horrible meaning settled over them. He and Merle had been in plenty of fights, sometimes on the same side and sometimes not. Right now he knew his brother was itching for one and he’d gladly give it to him if he kept antagonizing Beth like that, insinuating things that were nowhere near the truth.

Beth blinked in anger as though she couldn’t believe her ears.

‘I’ll be back.’ She announced, not giving either of them another glance before she stormed past them towards the back door. Daryl didn’t miss Mitch’s eyes catch her as she walked, craning his neck around to watch her disappear inside. Something ugly was stirring in Daryl, something that felt a lot like anger and a little like something he’d never felt before like this – fear? He’d been afraid plenty of times in his life but never like this – never for someone else. And certainly not enough to put their interests ahead of his.

‘’S her problem?’ Merle’s voice was a needle threatening to pop whatever was growing inside Daryl’s chest.

‘Stop bein’ such a fuckin’ asshole to her.’ Daryl snarled at his brother. ‘She don’t even know she’s here doin’ you a favour but you do.’

Merle took in Daryl’s tone, eyebrows raising. ‘Loosen up, baby bro. ‘S just a bit of fun.’

‘Bit of fun, makin’ it seem like she’s fuckin’ jailbait?’ Daryl growled, disgust rolling through him even at the thought of it. Merle must have realised he’d gone too far because he didn’t have a smart ass retort for once.

‘Ain’t fuckin’ fun to no one else. Say another goddamn thing like that and we’re both leavin’.’

Merle held Daryl’s stare stubbornly but jerked his head, apparently bored with the conversation.

‘Whatever, man.’

Daryl sank back, still brimming with rage. He turned to look back at Mitch, wondering if he was feeling enough anger that he’d bite if the other tried to pick a fight with him, before realising he was gone. Without even considering the countless other explanations for his absence, Daryl swore under his breath, leaving Merle sitting alone as he rushed inside. There were a few people around but none that Daryl recognised and none that were Mitch. Suddenly thinking of Beth’s dirty nails, he walked down the hallway trying to find the bathroom.

Mitch was leaning against a door at the end of the hallway, whistling at the ceiling. A tap was running from behind the door.

‘The hell you doin’?’ Daryl’s voice was barely more than a growl, adrenaline pushing itself through his body, making his heart stutter and fists yearn to beat something bloody.

Mitch turned, an ugly scowl crossing his face. ‘Waiting for the bathroom. ‘S that a crime?’

Daryl felt his blood pump harder. ‘You ain’t waitin’ for that.’

Mitch, sensing that Daryl wasn’t going to beat around the point, straightened up, tipping his cap back a little.

He pushed off the bathroom door and walked over to Daryl, clearly trying to intimidate him.

‘What’s it to you, Dixon?’

Daryl knew he had no claim over Beth but to Mitch and everyone else at this house, they were together and that meant something. Mitch was a piece of shit so Daryl didn’t know why exactly his behaviour was surprising him so much, other than the fact that he’d been with Beth most of the afternoon. Listening to her talking easily about anything she wanted, watching her laughing and feeling his own smile begin to form before he’d even noticed, he’d somehow forgot where they were and who he was. He had been pretending to be something else, someone else. He guessed that maybe he’d just believed that the people around them were better, too. But they weren’t and neither was he. Merle was still an arrogant pain in the ass and Caroline had not been fooled by who he was, even with Beth. They were both right and they were both wrong. Maybe he didn’t deserve her. Maybe he wanted to. And maybe he wasn’t above beating a piece of shit like Mitch bloody for so much as looking at Beth wrong.

‘My girl’s in there.’

Mitch laughed mirthlessly. ‘That ain’t your girl. Filthy rednecks like you don’t get girls like that.’

Daryl’s heart pounded in his ears, drowning out any other noise.

‘Yeah?’ He sneered, moving forward, fists clenched hard enough that his nails were making dents in his palms.

‘And who the fuck are you?’

A flicker of uncertainty crossed Mitch’s face but he pretended otherwise. ‘The kinda man that can handle a little thing like her, no problem.’

That was all Daryl needed to hear before he had shoved Mitch into the hallway wall, fists clenched into his shirt collar. Inside the bathroom, the running water stopped.

‘You don’t fuckin’ look at her. You don’t fuckin’ touch her. You so much as think ‘bout her, and I will beat your ass into the ground.’ Daryl had never heard his voice like this – animalistic, pulled from somewhere inside of him that was as dark and deep as the ocean at night. Threatening, but with an unwavering promise that he meant every word he said. Dangerous because he was protecting something he was afraid for, knowing that he couldn’t do anything to really guarantee her safety. He’d never been so out of control and it scared him more than anything.

Mitch let out a gasping breath and Daryl realised his fists were pushing hard into his neck. Before he could decide whether or not he wanted to let him go or keep him fighting for air a bit longer, Pete’s voice sounded from the kitchen.

‘Mitch! Get your ass out here, Merle wants a chat!’

Daryl pushed Mitch away roughly and watched through narrowed eyes as the other man stumbled away, wheezing. He seemed to decide that it was in his best interest to go to his brother, but shot Daryl one last look of loathing, mouth curled smugly – he’d gotten under his skin and he knew it. Maybe he and Merle weren’t too different.

Daryl watched him until he disappeared down the hallway, breathing hard, hands shaking. He had a feeling his gnawing suspicion about the real reason for this barbeque was about to be confirmed in the conversation that would follow between Mitch and Merle. Before he could so much as take a step away from the bathroom, Beth opened the door, drying her hands with a paper towel, face concerned. Daryl noticed the dirt was gone from her cheek before she reached out to turn the light off.

‘What was that about?’ Her eyes were wide as they searched down the empty hallway.

Daryl cleared his throat, letting out a shaking breath.

‘Are you okay?’

‘Just wanted to make sure you were alright.’

Beth blinked at him slowly. Then, like the sunset had taken over the sky, so did the smile on Beth’s face.

Daryl looked away, a painful kick in his chest that told him he did not deserve it. He felt as though he was standing under the sun, bathing in light. Mitch was right and he knew it – he didn’t deserve Beth Greene and he never would. What was so different between the two of them, when it came down to it? Mitch might be an asshole but there were plenty who’d say the same about Daryl. Maybe that was why Beth had kept him at arms-length after they’d slept together. Maybe she was too nice to say so, but maybe she knew, too.

‘Daryl?’ Beth moved in closer, a hand tentatively reaching out to touch his arm. ‘What happened?’

Daryl’s heart was pounding now, his gut twisting at her sudden closeness, blood betraying him as it raced lower through his body. His mix of frenzied emotions from the last few minutes cleared a path and suddenly there was only one thing he could focus on; Beth's dainty fingers across his forearm, thumb pad pressing down reassuringly.

‘’S nothin’.’

Beth raised her eyebrows, clearly not buying it. ‘You’re shaking.’

Slowly, she let her fingers wrap around his fist. Under her grip, Daryl closed his eyes, trying to still his breathing but finding it impossible.

‘God, Beth.’ He rasped, and he found it was easier to say this when he was staring at the inside of his eyelids rather than looking at her. ‘Makin’ this so hard.’

Beth’s hand froze on his. ‘Making what hard?’

Daryl slowly opened his eyes, watching her through the hair that had fallen past his face, eyes darting to her lips. He couldn’t say the words he wanted to, could never begin to explain just what he felt and knew it wouldn’t come out right even if he tried. Beth swallowed under his gaze, throat clicking, the only noise in the silence surrounding them.

‘Oh.’

If Daryl hadn’t been so close he wouldn’t have heard her soft voice, the small breath that got caught in her throat as she took in his meaning. The both seemed frozen, the only movement coming from their heaving chests as they sucked in desperate breaths like it might fill their need for something else. Then, so, so slowly, Beth stood on her toes and Daryl, sensing her movement, dipped his head down and met her trembling lips with his own.

Daryl felt his body betray him instantly; blood flowing down and heart skipping several vital beats as Beth’s lips slid over his, her mouth opening to allow his tongue in. Daryl had never experienced this kind of peace from kissing before – as though she was gently tugging down the walls he’d built, pulling affection out of him that he didn’t know he had to give. Beth moved his hands to her hips as though telling him this was okay. The slippery satin felt too soft under his rough fingers as Daryl bunched up the material at her waist. Beth’s hands were sliding across his chest, down his arms, tracing each ripple of muscle and each little nick. She tasted of lemonade, she smelt like vanilla, she looked like sunshine. And then she was pulling Daryl closer and her back was against the wall and there was nothing sweet about the kiss anymore.

For all Daryl had thought all afternoon about how Beth was so much better than him, he wasn’t hesitant now. Something had shifted into place, like it had the other day when he’d dropped by the farm to find her flushed and jittery, challenging him again to give in to what she knew he wanted. What she wanted. And for all his thought about how much better she deserved, he would gladly give in again and again if she asked.

Beth’s hands went to his lower back, resting far too close to his scars for comfort. She must have felt him still because she made to pull away but Daryl, swallowing the wave of anxiety that had rolled over him, kissed her deeper, pulling her into his riptide instead of sending her away.

At Daryl’s enthusiasm, Beth dragged him into her by the hips, and if she hadn’t felt his hard dick before, she did now. She let out a small sigh, something that sounded like relief mixed with content, before jumping up, trusting that he’d catch her. He did.

Daryl let out a low groan as she snaked her legs around him, hands on her ass as he sunk back into her, pinning her to the wall. Her yellow dress was riding impossibly high, slipping between his grip and her skin, gathered around her thighs. Daryl knew somewhere in his mind that this was probably not a good idea, but he was quickly learning that he was not headstrong when it came to Beth Greene. The smallest touch from her and he crumbled completely. He was hers whenever she wanted.

Their kisses were quick now, searing with heat and laced with shaky breaths. At Beth’s little impatient whine, Daryl squeezed her ass, heart leaping at the feel of her mouth curving into a smile against his. There was so much of Beth’s skin to explore – so many little freckles and tiny scars that he hadn’t yet noticed – but now was not the time for that. Daryl lifted her off the wall, blindly pushing into the bathroom as her hands flung out to turn the light on. Once they were in and he’d kicked the door closed, Beth felt around above her head for the lock as he pushed her back against the door. This time, he didn’t wait for her to jump as he gripped her by the waist and pulled her off the floor, relishing in the feeling he got when he pushed into her open legs again.

Daryl pulled away from her lips, taking one hand out from under her leg and using it to push her hair out of her face. Under the dim bathroom light her skin was glowing, her eyes bright, pupils blown with lust. He could stay right there and admire her all day, list all the ways in which she was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen, but then she was leaning in and biting his lip playfully and he was giving in to her easily. His cock was straining against his jeans, gut burning with desire each time he rubbed up between her legs, the friction almost enough to finish him already. Beth let out another impatient noise and made quick work of his button and zipper, and then she was tugging his pants down, her hand across his length stroking slowly through his underwear.

Any humour Daryl might have had at how eager Beth was for him vanished as he felt her fingers drift over him, achingly light. She met his eyes and he thought he saw a little satisfaction in them that said she knew she was not the only one who would beg for this. But she could never want him more than he wanted her. He was sure that there was no way in hell she wanted him for anything more than to fill her up when she felt like it. Surely she must know, just how special she was, just how different she was to him. Daryl didn’t have time to think on it as Beth’s hand palmed his cock harder, sending a jolt of pleasure up his spine.

‘Beth –’ Daryl’s voice was choked as he sank his head into her neck, sucking at the edge of her collarbone, tasting the faint salt of her sweat and the musk of vanilla. Her urgent fingers welcomed his hands as he pushed her dress up to her waist, letting a hand roam over her chest. Daryl was greeted with two hard nipples, and he groaned at the knowledge that she wasn’t wearing a bra, that he could just move the material a few inches in a different direction and have her breasts in his mouth. He did.

Beth’s head dipped back at the feeling of his wet tongue dancing across her sensitive nipples. She let out a breathy moan as Daryl teased her, sucking with his mouth and twisting with his fingers. When Beth came back up for air she was pushing down his underwear, landing around his ankles with his jeans. Daryl, knowing he would barely be able to last another minute if she wrapped those soft, delicate fingers of hers around his throbbing dick, let out a small growl and grabbed hold of both her wrists with one of his hands, pinning them above her head. Beth panted in surprise, a smile curving around her lips, breasts heaving against his still-clothed chest.

Daryl was leaking already, the sight of her with her dress bunched up around her thighs, breasts exposed and straps falling off her shoulder almost too much for him. Her hair was plastered to the sides of her face, curling a little around her temples, one leg now balanced precariously on the sink and another on the edge of the bathtub, spread wide open for him.

With his now free hand, Daryl fluttered his fingers over the wet patch on her black underwear, softly playing in circles around her as she writhed, hands straining against him with a maddening smirk on her face that told him this was okay, that she liked it. She wanted him to take control, wanted to be fucked without the gentle touches and the tentative gazes. Daryl would never dream to presume he could act on impulse like this, but somehow he found he knew what she wanted and knew how to give it to her. And he wanted all that was left over.

Beth let out a soft whine, bucking her hips forward into his hand, eyes squeezing shut. Daryl’s cock was pressing into her thigh, almost painful as it throbbed, begging to be relieved. He pulled his fingers away from her and wrapped them around himself, squeezing hard, allowing a few strokes to sate him for now before returning his fingers to Beth’s pussy. He thought of the last time, how he’d pulled out of her and shot himself across her stomach, knowing he could not do that here.

As though thinking the same thing, Beth breathed, ‘it’s alright. I’m on the pill.’

The thought of coming inside her did nothing but make Daryl’s cock throb more urgently. He wasted no time in yanking her underwear off, letting it hang by one of her ankles as he kissed her deeply, not expecting his dick to slap against her entrance quite so hard when he moved in. Beth shivered, legs quivering at the sting and he took his cock in his hand and brought it down hard across her clit a few more times.

‘Fuck,’ Beth breathed out, watching him through half-closed eyes, legs still spread wide open for him, pussy dripping.

Daryl could feel how wet she was – could practically smell her desire coming out of her – and the knowledge of how much she wanted him, of how wet she was for him, hands trapped above her head and legs spread open shaking nearly made him blow his load.

‘Daryl, please . . .’ Beth whimpered, bucking her hips forward again, foot nearly slipping off the sink. ‘God, I want you inside me –’

‘Not yet.’ Daryl growled as he trailed a kiss down her neck, sucking her skin all the way back down to her breasts. He took one of her nipples in his mouth at the same time he plunged a finger through her slick lips and deep inside of her.

A cry tore from Beth’s throat as she threw her head back and smacked it against the door, but she didn’t seem to feel it. Drawing trembling breaths, she barely managed to keep her eyes open as he added a second finger then a third, pumping into her quickly, drawing her out. He felt her walls contract around his fingers, tighten as she sucked in a breath, wet dripping down his knuckles.

‘Oh, fuck –’ Beth’s eyebrows were furrowed together like she was concentrating, eyes closed as her throat bobbed each time she drew in a stuttering breath.

‘So wet for me, Beth.’ Daryl groaned as he ripped his fingers out of her, feeling them slip against his cock as he stroked her juices over himself.

‘Fuck me.’ Beth’s eyes were open again, bright blue sapphires watching him with a hungry look that he could scarcely believe was meant for him. Her legs were properly shaking now, slipping off the cold porcelain bathtub every few seconds in anticipation. Daryl thought of teasing her longer, of watching her slowly come more and more undone before his eyes, but he knew that she wanted this hard and fast, and his throbbing cock wasn’t going to say no to her. With a one hand gripping her thigh and the other still holding her wrists above her head, he thrust his dick through her dripping entrance. Curses flew from his mouth as he buried himself deep in her, sweating forehead pressed against the door, biting down lightly on her shoulder so he wouldn’t make any more noise. Beth’s walls instantly tightened around him, legs moving even further away from each other as Daryl began to thrust. With each deep stroke he could feel friction building, his abdomen brushing against her clit, her leg twitching each time. He knew he wasn’t going to last long but it didn’t matter because he could tell she wasn’t going to either. Sweat glistened on Beth’s cheekbones as she moaned out his name, hands no longer straining against his as she gave up any pretence of making this last. Daryl was pumping into her hard now, the sound of his balls slapping against her ass and the bracelets on her wrists jingling echoing in the small bathroom. He could stay like this all night, inside of her where it was warm and wet, chasing a finish for hours while the party went on outside and no one knew any different. But Beth’s toes were curling where her heels unsteadily rested and he knew as well as she did that right now was not made to last.

Daryl released her wrists, sliding his cock out of her as she whimpered in complaint. He put down one of her trembling legs and turned her by the waist so she was facing the door. Beth pushed out her ass, enveloping his cock between her firm cheeks, begging him to finish her. He didn’t waste any time; one hand weaving through her hair and the other resting on her ass as he bent her over and pushed his aching cock back into her tight pussy. With a fistful of her hair in one hand and another squeezing her round ass, Daryl’s head tipped back, a low groan escaping his throat as he began to thrust to her once again.

Beth’s legs were shaking around him, her head resting against the door along with both her hands as though it was the only thing keeping her up. Her eyes were glassy as she turned to look back at him, sweat smudging her mascara, her lips parted and glistening with saliva. Daryl felt a tug somewhere lower than his gut, felt Beth’s walls tighten and pulse around him as she let out a loud moan and pushed her ass further into him. One of her hands flew to his, and she untangled it from her hair in favour of placing it at the base of her neck. She squeezed his hand lightly, and Daryl knew exactly what she wanted. It was something else, to see sweet Beth Greene bent over with her ass in the air, wide doe eyes filled with lust and asking him to put his hand around her neck and squeeze while he fucked her.

Daryl felt his breath catch and he sped up, pounding into her roughly, thrusts growing sloppy as Beth let out a breathless groan, crying out as she came undone around him.

‘D-Daryl! Oh, fuck!’

Her voice at the peak of orgasm was all it took for Daryl to lose his control. With a final few thrusts, feeling her wet juices dripping out of her and down his thighs, Daryl came too, and it was only after he’d pulled out of her, breathing harshly with his face pressed into her hair, that he realised he’d been saying her name over and over like a prayer.

Beth let out a deep breath as she turned, her smile bright. She pulled the straps of her dress back over her shoulders almost nervously, and Daryl didn’t miss the trembling in her fingers.

Daryl’s heart was a hummingbird trapped in a cage at the sight of her – luminous, beautiful, something else entirely. He pulled his pants back up hastily, fastening his belt. The bathroom door was still locked and there was no one banging at it demanding entry but it suddenly felt as though everyone in the house was waiting for their return. Daryl wanted desperately to stay in there with her, to let the cold tiles absorb the heat from his skin with her beside him. He’d never wanted to be alone with another person before and knowing that he would rather sit in this room with her than without her was a realisation that was slowly demanding more attention.

Daryl held Beth’s uncertain gaze for a moment and saw echoed on her face what he was wondering. Was it only just sex, like they’d agreed the last time? Daryl didn’t know how much more there could be but he wanted it, he realised with an aching in his gut – he wanted to see if there could be more.

Beth reached over to him and before he knew what she was doing, her hand was in his hair, fingers combing through the messy brown locks. It calmed him and it scared him, how quickly his body reacted to her touch, how she seemed to pull him out into the world, making him real and tangible.

It seemed neither of them wanted to be the first to speak and break the silence. Daryl’s hands itched toward her but he kept them by his side, knowing he wouldn’t be able to handle her rejection right now if whatever this was didn’t mean as much to her as it did him. Even the thought of a tender brush of her shoulder made his stomach knot in fear, which seemed ridiculous given the fact that barely a minute ago he had her bent over and moaning his name.

Daryl was spent of all the adrenaline that had pumped through his veins in the hallway, spent of any inclination to go out and speak to anyone else. He was balancing on a tightrope, halfway towards something that terrified him and halfway to something that was familiar. And he’d rather stay halfway and get pieces of her than take another step either way and lose her completely. And maybe that was dumb and Merle would call him whipped but Beth was all around him and he could not bear the thought of doing anything to jeopardise that. Even if it hurt him.

‘We should get back.’ Daryl said, softer than he intended. Beth’s eyes were wide as she looked up at him, searching for things in them he didn’t know he had. He couldn’t picture the version of him that could do this, that could keep her at an arm’s length after sharing moments like they just had. But maybe she could and maybe that’s what she wanted. Maybe she just wanted someone to be rough with her, for a while, maybe he was a distraction. He was never the kind of person for one night stands or anything else for that matter, so he didn’t really know who he should be or how. All he knew was that being around Beth made him feel good and he didn’t want that to end.

‘We should stay.’ Beth’s voice was barely more than a whisper, but in the tight space of the bathroom it reached Daryl’s ears fine. Now it was Daryl’s turn to search her eyes, to look for an explanation, something that told him he wasn’t the only one feeling this way, a tiny spark that he could hold onto.

Beth beamed at him, sinking down the tiled wall to sit on the floor. She played at the slit of her dress as she looked at him with those big blue eyes. Daryl didn’t need to think before he sank down across from her, back against the bathtub. He pulled his knees up to his chin and wrapped his arms around himself, watching her thoughtfully.

Beth crossed her legs, lifting her dress around her thighs so it wouldn’t pull.

‘Your brother’s nice.’

Daryl snorted, looking away. ‘Yeah, he’s an asshole. Sorry.’

‘It’s not your fault. We don’t get to choose our family.’ She was watching him earnestly.

A knife was twisting in Daryl’s gut at her words, at all the flashes of angry yells and bloody knuckles and scared whimpering that clouded his mind suddenly. She didn’t know, how could she? And yet she was looking at him through heavy eyes as though she wanted to. He tasted fear on his tongue, suddenly too big for his mouth, felt it slivering through his veins as though it was lava.

When Daryl didn’t reply, Beth let her head fall back against the wall, considering the ceiling.

‘I didn’t think I’d see you again.’

Daryl’s heart lurched. They hadn’t spoken about their fight but he knew the words still hung heavy in her head as it did his. She’d been right of course, everything she’d said.

_You’re afraid because you don’t let anyone in and you’re scared because you want to._

Beth’s words seemed to run truer the more he thought about them. And he was terrified now, terrified not to let her in but because he already had.

_Then what, you just projecting your bullshit issues onto me?_

There was so much about him she didn’t know, so much that he kept hidden from the world. His scars were tingling on his back, a lump in his throat forming suddenly. He wanted to be known by her. He wanted to try. Daryl bit down on his cheek as a bottle smashed outside. Beth looked with mild interest to the door as though it could tell her what happened, but Daryl thought that maybe she was just feeling awkward because he hadn’t said anything yet.

He cleared his throat, forcing his gaze back to her and ignoring the way his lungs seemed to need double the amount of air just to keep him breathing.

‘You wanted to?’

Beth’s gaze fell on him again, heavy like he was carrying a weight. ‘Yeah, I wanted to.’

Daryl’s voice shook but he made himself keep his eyes on hers as he said, ‘wanted to see you, too.’

Colour rose to Beth’s cheeks and she looked away, grinning maddeningly. Something in Daryl knew he was the cause of this – she was smiling because of him – but he couldn’t seem to comprehend it. She was a wonder, a star passing by, and he was just a lucky idiot who’d spotted her above his head and got to marvel at her. It felt as though she must have to realise eventually, to snap out of whatever whim had taken over her, just how much better she could do, how many places she could go. How he’d just hold her back in this dead-end town that he’d never managed to get out of.

‘Don’t go being a sweetheart now, Dixon.’ Beth warned in a teasing voice, ‘I might actually get used to it.’

Daryl smirked a little at her. ‘Wouldn’t want that.’

Beth’s eyes flashed with delight at his reply and he realised far too late that he’d been flirting – he was flirting with her. A little disarmed and a little pleased at the same time, Daryl lapsed into silence as Beth ran a hand through her hair, eyes fluttering closed.

‘Tired?’

Beth allowed a small grin to curl around her mouth, fingers playing with the ends of her hair. ‘I did just get bent over and fucked in a stranger’s bathroom.’

Now it was Daryl’s face that was flushing, his groin stirring at the words coming out of her mouth. He hated to admit it, but hearing her say it so starkly and filthily turned him on. Their eyes were locked again, Beth’s tongue poking the edge of her mouth like she knew what it was doing to him. Daryl felt his breathing pick up, chest rising and falling to match hers. They’d wandered into dangerous territory somehow, again.

Daryl considered her through heavy-lidded eyes, tipping his head back. Finally, he muttered, ‘you’re somethin’ else, Greene.’

Beth blinked, her smile growing slowly. She let out a tinkling laugh, letting her hair go, spilling down her back. Unspoken was the result of their conversation after the first time they’d had sex, but neither of them brought it up now. Maybe they knew that they’d each be disappointed in the other’s answer or maybe they just didn’t want to think about the consequences of their actions for once. Either way, the atmosphere between them remained charged, unchanged. Daryl and Beth watched each other in silence for a few minutes more, and after he’d noticed the faint freckles on the tip of her nose, Daryl wondered if he’d really meant that she was something more instead of something else.


	8. Still Bleeding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beth takes Daryl back to his apartment and sings for him.

They left the bathroom a few minutes later. Daryl followed Beth out, feeling eyes burning holes in him as they walked back into the garden. He spotted Merle standing in a dark corner with Mitch, locked in an intense conversation. Daryl mumbled to Beth that he’d be back before approaching the two, his good mood vanishing.

‘There he is,’ Merle turned to Daryl, waving a beer-holding hand towards him. ‘Been waitin’ for you.’

‘For what?’ Daryl’s voice barely invited an answer. He could scarcely believe not ten minutes ago he was coming inside Beth, lost in her sweet smelling hair and soft skin and blissfully unaware that the rest of the world was happening all around them. Now he was glaring at Mitch, surveying the red marks across his neck and wondering if he’d need to make anymore before the night was over. But first, he was going to find out what the hell the two of them were up to.

‘Cuttin’ a deal, little bro.’ Merle’s smile disappeared and he reached over to drag Daryl closer, his eyes flicking suspiciously around to ensure there were no eavesdroppers.

Daryl raised his eyebrows, surprised but only because he hadn’t had to dig for information. ‘That’s the whole point of this fuckin’ thing? So you can cut one last deal?’

Merle was instantly defensive. ‘Ain’t nothin’ to you, boy, so long as I get your neck outta trouble –’

‘Wouldn’t be in any fuckin’ trouble if you hadn’t gotten involved with this piece of shit in the first place.’ Daryl spat, gesturing to Mitch, who was watching the two of them smugly.

It made Daryl’s skin crawl to be forced into a position to trust this man, who’d so easily tried to corner Beth in the bathroom not an hour ago, but it seemed he didn’t have another choice. Merle was hell-bent on making sure he’d never set foot in prison again and Daryl suspected Mitch could incriminate him if he felt like it and the Sheriff would probably believe him.

‘Relax, Darylina. I’m doin’ one last run, movin’ the rest of the product and then it’ll be over. And you’re comin’ with me. I get my money, evidence is gone and you get to untwist your panties and skip off into the sunset with blondie over there.’

Daryl stared incredulously at his brother. ‘That meth get to your head finally? I ain’t fuckin’ goin’ with you.’

‘Oh yes y’are.’ Merle’s tone was dangerously calm. ‘Less you want the sharks developin’ a vested interest in your little girlfriend.’

Daryl held his brother’s gaze, eyes bright with rage. His fingers were itching for violence, for something that he could fluently express in a language he understood. Words only got so far with Merle. And here he was, standing in front of him threatening that if Daryl didn’t obey, Beth would be in danger. It was a new low even for him but it was his only card to play, and they both knew it. Daryl was long past the point of risking the life he’d tried to build for himself just for Merle.

‘No one’s touchin’ her.’

Merle raised his eyebrows at Daryl’s harsh voice, at the force behind the words, almost impressed. Behind him, Mitch let out a breath of laughter, clearly enjoying this. Daryl whipped his head around.

‘You a part of this?’

Mitch’s expression turned ugly. ‘In case you forgot, I’m the one who covered for your brother’s ass when Grimes took me in –’

Daryl was past the point of listening or even being grateful that he’d done Merle a favour. Right now all he knew was that Beth would be a lot safer if he had ratted Merle out, and he didn’t know if that thought brought him comfort or scared him, knowing that her safety would be at the cost of Merle’s freedom and knowing that right now he knew exactly what he’d rather.

‘I don’t give a shit ‘bout what you and Merle got goin’ on. You fuck with me or my brother, my offer from before still stands.’

Mitch’s mouth twitched as though he was going to smirk but had thought the better of it. Instead, he turned to Merle and said coolly, ‘control your bitch, man.’

‘I ain’t nobody’s bitch.’ Daryl snarled, moving forward, finally snapping. His fists were seconds away from being bloodied and he found he didn’t care if it was Mitch’s blood or his own.

The breath was knocked out of Daryl as Merle’s hand struck him in the chest, pushing him back, sensing what his brother was thinking. Before he could make to move forward again, Beth’s voice was calling his name. Daryl turned, heart lurching at the sound, at how she was somehow able to reach him despite his heart thumping in his ears and the rage coursing through his veins. His anger simmered as he watched her walking over, at the soft, concerned expression on her face for him, and turned to guilt. Beth wasn’t supposed to be here, wouldn’t have even been here if it wasn’t for him, for Merle’s bullshit plan that Daryl didn’t even know the full extent of. She couldn’t get caught up in any of it. He wouldn’t let her.

‘Is everything okay?’ Beth’s eyes were wide with concern and even under the cover of darkness they seemed to glow bright blue.

‘’S fine.’ Daryl dismissed her, turning back to Mitch angrily as though daring him to say something. Mitch, it turned out, was not the one he needed to worry about.

‘Get outta here, girl,’ Merle’s voice was grating and flippant, ‘don’t need you no more. This ain’t nothin’ that concerns you.’

There was a pause where Daryl swore under his breath, fists clenching as he wondered how many times he could punch Merle in the head before he grew unconscious. A dull realisation was dawning on him, one that he couldn’t believe he hadn’t realised up until now. Beth wasn’t only there to provide a distraction or façade over the Dixons – she was there to distract Daryl while Merle could work out whatever he was cooking up.

‘What?’ Beth didn’t disguise the hurt in her voice; she didn’t need to, she never had. She was allowed to feel things and be euphoric with him and then angry and terrifying the next. Daryl was not made for such luxuries, for feeling what he felt and being okay with it, for even expressing it.

‘Don’t need me anymore?’ Beth emphasised, turning to Daryl. Mitch laughed under his breath, delighted at the way the conversation seemed to be unfolding and Daryl’s fists tightened. Just one more thing, one more word or noise out of his mouth –

'Ain’t you wonderin’ why Daryl dragged your ass down here?’ Merle asked crassly, turning his full attention to Beth. He was considering her as though wondering whether it’d be more fun to hurt her with the truth or keep her guessing. Daryl wasn’t surprised at his brother’s behaviour – he was an asshole to everyone he’d ever met, even more so when he’d drunk as much as he had that night. But it was something else, to realise the new low he was reaching because he needed things to go his way and because he needed Beth gone after she’d unknowingly played her part. He’d happily hurt her to get her to leave and happily threaten her to get Daryl to stay.

‘That’s enough.’ Daryl growled, voice low.

Mitch’s indulgent approach seemed to have worn off. He stepped in front of Daryl, his chest swelling as he pushed into him. ‘What’s wrong with you man? Heard a lot about you from your brother but I’m not seeing much.’ He looked to Beth, grinning at her as she held his gaze rockily, before flicking his eyes back to Daryl. ‘This girl got you wrapped around her little finger, is that it? Hm?’ Mitch’s hands prodded Daryl’s chest lightly, daring him to make a move. ‘Her pussy that good, huh? Might have to try it for myself –’

Merle clearly hadn’t told Mitch much about Daryl because there was a look of shock on his face as he noticed too late that he’d gone too far. Daryl wasn’t thinking anymore, wasn’t thinking that Beth was standing beside him or that Merle was also there or that they were in a garden full of people. All he knew was the blind rage he’d felt in the hallway with Mitch was biting into him as though it had teeth and this time it was drawing blood.

The only thing Daryl was aware of was Mitch’s hand roughly grabbing Beth by her shoulder before Daryl was finally giving in to that dark thing inside that had beckoned him all his life. That one he’d given in to more times than not for years, that one he hadn’t given in to lately at all.

Letting out an ugly noise from deep in his throat, Daryl had his hand curled into a fist by the time it connected with Mitch’s jaw, hearing the sickening crunch as it found its mark with a brutish satisfaction. Merle let out a noise of surprise and Beth gasped, stumbling backwards as Daryl pushed her out of the way. He landed another solid blow to Mitch’s gut before the other man swung back, noticing Daryl’s distraction with making sure Beth was out of harm’s way. Mitch’s hit had landed on Daryl’s jaw but Daryl was used to blows much worse than this and regained balance on his feet quicker than Mitch. He let his fist fly again, this time cracking into a bone off the side of Mitch’s face and then again into his chest before he felt a blow to his side and he doubled over, gasping. He’d fallen against the fence and something sharp had torn through his shirt but Daryl barely felt it. This time, knowing where Mitch would swing, he dodged another punch before reaching out and gripping Mitch’s collar again as he had in the hallway, scrunching it tight around his neck before slamming him to the ground, a sick pleasure flowing through him at the noise of pain that escaped Mitch.

‘You don’t fuckin’ touch her!’ Daryl snarled, voice deadly with anger as Merle’s arms wrapped around him, pulling him off the bleeding man. ‘You hear me?’

He struggled against Merle’s strong grip and then felt a softer hand wrapping around his bicep, and he stopped fighting. By the time Beth and Merle had pulled him far enough away that he couldn’t reach Mitch, the crowd in the garden had rushed over, shocked exclamations and whispered murmurs following them. They were gathered around Mitch, staring at Daryl in disbelief as they helped the other man to his feet. They didn’t stick around to wait and see if Pete was rushing over or if Martinez and his family had seen. By the time Mitch was standing, Merle had already whisked Daryl to the back gate, shoving him not so gently through into the dark front garden.

‘Take this idiot home.’ Merle said to Beth, and through the staggered breathing and exploding pain, Daryl saw Beth nod numbly, muttering something about her father being able to help. Merle’s voice was annoyed but Daryl knew if he looked he’d see a tiny bit of pride on his older brother’s face, and he didn’t know what made him feel worse; the fact that he’d given in to the darkness that beckoned or the fact that Merle seemed to be approving of this, even though it had jeopardized his plans. Daryl thought of his father, angry and evil and violent and his body ached. He was as much a monster as them.

‘Gotta fix what this son of a bitch just did.’ Merle was gone by the time Daryl looked up again.

Beth’s warm hands reached out tentatively to his arm. He flinched away, more instinct than anything, but she didn’t let that stop her. Wrapping a surprisingly strong arm around his back, she guided him to her car under the flickering street lights. Daryl’s head was swimming, his teeth stained with blood, ribs exploding in pain with each breath. Beth sat him down in the passenger seat gently before rushing to the driver’s side and fumbling with her keys for a moment before the engine came to life.

‘Daryl?’ Beth’s voice was full of concern as she pulled onto the main road, eyes flicking back every few seconds to make sure he was awake. ‘Don’t go to sleep, you might have a concussion.’

‘Ain’t goin’ to the farm.’ Daryl muttered thickly as blood pooled in his mouth, recognising the road she was turning onto.

‘What? Daryl, my dad’s a vet, he can fix you –’

‘Ain’t goin’ there like this. Just take me home, ‘m fine.’

Beth blew out an exasperated breath. ‘Daryl –’

The thought of showing up at Beth’s house with her father there seeing him bloodied from a fight was the last thing he wanted. He could not take the look of judgement and satisfaction that Hershel would have knowing he’d been right to be distrustful of him, even if he deserved it. He thought of Beth, of how she’d trusted him, thought he was somewhat good enough to be with her, and felt sick. He swallowed the blood in his mouth, feeling it slip back down his throat. ‘My place.’ His voice didn’t offer room for arguing.

‘You gotta tell me the way, I don’t remember.’ Beth’s voice was quiet, and Daryl realised through his numbing pain that this meant she would come to his apartment, again. He felt an odd discomfort in his stomach and couldn’t help the irony that he needed to consider bringing Beth to his place more than he’d needed to consider beating a man bloody.

‘Martinez told you last time, right?’ Daryl asked, wincing as he turned to look at her. Beth nodded slowly and he knew she was thinking of their fight same as he was.

He turned away, muttering directions to her and she nodded, knuckles white as she gripped the steering wheel. If Beth thought of this as intimately as he did, she didn’t show it. Storming into his apartment because she was mad was one thing but Daryl allowing her to come home with him was very different, even if the reason was that he probably couldn’t get there on his own. Beth was finding her way in, slowly but surely, and what was more surprising was that Daryl was letting her, that he wanted her to be there despite the terrifying feeling that told him he was standing on a ledge, about to tip over.

Daryl’s eyes raked over her again, noticing how she was staring out the windshield with a silent concentration, locked in thought. It was dark out and there were hardly any street lights along the road but her eyes still held that same luminosity as though she were looking into the sun. Daryl felt a pang of guilt at how wound up Beth was, and he remembered how he’d pushed her away during the fight, and the pain in his gut doubled. He’d laid his hands on her, without even considering it. Yes, he was trying to protect her, but what if he’d pushed her a little too hard, hurt her while he’d done it? He was the violence he’d been made on and even though he’d kept it at bay for a while, it felt inevitable that he’d be drawn back to it. He had become the ache etched into his back. He was the monster.

The ride was not long but each bump in the road sent Daryl’s body back into agony, each sharp turn that Beth made pushed him against the door, making light of bruises he didn’t realise were there. When they finally pulled up outside of Daryl’s apartment building, Beth didn’t waste any time in parking her car and rushing back over to the passenger side. Daryl, feeling increasingly sick with himself and barely able to contain his own self-hatred, forced himself out and waved her arm away as she moved to help him.

‘Daryl –’

‘I got it.’ He replied curtly. He didn’t know what he’d do if Beth touched him now but something ugly inside was hissing at him and he knew her hands on him at that moment would feel like a sinner drinking holy water. Beth fell silent, following him in to his building carefully, watching for any signs he might collapse. He’d been hurt much worse in the past but this was the first time in a long time and he couldn’t deny how his head spun, how his jaw and the side of his ribs ached.

When they finally reached his apartment, he unlocked the door and threw himself onto the couch.

‘Go home.’ With an enormous amount of effort, Daryl turned to see Beth closing his front door behind her. ‘’M fine.’

Beth turned, her blonde hair spinning through the air, catching the light off the warm yellow lamp she’d turned on.

‘You can barely walk and I think you’ve got a concussion. I’m not leaving.’

Daryl stared at her until his head threatened to explode. He sank back down, placing a hand over his eyes as she flicked another switch and light flooded him. Beth may not know it but he was the monster he’d been so afraid of his whole life, just in a different skin. He’d snapped so easily, fought too hard, didn’t think before he’d pushed her away as though she were just a play thing.

‘Sit up, let me have a look.’ Beth’s tone was not gentle. Reluctantly, Daryl dragged himself upright, draping his legs over the couch. He eyed her hands warily, wondering if he’d burn under her divine touch. Beth sat on the coffee table opposite him and placed a hand under his chin, lifting his face into the light. The flesh on his jaw remained intact; he hadn’t burst into flames.

‘Does it hurt there?’ Beth asked, pressing lightly on the spot of his jaw where a bruise must have been forming.

Daryl nodded, clenching his teeth.

‘Where else?’

‘’S it.’

Beth raised her eyebrows. ‘It’s not. Want me to press all over until you cry out in pain or you want to tell me and make this easier?’

Slightly impressed with her determination, Daryl shrugged her hand off his face.

‘Just a bit of bruisin’ –’

Beth stood up, muttering something to herself as she left the room. Wondering what on earth she was doing, Daryl waited in silence until her footsteps grew louder again and then she was back, sitting again on the table in front of him tearing open a pack of cotton balls with her teeth, a bottle in her hand.

In silence, Beth dabbed a bit of the antiseptic liquid she’d found onto the cotton and then ran it across his jaw. Daryl took in a sharp breath as the sting of it jolted through his body, knowing now his skin must be broken and bleeding there.

Beth made him open his mouth as she examined his teeth, apparently satisfied that he hadn’t lost any.

‘Show me your ribs.’

Daryl blinked, jaw still stinging and head still throbbing. His heart quickened as his slow mind took in her words, and suddenly the room was too small for the two of them, she was too close.

He tore his arm away from where she’d been inspecting it in her lap. ‘Said I’m fine.’

But it seemed as though Beth had had enough. ‘You’re not fine, Daryl.’

Daryl hadn’t heard a truer statement in a long time but that wouldn’t stop him from spiralling, from knowing somewhere deep down that the little voice in the back of his mind was right. He was made for this, for hurting, for being hurt in return. He’d come from it and he’d never leave it. Beth, on the other hand, had not, and the only thing that could make him hate himself more than turning her away was the thought of corrupting her if she stayed. How would she look at him, if he showed her his scars?

‘Did I hurt you?’ Daryl asked softly, swallowing another mouthful of blood.

Confusion flickered across Beth’s eyes. ‘What?’

Daryl sat up a little straighter, the overhead light making his head pound. ‘When I pushed you. I hurt you?’

‘Is that what this is about? You think you hurt me?’

Daryl was irritated to hear the slight amused edge to her voice, even though he knew she only trying to put him at ease. It wasn’t a stretch of the imagination for anyone else around them by any means, so was it that impossible of a chance that he could hurt her? Not that he’d ever want to and not that he ever would, but he suspected that this was how the likes of his father had started out, a small push here and there, and then a broken plate, a smashed mirror, bruises from fists and scars from fire. Daryl looked down at his knuckles, bloody and bruising.

‘You pushed me out of the way – you were protecting me, Daryl. I don’t know what you’re thinking but you would never hurt me. I know that. You know that.’

There was silence between them. Daryl didn’t look at her. She didn’t know the half of it; how could she? And here she was anyway, despite him pushing her away again, wanting to take care of him. Was he still a monster if she didn’t think he was?

‘Show me your ribs, I know they hurt.’

Daryl shook his head automatically.

Beth frowned, and under her gaze Daryl felt his expression change from stubbornness to fear. Again, fear. Always fear when she was around. He supposed there was a good kind and a bad kind, and that Beth was only ever the good kind, but right now there didn’t feel much difference.

‘Why not?’

‘Just leave it.’ Daryl snapped, pulling away further. He stood up, head dizzy, and walked down the hall to his room, but only got to the kitchen bench before he swayed, leaning on it for support. Beth was beside him in a second. She guided him towards the open door at the end of the hall and Daryl gratefully collapsed on his bed, feeling his body groan in relief at the release.

Beth stood by the door, watching him hesitantly. Now that Daryl wasn’t using any of his energy to hold his body up, he was able to look at her and notice the flecks of blood across her yellow dress. Another part of him sank.

He could feel his eyes growing heavier, his mind threatening to slip into unconsciousness.

‘Daryl, you can’t go to sleep yet.’ Beth hurried over, sitting on the edge of his bed and pulling open his eyes to examine his pupils. ‘You don’t have to show me your ribs, just – keep talking.’

Beth being so close to Daryl did nothing to calm his body down. Fighting hard to ignore the wave of desire that rolled through him as her blonde hair fell across his chest, he muttered, ‘I like your dress. Moment I saw you in it.’ He was barely aware of what he was saying and although he was sure that his mouth hadn’t run that by his mind before he spoke, he saw Beth’s cheeks flush a little.

‘Thanks.’ She said softly. ‘My mother got it for me.’

Daryl fell silent for a moment, feeling increasingly stupid that he’d managed to ruin something else of her.

‘’M sorry ‘bout the blood.’

Beth laughed easily. ‘It’s okay. Haven’t worn it in ages, it deserved an eventful night.’

Despite the nothingness that called to Daryl each time he blinked, he forced himself to sit upright, wincing and not being able to stop the hand the flew to his ribs.

Beth eyed his hand, looking as though she was going to say something. She sighed, shaking her head. ‘If you won’t let me do it, at least take a look at it yourself. Won’t know how bad it is until you do.’

Daryl knew she was right. He gave a little nod, pushing himself off the bed with great effort and disappearing into the adjoining bathroom. He closed the door behind him and turned to the side to better view his ribs, taking in a sharp breath at the growing blood stain on his shirt. He peeled the shirt off, biting down on his lip, and moved in closer to the mirror to examine the puncture wound. He vaguely remembered falling against the fence; a nail or something similar must have pierced him then. The bleeding was slowing but still steady and Daryl, frustrated, realised he could not reach around to that spot without being in complete agony. And as though she could read his mind, Beth tapped softly on the door a second later.

‘Daryl, let me help. I – I won’t look, if that’s what you’re worried about.’

Another ache ran through Daryl at her words, at her utter goodness, having no idea why he was being so touchy about it and not needing a reason to respect him. Loathing himself and finally worn down enough that he could ignore the voice in his head warning him away from this, he pushed open the bathroom door roughly to let Beth in. He clutched his balled-up shirt across his chest, only letting her see the injury, almost more than he could handle. Her eyes widened at the sight of the blood flowing down his side.

‘God, Daryl, when did that happen?’

Daryl didn’t answer, his body wound up with impossible tension as she got closer. His back was facing the wall and there was no way she could see it from there but he somehow felt more naked than he’d ever been.

She disappeared for a moment and then came back with the cotton, antiseptic and a bandage she must have found in the kitchen, before getting on her knees against the tiled floor to get a better look. With one hand sprawled across his belly, she pushed him gently until his back was against the cold bathroom wall.

‘This is pretty deep,’ she muttered, shaking her head as she began to dab at it. Daryl winced as the burning spread across his ribs, searing into his skin. She worked quickly, and Daryl wondered whether she’d helped her father with operations before, remembering what she’d said in the car about him being a vet. Once the bandage was on and the bleeding seemed controlled, Beth got back up, sighing.

Daryl flinched away as she got nearer, and Beth didn’t miss it. She hastily left the room despite her hands being covered in his blood, closing the door behind her. Daryl let out the breath he’d been holding. Quickly, he pulled on his bloody shirt and left the bathroom. Beth was sitting on the edge of his bed, hands washed and dry in her lap.

‘Do you want me to go?’

The truth was, Daryl didn’t have the strength to turn her away. Everything in him was screaming that he was a monster, that he was no better than Merle, than his father, but something in Beth quietened those voices, made them seem liars. He shook his head slowly as he lowered himself onto his bed, wondering what he’d have to do to atone for this.

Beth was watching him with sorrowful eyes. After a moment, she said, ‘you have to tell me. What the hell all that was about.’

Daryl, wide awake since he’d been shirtless in the bathroom with her, felt another blow to his gut. He’d been stupid enough to believe that bringing her tonight hadn’t been a bad idea, but the truth was he was just some selfish no-good piece of shit that had placed her in danger because he’d wanted to pretend it would be different for once.

Daryl ran a hand across his face, ignoring the screaming protests from his ribs at the movement.

‘’S Merle. He’s in deep with Mitch. Some bullshit drug operation they’re runnin’. Mitch got arrested a couple of days ago and Merle wanted you there tonight to make us seem like we ain’t mixed up in it all.’

Beth frowned, wrapping her arms around her chest and suddenly seeming quite small at the edge of his bed.

‘So that’s why you wanted me there tonight? To make you and your brother look better?’ Her tone was full of hurt, disappointment clear on her face.

Daryl winced. ‘I ain’t a part of it, any of what they’re doin’. You don’t gotta believe me but I ain’t. Not for a long time.’

Beth’s eyes darted between his and what she saw must have relaxed her because she nodded slightly.

‘Wouldn’t put you in danger.’ Daryl mumbled, looking away, wondering why the hell he felt like he’d rather be fighting Mitch again than confessing this to Beth. Her blue eyes were still wounded, lips trembling slightly as she waited for him to go on.

‘Was Merle’s idea to have you there. I didn’t think it’d be dangerous, that they were plannin’ somethin’ else. I didn’t think –’ Daryl swallowed, finally accepting that he was going to tell her this – ‘cause I wanted to see you.’

Beth finally tore her eyes away from him, hiking her knees up to her chest and letting her head fall into her arms. Daryl’s bed was not big and if he reached out he’d probably be able to touch her, but he didn’t. She didn’t speak for a long time. Daryl wondered if she hated him now. He wouldn’t blame her.

After what seemed like an eternity, Beth looked back up, her hair bouncing off her skin. Her eyes were filled with misgivings, with doubts and worry and Daryl realised all at once that Beth wasn’t scared of him like he’d feared. She was scared for him.

‘You don’t have to do what he says.’

Daryl, reeling from this revelation and a little surprised this was all she had to say on the matter, asked, ‘what?’

‘Merle. You said you’re not involved and I believe you.’ Beth placed her elbows on the bed behind her as she lay back a little, staring up at the ceiling. The dull light overhead was spilling across her face, illuminating her cheekbones, her pale blue eyes.

‘I don’t care what other people think about you and I don’t care what you try to convince me about yourself. You’re good, Daryl.’ Beth’s eyes were on him again, glaring with a fierce intensity as he shook his head at her. She turned back to the ceiling. ‘I know you are.’

Daryl took a deep breath in, ignoring the rattling through his chest, the explosion of pain across his side, fighting with what he knew about himself and what Beth thought she did. It wasn’t fair, that she was the only person who had ever told him this and yet he still wanted so desperately to believe her.

‘’M not –’

‘You are. I’ve seen it.’

Daryl was silent at this. He knew she was thinking of all the things she’d known about him since they’d first met, but those were moments stolen from someone else’s life and Daryl couldn’t think of them right now without feeling like an impostor. Maybe he was better only when he was with her. He thought of his blood boiling with rage and his fists thirsting for violence not an hour ago.

‘Shouldn’t have asked you there, knowin’ what kind of people they are. Kinda person I am. ‘M selfish.’

To Daryl’s surprise, Beth blew out an exasperated breath, eyes searching the ceiling as though it could help prove her point.

‘You’re nothing like them. And if you’re selfish for wanting me there, then I’m ten times worse for coming. For wanting you the way I have. It’s not fair, I know it’s not.’

Daryl’s brow furrowed, chest tightening at her words. Slowly, he leant back against the wall behind him, watching her through eyelids heavy not from being tired but from being exhausted.

‘I’ve been pretending.’ Beth took a shaky breath in, fiddling with the edges of her dress. ‘Got so good at it that I didn’t even know myself anymore. I thought . . . I thought I could just have you here to make everyone think I was okay, that I was moving on.’ Now her hands moved from the slip of her dress to her wrists, where her gilded chains still hung. ‘Didn’t think about what it really meant.’

Daryl watched her patiently, feeling a little of his awareness properly coming back as he concentrated on all her edges. His head was still swimming but it was not with the dull ache of a punch but with the impossible knowledge of his own feelings for her. He felt a sense of familiarity at her words. They were both so different but he could see now more than ever just how alike they were in all the ways that mattered. They were running from things, hiding away, pushing people to think otherwise of them. Fooling themselves as well as everyone around them and hoping that there would be a time they’d be allowed to breathe easy with nothing stifling their heads back underwater.

‘What’s it mean?’ Daryl asked finally, his voice rough.

Beth blinked her big eyes at him and she was looking at him now, really looking at him. Her voice was carefully balanced, as though knowing if she gave too much or too little emotion it would tip the scales and throw her off them altogether.

‘You’re trying to get away from it, right?’ Beth’s eyes sought some kind of understanding in his and she found it. ‘Your brother, that life. What you were. I’m trying, too. I think I get it now. Moving on. You gotta stay who you are. Not who you were.’

Daryl turned to the window beside them, watching the distant flickering street light below as her words took hold of him. He thought of every little thing he’d tried to do to change the last few years – getting an apartment of his own and getting a job he was good at and distancing himself from Merle and staying clean even though the demons at his door were a lot easier to handle when he was high.

Daryl swallowed painfully, his throat suddenly too small to fit words through. ‘I’m tryin’.’

Beth’s eyes widened at the vulnerability of his voice. She was thoughtful for a moment, then moved in closer to him. The satin of her dress spilled across his hand and her bracelets rattled together, the only noise in his apartment, her eyes flitting across his face as though she was trying to memorise something. He thought suddenly that maybe he’d been wrong to think that he was the only one who was burning. She cared about him just as much as he cared about her. She was here. They were here.

‘Me too.’

Daryl held his breath as he watched her bright eyes, that determined dimple on the side of her face that was more prominent now that her jaw was tensed. And then, because he didn’t know what the hell tomorrow would bring and because she’d somehow talked him down without even realising it again, he said in a gravelly voice, ‘you didn’t keep up your end.’

Beth’s eyebrows quirked in confusion.

‘Singin’. You said you’d sing.’ Daryl’s voice shook a little as he watched the slow smile playing across her face at his words.

‘You really wanna hear me sing?’

Daryl, not being able to bear the sudden silence that followed her question, the crushing amount of pressure that had been thrown to him, shrugged nonchalantly. He wasn’t used to confessing his wants by any means and he hated it. Looking at her through the hair that had fallen across his eyes, he grew hyper-aware that she was still watching him, eyes roaming across his face.

‘Well, there ain’t no jukebox.’ Daryl quipped, hoping she’d just roll her eyes at his lame attempt to lighten the mood and not think anything of how badly he did want to hear her sing, had since they’d first made their deal.

After a quiet few seconds, Beth leant back on her hands, considering him through playful eyes. Her sweet vanilla scent was all around him now.

‘Okay. What do you wanna hear?’

Daryl, who barely listened to music and wouldn’t know the first thing about the music she listened to, shrugged again, but this time Beth seemed to accept that as an answer.

‘Promise you won’t laugh.’ She warned, a shy smile spreading across her face and Daryl could barely believe that this girl, this beautiful girl, could possibly think that there would be anything funny about her singing for him.

Daryl nodded at her and she took in a deep breath. ‘Okay.’

Beth moved a little further onto the bed, achingly close to him and Daryl had to push down the wave of panic that arose. He couldn’t help his automatic reaction to closeness, and although it didn’t always happen, he wasn’t fully in control when his body did decide that someone else’s touch would remind him of anytime he’d had a hand, a poker, a belt, raised to him as a child. Sometimes he’d still flinch away when someone at work leant over to clap him on the back; how could he sit next to Beth after already having had sex with her – had buried himself so deep inside her that he forgot where he ended and she began – knowing that his body might betray him if she made a sudden movement?

Beth hadn’t moved any closer, just crossed her legs and leant back, resting on her hands and offering him one last nervous glance before taking in a deep breath and parting her lips.

At first, Daryl wasn’t aware of lyrics; all he could hear was her honeyed voice reverberating through his empty apartment and all he could think was that he wanted dearly to open all the drawers, all the cupboards and doors, and close them when she finished so that her voice might linger on after she left, keeping a part of her with him a while longer. He’d always been drawn to bright things but he’d never let himself have any of them. He could have this. And strangely, he didn’t feel guilty about wanting to keep this for himself for once. He’d said it before, after all – he was selfish.

Once Daryl had gotten over the initial impression Beth’s voice had left, he was able to make out words. While he didn’t recognise the song, he found he didn’t need to to appreciate the haunting beauty of it, the way her mouth curved around certain words and eyes closed at others. The song belonged to her in that moment and so did everything else. So did he.

Beth’s eyes were shut and the corner of her mouth was smiling a little like she couldn’t help it. And at that moment, they were the only two people in the world and all that mattered was that he was existing right now right beside her and he could not believe it. He’d felt lucky to be alive before but he’d never felt grateful.

Beth finished softly, opening her eyes and blinking in the light. She looked to Daryl a little shyly and he found under her gaze he did not have any words to describe what she’d just given him.

‘That, uh – that was . . . don’t know much ‘bout singin’, but –’

Beth’s face split into a grin at his stammering. ‘I’m a bit out of practise.’ She hugged her arms across her chest self-consciously. ‘My mother always said I should sing my own songs instead of other people’s but . . . well, I haven’t done it in a long time.’

Daryl cleared his throat, adjusting himself on the bed as his ribs ached. Beth hadn’t made to get up and leave and he didn’t want her to. In truth, those few minutes of her singing had been the first time in his life that he’d felt anything close to religion. Peace. Nothing else had existed, nothing else had mattered. So it wasn’t hard for him, despite knowing that her voice was wasted on his undeserving ears, to say, ‘keep singin’.’

Beth’s bright eyes searched his face at those words, tongue darting out across her bottom lip. Daryl thought she might refuse, might get up and leave instead, but she was smiling and shifting on the bed, getting comfortable.

‘What do you wanna hear?’

‘Anythin’.’ Daryl breathed softly as though he was afraid of disturbing the air around them.

The street light outside his window was still flickering, an orangey glow melting through the glass and mixing with his bedroom light, falling onto Beth. Her skin glowed, her hair reflecting light like a halo, eyes the ocean at sunset. Daryl had to tear his gaze away before she noticed him staring at her like that.

‘Alright.’ She murmured and then after another pause, she closed her eyes, hugging her knees to her chest as she began to sing again.

Daryl knew as Beth’s honeyed voice found his ears again that he could not go on pretending he did not think she was the most beautiful thing in the world. He thought, in that moment, that he could keep playing something to her that he had no business being. Maybe he would gladly be there for her whenever she needed, waiting until she called him, just to be something to her. He could pretend to be hers again for the sake of everyone else or he could just be there to give her the sweet release he’d given her twice now for the sake of herself. She might get rid of him the moment she finished singing, but until then, he was hers to need and she had all of him.

Beth’s song went for a little longer than the first one, but it was still too soon when she finally opened her eyes, finished. She looked at Daryl, still a little unsure of herself, and he couldn’t help the warm flush that crept up his neck. It felt strangely intimate, sitting on his bed in his bedroom that no one else had been in, having her sing for no one else but him.

Daryl bit the inside of his mouth, his eyes heavy as he turned away from her. He wanted to tell her how good she was, how much hearing her sing meant to him, but he wasn’t fool enough to try force the words out. His upbringing hadn’t just cursed him with physical recoil from affection but also from emotion. He was worse at this possibly because he had even less experience talking about his feelings than he did dealing with physical touch.

Beth did not seem to be waiting for a compliment. ‘It’s getting late. I should go.’

Was Daryl imagining the trace of regret in her voice? He could not tell for sure what she was feeling between his jaw aching and his ribs pulsing with pain, demanding his attention once more.

‘Thanks for listening.’ Beth flashed a smile as she slid off his bed, and god, that was it, the way her dress glided across her thighs and her hair fell back over her shoulder as she turned to look at him, that was all it took to have him aching for her. ‘You make a good crowd, Dixon.’

Daryl blew out an amused breath, forcing himself to tear his gaze off her for what seemed like the hundredth time that day. ‘You ain’t so bad yourself, Greene.’

Beth’s beam grew wider somehow, and she jumped up, walking past him and pausing at his bedroom door. She turned back with a fleeting glance, biting down on her bottom lip, fingers playing at her bracelets again.

‘Night, Daryl.’

Beth didn’t wait to see if he would say anything in response, and by the time Daryl had gotten to his feet and managed the words, ‘night, Beth’, she was already out the front door, blonde hair disappearing like the rest of her.


	9. You've Been On My Mind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beth confesses how deep her feelings run for Daryl.

Maggie and Glenn had left early the next morning with the promise they’d be back by the weekend. Beth stood waving at them madly from the porch, wrapped up in a blanket and blinking away the bright sun. She missed the both of them already but it was far too early to not be at least a little bitter that her sleep had been broken. She hadn’t been able to sleep for hours after she got home the night before, her mind still reeling from the previous day’s events. Although she’d left Daryl’s feeling lighter than ever, she couldn’t help being sick with worry about everything that his brother was dragging him into. She’d tossed and turned all night until her body could not function any longer and had sent her into an equally restless sleep.

Beth watched Maggie’s car disappear down the road and, with a mumble to Hershel, who was standing beside her, marched back upstairs and flung herself into bed again. Her worry for Daryl was slightly overshadowed by her disbelief that, for all the bad things she had to worry about happening to him, she had sung for the first time in a long time. And Daryl had asked her to. He’d been vulnerable, and not just with his words. He’d let her into his home, let her look after him although she knew that everything in him was screaming at him not to. She didn’t know why but she didn’t need to right then – all she needed to know was that he was letting her in, despite it all.

Beth sighed, turning in her blankets to gaze out her window. In the distance, a willow tree danced in the wind, inviting her out. Knowing it was pointless to try get back to sleep now her mind was racing, Beth rolled out of bed and got dressed before making her way out of the house.

She’d taken her notebook with her, trusting that her jumbled mess of thoughts would at least be useful in creating poems that she could craft into lyrics. They were. Beth sat under the willow in the dull heat for the better part of two hours scratching at her notebook before she finally decided she’d better eat something. It was hard, to not wonder what Daryl was doing. Was he at work, sweating under the sun, biceps bulging, or at home in bed, wrapped up in sheets as she’d been and thinking of her? She didn’t particularly know where last night left them. They’d both as good as admitted their feelings to each other, and yet they still seemed stuck in their habit of acting like they were only sticking around because the other person needed them. For a moment Beth contemplated calling Daryl and making up some family emergency that would make him need to come over and play the supportive boyfriend, but she shook that thought from her mind. She was absurd – he was making her absurd. And yet she knew if she called and asked this of him, he’d come over even if he could see the excuse for the ruse it was.

_You’re good, Daryl. I know you are._

Beth stared at her soggy bowl of cereal, twirling her spoon around the rim. Daryl hadn’t believed her but she’d insisted, and maybe it was a little selfish of her, but half the reason she’d sang for him was to make him know that she wouldn’t do that for just anyone who asked. That he was good enough to hear her sing. They could pretend it was her paying up that part of their deal but it wasn’t and she hoped he’d realised that.

Beth finished her breakfast, pulling off the list of chores stuck to the fridge that Hershel had left her. Her father had eyed her suspiciously that morning before they’d said their goodbyes to Maggie and Glenn, but Beth had hastily evaded any questions about the night before. He hadn’t spoken to her about Daryl and she wanted to keep it that way. As well-placed as her father’s heart was, she knew that he had Daryl all wrong, and what’s more – he had Beth wrong, too. Maybe he didn’t see it because of the scar that decorated her wrist but it seemed her father was stuck on thinking Beth was a helpless girl who needed to be protected, who needed decisions made for her, who’d break as easy as that mirror she’d used to slice herself open. The thought made her shudder and she readjusted her bracelets, feeling a little sick at the memory of the hot blood that had oozed out of her that day. Maybe blood wasn’t all she’d lost. Maybe she’d spilled out that part of herself that had been helpless, miserable, numb. And maybe in it’s absence, she’d been able to grow something back completely different that no one else seemed to recognise because they weren’t in her skin, feeling what she did.

That brought Beth back to Daryl of course. Admittedly, she hadn’t thought her original plan through that much before she asked him to accompany her to Carl’s birthday. It was a whim, fuelled by the pitying faces and sympathetic looks that she knew awaited her. All Beth wanted was to give them something that they couldn’t make her feel guilty for, wouldn’t make her feel as though she had to worry over them worrying over her. She hadn’t considered what it meant, that she wanted to pretend to be okay, that she knew she’d have to open herself up to someone new. She hadn’t considered at all the fact that it meant in some strange way, she was beginning to heal by being able to pretend to. Talk about ironic.

Beth made quick work of the chores around the farm, grateful that they’d managed to distract her from worrying about whatever Merle was trying to get his brother involved in, until she got to her laundry. The golden dress she’d adorned the night before was laying at the edge of her bed, creased and flecked with blood. She didn’t mind that it was stained even though it meant a lot to her. In some strange way, it was like wearing it the night before had broken the spell it had over her, and now it could just be a dress she had that her mother had bought her, and not that dress that her mother had bought her.

Beth scrubbed viciously at the stains under a hot tap, soap bubbling between her fingers. She watched the water in the sink turn pink as the blood began to fade away. Daryl’s hands were stamped into her mind, his bruised knuckles and his blood-stained teeth, and another feeling of foreboding washed over her. They hadn’t spoken about what Daryl was going to do about Merle and Mitch and Beth knew a part of the reason they hadn’t was because Daryl refused to drag her into this. She thought of how he’d pushed her out of harms way, the ugly growl that had escaped him as Mitch laid his hands on her and thought of her heart, jack rabbiting against her ribs and thought how she was in this now as much as he. Daryl would hate it and he would push her away but he must know by now that that wouldn’t work. Beth had needed him the last few weeks and now he needed her, and although the thought terrified her, to be needed after so long being stagnant, she knew it terrified him more. She’d been unmoving for a year and he’d been unmoving his whole life. And if this was to be a game over who frightened first, she would not lose.

Beth hung her dress out to dry outside, pushing back her hair as the late September heat flourished. It would get dark soon and she’d gone the whole day managing to distract herself enough to refrain from calling him, wondering if that would push him away. He’d seemed on a knife edge the night before, impossibly at war with himself, tugging a little further away each time she’d pulled. Beth knew that he’d wanted her enough to ask her to sing, to allow her to touch him while he was hating himself for the fight, and that was enough for now. She’d have to wonder to herself whether his bruises were still aching or if he’d changed his bandage or if he’d spoken to his brother or if he’d thought about her.

The next day passed by quite quickly considering Beth woke up with Daryl on her mind and went to sleep thinking of him. In the middle, she busied herself with her guitar, plucking strings and writing down notes on top of lyrics and scribbling in margins whenever a moment struck her memory. Although she tried looking to other things to inspire her, all of her energy was focussed on Daryl. It wasn’t just that he’d been the reason she’d started writing again but the fact that he’d been the reason she’d wanted to write at all. Beth could describe the sapphire blue of his eyes or the sharp edge to his chin or the taut strength of his arms all day but when it came down to it, she was writing about feelings in colours and noises instead of words. Daryl had done that; he’d given that to her. Beth ate dinner that night with her father and for the first time laughed at a memory of Annette he’d recounted without feeling like her world was ending. Was she forgetting or was she healing? Or was forgetting and healing the same thing?

It was the day after that which made the days before seem far too uneventful in comparison. Beth should have known those two quiet days flitting around the farm and writing music were just readying her for what was to follow. She had woken with sun pouring into her eyes, blearily trudging downstairs to find Hershel gone, a note taped to the fridge detailing that he was in town. After a restless couple of minutes walking circles around the kitchen, Beth finally bit. It had been enough the last few days to wonder about Daryl but now she was burning, aching to know what he was doing and if he was okay and she couldn’t wait another day in silence. Grabbing her keys and hoping that he wouldn’t take too unkindly to her showing up at his door, she left the farm. Her palms were sweaty as she gripped the steering wheel, turning through streets that took her closer and closer to his apartment. Her stomach fluttered at the sight of his building, breath shaky as she parked. It was silly, that Beth should be so nervous to see him now when objectively, they were in the most comfortable place they’d been. This wasn’t something as intimate as having sex or as uncertain as their first few conversations. Maybe that’s what scared her more – whatever they were now. How quickly they’d plunged from strangers to something more.

Taking a deep breath in, Beth kept her trembling hands in her pockets as she climbed the stairwell. She let her vague memory of the familiar surroundings guide her to his door. With a nervous shake of her head, she knocked once, twice.

For a moment Beth wondered if Daryl was at work before he swung open the door abruptly, his expression changing from indifference to surprise.

‘Beth?’

Beth grinned nervously, feeling her heart flutter at his appearance. The bruise across his jaw was dark purple. Well, there was no backing out of it now.

‘Hey.’ She scanned his body, standing tensed in his doorway, his hands gripping the frame, knuckles still bruised. ‘Just wanted to check on you.’

A look crossed Daryl’s face as though he couldn’t believe that’s the only reason she had come all this way. He shifted a little uncomfortably under her gaze.

‘’M alright.’

‘Good.’ Beth breathed, a tiny flower of panic opening in her chest as they stood staring at each other.

Right as it began to get painfully silent, Daryl cleared his throat and muttered, ‘wanna come in?’

Beth nodded, biting back her grin as he moved aside to let her pass. She settled against the corner of his kitchen bench as he turned around, closing the door.

‘How’s your side?’ Beth nodded to his ribs and Daryl shrugged.

‘’S alright.’

‘Changed the bandages?’

Daryl nodded, a small smile playing at the corner of his mouth. ‘You my nurse now?’

Beth let out a surprised laugh, peering at him curiously through her lashes. She pushed away the images his words conjured in her mind but she couldn’t help the way her body reacted to his teasing voice, stomach doing somersaults and heart beating erratically. ‘You want me to be?’

Daryl’s gaze darted between her eyes and her mouth before turning away, letting out an amused huff.

Beth waited a moment, revelling in the charged atmosphere they’d created before breaking the silence.

‘You talk to your brother?’

Daryl, as though he’d known she’d ask, moved from the front door to the couch opposite her, leaning back against it and crossing his arms as he considered her. ‘Mm.’

When Beth realised he wasn’t going to divulge any other details until she prompted him, she asked slowly, watching his reaction for any sense that she was digging too much, ‘so what are you gonna do? About Merle?’

Daryl chewed on the inside of his lip. Behind them, his kitchen tap was dripping and an open window somewhere in the apartment was letting in faint bird calls and chatter from the street below, but the noises didn’t seem to penetrate their little bubble.

Daryl let out a heavy sigh, dipping his head. ‘Gotta go with him. One last drop.’

Beth’s heart slowed painfully and she made to object but Daryl spoke over her, seemingly sensing she would.

‘Ain’t a choice, Beth.’ Now he was looking up at her and she could see just how badly it pained him to tell her, to have to make this decision in the first place. Beth swallowed, silent for the moment to hear him out.

‘Merle don’t pull through, it’s his ass in prison. Mitch’s plenty bad but he ain’t even the worst of them –’

‘Thought he and Merle were buddies?’ Beth asked, shifting against the kitchen bench.

Daryl looked away from her. ‘Ain’t . . . ain’t about Merle.’

Beth lowered her gaze to the floor, studying the carpet fibres Daryl seemed to intent on giving attention to. She couldn’t fathom why he would risk his own life, everything he was trying so hard to make better, just for his brother who clearly wouldn’t do the same for him.

‘What’s it about?’

The silence may as well have been screaming Beth’s name because her head snapped up, a look of realisation crossing her face.

‘Oh.’

Daryl nodded, pushing himself off the couch and walking to the corner of the room, hands a little jittery.

Beth felt crushing guilt consuming her, felt her fist closing around everything Daryl had seemed to be working towards. That better life he was trying for, all in jeopardy because of her. Because he cared. But still, it didn’t make sense.

‘Don’t do this. Not for me.’

‘I ain’t got a choice, Beth.’

Beth shook her head stubbornly, surprised at the pin pricks of tears that were blurring her vision. She blinked them away angrily.

‘This is all my fault. God, I’m so stupid. I never should have made you play along with my stupid game –’

‘Don’t matter.’ Daryl dismissed her with a wave of his hand. He seemed more uncomfortable with her earnest than he was with the prospect of putting himself in danger for her. ‘Never really got away from it anyway.’

Beth stood up a little straighter, shifting her weight off the kitchen bench and moving towards him, not knowing how to make him see that she wasn’t worth this.

‘You did. You still can.’

Daryl let out an exasperated breath, moving a little away from her at the sight of the concern in her wide eyes as though it scared him.

‘We ain’t doin’ this.’

Beth locked eyes with him stubbornly. For once, it was her convincing him that she was not deserving. It was strange, to see that sheer determination of his staring back at her, challenging her to contradict him, knowing she would. It felt a little like being known and the weight of it staggered her.

‘You ain’t noticed how Mitch was fuckin’ starin’ at you the other night? How he followed you inside, don’t even realise what could’a happened?’ Daryl’s voice had an irritated edge to it, his chest rising and falling as though getting ready for a fight.

Beth blinked in confusion, thrown by the change of topic. Of course she’d realised how Mitch was staring, and had known something happened between him and Daryl in the hallway but she’d been distracted immediately after and any thought of follow-up questions had slipped her mind. ‘What’s this got to do with Mitch?’

Daryl snorted, turning away from her. ‘These ain’t good people, Beth. Mitch ain’t gonna give a shit ‘bout Merle when it comes down to it and he sure as hell don’t give a shit ‘bout me. That means you, too.’

Beth was silent as his words sank in, feeling a tightening around her chest.

‘Let me get this right – because Mitch and everyone else your brother is involved with thinks I’m with you, I’ve got a target on my back now if you don’t deliver the drugs at the next drop?’

Daryl didn’t look at her but he nodded, fingertips pressing into his palms like he wanted to draw blood.

‘You might see the good in everyone but I sure as hell don’t. I know what happens to you if I don’t do this. Ain’t a choice.’ He repeated again in a low growl, moving to the other side of the room in frustration.

In the dull silence that followed, Beth counted thirteen little plunks as the dripping tap water hit the bottom of the sink. Finally, she forced herself to move, to speak, to comprehend that this was the situation they were in and that she couldn’t change it.

‘When is it?’ Beth’s voice was surprisingly controlled.

‘A week.’

She nodded, feeling a little air come back into her chest, the tightening easing.

‘And I can’t change your mind?’

Daryl let out a strangled, incredulous breath as though he couldn’t believe she didn’t already know the answer. ‘Ain’t nothin’ you could do.’

Beth allowed the silence that followed his words to envelop her. Her mind was running wildly through every possible situation that could follow, every single thing that could go wrong that would wind up getting Daryl hurt or his life ruined. She wanted to be in the moment, offer solutions or comfort but it was hard to keep your head above water while you were drowning yourself at the same time.

‘We could just tell them it’s fake.’ Beth suggested weakly, not even able to believe the idea. ‘That I don’t mean anything to you.’

Daryl shook his head, not meeting her eye. ‘Don’t matter either way.’

‘How do they even know?’

‘Merle.’ Daryl muttered, again avoiding her eye.

Beth felt a wave of rage blow through her. His own brother, threatening someone he cared about if he didn’t get his cooperation. She felt sick as they lapsed into silence again. Somewhere in Beth’s gut a warm feeling had buried itself under the sands of guilt and mounds of worry. Something that told her that Daryl was so scared of anything happening to her that he’d put his own life at risk. Something that told her that if he was prepared to do that, then she needed to tell him what had been nagging her since the barbeque the other day.

‘I know,’ Beth began in a shaky voice, ‘that I told you that you were afraid. When we had that fight. But you’re not the only one.’

Daryl turned his body towards her, his thumb at his mouth as he bit around the nail nervously, waiting for her to go on.

Beth took a deep breath, willing her cheeks not to flush as she broached the topic. ‘The first time we had sex. I was scared that if I told you what I wanted to tell you afterwards, you’d freak out and push me away. I was scared and I was selfish because I thought I could have you and it could be easy. But I need you to know now because I’m in way over my head and I can’t make any sense of this and it’s happening so fast. It wasn’t just sex. Not the first time, not the time after that. Not for me, anyway.’

In the aching quiet that followed her words, Beth only had room enough to concentrate on the pummelling her heart was taking against her ribcage. Daryl was unmoving, hand still half raised to his mouth, eyes wide. There it was – she’d said it. He could reject her right now and it would hurt but at least she would know what she was worth to him. Logic might tell her she seemed to be worth a whole lot to him based on his willingness to put himself at risk to keep her safe but the rest of her brain knew that she couldn’t let him do that unless he knew exactly what it meant to her.

Finally, Daryl spoke, words scraping roughly out of his throat. ‘Wasn’t just sex for me, either.’

Beth could feel her stomach writhing, heart pumping even more furiously at his confession. So they’d as good as admitted how they felt. It should have brought her comfort but it only made her more terrified of where they could go from here and what she knew was to come. They’d gotten to this point only to have it shadowed by the uglier truth that reality was harsh. That Daryl would have to risk himself, to protect her.

As though by divine intervention, Beth’s phone rang out from her pocket and she jumped a little before fumbling it out. Out of the corner of her eye, Daryl was breathing hard, turning away with a furrowed brow as though he’d been looking at the sun.

‘I should go.’ Beth said, taking in her father’s name flashing on screen before hastily burying her phone back into her pocket. She didn’t want to leave, not at all. She wanted to stay and finish this conversation and maybe have a new one after that. But Daryl was like a wounded animal in the corner, used to disappointment and unsure of whether he could trust the person in front of him and Beth was emotionally exhausted. She didn’t realise just how much she’d worried over him the last few days and the relief of it all seemed to be crushing her, demanding her attention. There was relief but there was a fresh wave of fear again, now knowing what he’d agreed to do. As much as she wanted to stay, she knew she should get home to her father, at least attempt to be useful around the farm for the rest of the day. She couldn’t handle being in the same room as him right now; her mind was too scattered, somewhere far from her body. She needed to call Maggie, talk to someone. She needed to ground herself before she was overwhelmed by it all.

Daryl had nodded at her words, chewing on his lip nervously as he waited for her to move. Beth considered just leaving but she didn’t want to without saying goodbye. This was the strange part; how should they say goodbye? If they were a couple they’d kiss and if they were strangers they might wave, but they were neither of those things. Beth grit her teeth, knowing he would not move unless she did and stepped forward, watching the way Daryl tensed up a little as she did, watching the way his shoulders relaxed after a second and the way he melted into her touch as she wrapped her arms around him, head resting on his chest. She could hear his heartbeat, erratic and familiar; like her own. Breathing in deeply, Beth tried to commit to memory his pine, motor oil scent, wondering what she smelt like to him. Daryl’s arms had moved to tighten around her, one hand playing across her waist and the other at the base of her neck. When they broke apart, Beth couldn’t help the small smile that he elicited from her. He gave the faintest of smiles back and that was all it took to get her heart racing violently.

‘I’ll see you soon?’ Beth asked, looking behind her shoulder to him as she headed to the door.

Daryl nodded, clearing his throat and straightening up. ‘Soon.’

* * *

Beth would’ve liked to have taken a moment sometime during the rest of the day to pick up her notebook and scribble out a few more lines, but Hershel made sure she was too busy for that. She didn’t think her father meant to distract her, maybe just himself. Beth knew that although he didn’t talk about it to her much, he was missing Annette as dearly as she was. He kept them busy the rest of the day, only pausing to take a phone call from Martinez that Beth, for once, was too preoccupied in her own mind to have the desire to listen to.

After a quiet dinner, Beth fell onto her bed and called Maggie. She didn’t tell her about anything that Daryl or his brother were involved in, knowing exactly what reaction she’d get. She didn’t tell her that they’d been pretending this whole time up until now. What they did talk about was how Maggie’s job was going, what kind of music Beth was listening to, how long they thought that Shawn had been out partying the night before and how many more run-ins with their neighbour they’d need to have until Glenn realised she was having an affair with their plumber.

It felt good to laugh, to be careless for a while. Just a girl with no scar on her wrist, no dead mother, no impossibly complicated man who was willing to risk things for her she couldn’t even imagine.

When Maggie eventually got dragged away by the lure of a few hours sleep before work the next morning, Beth allowed herself to sink into bed and comfortably drift off for once without anything heavy on her mind keeping her awake.


	10. Peel The Scars Off My Back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daryl takes a big step in trusting Beth and Merle reveals his plan is more dangerous than he let on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> couldn't help upload this chapter right after the last since it was so short! enjoy and let me know what you thought :)

Although it had been a warmer than usual night, Beth had slept well. She woke up too hot and with too much sun blinding her vision but her chest felt light. Nightmares of her mother’s death or when she’d nearly killed herself didn’t disturb her. Instead, she dreamt of nothing at all. A blissful, floating escape for when it got dark was what she’d been missing for so long. It was only after another few seconds awake that she remembered seeing Daryl the day before and all the things they’d confessed to each other. Her stomach did a nervous flip at the memory of his words.

_Wasn’t just sex for me, either._

They were both laid bare now, both vulnerable in ways they’d never been to another person before. Beth got out of bed and hopped into the shower, feeling the hot water scalding her skin with a welcome warmth. She’d always been drawn to the heat, would always rather be too hot than too cold. She’d sit too close to fires and scorch alongside embers and keep water hot enough to melt the flesh off her bones. Thinking of Daryl was like the sun warming her from the inside out. She was burning and now she knew he was too. Maybe she wasn’t the only one who liked the heat.

‘Bethy, I’m going into town again, you want anything?’ Hershel called from the kitchen as Beth made her way downstairs, hair still a little damp.

Since Maggie and Glenn had left, Beth had been waiting to be closely-watched by her father, monitored and worried about and certainly not left alone, but it hadn’t happened. If anything, Hershel had been leaving her alone more and more during the day. Which meant one thing; her deal with Daryl had indeed fulfilled its purpose. She smiled inwardly as her father moved to the door. That he didn’t lecture her about being home alone or ask her with trepidation if she was going to be okay or even refuse to leave her at all spoke volumes. She was getting better and he could tell. He trusted her.

‘If you go to the market make sure you get peaches.’

Hershel smiled, nodding his head.

‘Always were your mother’s favourite.’

Beth smiled softly, reaching out a hand to grip her father’s shoulder, squeezing reassuringly. He placed a hand over hers and clasped comfortingly.

‘I’ll be back by dinner.’

Beth watched through the screen door as her dad disappeared into his car and down the road. It was sweltering outside and she closed the front door to block the stifling heat, beads of sweat already appearing at her forehead.

Home alone again. This was a luxury she could afford to take for granted now. Last year she wouldn’t dream she’d be left alone more than five minutes at a time but now here she was in the big farmhouse, surrounded by acres of empty land. She could do whatever she wanted. The thought was a little daunting, and after deliberating whether she wanted to go for a ride in the heat, she settled on bringing her guitar downstairs and sitting in the shade on the back porch, plucking at the strings and letting her mind wander. Her notebook sat open to a blank page, pick in her mouth as her fingers played across the strings absent-mindedly. Annette would sit out there with her most days like this, the guitar across her lap. The memory made Beth feel strangely distant, as though she was only sitting on the porch in memory and not in real life. But when she looked over to the other side of the steps, there was no one there. No one had been there for a while.

Beth took a deep breath, preparing for the onslaught of grief that was sure to come and then breathed out slowly when nothing happened. Her throat wasn’t closing up and her eyes weren’t welling with tears. She was still as heartbroken as ever about losing her mother but she was not in pain in the same way she used to be about it. There’d been a lot of bad days before and hardly any good ones. Beth knew that there would be plenty more bad days to come but as long as there could be a few good ones too, then she was okay. She was finding a way to be okay. And now that she was, she could reflect on the last year without the crushing weight of it all.

Maggie had dealt with the death in her own way but Beth realised, with a little knot of guilt in her stomach, that she’d never had the chance to be there for the rest of her family. They’d lost Annette too.

The humid air washed over her as a light breeze rolled in. Beth looked out into the field that made up their backyard, spotted in patchy sunlight. There was a bird’s nest in the willow straight ahead and a spare tyre a little beyond that. It was incredible really, how quickly Beth’s mind lapped up the chance to think about Daryl Dixon at the sight of something remotely associated with him. If Maggie was there and could read her thoughts she’d make some comment like, “wow! That was almost a whole minute without thinking of him. Must be a record”, and Beth would roll her eyes and blush, secretly liking the fact that Maggie was smiling about it too.

So engrossed in her own thoughts of Daryl was she that she almost missed the sound of knocking on the front door. Not knowing who to expect, Beth called out she was coming before darting into the house through the backdoor and making her way to the front. The wooden door creaked a little as Beth pushed it open. She shouldn’t have been surprised at this point that Daryl was standing right in front of her as though he’d heard her thinking of him, but still she took him in with a little shock through her whole body.

‘Daryl? Hey.’

Daryl was standing behind the screen door, hands in his pockets, watching her through the mesh.

‘Hey.’

Beth bit back a grin at the sight of him, at the memory of their last conversation. They’d left things well enough that him turning up was not a confusing event but rather a welcome surprise.

‘Come in.’ Beth nudged open the screen door and Daryl nodded, chewing on his lip and brushing past her. The bright daylight seemed to make him more vivid, all hard edges and messy hair. He’d been at work, Beth could tell, by the grease that spilled across his hands and sleeveless shirt. His arms were glistening with sweat, his tanned skin taut over muscle recently put to use.

‘Want a drink?’

Daryl, seemingly unsure of what to do now he was inside her house, nodded.

Beth busied herself with making a glass of lemonade, rifling through the freezer to find the ice like she didn’t live there. By the time she turned around, Daryl had followed her into the kitchen, looking impossibly at odds with the pristine interior.

Beth walked up to him and handed him the glass.

‘Thanks.’ He muttered, fingers brushing hers as he took the drink. It was pathetic, Beth knew, but she couldn’t help the way a jolt ran through her as though he’d given her an electric shock. His dirty fingers closed around the glass and Beth watched as he brought it to his mouth, taking a sip. Sure her face was burning at the sight of his tongue running along his bottom lip, Beth looked away, apparently now invested in studying the grandfather clock in the corner.

‘You working?’ Beth asked, leaning back on the bench to put some distance between them lest her thoughts get even harder to control.

‘Yeah. On break, thought I’d come see you.’ Daryl’s tone was a little unsure but his eyes were not when they met hers. The air around them was strange, something it hadn’t been before. It felt as though each time they’d seen each other had been shadowed by the reason they were there; keeping up their end of a bargain or storming over to fight or under the guise of returning her car. But now there was no real reason for Daryl to be here, nothing that he could lean back on to pretend like it wasn’t because he’d simply wanted to see her. Now they both knew that’s exactly what this was. Despite what she knew about him, Daryl had made the first move in coming here. So what was Beth going to do about it?

‘Jaw looks a little better.’ She mused, searching the purple smattering across his chin and he grunted. ‘How’s the rest?’

Daryl half-shrugged, finishing the lemonade and placing the glass down. ‘Ain’t too bad.’ He looked her up and down, eyes quizzically drawn to her shoes.

‘I was sitting outside.’ Beth explained, moving across him and towards the back door. ‘Just, I don’t know, playing a bit, thinking about things.’

Daryl followed her quietly, stopping as they reached the swinging door and peered out onto the porch.

‘Yours?’ He nodded to the guitar she’d left leaning against the house.

Beth jerked her head. ‘It was my mothers.’

Daryl watched her through his lashes evenly, measuring her response. ‘Got any others?’

Beth shook her head a little wistfully. ‘Just the one. You play?’

Daryl snorted, moving away from the door. ‘I look like I play?’

‘I mean, you’re good with your hands, so why not?’ Beth’s smile froze at the sight of Daryl’s quirked brow, his uncertain amusement. ‘I didn’t mean – I meant, cause you’re a mechanic –’

‘Damn mouth gonna get you in trouble one day.’ Daryl growled and Beth’s heart raced and her stomach twisted and something a little lower than both of them fluttered. He’d said that to her before; under very different circumstances and even then Beth had felt that flicker of curiosity, that longing. Daryl Dixon angry was a scary enough thing; yelling and hurting and a wild, feral animal. But Daryl Dixon flirting, that was a whole other kind of danger, not only because she sensed that he never did this but also because she sensed he meant every word he said. Whether he was angry at her or wanting her, Beth felt the same strange mix of elation and enticement. And suddenly she was painfully aware that they were in a very empty house.

Beth propped herself up on the kitchen bench, letting her legs swing freely beneath her as she kicked off her shoes. Daryl was still not completely comfortable in her house, in this clean kitchen where he stood out boldly, hands in his pockets and a little closed off. And God, Beth couldn’t take it anymore, the sight of him there, hot with sweat and covered in motor oil and staring at her like he wanted her more than air.

‘Trouble?’ Beth teased, a wicked smile playing at the corner of her mouth. She pulled at the curling hair by her neck as she enjoyed the small tug at his mouth. He’d bit and she’d bit back. ‘What kinda trouble?’

Now she pushed herself off the bench, sick of the distance no matter how suffocating the heat was. Daryl chewed on his lip as Beth walked over to him, stopping right in front, barely a breath away. Her thighs were quivering with anticipation, mouth dry. They didn’t need to pretend to not want each other anymore, and perhaps Daryl had just realised this too, because instead of pulling away like she knew his reflexes told him to, he stepped forward and suddenly there was no space between them at all.

For a moment it seemed as though he’d answer her, but then he made an impatient noise and had grabbed her face, tilting it up to meet the bruising pressure of his lips. Beth’s reaction was instantaneous; the moment their lips collided, she was wrapping her arms around his neck, pushing her body into him, opening her mouth to allow him in with a little moan. Daryl’s tongue was hot against hers and his skin was fire under her touch but Beth’s hands didn’t stop as they slid up his tensed arms and down to the hem of his shirt, across his torso. He tasted of lemonade and it only made her think of the last time she’d had that taste on her lips, the night where he’d fucked her in that bathroom, and her legs grew weaker. Beth felt the rippling of the tight muscles across his stomach and pulled herself closer in, his erection pushing urgently into her hip. She grinned between kisses, unable to process anything other than the burst of joy that was flowing through her. They existed in their own world right now, just the two of them. It was easy to pretend this was something they did everyday; Daryl coming to visit her on his break and Beth playing music and the two of them kissing as though their lives depended on it in the empty kitchen gilded in sunlight.

Beth felt Daryl’s lips shift into a smile against hers and her heart exploded with the knowledge that he was sharing the same unexplainable pleasure, the same unyielding longing as her.

Moving her hands lower now, she stroked him over his jeans and he let out a harsh breath into her mouth, his hands weaving through her hair. Beth could feel how wet she’d already gotten under his touch but for the time being, was more than content to ignore the heat that had flared up in her belly in favour of his. She’d always preferred to burn, anyway.

Beth pushed him back until he’d hit the wall, fumbling with his belt and moving her face to his neck, burying her head in his heat. By the time she’d undone his pants and had let them drop to the floor, Daryl’s hand was already underneath her top, cupping a breast roughly. Beth sucked at his jawline, spreading softer kisses across the bruising, heart thumping at the sound of his low whine at her butterfly touches. He’d unhooked her bra in the meantime and Beth shimmied it off impatiently through the arm hole of her t-shirt. She let him play with her breasts under her top for another minute, twisting her nipples lightly as he bucked his hips into her hands as they cupped his groin, before she couldn’t take it anymore. Gently guiding his hands to her hair, she leant back a little so she could look him in the eye. Daryl’s eyes were wild; even bluer now they were blown with lust, searching hers to find the same thing. But when she dropped to her knees on the hard kitchen tiles, Daryl’s gaze went from desire to unease.

‘’S alright, you don’t gotta –’

Beth held his gaze steadily, knowing he’d say this.

‘I know.’ She gave him an encouraging smile as she tugged his underwear down, letting his hard cock spring free, inches from her face. Her mouth watered and her pussy grew slicker at the sight of it.

‘I wanna taste you.’

Daryl’s head fell back against the wall as he looked down at her, fingers still tangled in her curling hair, eyes torn between lust and uncertainty. When he spoke, his voice was tinged with guilt.

‘Beth – ‘m filthy –’

‘I don’t care.’ Beth breathed, wrapping one hand around him and he closed his eyes, swallowing hard. She knew that he had so much of himself that he was still unsure of, afraid of, but she wouldn’t let him feel as though he wasn’t deserving of this. Especially since she was aching for the chance to have him come undone in her mouth, covered in motor oil and filthy from work or not. She didn’t say it aloud, but she quite liked the thought of her hair and skin stained with oil from his fingers, marking her as his own.

Daryl had seemed to melt into her as she began to stroke him slowly, pulling at her hair a little although Beth knew he didn’t realise he was doing it. He had a line between his brows as he released shaking breaths, eyes still closed. Beth knew that he was not used to being treated like he’d earned this but wanted him to know he didn’t have to keep a part of himself held back, out of the moment, just because he felt this way.

His cock was rock hard under her touch and suddenly she couldn’t take it anymore, so close to her wet mouth. She closed her lips over his tip and Daryl’s grip tightened on her, throwing his head back as though he’d just been set free.

Beth dragged her tongue across his salty skin, teasing over his slit that was already dripping. Beth moved a hand up to the side of his thigh as the other closed around the base of his dick and began shallow strokes. She was no expert in blow jobs but she’d given her fare share, mostly with Zach, and she realised now it was not something you could be good at with everyone. It was either good or it wasn’t and Beth knew this had to be good because of how badly she wanted him in her mouth, how bad she wanted to give him this.

Without warning, she bobbed her head forward, sliding his length down towards her throat and Daryl groaned, hips bucking forward slightly. Beth let her tongue slide up and down him, sucking in her cheeks as she did, closing her wet lips around his tip as she pulled him out of her mouth with a pop.

The hand at his base began to stroke him faster, now well lubricated from her saliva.

‘Daryl, you taste so good.’

Daryl’s eyes opened slightly, gazing down at her as she leant on her knees on the hard tiled floor, staring up at him with those wide eyes, hand pumping the length of his cock.

Beth didn’t look away as she moved in again, tongue circling his head before closing her lips over his length, feeling him hit the back of her throat, nearly making her gag. Daryl let out another groan, mouth opening a little and watching her through lust-blown eyes. His breathing was ragged as she moved her head, sucking and slurping his warm, hard dick. Beth’s lips were vibrating from the friction, her tongue growing restless from playing against him. One of her hands was now cupping his balls, gently massaging them between her palm as she continued to suck him off with a mouth dribbling with saliva. Her pussy was throbbing as she moved her body along with the rhythm of her head, completely soaked through her underwear and creating a distraction each time the heel of her foot brushed her groin.

Beth was moving quicker now, feeling a small satisfaction each time Daryl thrust his hips forward into her mouth involuntarily, groaning.

‘God, Beth –’ he managed between gasps, fingertips still holding onto her from her hair as she slobbered over his cock, ‘you’re so fuckin’ pretty.’

And this did nothing except cause Beth to ache even more for him, her insides jolting at his words, pussy lips trembling. Daryl, noticing her shuddering, pushed his leg between her thighs and instinctively she lowered her body onto it, grinding into him and unable to help the small moan that escaped her lips as they surrounded his cock.

Daryl let out a low grunt, now completely lost in the feeling of her wet, hot mouth slipping up and down him. The friction was unbearable, Beth’s lips were singing around him, eyes watery as saliva pooled and dripped down her chin.

‘Easy, girl.’ Daryl panted, pulling back a bit. ‘Ain’t gonna come in your mouth –’

‘I wanna taste you.’ Beth repeated against him in a hum, hand at his base again and this time using both that and her mouth to push him to the edge. If Daryl had anything else to argue about, the moment her lips closed back around his cock he forgot. All Beth knew was her soaking pussy throbbing against his leg, his rough fingers in her hair and his fat cock filling her mouth as she sucked.

And then Daryl twitched and his grip tightened on her as a low cry tore from his throat, hips thrusting in and out of her sloppily as he fucked her mouth hard, coming.

Beth swallowed every last drop, licking him clean even after he was done, his body shaking with tiny tremors as he came down, breathing hard. When she looked up at him, he was watching her, chest heaving and breath ragged, like he didn’t quite know what to say. Beth, all of a sudden feeling a little shy with her soaking wet pussy against his leg, stood up on shaky feet and gave him a small smile, wiping at the edges of her mouth.

Daryl’s gaze was heavy on her. ‘Beth, that was . . . fuck, felt so good.’

Beth grinned, cheeks rosy with colour. She hadn’t felt the aching in her knees before but she did now. Knowing they’d likely stay sore for the next few hours did nothing to lessen the bud of desire flowering in her gut. She could still taste him in her mouth, sticky and salty. Her knees could have bleed and been rubbed raw and she still probably wouldn’t have noticed.

Before she could say anything, Daryl’s eyes had flicked to her shorts, tongue darting out to wet his lips as though he could smell her arousal.

Without a word he scooped her up, his strong arms pulling her legs apart and onto either side of him as he carried her to the kitchen bench. Beth let out a little noise of surprise, giggling as he placed her down. He didn’t say anything but he didn’t need to; his eyes were hungry enough that they spoke louder than words could.

Beth’s heart was hammering in her chest as Daryl tugged off her shorts, coaxing her legs apart, stepping back a little to admire the sight of her sitting on the bench in her underwear. She felt her nipples poking through the thin material of her top and knew Daryl saw them, too. He didn’t waste any time in bending over her, his cock already half-hard again as he moved his hands up her thighs slowly. Beth shivered, goosebumps erupting across her skin, pussy throbbing as he got achingly close. He dipped his head a little, hot breath catching against her neck as he scraped his teeth across her ear. And then, like he knew how much this was making her squirm, Daryl dragged a finger across her damp underwear, flicking her clit and she whimpered. Daryl was slowly lowering himself down now, taking his time to place kisses across her collarbones, easily identifying the place of her breasts as he sucked on her nipples through her shirt. Beth let out a shaky breath as he moved further down, now on his knees in front of her like she’d been for him. He used his hands to pull off her panties, discarding them on the cold floor, before spreading her legs even further apart. Beth’s heart was in her throat in anticipation, at what she knew was to come. And Daryl, finally seeming to sense that it was not possible for her to get any wetter, dipped his head and closed his lips around her clit.

Beth threw her head back as pleasure exploded through her body. It had never felt like this before; like every nerve ending in her was burning up, like Daryl’s hot mouth on her clit was the only thing she would ever feel again. Her elbows hit the hard bench top as she fell back, a hand automatically flying to his hair.

Daryl’s tongue was circling her clit, the short hairs on his chin rubbing against her soaking opening and making her hiss in pleasure. He noticed, looking up at her through his hair and smirking a little. God, that smirk, right between her legs, like there was no where else he’d rather be. That was driving her mad.

Before she could even draw another unsteady breath, Daryl’s hands were gripping her thighs, pinning her down so her legs would stay spread open. He stuck out his tongue and licked down her belly button, past her sharp hipbones, over her swollen clit, until he reached her hole and he edged around the sensitive skin there for a tantalising second before grunting impatiently and sticking his tongue inside of her.

‘F-fuck.’ Beth moaned, barely able to open her eyes to look at him as he fucked her with his tongue, nose rubbing against her clit at the same time. Daryl was messy with it but she liked that. He wasn’t brimming with experience but what he lacked with that she couldn’t tell as one of his rough hands found her clit, rubbing her in circles quickly. She wouldn’t last much longer, she knew. It was almost enough to just look at him, to picture this scene as though she was watching from the doorway. Daryl, cock poking out after she’d just sucked him dry, kneeling with his head buried between her thighs as Beth sat spread open for him on the kitchen bench in broad daylight.

Daryl was drooling over her now, saliva mixing with her juices and making her unbearably slick. His hands were sending shocks through her legs as they brushed over her clit and Beth couldn’t help but think that she’d been right about his fingers. He was eating her out like he was starving, like there was something he desperately needed and it came in the shape of her eyes squinting shut and the sound of her breathy moans. His tongue lapped up her wetness, working her throbbing pussy as her hips bucked into his face, finding a rhythm. Daryl’s fingers were now moving across her folds, pushing them open and pumping two fingers straight into her as he sucked on her clit, tongue circling in the blinding pressure he’d created.

‘Daryl!’ Beth wailed, overcome by the friction against her pussy and his fingers mercilessly sliding in and out of her. Both her hands were in his hair, holding him in place while she wriggled her hips up and down. She was fucking his face now and in any other circumstances she might feel shy but how could she, when Daryl was clearly enjoying this as much as she was? All she had to do was look at his bright eyes watching her greedily as he thrust another finger inside of her, tongue hot and wet and hungry against her.

Just as Beth was realising how close she truly was, Daryl pulled back, fingers still working inside of her but dragging his tongue away, watching her with a small smirk on his face as she let out a frustrated groan.

‘Wanna come, baby?’

Beth’s heart nearly stopped then and there at his impossibly rough voice, the way his wet mouth had curved around the word baby. There she was, on the brink of release, and he was teasing her, wondering how far he could draw her out to make it all the better when it finally happened.

But Beth couldn’t pretend like she could hold out any longer. If he wanted her begging, he’d get it no problem.

‘Fuck, make me come Daryl –’

Daryl pulled his fingers out of her, dancing across her clit softly and her body was on fire. It was too soft, far too soft for right now. She needed rough, she needed more. Her body was shaking, legs only still spread because his arms were looped around her, holding her there. She was ruined and he hadn’t even finished yet.

‘You sure?’ Daryl teased in a low voice, blowing across her pussy and Beth could have screamed. The air that was coming out of his mouth wasn’t tangible but it was heavy enough that the pressure wound her up further and further.

‘Fuck!’ Through the mess of hair stuck to her sweaty face, Beth met his blue eyes with her own. ‘Daryl, please – I’m so wet for you, make me come, God, make me fucking come –’

Beth didn’t know what else would have come out of her mouth but it didn’t matter as Daryl finally relented, tongue darting out to lap up her pussy again. It barely took him more than a few seconds before his wet mouth against her sopping opening made her cry out, louder than she should have, as her heart shattered in her chest and her pussy pulsed in ecstatic release. She’d never come so hard before, never been begging so desperately for it like this before.

Beth was vaguely aware that her hips were still thrusting into Daryl’s face, thighs trembling with the aftermath. Daryl took his time, placing soft kisses across her hips, up her stomach, before standing back up. He was looking at her somewhat bashfully, colour rising in his cheeks as though he was wondering if she’d liked it. Beth could have told him in a million different ways how incredible that had felt but all she could think to do as she took in his arms, tight and tense, and his hair messed all around his face because of her, was to wrap her still open legs around him and pull him closer so that his hard dick slid into her dripping folds.

Daryl let out a rough gasp at his, hands slamming down on either side of her to brace himself. His cock was already hard again, she’d seen it as he’d come up, and although she was still quaking from her own intense release, she wanted him again, over and over, as much as she could have him.

Daryl didn’t hesitate this time, didn’t waste time with questioning eyes and uncertain hands. This time, he seemed to be on the exact same page as her, and Beth knew he knew just how badly she needed him inside her again. She knew just how bad he wanted to be inside her, too.

Daryl’s hips were already thrusting in and out of her with impossible ease, her slick folds and dripping opening almost too much to bear as he leant over, hands still braced on either side of her. Beth’s hands clawed around Daryl’s back and she dug her nails in over his shirt.

His head didn’t dip as she’d expected it to; instead, his hard gaze met hers and then they were locked in it.

‘Fuck, gonna make me come again.’ Daryl groaned and Beth felt her walls tightening around his huge cock at the same time. Knowing she was just a few seconds away from that mind-numbing feeling again, she kept her eyes on his, pulling herself as close as she could. Their noses touched, both swapping the same ragged, desperate breaths as Daryl messily buried his cock deep inside her over and over. Finally, with sweat dripping down onto Beth’s stomach and his nails digging into the marble bench, Daryl let out a choked whimper.

‘Fuck, fuck –’ He rasped as he released himself into her, slamming more urgently into her pussy. Beth was not far behind, legs writhing around him and hands holding him tight as her body curled up on itself, a loud moan escaping her as she came again, body racked with shakes. Fighting for air and not entirely sure whose body was whose, Beth slumped against Daryl’s chest, her head filled with white noise.

As much as she wanted to stay like that, she was slowly becoming painfully aware that they were in the open kitchen of the farmhouse. Shakily, Beth hopped down off the kitchen bench and retrieved her underwear from the floor, grateful that she was still on the pill and he was able to come inside her like that because she didn’t think she could go back to not feeling that warm sensation of his orgasm. Daryl was properly dressed by the time she turned to look at him and they didn’t speak for a moment, both breathing hard still.

‘Missed me that much?’ Beth quipped, smirking a little. She thought he’d blow out a breath sarcastically, make a throwaway comment that made it seem unimportant, but he didn’t.

‘Maybe.’

Beth’s chest contracted at that. She couldn’t believe that he was allowing himself to be open with her after shutting her out so many times. He looked as started as she felt, a little like he was wondering if he should have said that. Tentatively, Beth met his eyes.

‘Do you have to go back?’

Daryl chewed on his lip. ‘Got a little time.’

She grinned at that. ‘Good.’

Beth didn’t know what this meant for them – that Daryl had come here for no other reason than to see her, that sex with him felt so good that she wanted him over and over, that she never seemed to get sick of him. Annette had always teased that she got bored too quickly, throwing tantrums when she was younger when she couldn’t understand a sentence for Spanish class or throwing away her old kazoo because it only made the same noise each time. But now Beth knew that she could never get bored of this, of Daryl, of the way he looked at her and how he made her feel. It wasn’t something that she could ever get bored of because each time she saw him it was a different shock of familiarity, like their souls were inevitably drawn to each other, like they had no real control of it at all.

Daryl cleared his throat, watching her carefully. ‘C’mon.’

Puzzled but pleased, Beth followed Daryl out of the kitchen and up the set of stairs, pausing at the landing. He seemed to remember his way to her room fine, and Beth felt her stomach tighten remembering the last time they’d been up there – the raw desire, the same insatiable hunger that they’d had again moments before.

As Beth closed the door behind her, she was surprised to see Daryl’s fingers shaking at his sides, breathing uneven as he stood by her window, a little away from her. He looked terrified. She didn’t ask what was wrong, sensing he was working up the courage to do something. And a moment later, when he began speaking with a trembling voice, she knew she’d been right.

‘Want to show you somethin’.’

Beth didn’t speak as Daryl’s unsteady hands flew to his t-shirt, pulling it up over his neck and letting it drop to the floor. He stood shirtless in front of her and it hit Beth all at once that she’d never seen him like this before. His muscles were tight around his torso, less tanned than the rest of his body, a tattoo on his chest. He was tensed under her gaze, barely breathing, but Beth could see the erratic thumping of his pulse at the base of his neck.

‘I – ain’t showed no one before.’ Daryl rasped. He seemed to be forcing out the words as he looked at her, as though if he thought about it too long he’d change his mind. Beth was silent despite not knowing what he was referring to, sensing how important this was.

And then, as he took in another shuddering breath and Beth was sure he was going to be sick, Daryl turned so his back was facing her. And then Beth thought she might be the one who would be sick.

Scars, so many scars – angry burns and raised welts and twisting skin – all littered Daryl’s back. Beth’s heart pounded painfully, her fingers trembling and throat closing at the sight of them. She understood a lot all in that moment but she didn’t care to understand anything else right now except that he was right in front of her, showing her, trusting her.

Swallowing hard, Beth moved in closer, the floor creaking under her and making Daryl jump. When she cautiously reached out and placed the pads of her fingers against his one of his hands, he let out a soft cry.

‘Daryl – I –’ Beth didn’t know what to say.

Daryl took in another gasping breath. ‘My father.’

All of a sudden he sounded like a child, scared and helpless, and Beth felt her heart break. ‘Merle left. He did the same to him. Same to me.’

Beth’s mouth was dry, her vision threatening to blur as tears prickled her eyes. Blinking them away furiously, she laced her fingers through his. She thought of countless things she could say – how sorry she was that this had happened to him and how she hoped his father was burning in hell, but she knew neither of them would help.

‘Thankyou for trusting me.’ Her voice was quiet and Daryl shivered as though it had seeped into his skin.

Beth couldn’t begin to imagine how brave he was being right now. She felt incredibly lucky to know him, to know that he trusted her, to know he wanted to share the parts of himself with her that weren’t pretty. She had been terrified of showing him her scar but now she knew that he had been bearing a weight much heavier than her for much longer.

Daryl let out a long breath, hanging his head. His shoulders were still impossibly tensed and he didn’t turn to look at her, hands hanging limply by his side still, defeated. Beth gently untangled her fingers from his unresponsive ones and when he sucked in another gasping breath, she looped her arms around his chest and hugged him tightly. With one side of her face pressed into his shoulder blade and her hands over his heart, Daryl let out a painful whimper, body racked with silent sobs. Beth felt tears spring into her own eyes but this time she let them fall, sliding off her cheeks and onto Daryl’s back. She didn’t know how long she held him like that but when she finally couldn’t take hearing his heart beating frantically through his chest, she lifted her head, arms still wrapped firm around him. Daryl would not turn to look at her, but she could see his face scrunched up and wet with tears. Beth’s grip did not wane as she bent her head down to a scar that was shaped like an X at his shoulder blade and pressed her trembling lips to it.

Daryl’s chest swelled and a fresh sob rolled through him, a terrible and heart-wrenching sound, one that sounded as though he had never allowed himself to release until now.

Finally, Beth let him go. Daryl was still for a minute and Beth desperately wanted to move to his other side and look at him, but she knew he had to decide to turn and face her himself. He did.

Daryl was broken, blue eyes bright as ever as he finally looked up at her, searching her face for signs of disgust, apathy, fear – any sign that she wouldn’t want him anymore. Beth shook her head, eyebrows knitting together as her heart leapt painfully. She lifted his chin up with her fingertips and willed him to see it in her eyes, just how wrong he’d been. He had thought that she would not want him. That somehow, this made him a monster. Daryl’s lips were trembling, sucking in weak breaths, his fingers twitching with adrenaline as he forced himself to hold her gaze. Beth didn’t have words but she didn’t need them as she pulled him in closer. Daryl let his head sink into the crook of her neck and she held him there, softly stroking the base of his neck as he shuddered against her.

Beth knew at once that this was enough for him – to show her this and to have her want him anyway. And she badly wanted to tell him how beautiful she thought he was, how much more she loved him for it, but the words got stuck in her throat and maybe he wasn’t ready to hear it just yet and maybe she wasn’t ready to say it, either. But that was okay. This was enough for now.

It might have been one minute later or ten but Daryl finally pulled his head up, eyes dry.

‘Are you okay?’ Beth asked quietly, aching at how palpable his pain was, how it seemed to fill the room and suffocate them. Daryl nodded, pulling on his t-shirt, body still shaking a little. He seemed to want to speak but for whatever reason, he couldn’t. Beth understood.

She gave him a small smile before reaching out to play her knuckles across his fingers before tugging on them, guiding him out of the room. Daryl followed her quietly as she led him outside to the spot she’d been sitting at earlier. As the fresh air hit him, he took in a long, deep breath, eyes fluttering closed. He sank next to her on the old steps and Beth picked up her mother’s guitar, strumming easily against the worn strings. They stayed that way – Daryl listening to her playing with heavy eyes, Beth humming along her scribbles of lyrics – until Daryl finally pulled himself up to go back to work, and when he did, Beth found that she felt lighter because of his absence for the first time, as though he left with the promise that he’d return.

* * *

Daryl could not concentrate on rusted car parts or dead batteries if his life depended on it. For the rest of his day at work, all he could think of was the feel of Beth’s lips as they’d kissed his scarred skin. He hadn’t decided he’d show her until the moment he’d done it, and then it had all happened in a blur – Daryl’s skin erupting in goosebumps under Beth’s gaze, his scars itching, burning, screaming at him to hide them away, the suffering that tormented him finally being released. He’d felt so heavy standing there without anything between Beth’s skin and his own, and the feeling of having her touching him – no matter if it was her hair tickling the old burn he’d got from a scalding poker or if it was her tears falling onto the scar that had formed after years and years of lashes tearing his skin apart in the same spot – had made his insides writhe. But when she’d let go and he’d finally found the strength to put his top back on and follow her out of her bedroom, each step he took had felt lighter than the one before. Daryl wondered if he’d have the strength to show her his scars again for the first time, if he never had just then, knowing now how much it had taken from him. Strangely, the thought that brought him comfort was not that he never had to do that again, but the fact that that was as hard as it ever would be. Each time he let her see now would be so much easier than the last, like his footsteps had been as he’d followed her downstairs.

Daryl knew that if he let himself think about the weight of what he’d just done over and over in his mind he’d start to drown, so instead he let himself think of everything else that day that had made his hands shake in the best way. Beth’s warm, wet mouth wrapped around around his dick, the feel of her tight pussy around him as she moaned, the image of her with her lips slightly parted, head thrown back in pleasure. And slowly, the monster on his back that grew darker with each second of attention started growing fainter, and Daryl was able to feel himself thawing out, numb no longer.

Twice he hadn’t heard Martinez calling him because he was so enveloped replaying that hour he’d spent with Beth, over and over again. It wasn’t just that they’d had sex on the kitchen bench – although the thought of that made Daryl’s lips quirk and his heart thump – it was that he was allowing himself to want her instead of pushing her away or pretending that this was only about their deal. It hadn’t been about that for a long time and they both knew it. It was that Daryl had given Beth a part of himself that had never belonged to anyone else and never would belong to anyone else. It was Beth’s, and he was hers forever in it, as long as she held onto it.

Daryl thought of how he’d answered her when she’d jokingly asked if he’d missed her that much.

_Maybe._

That was the understatement of the century but it was better than the automatic denial that had risen up in his throat before he pushed it back down. He was trying. It was something. He’d shown her his scars. That was something else.

Merle checked in later that day, after they’d both clocked off work and made their way onto the empty street. Daryl was sweating, muscles aching and desperate for a shower and alright, he’d admit – desperate to avoid his brother because he knew that one conversation about the drug deal he was planning would do nothing but ruin his surprisingly light mood. In his mind, he was still with Beth out on that porch listening to her play or in his apartment hearing her sing or inside her in some dimly lit bathroom – it didn’t matter. He was with her always in his mind. But it seemed Merle would not be avoided so Daryl sighed, bracing himself for his mood to be ruined.

The two stood outside the garage under the late September sun, leaning against the barbed wire fence as the other men cleared out.

‘Mitch been runnin’ his mouth again?’ Merle asked idly, flicking his lighter absent-mindedly. Daryl knew his brother well enough to know that fidgeting was a sign of nerves, and that did nothing to ease the tension in Daryl’s own gut. Mitch had indeed been running his mouth all day at work but Daryl hadn’t felt that same promise of anger at his voice as he usually did. When he didn’t reply, Merle went on.

‘Been losing his mind ‘bout the drop all week. Tryna convince me we can’t do it without you. Pissin’ his damn pants.’

Daryl scowled, pulling out a cigarette and snatching Merle’s lighter off him. ‘Don’t give a fuck what he’s been doin’.’

They were alone now, everyone else finally cleared from Martinez’. Merle grinned at Daryl’s response as though he’d expected it, catching his lighter as Daryl tossed it back.

‘You will be when it’s your ass on the line, trustin’ he gonna pull this shit off.’

‘Ain’t got shit to pull off.’ Daryl frowned, taking in a deep breath of smoke. He wondered if Beth could taste it on his lips when he kissed her. He wondered whether she liked it or not.

‘What, you think it’s gonna be all rainbows and sunshine?’ Merle chortled infuriatingly. ‘Best be ready for anythin’, little brother.’

At this, Daryl turned to look at Merle through narrowed eyes. His brother was laid back to the point of lazy, but Daryl knew that Merle’s brain was always working, running through the best way to get him what he wanted. If he was willing to threaten to drag Beth into this just to get Daryl’s help, he knew it must be serious. And if he was willingly admitting to Daryl that something might go south at this meeting, there was definitely something he didn’t know.

‘Spit it out.’ Daryl demanded, unimpressed.

Merle shifted, tilting his head up to the sun and squinting in the light.

‘Ain’t nothin’ to worry your pretty head ‘bout, boy. Just need you to keep a sharp eye, ‘s all.’

Daryl was silent as he sucked on the cigarette, waiting for the other shoe to drop.

‘Been doin’ dealin’s with this underground gang, met a few of ‘em before, ain’t seem too bad.’

For a moment all that Daryl could hear was the sudden angry thumping of his heart in his ears.

‘You’re dealin’ with a fuckin’ gang? Are you outta your goddamned mind?’ Daryl turned, grateful that the street was empty because he was struggling to keep his voice quiet. Of all the stupid things his brother had ever done, this might just be right at the top.

‘Easy now, brother.’ Merle reached a hand out, measuring Daryl’s reaction. ‘Ain’t gonna have a problem ‘less they don’t get what they paid for. All I need you for is backup, just in case.’

Snarling, Daryl slapped Merle’s hand away. ‘Couldn’t fuckin’ help yourself, huh? Had to go draggin’ me and Beth into your bullshit, too.’

At the mention of her name, a hard glint formed in Merle’s eyes.

‘That what you so worried ‘bout? Sure as hell seems like you give more of a shit ‘bout some girl gettin’ caught up in this over your own brother.’

Daryl stilled, matching Merle’s hard glare with his own. His blood was pounding in his ears and his frustration at himself for ever believing that Merle could not ruin his own life for once was bubbling. Of course Merle was involved with a gang. Daryl wondered where he’d be if he hadn’t distanced himself from his brother’s lifestyle all those years ago. The thought scared him more than he cared to admit, and it wasn’t only because he knew he never would have met Beth, but that was a big part of it.

‘She ain’t the one choosin’ this, asshole. No, you – you asked for this.’

Merle shook his head, spitting onto the ground. ‘She ain’t choosin’ this but you’re choosin’ her, ain’t you? Choosin’ her over your own blood, boy? You best remember ain’t nobody gonna care ‘bout you ‘cept me. She gonna get bored of you soon enough.’

It was strange, that even though Daryl felt so good about where he was with Beth now, a small thrill of fear had risen in his gut at Merle’s words. But he’d known Merle far too long. When he lashed out like this, trying to make Daryl reliant on him, it was because he was scared. And Daryl would not let his brother ruin the one good thing he had in his life, the one promise that things could be better. If it came down to choosing someone who’d been running out and disappointing him all his life or someone who was slowly breathing air back into his lungs, it wasn’t a choice at all.

Merle, sensing he hadn’t got under Daryl’s skin, blew out a breath and threw up his arms in frustration.

‘All we gotta do is meet a coupl’a fellas down by the overpass, drop the meth, get the money and get the hell outta there.’

It sure sounded easy when he put it like that. Daryl breathed in deeply, trying not to go over every single way this could go wrong.

‘How much meth you talkin’?’

Merle turned away, tilting his head and squinting as though trying to count from memory. Daryl knew his brother was trying to lessen the blow, but none of Merle’s mannerisms could prepare him for this.

‘’Bout forty pounds. Give or take a few.’

Daryl swore, turning away angrily. He thought of his apartment, of his job, of his life now and everything he’d done to get there. He thought of going to prison if he got caught. He thought of Beth in the crossfire if he refused to help. He thought, through gritted teeth, that Merle had made sure he didn’t have much choice. His brother knew there was something between him and Beth and that Daryl would not risk her no matter what. There was something. Enough.

Daryl nodded briefly at Merle, barely able to look at him. He left him standing outside the garage, putting out his cigarette between his shoe and the concrete, knowing that Beth might be able to move on with her life if he was forced out of it, but there was no way he would ever be able to move on from her.


	11. For You I'd Bleed Myself Dry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hershel extends his trust to Daryl by inviting him to a party at the farm, but Merle needs his brother, pulling him dangerously far from the life he's so close to having.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> nearly at the end, just a few chapters left! as always, let me know what you thought :)

Hershel Greene rapping at his front door early the next morning was not something Daryl had expected to wake up to. Rubbing a hand across his face and expecting his brother, Daryl had answered the door to welcome a shock of nerves.

‘Good morning.’ Hershel said pleasantly as Daryl froze, gripping the door hard enough to make his knuckles white. ‘Mind if I come in?’

‘Course.’ Daryl stuttered, mind running a million miles and hour, rushing through all the possible reasons Beth’s father could be here for. He closed the door and joined the other man at the kitchen table, thinking that Hershel must have found out that he and Beth were faking their relationship.

‘You must be wondering why I’m here.’

Maybe Hershel had somehow found out everything Merle, and by default now Daryl, was involved in. Maybe he was coming to tell him to stay away from Beth. Daryl nodded.

Hershel clasped his hands together over the cold bench. He was regarding Daryl with a piercing glare, eyes surveying his apartment carefully.

‘How long have you lived here, Daryl?’

‘Coupl’a years.’

Daryl knew this man wasn’t fond of him – hell, he wouldn’t be fond of himself either – but he thought that if he was going to tell him not to see Beth he might as well get on with it.

Hershel nodded. ‘And how long have you been working for Martinez?’

‘’Bout the same.’

Daryl shifted uncomfortably, hating the feeling he got that seemed as though he was being interviewed. He knew Hershel hadn’t been impressed when Beth had introduced him as her boyfriend at the Sheriff’s son’s birthday, but he’d hoped that the little chat they’d had after Daryl had dropped her off had put to rest some of Hershel’s concerns.

‘I’m here to invite you to the farm on the weekend. We’re having a party of sorts, six o’clock. Beth doesn’t know about it yet and I’d advise you not to tell her. Caesar and I have been planning it for a while and I’d hate for the surprise to be ruined.’

It took Daryl a moment to process the older man’s words. He wasn’t here to warn him away from Beth at all. Quite the opposite, in fact. Still a little shocked, Daryl nodded.

Hershel returned the nod, leaning back a little and sighing. ‘I don’t know much about you, Daryl, but I know a lot about your father. Hear things about your brother from time to time. Beth seems to have taken a liking to you but I’ll not have her in any kind of danger.’

Daryl swallowed. ‘Ain’t gonna hurt her.’ He said, recalling his and Maggie’s conversation the night of Carl’s birthday.

‘I’m going out on a limb here, I’m putting my trust in you. Beth seems to be a whole different person to who she was a while ago and I thank you for that. She’s happier, she’s hopeful again. But you didn’t know her, before. I’ll not have her going back to the state she was in when her mother died.’ Hershel’s voice shook with emotion and Daryl could do nothing but listen.

‘If anything happens to her because of her involvement with you – if anything happens to her because of you – I’ll not stand idly by and watch.’

Daryl held the man’s gaze steadily, hoping that he could see his sincerity as he answered and hoping he couldn’t see the crushing guilt at the thought that Beth was already in danger because of him.

‘Beth ain’t gonna get hurt.’ Daryl said truthfully, knowing that he’d sooner die than let anything happen to her. ‘Thankyou, for putting your faith in me.’

Hershel glanced over Daryl, sitting up. ‘I hope it’s well placed.’

Daryl saw him out, taking his hand when he offered it and feeling the strength behind his shake. He closed the door as Hershel disappeared from view down the hall, heart wringing nervously. The thought of what he was about to do with Merle only served to make him feel even worse. He supposed it had to count for something that he was doing it to ensure Beth’s wellbeing, but somehow he didn’t think Hershel would agree since it was Daryl’s presence in Beth’s life in the first place that had put her at risk.

Still, Hershel had extended his trust; he’d invited him to the farm. Beth knew nothing about it and Daryl would keep it that way, as per Hershel’s request. He would do everything he could to ensure he wouldn’t disappoint Hershel because for once in his life, he cared what someone thought. Not just someone – Beth’s whole family. Maggie and Hershel both seemed to be made of the same tough sinew that protected, the same sinew that Daryl was made from. Beth was strong too but hers was a different kind of strength – the strength the brought flowers out of the earth after winter, the strength that Daryl suspected she’d shared with her mother. The strength that made things grow.

As strange as it was that they were only faking their relationship, Daryl tended to forget more often than not. He wondered if Beth forgot sometimes, too. The thought of her thinking of him with the same steady dependence that he thought of her with made his heart stammer a little. That’s what a relationship was, right? Needing someone, knowing they’d be there. He wouldn’t disappoint any of them, he vowed. He would go to this party with Beth and he would go to the drug deal with Merle and ensure it went as planned and then he would never be a part of that world again. And if Beth allowed him, maybe Daryl would stay a part of her world instead.

* * *

The party at the Greene’s was two days before the drug deal. Daryl couldn’t help the nerves that racked him each day that passed, bringing it closer and closer. It felt like a deadline, like time was running out, like there were only these moments before and whatever would come after. He didn’t know how it was going to go and he hated the uncertainty, hated the waiting. But he knew he could do nothing so he kept busy at work each day, wondering what Beth was doing and counting down the days until he got to see her.

Daryl turned up at the farm at six in the evening, nervously straightening his shirt as he hopped off his motorbike. There were a number of cars he didn’t recognise already there but he spotted Martinez’ a few rows over and the Sheriff’s a little further away. He hadn’t been sure what to wear so he had gone with black jeans and a button up black shirt, hoping that he wasn’t too over or underdressed. From the saddlebag on his bike, Daryl pulled out the bunch of wildflowers he’d spotted driving down the overgrown road that led here. He’d stopped, thinking only of what Beth could say if she saw them and immediately decided she had to have them. He clutched onto them tightly now, strangely nervous. Maybe it was the fact that she didn’t know he was coming, or maybe it was the fact that he knew this would likely be the last time he saw her before the drop, but Daryl felt a lot riding on tonight. There was something in the air, the same metallic thing he could taste before a hunt.

Daryl looked to the barn, lit up with warm light and music coming from inside. He wondered if he should go straight there or knock at the house first. Feeling incredibly out of his depth and a little stupid, he breathed out a sigh of relief as he heard someone call his name.

‘Daryl, there you are, man. Glad you came.’ Martinez was coming out of the farmhouse, both kids at his hands. Daryl, suddenly feeling especially awkward since he was hardly ever around kids, gave him a nod.

‘C’mon, party’s this way.’ Martinez squeezed his children’s hands, bringing their attention to Daryl. ‘Say hi to my friend Daryl, you two.’

Daryl couldn’t help the smile that twitched at his mouth as the kids offered him babbled greetings. Before Daryl could wonder if he should say anything back, Martinez’ daughter tugged on her father’s arm, eyes wide as she stared at the flowers in Daryl’s hand. Martinez bent to listen as she whispered something in his ear, covering her mouth conspiratorially.

The other man straightened up, grinning. ‘You’re gonna have to ask him yourself, chica. Go on, he won’t bite.’

Daryl looked to the little girl, trying desperately to soften his features so she wouldn’t think him scary. She didn’t seem to be frightened of him, however, and simply grinned at him toothily, pointing to the flowers with a fat finger.

‘They’re pretty.’

Martinez’ son, who looked to be a little older, turned to watch, interested.

‘They are pretty.’ Daryl agreed as they trudged down the small hill that led to the barn. The music was getting louder as they neared it and Daryl was glad that he didn’t have to walk in alone.

‘Who are they for?’

Daryl chanced a look at Martinez, who was grinning at him knowingly.

‘For my uh, friend. Beth.’

The two children exploded in delight, squealing at the mention of her name and talking over each other about how they knew Beth and how they loved her and how she always had their favourite candy when she babysat them as though this was a fail safe way to judge a person’s character.

Daryl felt the smile at the corners of his mouth being tugged even harder.

‘I like the yellow one.’ Martinez’ daughter chirped and her brother nodded in agreement.

Daryl plucked a long stem out of the arrangement and handed it to her. She took it wordlessly, staring at it as though it were gold. Daryl couldn’t help the chuckle that escaped him as she turned to show her brother.

‘What do you say, Isabella?’

The girl turned, beaming up at Daryl as though he’d just given her the sun. ‘Thankyou!’

‘You’re welcome.’ Daryl replied, smiling a little at Martinez’ exasperation.

‘Sorry.’ He muttered to Daryl lowly as they grew closer to the barn and his children broke free of their father’s grip, running through the grass the rest of the way there, yellow flower trailing in Isabella’s fist. ‘They get overexcited –’

‘S’alright.’ Daryl shrugged, although he was grateful for the distraction, for his nerves were now somewhat settled. That was only to be for another minute though, as they got to the door of the barn and Martinez disappeared inside after his kids, leaving Daryl alone.

He scanned the room, taking in the fairy lights showering down and the small groups of people talking over glasses of wine but Beth found him first. With a painful slowing of his heart, Daryl watched her break away from her conversation with a boy he did not recognise and rush over to him. She stopped short right in front of him as though she’d been planning to jump into his arms but had thought the better of it.

Briefly, Daryl thought of the scars on his back and wondered if she’d look at him different from now on. But in her eyes was the same bright happiness she always had, and when she looked at him it was with affection, not pity. He felt a thrill go through him.

‘You’re here!’

Daryl nodded, unable to stop the smile on his face as Beth went on.

‘I didn’t even know this was happening until half an hour ago. Got no idea what it’s for. You’re here.’ She said again, laughing breathlessly.

Daryl nodded, chewing on his lip as his heart restarted. Beth was beautiful – she always was. In something pale blue that floated around her, her hair in waves that framed her face, her smile wide. He cleared his throat and offered her the bunch of flowers and her smile grew even wider.

‘Daryl, you shouldn’t have.’

Daryl tried to look unbothered, but her smile had set something in him alight. ‘Thought of you when I saw them.’

Beth let out a disbelieving laugh and before she turned around to lead him into the party, she leaned in to place a soft kiss against his cheek. Daryl’s gut stirred, her soft vanilla scent all around him. He allowed her to lead him further into the barn, towards the boy she’d been talking to who Daryl could now see was watching them with great interest.

‘This is my brother, Shawn.’ Beth announced as they reached him, and Daryl shook the bewildered hand that was extended to him. ‘He’s been at college but he’s home for the weekend.’

Shawn looked to his sister, then to Daryl, then to his sister again. He picked up a handful of food from the table nearby, chewing slowly, narrowing his eyes suspiciously. Beth made an exasperated face.

‘Shawn, this is Daryl. He’s the one who fixed my car. He’s my boyfriend.’

Shawn’s raised an eyebrow at Daryl.

‘Your boyfriend?’ He repeated, this time a little amused. Daryl didn’t know much about Beth’s brother, hardly anything in fact, but he couldn’t blame him for reacting this way. Beth however, was not amused.

‘Don’t be weird about this like you were with Zach.’ She chimed.

Shawn guffawed. ‘I wasn’t weird with Zach. I was a delight. How old are you?’

Daryl cleared his throat, shuffling his feet. ‘Thirty-four.’

Shawn looked back to Beth, smiling in disbelief, blinking slowly. Daryl didn’t miss his eyes flickering over her bracelet-covered wrist. ‘So . . . this is happening.’

Beth looked murderous. ‘Shawn, I swear, if you make this weird –’

‘I’m not making this weird, am I making this weird?’ Her brother had his hands raised, turning to Daryl, who shook his head, almost amused. The fairy lights flickered over them as the song changed. ‘I just find it funny no one thought to mention this to me – how long’s this been going for?’

‘We’re still pretty new.’ Beth said through gritted teeth.

‘What did Dad and Maggie say about this?’

‘They’re good with it.’ Beth replied, now glancing around for her sister as though she might weigh in on the topic.

Shawn nodded slowly, and behind his comedic façade, Daryl saw him taking in the news seriously. He turned back to Daryl, green eyes wary.

‘You’re a Dixon, right?’

‘Yeah.’ Daryl’s voice was rough.

‘Hm.’ Shawn tilted his head a little, looking Daryl over. ‘Bet my dad had a lot to say about that.’

Beth had stopped searching for Maggie, taking in her brother’s light tone and now looking at him a little confused. Daryl dipped his head.

‘Lot of people got a lot to say ‘bout that.’

Shawn let out an easy laugh and Daryl felt a wave of relief rush through him. Approval had never meant anything to him and yet here he was – relieved that Beth’s brother did not seem to hate him because he wanted to feel as though he was deserving of someone like her. And if these good people liked him – if Shawn and Maggie and Glenn and Hershel could trust him not to hurt Beth, then maybe that meant he was good, too.

It was strange, but Daryl didn’t feel nearly as awkward or shitty as he thought he would. Both Hershel and Shawn seemed to be protective over Beth in similar ways, both clearly worried about her going back to how she was after her mother died, both well aware that Daryl didn’t have the best reputation or come from the best family. Daryl didn’t blame them and he didn’t disagree – he’d gladly take a beating from them if Beth ever got hurt because of him because that would mean that Beth had got hurt _because of him_. Briefly, he tried to imagine Merle being stupidly overprotective of him and couldn’t.

Shawn’s face had grown serious as he considered Daryl, who saw his eyes flick over to Beth’s wrist again.

‘I don’t have to have the whole if-you-ever-hurt-my-sister-I’ll-come-after-you big brother talk do I?’

Beth shook her head solemnly, dropping it into her hands.

Daryl held Shawn’s gaze. ‘I ain’t takin’ advantage of your sister. Ain’t gonna hurt her.’

Daryl could tell Shawn heard the sincerity and appreciated his words because he nodded slowly before turning to Beth, blinking innocently.

‘Well, I don’t know what you’re so worried about. He seems alright.’

‘It’s not him I’m worried about.’ Beth replied, shaking her head ruefully, but Daryl could see the smile she was biting back. ‘You’re only being nice to him cause you know he could kick your ass –’

Shawn let out a protesting laugh, hands up in outraged surrender. ‘Untrue. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to find wherever Maggie stashed the good beer.’

Daryl and Beth watched him walk off, turning back once more to wonder at them before parting the crowd, whistling to himself. When Daryl turned to look at Beth, she was a little unsure.

‘Sorry about him. He’s always been so overprotective with me and Maggie. He actually wasn’t too harsh on you, considering.’ Beth fingered her bracelets absently.

Daryl shook his head reassuringly. ‘’S alright. He gives a shit, is all. ‘S nice.’

Beth smiled slowly. Her relief was clear but Daryl found that even if Shawn had not reacted kindly to him, he wouldn’t care. As long as she could keep looking at him like that, nothing else mattered.

Beth cleared her throat and when Daryl searched her eyes, he could see that she was wondering about Merle, maybe about whether he’d ever acted the same way as her brother. He felt a little pang in his stomach that she so easily shared things about her life with him and that he found it infinitely harder to let her in, even now. Daryl was suddenly reminded of the drop that was happening all too soon and his throat closed up painfully.

Beth opened her mouth like she was going to ask about Merle anyway, but the sound of the music quieting down grabbed their attention. Daryl caught sight of Glenn and Maggie somewhere in the middle of the barn, and after a few delayed seconds, realised that Glenn had got down on one knee. The crowd silenced and beside him, Beth stilled, eyes wide as she realised what was going on. She took in a sharp breath, barely moving as everyone around Maggie and Glenn shifted to take out their phones or nudge the person next to them in disbelief. Daryl and Beth were far enough away that they couldn’t hear Glenn’s soft words but they definitely heard Maggie’s resounding ‘yes!’ before the barn exploded in laughter and celebration. Astonished, Beth turned to Daryl with glistening eyes, her smile bright and huge.

‘I had no idea that’s what this was for!’ She laughed, beside herself with excitement and although Daryl had never been to a wedding and certainly never thought of marriage, he couldn’t help but share her joy as if it were his own. ‘C’mon!’

Daryl followed her through the crowd, feeling a little uncomfortable as they reached Maggie and Glenn, unsure of what his role here was. He had never had to offer sincere congratulations to anyone before and certainly not in an environment like this. Maggie spotted them and untangled herself from a relative’s grip. Beth rushed at her sister and then they were hugging, Maggie happily sobbing into Beth’s arms and Beth positively beaming.

‘Mags – I’m so happy for you.’

‘Did you know Glenn was gonna –’

‘No, I had no idea!’

Glenn appeared beside Daryl, grinning and thanking those nearest him offering congratulations, accepting pats of the back and hands ruffling hair. Daryl cleared his throat nervously, nodding to him.

‘Nice one.’

Glenn smiled back at Daryl appreciatively.

‘Thanks man. Champagne?’

Daryl accepted the glass Glenn plucked off the table nearby with a muttered thanks, quietly feeling a little strange to drink out of celebration. Beth was doing the same, hugging Glenn tightly and nearly spilling half her glass onto him, Maggie dutifully looking around to make sure Hershel wasn’t near.

‘When did you start planning this?’ Beth asked, clinking glasses with Maggie and holding back a giggle at her sister’s excitement.

Glenn shrugged but his eyes were bright as they landed on Maggie, as though he’d known this since the day he met her. Daryl thought of Beth, of if they could ever have something like this. If this was what Beth wanted, if this was what Daryl could give her. If she would even want that with him.

‘A while. Probably around the same time you roped Daryl into being your fake boyfriend.’

Beth choked into her glass, champagne slopping around the sides.

‘What?’ She sputtered, eyes darting to Daryl hurriedly as though wondering if he’d heard the same thing. Daryl’s stomach twisted.

Glenn’s shoulders bounced as he held back laughter. He turned to Maggie, who looked equally as amused, before lacing an arm easily around her shoulder and pulling her in towards him.

‘I think it’s time we put them out of their misery.’

Beth’s sister eyed her fiancée with delight, nodding her head vigorously. ‘I think you’re right.’

Beth looked from Maggie to Glenn, still frozen. ‘What are you talking about?’

‘We know.’ Glenn muttered and Maggie held back a laugh, watching Beth with enjoyment as she finished her flute of champagne, diamond on her finger reflecting light onto their faces.

Daryl had known at once what they were talking about and it seemed Beth had, too. He met her eyes a little nervously, unsure of what she wanted. If they admitted now that it was all fake, then there was no real reason for Daryl to be there anymore. Was she ready, to tell them that it wasn’t fake, not anymore? Was he ready to admit that this had grown into something he didn’t even have a name for?

‘Know what?’

Maggie grinned, temporarily distracted by another relative rushing over to embrace her before wiggling out of their grip and raising her eyebrows between Beth and Daryl.

‘We know you two aren’t really a couple. It was a mighty effort; I’ll give you that. But you can drop the act now.’

The problem was, this wasn’t an act anymore and hadn’t been for some time. Beth and Daryl exchanged a knowing look as though they were both unsure of what to do now that this wasn’t as simple as it should be.

‘How’d you know?’ Beth grumbled after a long while, tipping her head back to finish the rest of her drink and crossing her arms, apparently deciding it was pointless to try save face.

Maggie shrugged between her and Daryl, but seemed ecstatic at her admission. ‘I mean, it was a little obvious. At Carl’s birthday for one, bringing Daryl along when I hadn’t heard one word about him before. And the dinner party, everytime you guys exchanged a secret look and thought we didn’t see. The “Daryl has work” excuse when we invited you two for the night away.’

‘Daryl _did_ have work.’ Beth muttered.

Glenn chuckled, shaking his head. ‘Yeah, you two weren’t subtle, but you’re pretty dedicated, I’ll give you that.’

‘Beth, I know you wanted everyone to stop worrying about you and I know you thought that pretending to be in a serious relationship was the way to do it.’ Maggie said a little more seriously, sincerely addressing her sister.

Beth blinked and Daryl was still frozen, unsure of what to say or if he should say anything at all. It had felt different, having them know about a relationship that didn’t really exist and having the freedom to begin to feel for Beth what he had, with no one else’s expectations. But now that they knew, the easy nature of their agreement had completely changed. He was either in or he was out.

‘I mean, it worked.’ Maggie shrugged, raising her glass to Beth jokingly. ‘We all had to re-evaluate what we thought we knew about you. But still. I know you too well. You can drop the act now.’

Beth let out a shaky laugh, the initial flush on her face draining as she let the tension in her shoulders go.

‘Does Daddy know?’

Maggie shook her head. ‘I think he’s still having trouble wrapping his head around the thought of the two of you, he hasn’t even gotten past that yet.’

Daryl could feel his heart pounding, his mouth dry. But as Beth turned to look at him, she must have seen something reassuring in his eyes because hers grew hard and determined. He thought she might absent-mindedly reach to play with the bracelets around her scar as she did so often, but instead she reached over and gripped his hand, turning to her sister and future brother in law as though she might lose her nerve any second. Daryl supposed that it was so much harder to admit to all of this now even though it seemed the same as before. Now it was real – now there was truly something to lose.

‘It started out as a deal. A favour, I guess. You were right,’ Beth stammered, nodding to Maggie, ‘I wanted everyone to stop treating me like I was something that was going to break. Doing this was the only way I could think to make you guys see that I was moving on. From mom, from everything else.’

Maggie was watching Beth with wide eyes now, understanding.

‘But – Daryl and I – we aren’t . . .’

Daryl felt his mouth open before he had a chance to realise what he was saying. There was so much between him and Beth now he didn’t know where to begin. All he knew that he was in this as much as Beth was, and he wasn’t going to let her do it alone. He would tell them how he felt, even if his voice shook.

‘We ain’t pretendin’ no more.’

Maggie and Glenn faltered, glancing at each other. Daryl’s heart was still thrumming, each beat convincing him a little more that maybe he shouldn’t have said anything, but then Beth was squeezing his hand tightly and his mind settled. She leaned in and placed her head against his arm, blonde hair flying across his chest like the tide across the shore. There were a few beats of silence in which Maggie and Glenn narrowed their eyes, brows furrowed.

‘I think they’re being serious.’ Glenn whispered out of the corner of his mouth to Maggie, glancing at them suspiciously.

Daryl felt Beth’s relieved laughter run through her body against his.

‘We are. I swear, we’re not pretending anymore. Daryl and I –’ she paused, looking up at him now with those big blue eyes, a smile pulling at her mouth – ‘it’s for real this time.’

Maggie’s jaw was on the floor and Glenn’s eyes were threatening the limits of their sockets. It seemed as though they’d stay staring at them for the rest of the night but when Hershel called out to them, making his way over, they finally contained themselves.

‘Oh my god!’ Maggie hissed, reaching out to grip Beth’s arm, a laugh bubbling out of her at the absurdity of it all. ‘You _are_ serious! I am so getting every single detail out of you later.’

Beth giggled but said nothing else as Hershel appeared behind Glenn and began to say his congratulations. Maggie and Glenn were whisked away and Daryl and Beth were left standing hand in hand, pulses fluttering furiously against each other.

‘So. That happened.’

Daryl couldn’t quite describe the feeling he was getting, but it had led him this far and he wasn’t going to ignore it now. He turned to Beth and didn’t stop the grin that split across his face and now she was laughing – really laughing – exhilarated and relieved, and for that second nothing else in the world mattered.

Of course, that second didn’t last long. Daryl barely had time to wrap his head around what had just happened before Shawn had appeared with a beer in hand, grinning at them as Beth turned to chatter excitedly about their sister getting married. And because he was a hunter and because he was always aware of his surroundings, Daryl easily heard the little hiss that escaped from the backdoor of the barn. He turned, Beth’s hand dropping out of his as he left her under the twinkling lights, an uneasy feeling settling in his stomach.

It was pitch black outside but Daryl’s eyes grew well adjusted quickly. When saw his brother, he stopped in his tracks.

‘What the fuck are you doing here?’ Daryl barked, hastily making sure no one had seen him leave as he caught sight of Merle in the shadows of a giant willow. He didn’t miss the crazed look in his brother’s eyes as he made himself visible and he didn’t like it.

‘We gotta leave – we gotta go now.’ Merle muttered, reaching over to bunch Daryl’s shirt in his hands and drag him away. Daryl pushed his brother off impatiently.

‘What the fuck are you on about? You lost your mind, I’m in the middle of –’

Merle turned to Daryl with a dangerous expression, tongue flicking out to wet his lips. ‘They moved the drop. We gotta move.’

‘They moved it?’ Daryl asked slowly as a low buzz began in his ears. His heart had started racing twice as hard, somewhere low in his stomach churning.

‘Someone let it fuckin’ slip.’ Merle said through gritted teeth, closing his eyes as though praying for patience. ‘someone let it fuckin’ slip that it was going down Monday night so it’s happenin’ tonight. Right fuckin’ now. They already ain’t trustin’ us as it is – if we don’t both turn up we might as well be tellin’ them ourselves that we’re the snitches.’

Daryl pushed his brother off him for a second time, stilling. He looked back to the barn, wondering if Beth had noticed he was gone yet. All he could think of was her, waiting in that barn for him to come back.

‘What the fuck are you waitin’ for, boy?’ Merle spat, thumping Daryl hard in the chest. ‘This goes down right now and I need you there. I don’t gotta remind you what could be waitin’ for your girl if you ain’t keep true to your word, do I?’

Daryl let out a strangled noise, anger filling the holes in his heart that had opened up at Merle’s words. It was too late now to do anything other than go with Merle and he knew that. Threatening Beth was just the icing on top, to make sure Daryl’s head was where it needed to be. He was over the shock of the suddenness of Merle’s news, now running a hand across his face as he felt adrenaline coursing through him.

‘I gotta tell Beth –’

‘We gotta fuckin’ go, now!’ Merle’s voice was strained as he lost all pretence of patience.

Daryl knew his brother was right, knew that if he re-entered that barn and saw Beth again, he wouldn’t have the strength to leave her. He had to go. He had vowed to set this right and his chance had come early and he was sorely unprepared but he would do this, for her.

Daryl swore as Merle tore through the night back to where Daryl saw a rusted car parked haphazardly, headlights still on. With one last longing glance behind him, he rushed after his brother, dropping the glass of champagne he still held in his hand.

* * *

Daryl and Merle had been waiting under the overpass for the last fifteen minutes. There were winding roads surrounding the small span of dirt they’d gathered on, but the were hidden away from any cars that might pass. Despite how Merle had sped down the highway and despite what he said about them being late, they were still waiting anxiously alone.

Daryl was jittery, legs shaking against the hard earth and fingers twitching to the gun tucked in his back pocket every time he heard a noise. It had been a while since he’d touched a gun, although he’d never fired one in a situation like this. Not that this was a situation he’d ever been in. Merle used to drag Daryl to dealer’s dens when he was younger, getting high and using empty bottles as target practise and buying more blow with the money he made. He was used to things being ugly but ugly wasn’t the right word for right now. This was downright dangerous. This was nothing like before – this was what Merle did now, what Daryl did not. This was gangs and threats and life-ruining amounts of drugs and life-changing amounts of money. Daryl dully thought that even if he had that extra two days to prepare it probably wouldn’t have made a difference.

A few minutes passed in dead silence. Then, as Daryl turned to tell Merle to quit whistling the same bullshit song through his teeth, there was a flash of headlights and a car pulled up beside them.

‘Cuttin’ it close.’ Merle grinned, hiding his nerves as Mitch stepped out, hood drawn around his head.

Mitch shrugged as he dragged several duffel bags out of his car. Daryl didn’t want to think what would have happened if Mitch hadn’t shown with the meth, but he wasn’t about to express gratitude.

‘Gonna be here any second.’

‘Been sayin’ that for a while.’ Daryl muttered, flicking his cigarette onto the ground and stomping it out impatiently. Beth would have noticed he’d gone by now.

Beth. The thought of how he’d left her without so much as a goodbye made Daryl’s chest tighten painfully. Sweet, bright Beth. Would she hate him after this?

‘Why, got someplace better to be?’ Mitch taunted, throwing Merle an amused look that was returned.

Daryl wanted badly to wipe the smug look off his face but settled for a glare, leg still bouncing nervously. He wanted this to be over as soon as possible and he wouldn’t risk this going any longer than it needed to, even if it came at the cost of shutting up and letting Mitch and Merle run their mouths.

Mitch was considering him with dark eyes. ‘You got guns?’

Daryl didn’t answer him but Merle nodded.

‘Keep the safety on. Don’t wanna have any accidents in case one of you get trigger happy.’ Mitch glared at Daryl as he said this as though he’d be the liability.

Daryl held his stare, knowing that if one of them had to break first it wouldn’t be him. The feeling of loathing Mitch brought Daryl only worsened as he recalled the last time he’d seen him, thinking of how he’d tried to corner Beth, how he’d grabbed her arm.

The sound of tyres scraping against the uneven ground made Daryl’s head snap around. A black SUV was nearing them, lights dimming as it slowed.

Daryl stood up, hands moving slowly to rest on the magazine of his gun. Next to him, Merle stiffened, straightening up and putting on a winning smile. Mitch hung behind the two of them, shuffling the duffel bags into a pile.

Three men exited the car, dressed in all black with sunglasses obscuring their eyes for anonymity. Daryl sized them up, wondering whether he could take them by force if he had to, deciding he couldn’t as long as they held onto the guns in their hands. The headlights were off but they’d left the car running and Daryl knew they wanted this over as quick as he did.

‘Jorge.’ Merle nodded, apparently recognising the man closest to them, who waved his glock at Merle impatiently, finger too close to the trigger for comfort. In his other hand he tightly clutched a black backpack. Daryl tensed, gripping his gun a little tighter.

‘Got the package?’ The man asked in a low voice.

‘’S all right here, fellas.’ Merle’s voice was smooth, reassuring, but Daryl knew him well. Behind his cool demeanour was a strained concern that this wouldn’t go as planned. Beside him, Mitch shifted.

Jorge nodded to one of his colleagues and the man broke from the pack, opening up the bags and inspecting the drugs carefully. Apparently satisfied, he dragged the bags into the SUV, the other two men glancing to him tersely.

‘Pleasure doing business with you.’ Jorge spoke again, flashing them a grin that was all gold teeth. Daryl felt a little of his stomach unclench as he turned and nodded to his companions, throwing the backpack at their feet. It landed with a soft thump, and although Daryl didn’t have any idea the amount Merle had been offered, this thump sounded decidedly light.

‘Pleasure’s all mine.’ Merle said easily, bending down to unzip the pack and inspect the money. After a moment he froze, and then he was pulling out his gun and Daryl barely had time to think of what the hell he was doing. He and Mitch both had their guns raised by the time the other three men did. The six of them stood unmoving, barrels each pointing different directions as the air grew tense around them.

‘There a problem?’ Jorge asked, raising his eyebrows mildly as though there were not three loaded guns pointed his way.

Merle chuckled dryly. ‘I only see half of what I was promised.’

Daryl’s grip tightened painfully, his palms sweating.

A cruel laugh rang out as Jorge tipped his head back, gun lolling dangerously in his grip.

‘I shaved a few thousand off. Put it down to the trouble of having to move the drop date.’

‘Ain’t what we agreed.’ Merle snarled and Daryl finally turned to look at his brother. They were almost out of this, easier than Daryl would have dared to believe, and all of Merle’s words about them just needing to get this done and get the hell out were slowly vanishing. His brother had never been able to leave well enough alone.

‘Ain’t for you to decide.’ Jorge said, grinning as though he was entertained. He walked closer to them and Daryl felt Mitch freeze next to him. Breathing slowly, Daryl kept his aim steady on Jorge’s chest lest he try anything. Once upon a time he would have killed for Merle. Once upon a time he would have died for him, too.

‘Drop it.’ Daryl muttered to Merle out of the corner of his mouth, carefully watching the other two men in case they tried to take advantage of his distraction.

Jorge turned to consider Daryl for a moment, then Mitch.

‘He’s the one we been talking with.’ He said with a careless sigh, waving a hand to Mitch. Daryl glanced at him out of the corner of his eye and Merle shook his head, swearing under his breath.

Within a second, Merle had closed the space between him and Jorge and was pressing his gun right to the man’s chest. Before Daryl could react, Jorge’s men had opened the SUV’s doors, crouching behind either of them for cover, cocking their guns.

Daryl’s heart leapt into his throat, blood on fire. That metallic taste was back in his mouth, that promise of something explosive.

‘Merle.’ He barked, voice strong despite his rising panic. He wasn’t losing his brother, no matter how much of a piece of shit he could be. Not for this.

Jorge smiled calmly, but his razor sharp voice betrayed his lack of patience. ‘Take that gun off me or lose your life. Take it up with your buddy over there, he told us we could shave your half of the money off. Said you wouldn’t be needing it.’

In the back of his mind something clicked, but Daryl wasn’t aware of forming a coherent thought after Jorge’s words had left his mouth. His body moved instantly, turning to point his gun at Mitch instead. Mitch had done the same thing at that exact instant and they stood, both breathing cagily, fingers swiping across triggers.

It was Mitch. He must have been the one to let slip the date they were meant to move. He wanted this rushed, wanted Merle and Daryl worrying too much about it going well so it would take the attention off of him. It had almost worked, but Daryl couldn’t dwell on it now. Now, there was only his steady hand and the trigger it teased, his heart beating erratically as he glared at Mitch in disgust.

Merle made an angry noise, shoving Jorge away, who walked back to his car with ease. Before anyone could say another word, sirens sounded from the highway above and Daryl’s blood turned cold.

Jorge and his companions scampered back into their car, speeding away with a squeal of tires. Mitch made to grab the bag of money they’d left on the floor but Merle had let off a warning shot at his feet. The gunshot echoed through the vast emptiness of the overpass and brought Daryl back to his body.

‘We gotta fuckin’ go, now.’ He grabbed at his brother’s shirt, not giving a shit if Merle never saw a cent of that money, until he heard the click of Mitch’s safety and knew at once that Mitch had never intended on letting them leave alive.

‘Son of a bitch.’ Daryl snarled, leaping forward to wrestle the gun out of Mitch’s hand, his knee-jerk reaction putting him directly in the line of fire. Mitch hadn’t expected Daryl to leap to him and he stumbled back slightly before regaining his balance. He kicked out and Daryl dodged him deftly, letting out a grunt as he brought the barrel of his gun down hard across Mitch’s temple and then again across his jaw. Daryl couldn’t see Merle but when Mitch’s gun went off with a loud bang, he stumbled back over where the money bag should have been to find nothing but flat surface.

Mitch laughed as Daryl turned to see Merle hauling the backpack into his car. Mitch fired another shot in Merle’s direction as the sirens around them grew louder, pressing his advantage at Daryl’s split second of distraction and kicking the gun out of his hands. Daryl felt a shooting pain run through his arm and stopped suddenly as he saw Mitch point his weapon straight at his heart. His hands twitched by his sides, muscles convulsing as Daryl forced himself to still. Merle was silent but Daryl didn’t chance another look to see if his brother had been hit. He tried not to let the fact that Merle had chosen the bag over him sting as he stood there, wondering if he was about to die. He thought of Beth’s bright eyes, that easy laugh, and decided he was definitely not going to die here, not like this, not for this.

‘Gonna kill you now.’ Mitch said, spitting out blood, grinning. ‘Gonna kill you then I’m gonna go find your pretty little girlfriend and I’m gonna kill her.’

Daryl’s chest was rising and falling painfully, fear blossoming in his gut like he’d never felt before. He scanned Mitch, looking for any way he could attack him without getting shot first.

‘Don’t worry, I’ll make it nice and slow.’ Mitch crooned softly, blood bubbling out of his mouth as he laughed. Daryl’s hands shook by his sides, barely holding himself back from making one wrong move that could kill him. ‘Make her wear that pretty yellow dress she wore the other night; you know the one.’ He palmed at his crotch and that sick feeling in Daryl’s stomach rose up to his throat, choking him.

The sirens around them were drawing painfully closer. It was impossible to tell where they were coming from but it didn’t matter anyway, because Daryl could barely hear anything over the blood pumping through his ears as Mitch spoke of Beth. He was a second away from swinging at Mitch again, screw the gun pointed at him. His fists were aching for blood as he thought of Mitch anywhere near Beth, breath rattling in his empty chest. Daryl felt as though his heart was no longer there, and now he only had a ribcage closing around a hollow space, protecting nothing. No, not nothing. He’d left his heart with Beth.

Before Daryl could even twitch a finger towards Mitch another shot rang out and Mitch dropped suddenly, screaming as he clutched his leg. Daryl didn’t waste another moment; he kicked out savagely at Mitch’s chest and the man doubled over, wheezing, blood pooling around him from Merle’s gunshot. Daryl’s body shook with the force of his next kick, feeling that same sick satisfaction he had the last time he’d been able to get his fists bloody. He bent over, throwing Mitch’s gun aside and scrunching his collar up, pulling his face close to his.

‘You forgot what I said.’ Daryl rasped as he slammed Mitch’s head to the ground. ‘The last time you thought you could touch her.’

Mitch was struggling against Daryl’s grip weakly. Daryl wasn’t aware of the sirens growing more urgent or Merle’s voice calling him from the car; all he knew was the blinding rage now as he let his fist crack Mitch across the cheekbone once, twice. Mitch spat out a tooth, blood dribbling down his chin as he fought weakly against Daryl’s strong grip.

Daryl would have been content to stay there and make Mitch beg for mercy but Merle’s hands were suddenly on him, pulling him back. Daryl blinked as he shoved Merle away, the bright flash of red and blue lights visible now as the police drew nearer. His brother scrambled back into the car, head out the driver’s window.

‘Let’s get the fuck outta here!’ Merle yelled at him and Daryl leapt over the hood, fingers reaching for the handle of the passenger side before one last head-splitting gunshot rang out, broken glass flying around him, and then everything went black.


	12. I Think I'm Okay Now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merle brings a badly hurt Daryl to the farm and Beth deals with the aftermath of the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> second last chapter!! hope you guys enjoy x

Beth realised something was wrong half an hour after her excited conversation with Shawn about Maggie and Glenn’s engagement. She’d been hand in hand with Daryl, heart bursting with happiness after Maggie and Glenn had been whisked away by Hershel and they’d been left standing there, buzzing with excitement and possibilities because what the hell did it even mean, that they weren’t pretending anymore? Beth didn’t know what this could bring, but she knew that if it meant Daryl could look at her the way he did when they were alone all the time, then it was the beginning of something she desperately wanted to see through.

And then her brother had found them and Beth had been so deliriously happy for their sister that she’d almost missed the feeling of Daryl’s hand slipping out of hers as he disappeared into the crowd. Almost.

Beth watched him go, nodding at something Shawn said, thinking nothing of it. When she was finally able to break away from her brother and look around for Daryl ten minutes later, she slowly began to realise he was not in the barn anymore. Thinking maybe he’d gone for a cigarette and fervently craving the taste of his smoke-stained lips, she’d asked Martinez if she’d seen him but was met with a shake of the head. The Sheriff was around the back of the barn but he said he hadn’t seen Daryl either and Beth had felt her heart stammer a little. She knew deep down that if he was there, he’d have been right by her side.

Beth had stumbled outside, blinking in the darkness and nearly tripping over a champagne glass. Her heart beating a little quicker, she’d gone back inside and circled again, hoping desperately she’d just missed him.

After another quick round of searching, Beth could not deny the fact that Daryl had left any longer. Her first thought was that she’d freaked him out with the whole confession of their fake relationship to Maggie and Glenn, but that didn’t feel right. She knew him well enough to know that he’d been willing to admit that they were something real as much as she had, and that if he’d chosen to then there was no way he’d just leave her like that. He didn’t push himself away. Not anymore.

So that left one other option although Beth liked it decidedly less. Something was wrong. It wasn’t until Rick Grimes got a call from his office and had said a rushed goodbye to the Greenes that Beth started feeling a slow numbing spreading up her fingers.

‘I’m sorry, I’ve gotta go, one of my men thinks he’s spotted some illegal activity down near the highway. He’s not sure but he thinks it could be a drug bust, looks like I’ll be gone all night.’ The Sheriff had explained apologetically to Hershel, who’d waved him away understandingly.

Beth’s heart had sunk at these words, and she’d followed Rick out of the barn as he rushed to his car.

‘Rick – hey, wait up! What’s all that about a drug bust?’

Rick eyed her warily as he opened the boot of his car and strapped a bulletproof vest on himself.

‘Nothin’ for you to worry about, Beth.’

Frustrated, Beth had fought to keep her voice calm. ‘Can you just tell me what you know about it? Please?’

Rick sighed as he slammed the boot down, climbing into the driver’s seat. He must have heard the edge of desperation in her voice because he didn’t refuse her again.

‘All I know is we got wind this morning that there was a big drug deal going down on Monday night. Gang-related, dangerous stuff. If those are the same guys, they might have realised we were onto them and changed the meeting to tonight.’

Beth had stammered a thanks as he nodded at her and drove off. She’d wrapped her arms around her bare shoulders, suddenly shivering, light fading as Rick drove away. She’d only managed to get to the giant willow by the barn when the sudden realisation had hit her and she fell to the cold grass, unable to walk back into that barn and act like everything was not quickly unravelling.

Daryl had left for the drop. It was happening tonight; it was happening now. A small cry tore from Beth’s throat as she placed her head in her hands. He hadn’t said goodbye. Daryl would say goodbye if he knew this was going to happen which meant he hadn’t known. Which meant Merle must have tipped him off somehow and dragged him out urgently, so urgently that Daryl hadn’t been able to find her and explain. Beth felt sick with worry, her mind running through every single way that this could go wrong. Rick was on his way for a start, so unless things were over quickly, Daryl would likely be caught. He would go to prison. He would be caught and go to prison for his undeserving brother and for an even less deserving Beth. Because even though he’d tried to convince her that he didn’t have a choice in the matter, he did. He was choosing to protect her. He was choosing her over himself. Beth hated him in that moment for making her live with this, for making her live with knowing that it was her doing that the life he’d tried so desperately to build was ruined. And she was undeserving, because she hated him unfairly for doing what she knew she could never refuse to do for him if it was the other way around.

Beth didn’t know how long she’d stayed out by the willow in the dark, anxiety bubbling in her stomach and her head pounding and her eyes stinging with tears she couldn’t shed. Sometime later the music from the barn grew louder as the doors opened and people had started pooling out, thanking Hershel for the night and congratulating Maggie and Glenn once more before leaving. Beth watched them go, all of them, until it was just Hershel, Maggie, Glenn and Shawn standing out the front of the barn waving at the last car as it sped off into the darkness. Then Maggie had turned and asked Hershel if he’d seen Beth, which had prompted a search through the barn until Shawn had found her sitting under the willow tree, shivering.

‘Beth? Found her!’ Shawn called lightly, giving a thumbs up to the rest of her family who returned the gesture. ‘What’re you doing out here?’

Beth had raised her head to look at her brother, taking in his amused look. He must have just thought she’d had too much to drink. At the look on her face, Shawn’s smile had instantly dropped.

‘Are you okay? Did Daryl do something –’

‘No, god, Shawn.’ Beth scowled at him and Shawn had the sense to look a little ashamed of himself for suggesting it. Beth supposed she shouldn’t blame him since they’d only met briefly and he seemed to know enough about the Dixons to have a ready-made opinion, but still. She wasn’t in a very forgiving mood right now and it was something that Daryl had done that had brought her out here, after all.

‘I –’ Beth hadn’t even tried to explain as her throat closed up, just let Shawn guide her up and bring her to the farmhouse, where the rest of her family were sitting out on the porch, laughing under the dim yellow lights. Glenn had been strumming her mother’s guitar and strangely Beth found she didn’t mind. Despite her current worries, she’d wondered at how if this had been a few months ago, she probably would have snatched the guitar right out of his hands and hugged it tight to her. She’d thought of now, of how losing that guitar meant very little to her in comparison to the thought of losing Daryl. She’d thought of how maybe that’s how you got through life – just finding the next thing to care about.

‘Hey – there you are. Where’d you and Daryl run off to?’ Maggie had grinned as she spotted Beth. She’d waved her left hand in front of her face, pulling Beth towards her with the right one. ‘Remember when I got engaged?’

‘Daryl’s gone.’ Beth had said quietly, and Maggie’s smile fell, her grip on Beth loosening. Glenn sat up a little straighter, putting down the guitar.

‘Gone?’ Hershel had repeated, watching his daughter carefully.

Beth knew she could not hide this from them. ‘He left – he went to go help his brother. I – I’m worried that he’s going to get hurt.’ She’d tried to phrase it as gently as she could but Hershel had read right between the lines.

He’d shook his head as though he’d known something like this would happen and Beth felt a spark of anger flare up inside her. Whatever Hershel thought Daryl was, he was wrong, but she did not have the energy to explain right now. She just needed Daryl there – she needed to know he was safe. She couldn’t get that sitting here but there was nothing else she could do but wait.

‘Don’t.’ Beth had said in a dangerously calm tone, looking at her father. ‘You don’t know. Don’t.’

Her family had lapsed into silence at that and then Beth had, too. She’d taken a spot on the bottom of the stairs and she’d stayed there not moving, accepting the blanket that Maggie had placed around her shoulders but nothing more. That brought her to right now, an hour later, to the racing worries that each quiet minute brought on, to the half-moons she was making in her palms to keep the pins and needles at bay.

Maggie was sitting next to her now, head in her hands, blinking with exhaustion. Beth had told her to go to bed twice already but Maggie had refused. Shawn had disappeared inside along with Hershel saying he wanted sleep, but Beth didn’t miss their meaningful gazes to each other. She didn’t have the capacity to tell them just how wrong they were about Daryl so she didn’t. Glenn was filtering in and out of the house, bringing Maggie a coffee and Beth another blanket when she started to shiver. The night was balmy and no matter how many times Beth said she wasn’t cold, she couldn’t argue with the fact that her body was trembling regardless.

And then, as Beth was beginning to convince herself that something truly terrible had happened, she saw two tiny pinpoints of light appear in the darkness ahead and she scrambled up, ignoring Maggie’s calls as she ran towards the car in the dark. Weeds tore at her legs and twice she nearly broke an ankle as she tripped into rabbit holes, but the car had abruptly stopped just in front of the farmhouse and she was at it in no time.

Beth squinted in the dark as a figure emerged, rustling across the grass to the other side of the car, panting.

‘That you, blondie?’

Beth didn’t think she’d ever feel relief at the sound of Merle Dixon’s voice but her knees had nearly given way as she weakly replied, ‘where is he?’

Merle was already ripping open the passenger door and Beth wasted no time helping him, feeling her heart stop as the interior light flickered on and she saw Daryl covered in blood.

Beth heard the harrowing sob that escaped her lips and she felt everything around her stop, like nothing at all existed anymore. And then, like she’d been put in fast forward, her body automatically took her to Merle’s side, helping him lift Daryl out of the car. She supposed she should be straining under his weight but she barely felt him as waves of adrenaline coursed through her, her heart speeding up painfully.

Daryl stirred a little, his head lolling against her, arm slipping off her shoulder.

‘Beth?’ His voice was impossibly weak, so rough and low that she barely heard it. But it was still strong enough to stab through her mind-numbing fear, making her stomach twist painfully.

‘Daryl.’ Beth cried as her heart sped up twice as fast, a tiny flower of hope blooming in her chest. He didn’t stir against her again and her momentary relief was replaced with another horrible sensation. ‘Please don’t be dead, please don’t be dead.’

‘Get your damn father out here.’ Merle grunted sharply to Beth. Bewildered, she remembered Merle doing something similar all those nights ago, throwing Daryl out of Pete’s backyard and hissing at Beth to get him out of there. She’d said that Hershel was a vet but she hadn’t even thought Merle had heard her.

The sick feeling in Beth’s stomach was overwhelming and suddenly, she was praying to a god that she hadn’t believed in for a while as as she and Merle carried Daryl up the porch steps.

Maggie shrieked at the sight of them, her coffee cup shattering on the ground as she leapt forward to help and Glenn, eyes wide and stammering, opened the front door and allowed them to pass through.

‘What happened – Beth what’s going on?’ Maggie asked, rushing through the house to follow her and Merle to the closest room they could find. They lay Daryl down gently on the bed and Beth collapsed at his side, staring at his blood pooling onto the sheets, white turning crimson.

Before Beth got the chance to do anything more, Merle was turning around swiftly and making for the door. She flung an arm out and grabbed his shirt before he escaped and with strength that surprised even her, she spun him around harshly.

‘What happened to him?’

Merle looked to his brother, shaking his head and breathing hard. ‘Mitch. He double-crossed us, that son of a bitch. Fuckin’ shot Daryl when his back was turned, had to drag him into the car. Thought he was fuckin’ dead.’

Beth took in a shuddering breath, wiping away her tears impatiently.

‘You take care of him, blondie. You make sure he lives.’

Beth stared at Merle in disbelief. ‘Where the hell are you going?’

‘I ain’t stickin’ around so Grimes can find me here. I got the money, I’m fuckin’ off ‘fore I get caught. He done his part,’ Merle nodded to Daryl’s limp form, ‘only reason he did was cause of you. He already chose you, ‘fore he even met you. You saved him already, you can do it again, blondie.’

Beth’s head pounded at Merle’s words, far too much to take in now. Behind the selfishness she could tell that he truly meant what he said but it didn’t stop her letting out a frustrated noise at him regardless. No matter his intentions now, he was still part of the reason Daryl was fighting for life. She turned back to Daryl, ribs getting smaller around her heart and Merle was gone by the time she cared to spare him another look. She was at Daryl’s side once again, hands shaking across his torso as she gently pulled back his shirt.

‘God –’ Beth choked, a wave of nausea churning her stomach at the messy wound. ‘Daryl? God, Daryl, please don’t die. Please don’t die.’

She was sobbing now, full-bodied racking cries that tore through her in agony. She must have been screaming for her father, too, because when he ran into the room, Maggie placed a calming hand on her shoulder and said, ‘it’s okay, dad’s here now.’

Beth had almost forgot anyone else was in the house. At once, she stood up, facing her father, pushing the stray hair that had scattered across her vision away impatiently.

‘You have to save him.’

Hershel’s eyes were wide as they took in Daryl and he stammered out a question that Beth didn’t have time to answer.

‘He’s been shot, please, Daddy! You have to save him you have to –’

‘We need to call an ambulance –’

‘You can’t, they won’t get here in time!’ Beth knew that the second a nurse took a look at Daryl, a million questions would follow. She felt frenzied and mad but she’d stitch Daryl up herself if she had to without anyone’s help.

Hershel seemed to know her words held some truth to them and at the wildly desperate look on Beth’s face, he nodded quickly. ‘I’ll do my best. I’ll need your help.’

He looked around to Maggie and Glenn and Shawn, who’d just appeared in the doorway, rubbing at his face tiredly before stilling, eyes growing wide as he took in the scene. ‘All of you.’

At once, Hershel was barking orders at them, demanding warm towels and his vet kit from the back room and bandages and boiling water.

Maggie, Glenn and Shawn had scrambled to help and Beth sunk beside Daryl, hands slippery over his bloodied ones, holding him tightly. She didn’t take her eyes off the shallow rise and fall of his chest until Hershel had to drag her up, thrusting a pair of forceps into her red-stained hands and babbling instructions that only half took.

Beth had done this before, once, with one of the horses after he’d been impaled by a rusted nail. Her father had instructed her then as he did now, and she recalled her hands shaking out of fear of what she’d see as she’d held the wound open and pulled the nail out. This was nothing like that and yet Beth was still reminded of the fear she’d felt that day and the crushing weight of what she felt now. Fear was always fear until you begged it to be something else. And then it was dread.

Beth’s hands were unsteady as the tip of the forceps pushed apart Daryl’s gunshot wound. She knew her job was only to hold the instrument there while Hershel dug around for bullet fragments, but she felt as though the tiniest tremor in her fingers would be disastrous, so she’d forced her breathing to slow and her mind to stop. All she had to do was focus on holding the cool silver as Hershel did the rest.

Beth’s mind grew tired of its constant constraint and wandered after a few achingly slow minutes. She thought of Daryl with her only hours before, not injured, not fighting for his life, pressing wildflowers into her hands and making her heart sing. Of each time she’d caught him biting back a smile, each time he’d placed his lips over hers, when he’d heard her sing and when he’d showed her his scars. She thought of when she first saw him and thought of where they were now. She thought that she desperately needed him in a way that she’d never needed anyone else. She thought, _he’s not going to die._

The air around them was heavy with uncertainty. Maggie, Glenn and Shawn had all left the room in favour of allowing Hershel more breathing space. Beth chanced a look at her father and was relieved to see the hard stare in his eyes as he worked, the same hard stare he’d had each time he refused to compromise on something. Stubborn, she’d called him. Beth thought a better word now might be determined.

Hershel was slowly picking out bullet fragments, placing them carefully on a strip of gauze on the bedside table. Beth’s arms were aching with the pressure of keeping steady but she didn’t waver once. She thought of the scars across Daryl’s back, feeling sick at the thought that if he lived he’d have another.

Finally, Hershel sat up straight and nodded at Beth that she could release the forceps. She watched quietly as her father cleaned out the wound as best he could and then began to slowly stitch it up.

Beth was checking Daryl now for any other injuries that needed tending to, but other than a few scattered bruises, he seemed to be okay. Hershel finally sat up, nodding Beth out of the room and she realised that Daryl’s wound was already covered over with a bandage. Taking one last look at Daryl and hating the thought of leaving him, Beth allowed her father to guide her a few steps out of the room.

‘He needs rest, but I think he’ll be okay.’

Those words were the only things that could convince Beth that it was okay to breathe again properly. She did, taking a relieved breath, feeling it travel through her body and shoot to the vital places that needed it.

Now she looked at her father and felt a little irritation at the stern air that was crossing his face. Knowing that Daryl was okay now gave Beth all the leeway she needed to let her frustration at Hershel’s view of the situation grow.

‘Whatever you think about him, it’s not true.’ Beth said quietly.

Hershel threw his hands up, exasperated. ‘Will Dixon was not a good man, Beth. Neither are his sons, and this proves it. He’s involved with dealing drugs and if anything Rick said tonight was anything to go by –’

Beth fought to keep her temper under control but she was stretched to her breaking point already.

‘You’ve got no idea why he did what he did tonight.’

‘I don’t have the mind to hear it. He heals, and he leaves. I don’t want him setting foot in this house again.’

Beth stared at her father in disbelief as he turned and disappeared into the kitchen. Tears were threatening her eyes but she didn’t care as she went back into the spare room and took the chair in the corner as her bed for the night. She could hear Maggie’s voice floating under the door as she asked Hershel what had happened, could hear Glenn’s concerned response and Shawn’s incredulity but she didn’t care anymore. Beth had thought she needed everyone to think that she was better – she’d thought she needed to know that everyone thought she was better in order to move on, but she didn’t. She hadn’t needed to care what they’d thought then and she wouldn’t care about it now. Beth fell into a fitful sleep watching the steady rise and fall of Daryl’s chest, jerking awake every few minutes to make sure it stayed that way.

* * *

The first thing Daryl was aware of as he opened his eyes was the blinding light that flooded in and instantly made them water. The second thing was the blinding pain shooting through his side when he tried to sit up. The third thing was Beth Greene in the corner of the room curled up in a restless sleep, blinding in a whole other kind of way. Daryl shifted again, feeling his muscles screaming in protest and when he moved the surprisingly soft covers off his torso, he saw a thick white bandage over whatever was hurting him so much. He wasn’t wearing a shirt and strangely, the first thing he did before even thinking about how he got into this bed was pull the covers back over himself instinctively.

And then, it slowly started coming together. Mitch – fucking Mitch had shot him as he’d turned his back to him. He had drifted in and out of consciousness as Merle had unceremoniously shoved him into the car and sped off, away from the flashing lights and ringing sirens.

Daryl looked around cautiously and on the beside table next to him saw a bloodied gauze littered with small lead shavings that he knew to be bullet fragments. Someone had cleaned him up, someone had let him rest in this room all night. His eyes darted back to Beth and she was blinking awake at his sudden movements before he could even open his mouth.

‘Daryl!’ Her relief was tangible as her eyes grew wide and she scrambled out of her cramped position to rush to his side. Her face was covered in dried blood and he’d wager that she looked even worse than he did right now, but Daryl felt the same happiness shoot through him as he saw her all the same. Somehow, he’d made it out alive. Somehow, they were together again.

Beth choked down a sob as she reached out for him, pulling his hands to her chest and squeezing. The racing patter of her heart matched Daryl’s own and he found it wasn’t nearly as important to get answers to his questions as he’d thought. She held him as tight as she dared for several silent minutes, hands shaking and breath uneven, until finally pulling away, searching his eyes with those giant blue ones of hers.

‘You’re okay.’ Beth laughed and the dried blood smeared across her face cracked. ‘I can’t believe you’re okay.’

‘’M sorry.’ Daryl managed, voice rough and grating. ‘Shouldn’t have left you like that. Should’a stayed.’

Beth shook her head, smiling at him almost in disbelief. ‘Don’t worry about that now. How are you feeling?’

Judging from the bandages that were expertly applied and the pleasant air of the room, Daryl guessed they were at the farm. He had been out cold most of the car ride which meant Merle must have taken him there. The thought of his brother sent a pain through his head like a knife.

‘Where’s Merle?’

Beth clenched her jaw. ‘He left. Last night. Brought you here and left straight away, saying he had the money and he wasn’t about to get caught. I don’t know where he went.’

Daryl nodded slowly, swallowing harshly through a dry throat. Beth noticed and quickly turned to grab the glass of water on the table behind her. Daryl accepted it gratefully, gulping it all down and flinching as his wound painfully pulsed. He didn’t expect any different but it still hurt all the same that his brother had left him. Merle had brought him into this life again but he’d also dragged him back out of it, back to Beth. Merle had a lot to answer for but Daryl found that he was okay with his choices.

‘My dad . . . he dug the bullet out. Patched you up.’

Daryl felt a wave of shame roll through him at the thought of Merle turning up with a bleeding out Daryl and demanding their help. His conversation with Hershel a few days ago ran through his mind.

_I’m putting my trust in you._

Beth’s father had faith that Daryl was a man of his word, that he’d live up to every expectation he’d set for him to not hurt Beth. Daryl’s heart ached as he looked at Beth now, covered in his blood and eyes wild and hair a mess and thought that Hershel would be right to hate him. Even though he hadn’t caused Beth direct harm, Hershel wasn’t stupid. He could piece together well enough the kind of thing Daryl had been involved in – the kind of thing that the Dixons did and had always done.

Beth was busying herself with rattling through a box of medication. She pulled out a couple of pills and pushed them into Daryl’s hand and he swallowed them wordlessly. He was throbbing with guilt at the sight of her so wound-up and felt more terrified at the prospect of facing her family than he did at the thought of getting arrested for what had transpired the night before. If Daryl knew Merle at all, he knew he’d be long gone by now and Mitch, with any luck, had been caught at the scene. He’d give up the Dixons without a second thought but all Daryl needed was as much time as he would be allowed with Beth. From the gang’s end, everything had gone as smoothly as could be expected. They’d got the drugs. Which meant Beth was safe. Daryl had kept up his end and he’d made good on his promise to himself. Beth wasn’t in any danger and it might come at the cost of the life he’d built but there was nothing he’d take back.

Beth was tracing her fingers across his hand lightly and, fighting through the shooting pain that had appeared as Daryl turned his palm to her, he gripped her tight as he could.

‘You scared me.’ Beth said and there was real fear in her voice now, a naked, raw vulnerability. ‘When I realised you were gone – I just . . . I couldn’t stop thinking what if. What if something went wrong. What if I never saw you again. What if you died.’

Daryl’s heart thumped painfully, sending an uneasy thrill through his spine. ‘Ain’t dead.’

A laugh escaped from Beth’s throat and she shook her head in disbelief. ‘Lucky for you. Cause if you died I would have killed you.’

Now it was Daryl’s turn to laugh, letting out a few dry chuckles before realising that any kind of movement in his ribs was a very bad idea. He bit back a smile as he straightened up, watching Beth fondly. Only she could elicit this kind of emotion out of him, this kind of joy. Recovering from a bullet and probably going to be arrested later that day and Beth Greene was by his side making him laugh, making him feel. He didn’t know how to tell her what she meant to him but he thought as she met his eye with the same kind of exhilarated gaze that maybe she already knew.

A soft knock on the door broke the ease between them and Beth jumped up off the bed to see who it was. Hershel was entering a moment later, placing a hand on his daughter’s shoulder and murmuring something Daryl didn’t catch. Beth whispered back a reply and after another stern glance from Hershel, left the room reluctantly.

Daryl couldn’t help his automatic flinch as Hershel moved to pull the covers off him but the other man didn’t comment on it. His gut shuddering with anxiety, Daryl shifted to allow Hershel to look at his wound, painfully aware that his scars were only shrouded by the pillow behind him. Despite his entire body aching and his head pounding, all Daryl was able to focus on was Hershel’s hard gaze on him as he bent down to peel the bandage off his side. His head split in two at the stinging of the antiseptic hitting his skin, his fists bunching up the sheets as he fought not to make a sound.

Agony tore through Daryl’s side as he panted through short, quick breaths, eyes squinted shut. Finally, when the suddenness of the pain was something he was a little more used to, he willed his eyes open again, pulling his head forward off the wall.

Daryl didn’t say anything at first, taking from the stony silence that Hershel was not feeling kindly towards him. But the quiet was too loud and Daryl knew that he needed to explain himself, even if Beth’s father did not want to hear it.

‘Thankyou.’ Daryl muttered, watching the other man carefully though the hair falling over his eyes.

Hershel nodded mechanically but did not look up.

From outside the room, Daryl heard the sound of a kettle whistling and cutlery hitting plates. He thought of the rest of Beth’s family – of Maggie and Glenn, whose engagement night he’d ruined, of Shawn, who’d been right to be suspicious of him.

‘You’re lucky.’ Hershel said finally. ‘Bullet missed your major organs. Doesn’t appear to have done nearly as much damage as it should have.’

Daryl nodded slowly, realising that being shot was the last thing on his mind right now.

‘Bullet went through a window ‘fore it hit me.’ He muttered, remembering the sound of shattering glass and the fragments showering him.

Hershel raised an eyebrow but said nothing more about it. Daryl took a slow breath in.

‘I know I don’t deserve your daughter.’ He began heavily and Hershel stilled, ripping apart a fresh bandage from its plastic. The sound of a glass smashing and then a burst of laughter from the kitchen made Daryl’s heart ache a little more. He’d never belonged in places like this, where there was love instead of violence. A place where you could break a glass and be met with light-hearted laughter instead of a whip to the back. He used to think those places didn’t exist but then he met Beth and realised it wasn’t about a place at all.

‘I ain’t here to try to convince you that I ain’t every bit as undeserving as you think. But you gotta know, I wasn’t doin’ this for me. Hell, not even for my brother.’

Hershel finally looked up, meeting Daryl’s eye behind a veil of mistrust but listening. In his hands the bandage crinkled, forgotten.

Daryl drew a shaking breath and god, why was it so hard to talk about how he felt, about things that mattered to him? He’d never had such trouble voicing his mind but the last few weeks he was terrified of speaking, of saying the wrong thing.

‘Been tryin’ – been tryin’ for a long time. And then I met Beth and I thought that maybe all my tryin’ was worth it, for her. I done a lot of things I ain’t proud of.’ Daryl admitted, feeling his heart somehow get lighter and heavier at the same time. ‘But I ain’t sorry for what I did last night. I ain’t sorry, because it means Beth’s safe now.’

Hershel frowned, fingers tightening around the bandage. ‘What are you implying?’

‘Merle don’t play fair. He knew he could use Beth to get me to agree to help him. It worked.’

Silence washed over the two of them. Beth’s father might not care about his reasoning but at least Daryl had said what he’d needed to.

Hershel finally pressed the clean bandage to Daryl’s side and a shock of dull pain went through him but the medication Beth had given him seemed to be kicking in because it was a little more tolerable than before. Daryl reflexively pulled the blankets back over himself as Hershel packed up his things slowly without a word. Outside the laugher had subdued, the kettle quiet as a faint knocking sounded from the other side of the house. Then, as Hershel stood up and gave Daryl a quick once-over, he let out a deep sigh and said, ‘I put my faith in you.’

Daryl’s heart sank but he waited in silence.

‘I nearly lost my daughter last year as I lost my wife. I see a lot of Annette in her and I’m still trying to work out whether that’s a good thing or not.’ Hershel eyes flicked to Daryl’s hidden torso meaningfully and Daryl immediately knew somehow that he had seen his scars the night before. The thought made Daryl more uneasy than the idea of getting shot again and he fought a wave of nausea as he forced himself to hold Hershel’s firm gaze.

‘Things break.’ The older man said finally, wiping his bloody hands now with a small towel, eyes still staring at the scars that weren’t visible before looking up to Daryl. ‘Things break but they can still grow.’

With a clipped nod at Daryl, Hershel left, closing the door behind him. Daryl let out a shaking breath and then took a deeper one in. Beth’s father had seen his scarred body and he hadn’t thought him a monster enough to leave him to die. He’d helped him. Daryl thought of the scar on Beth’s wrist and wondered if Hershel was talking about her or Daryl with his parting words, or if they were the same thing. He knew that Beth’s family would never stop worrying about her as long as they lived as he wouldn’t, although for different reasons. She’d shown them a part of herself in the last year they’d taken for weakness but Daryl saw it as only strength.

There was no doubt that he was broken but no doubt that he was trying, and Daryl thought that if Beth’s father had seen proof that he’d grown out of being a broken thing, then he had to trust that he could also see Beth had, too.


	13. We Can Stay Like This

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rick comes around to ask questions about Daryl and Hershel is forced to make a decision, making Beth and Daryl realise what their future will look like.

Beth was being held hostage by Maggie and Glenn when Rick Grimes knocked on the front door. After wiping over her bloody face with a wet rag, her sister had demanded Beth sit at the table and eat something, knowing full well Beth had stayed by Daryl’s side all night. Beth couldn’t remember the last thing she ate – maybe lunch the day before? – and she wasn’t hungry but agreed eventually more to pacify Maggie than anything else, shovelling down food as quickly as she could before she went back to see Daryl. She had no idea what her father was saying to him but judging from what he’d said to Beth the night before it wouldn’t be good. When Beth had scrambled up to put her empty plate in the sink and knocked over a glass of juice, Maggie shook her head, unable to stop the bubbling laughter escaping her as her and Glenn exchanged an exasperated glance. Beth was relieved that Maggie and Glenn at least didn’t seem to be judging Daryl too harshly, or at least not harshly enough that they would treat Beth any differently. Shawn was probably still sleeping and Beth was glad she had one less person at the moment to deal with anyway, knowing he’d probably get overprotective and make her even more irritable. Her father demanding to speak to Daryl alone was bad enough, she thought as she cleaned up the shattered glass and sticky juice. He might be telling Daryl to get out of his house right now and there wasn’t a thing Beth could do to change his mind if it was made up. At the knock on the door, Beth felt a nervous flutter in her stomach but leapt to answer it, knowing that it must have something to do with Daryl and that she’d trust no one else with this.

She was right. Rick Grimes was in full uniform; from the Sheriff’s hat gripped in his hands to the golden pointed badge stuck to his chest.

‘Hey, Beth. I’m investigating the events of an alleged drug deal last night, is Hershel in?’

Heart stopping, Beth gripped the side of the door as her palms started to sweat.

‘Uh, yeah. How come?’

Rick’s radio let out a burst of static and he switched it off, rubbing a hand down his face. He looked as though he’d been out all night and Beth wondered whether he’d caught anyone that had been at the drop.

‘Just have a couple of questions regarding Daryl Dixon.’ Now, Rick gazed at Beth as though he could read her thoughts. ‘I know he disappeared last night, Beth. You were asking around for him. His brother’s already on the run and Mitch Dolgen has identified both him and Daryl as his accomplices.’

Beth hardly heard Rick over the pounding of her own heart. A nervous thrill rushed through her stomach and she willed herself to stay calm but knew that there was no option other than to lie. She wouldn’t give Daryl up and if it meant lying to the Sheriff, she would.

‘I found him after you left.’ Beth replied swiftly. ‘He was here for the rest of the night.’

Rick’s eyes shifted over Beth’s face and for once she wished they were strangers and not a person well-versed in catching liars and another person who had grown up babysitting the said liar-catcher’s son. Even if Rick didn’t have a well-trained eye for this, he knew her too well. Beth hoped that that would work in her favour instead of against her – after all, her father was one of Rick’s closest friends and he never had reason to distrust them, but she knew she was a poor liar regardless of who she was lying to.

‘You sure about that?’ Rick asked with a frown and Beth nodded quickly.

‘Yes. Mitch’s had it out for Daryl for a while now. You can ask Caesar Martinez, I’m sure he’ll be happy to tell you who’s more likely to be involved with drugs.’

The Sheriff nodded evenly at this information, turning it over in his head. Then he peered past her into the house. Daryl was only a room away, gunshot wound in his side more than enough proof that he had been involved.

‘Mind if I have a word with your father anyway?’

Beth’s heart sank. Smiling through her rising panic, she turned to see Hershel leaving Daryl’s room, holding a bundle of bloodied rags and plastic scraps that she dearly hoped Rick didn’t look too hard at.

Beth made a bee-line for her father, grabbing the rubbish out of his hands and staring at him meaningfully as she said, ‘Rick’s here. He wants to ask you about Daryl Dixon.’

Rick was still waiting patiently by the door as Hershel made his way over, each step that he took another nail in Beth’s heart. Her father had made it clear enough that Daryl was to leave the moment he recovered and had made it even clearer from the beginning that he did not approve of Daryl. This was it – Daryl was going to be arrested for something he didn’t have any true involvement in, for something that he had only been present for because of Beth.

‘You look busy.’ Rick nodded to the bandages in Beth’s hands and her father tilted his head evenly.

‘You know me; I don’t sit idle.’

Rick let out an appreciative chuckle, leaning against the door frame. ‘I’ll try keep this quick, I’ve got a lot of other people to chase up today. What time did Daryl Dixon leave the party last night?’

Beth held her breath, practically seeing stars as she waited for Hershel’s answer.

‘I’m not entirely sure. He was here for quite a while.’

Beth let out a tiny breath, heart racing furiously and hardly daring to believe that her father was purposely leading Rick astray.

‘I see.’ Rick was infinitely more trusting of Hershel and he held a steady gaze with the older man. Beth recalled the last time she’d lied to Rick, when Zach had snuck into the Sheriff’s house while Carl was asleep and Rick had come home early to relieve Beth of her babysitting duties only to find her standing in front of the closet Zach had leapt into, frazzled and dearly hoping Rick wasn’t any the wiser. He’d seen through her lie that night as she was sure she’d seen through her just before. Hershel, however, was different. He was known for his honestly, for his integrity. Rick would believe him in a heartbeat and he wouldn’t question him.

‘And did he leave at all during the course of the night?’

Ear-splitting silence as Beth waited for her father’s reply, willing her eyes not to go to the door Daryl was behind. She wondered if he could hear their conversation, if he was waiting to be uncovered.

Hershel’s voice was certain. ‘No, he was here all night. He’s quite fond of Bethy you see, he even insisted on staying to help pack up after everyone had left. He was the very last to leave.’

Beth could barely believe her ears but she arranged her expression into one that she hoped was not as shocked as she felt. Hershel had lied. Hershel had lied to the Sheriff, one of his closest friends. He was protecting Daryl, after all he’d said, after all that had been done. Relief washed over her and made her knees weak and Beth was suddenly desperate now to know what he and Daryl had spoken about that had changed Hershel’s mind so dramatically.

Rick’s expression smoothed over, nodding. ‘Alright, then.’

If he suspected Hershel of lying he didn’t say. But Beth thought, as Rick thanked them for their time and bid them farewell, that she could see the smallest trace of curiosity on his face as he turned away.

It was only once Rick was safely inside his car and the front door closed that Hershel finally turned to look at Beth.

‘Daddy – thankyou. I – I don’t know what I would have done if –’

‘I owe you an apology, Beth.’ Hershel sighed deeply and Beth quietened, knowing it was not an easy thing for her father to admit. ‘I was wrong about Daryl. I see that now. That man cares about you deeply. He was willing to risk his own life for you. I knew men like Will Dixon all my life. Had an idea about Merle Dixon. But I know I’ve been wrong about Daryl. Forgive me.’

Beth was blown away by her father’s honestly, but couldn’t find the right words to encompass just how much this meant to her. She moved forward and hugged him, squeezing him tightly and letting out a relieved gasp as he squeezed her back. She hadn’t been in her father’s arms like this since they’d found her in a pool of her own blood. A lot had changed since then and she knew by the way Hershel’s strong grip supported her rather than held her together that he could feel that, too. Beth thought of her mother and how she’d always believed in the goodness of anyone she’d ever met. She could almost feel her here, hand looped around Hershel’s and fingers through Beth’s hair, soothing, reassuring. Beth knew she was a lot like her mother in more ways than one but she had forgotten just how much influence her mother had on everyone else, too. She was sure some of the reason Hershel was able to admit to this was because of Annette and Beth smiled inwardly at the thought that although her mother was gone, she’d never truly left.

* * *

Beth’s whole family was outside for the rest of the afternoon, not wanting to waste the sunshine now that the uncertainty about Daryl’s situation was growing clearer. Beth had elected to stay indoors, mumbling something about cleaning up but that excuse was wasted as everyone knew she simply wanted to be with Daryl. They let her go without a word although with some annoyingly knowing looks and smug eyebrow raises.

Daryl was sitting up when Beth went back into his room, pale and wincing every now and again when he moved, but at the sight of her he seemed to forget about his injury. Beth thought of how close she had come to losing him. She thought of how she never wanted to even think about being without him again.

‘Hey.’

‘Hey.’

Silence. Then, ‘I heard, what you did for me. What your dad did for me.’

Beth sat down on the edge of his bed, pulling at the stray threads on the corner of the sheets.

‘I didn’t think he would.’ Beth admitted. She looked up at Daryl and his gaze was thoughtful, eyes darting over her face, searching. Always searching. ‘So. Not pretending anymore.’

Daryl bit back a smile and Beth’s heart raced. ‘No.’

‘So then I can do this.’ Beth breathed and slowly climbed over Daryl, her legs on either side of him but careful not to put any weight on top of him. Daryl’s chest stilled, looking at her wondrously.

‘And this.’ Beth leaned in close, brushing her lips against the shell of his ear and Daryl let out a long, deep breath. ‘And this.’ Her lips fluttered across his jawline and then, with a thrill in her stomach that felt close to fear but infinitely better, she pressed her lips to his.

Daryl’s hands moved to her hips, and even though he must have been in pain he did not move them away. He was reckless with his tongue now, as desperate to taste her as she was him.

When Beth finally pulled away and moved to sit on one side of him, she was pleased to see the hard lump that had formed under the covers at his groin. Colour was flushing in Daryl’s cheeks and Beth bit her lip bashfully, still barely able to believe she was able to elicit such desire out of him from only a kiss.

‘Like teasin’ me, Greene?’ Daryl said, his voice low and rusty.

Beth fluttered her lashes at him. ‘Only if you want me to.’

‘Don’t ever stop.’ Daryl replied. His canines were pointing out from below his lip, unfamiliar smile lines around his mouth, watching her as though he hardly dared to believe that she existed. Beth felt much the same way about him and after another few minutes she found that she was able to pull the words out that she’d been scared of before. She wasn’t scared of them anymore, of those feelings she had for him. The only thing she feared now was not being able to say these things to him while she could. Daryl had been shot and every second after he’d arrived at the farm had been laced with the sick fear that she would never be able to speak to him again, never see the warmth in his eyes when he looked at her, never tell him what he deserved to hear.

It had been a long process to feel alive again and not just like she was living, but _alive_. And Beth had been living for so long watching each day drag past the same as the next, that it was almost a shock to her now that the last few weeks with Daryl had felt like anything but that. It was him. He gave her so much just by being him and he didn’t even know.

‘You know, when I met you I was stumbling.’ Beth started, laying down next to Daryl carefully, making sure she didn’t hurt him. He wrapped an arm around her and tangled his fingers in her hair, playing absently.

‘I was trying to convince everyone else that I was okay, that I was better than when they found me cut open, bleeding out. That I was coping with my mom dying. I was trying to make everyone else move on.’

Daryl’s fingers traced down her neck now, to the bracelets lining her wrist, quiet, patient.

‘And then I met you, and I thought that you were just another way to help convince my family that I was okay, but you weren’t. And I didn’t even realise until I was already half way in it, but you were helping me move on myself and I had no idea. You fixed my car and I thought that that was all the closure I needed, that I could just be okay with having that as a symbol of how I was different now without my mom. But then there was everything else you did – everything else I did because of you. I started singing again.’

Daryl’s chest swelled as he took a deep breath in, turning to gaze at her with soft eyes. Beth found things in them that she didn’t even know she was searching for as she went on.

‘You made me want to sing, you made me want to write songs again. So I did. I wore that yellow dress my mother got me even though I swore when she died I’d never touch it again. And I thought that maybe it was just all for everyone else, all part of the plan. But it wasn’t at all and it took me so long to realise because I was afraid of figuring out that I was moving on because of you. That wasn’t part of the plan. I needed you to show everyone that I was fine but I think you showed me, instead.’

Daryl’s mouth curled into a smile at that, and he held her closer, despite the pain that read across his face. Now he was taking a deep breath in as though he’d been thinking of things he didn’t quite know how to say but was going to try, anyway.

‘Thought if I wanted you like I did, I’d ruin you.’ Daryl’s voice was rough. ‘Thought Merle was right in thinkin’ that you weren’t gonna stick around. Thought that you deserved to escape this shitty town I been stuck in all my life.’

Beth’s heart ached at Daryl’s admission.

‘Thought I ain’t never seen nothin’ so damn beautiful before. Thought you deserved somethin’ more.’

Daryl took another shallow breath in and Beth felt his palms grow hot against her. She knew he wasn’t good at voicing his feelings but the fact that he was trying so hard now meant more to her than any words ever could.

‘But you wanted me. And I let myself want you. And, hell, you could change your mind ‘bout me tomorrow and I sure as hell won’t blame you but you want me now and that’s enough for now. ‘S all I need, Beth. Just you.’

Beth grinned at him, her heart fit to burst. ‘So what now?’

Daryl scoffed, finally peeling his eyes off her but she could see the relief run through him that he’d said what he had and she’d still wanted him all the same. She knew that he would always have that doubt, somewhere deep down, about her wanting him, about him deserving her. She couldn’t make it vanish. All she could do is hope that each day it grew less and less.

‘Now we stop pretendin’.’

Beth had never been one for reassurances or vague possibilities but she found, as she curled up tighter beside Daryl and inhaled his deep wood, pine scent, that Daryl’s quiet promises of the future was something she could never get tired of hearing.

* * *

In the days that followed, Daryl was taken care of and coddled more than he’d ever been in his life. He was itching to get out of bed, to look at anything other than the inside of the spare room at the Greene’s farm, to breathe in fresh air instead of the stale air around him but Hershel had given him strict orders not to leave the bed and far be it for Daryl to question that. With the help of some very strong pain medication and Hershel checking his wound two to three times a day, Daryl was slowly starting to heal.

Then there was Beth. She had taken to sleeping in the corner of the room on a cramped little chair each night, insisting that she was fine even though Daryl knew it could not be comfortable. She sang to him most nights; soft lullabies or new songs she’d discovered. Sometimes she brought in her mother’s guitar and played for him, quietly humming her own lyrics along, lulling him to sleep effortlessly. He told her each time how lovely she sounded, how much he wanted her to keep singing. He told her because he knew now that he could. And each time she laughed at him, shaking her head like she didn’t believe those things about herself but she’d try believing them for him.

Maggie, Glenn and Shawn came in most days, too, setting up a table where they all played cards or just sat back and talked about anything that crossed their minds. Daryl knew they had a whole house and acres of empty land to exist in and the thought of them choosing to keep him and Beth company instead filled something that had previously been empty inside of him with a warmth that was as unexpected as it was sorely needed. Daryl couldn’t tell them how much it meant to him that none of them thought him a piece of shit who didn’t deserve their sister, but he hoped they knew.

It was a week until Daryl could walk again and although he insisted he was fine, Beth insisted harder that he use a crutch. He had, a little wobbly at first but judging from the exploding pain in his side each time he tried putting his full weight on his legs, Beth was right.

She took Daryl around the farm and although he was achingly slow, she had infinite patience. She showed him everything – her favourite horse Nelly, the place in the backyard behind the rose bushes where she used to sit with her mother, the tree Shawn had split his head open on swinging off of when he was little, Annette’s favourite coffee mug, the hidden spot where her and Maggie had first tried alcohol.

Beth showed him everything and Daryl was filled with a longing that said he could follow her around and listen to her telling him stories forever. It wasn’t until he’d got into bed that night that he really understood what it was. Beth was giving him her own memories, letting him into the parts of her life that he’d never had. Daryl could not think of his childhood with any kind of nostalgia, but he thought of Beth sharing hers with him and felt that maybe he’d have nostalgia from now on, as long as he had her to create new memories with.

The day after that, Hershel had joined them all in the kitchen for breakfast. Daryl wasn’t used to eating proper home cooked meals but as Beth had offered him a plate of bacon, eggs and pancakes, felt his stomach do backflips. This is what life could be like – Beth and Sunday mornings sleeping in with the sunlight showering them and joking around with Shawn and listening to the comforting ease of Maggie and Glenn speaking to each other. Daryl had never been surrounded by so many good things, so many things that they all considered normal, and it took some getting used to that no Maggie wasn’t just being polite, she genuinely wanted to know how he was feeling and yes, Shawn did really want to hear about the time Daryl got lost in the woods hunting. Beth was sunshine next to him, radiant and happy and Daryl finally properly let himself understand that yes, it was because of him.

Once they’d finished breakfast and a lazy lull fell over the room, Hershel had asked Daryl for a word in private. Daryl had nodded at the other man and the rest of the family cleared from the room, Beth looking behind her shoulder at them curiously. Daryl had heard everything Hershel had said to Rick the morning after he’d been shot. He hadn’t had a chance to thank him properly for lying for him, for protecting him, but Beth had insisted her father was not one for gratitude, that seeing how happy she was would be enough for him. She’d been right, of course. Again.

‘I heard from Rick this morning that they still have no word on Merle.’ Hershel began slowly, assessing Daryl’s reaction.

Daryl had thought about his brother a lot, but had come to the conclusion that this was the best possible outcome for the both of them. Beth had told him that she found out Mitch was being sent to prison and Daryl felt no trace of regret for him, and a lot of relief for himself and Merle. His brother had done what he’d set out to do and Daryl couldn’t ask more. It was strange, that after spending some of the worst years of his life with his brother that now he felt free to become someone else – a stranger, or maybe – the person he was always meant to be without him.

‘Beth seems happy.’

Daryl nodded at this, gaging the older man’s face. He was staring out the window now, where the sun was making patterns along the wooden slats of the barn.

‘I’ve only ever said this to one other person before, and that person is Glenn. Know that when I say this I don’t take it lightly.’ Hershel finally spoke, clutching his hands together as he tore his thoughtful gaze away from the window and back onto Daryl, who stilled, waiting.

‘No man is good enough for your little girl, until one is.’

Daryl felt his gut contract with emotion as he turned Hershel’s words over in his head. He breathed in shakily, trying to blink away the blurriness that had obscured his vision, and felt a weight he’d been carrying so long he no longer noticed it lift off his shoulders. He couldn’t speak even if he wanted to; the lump forming in his throat had rendered him mute. Hershel seemed to be able to tell just what his words meant because he offered Daryl a nod and clapped him on the back with a sense of finality as he left the room, as though he would never say anything else on the matter again, as though there was no reason for Daryl to ever question his worth again. The compliment staggered Daryl, and it was only after Beth had called him the third time did he actually hear her. She’d laughed, watching him curiously from the door and asked what her father had said. Daryl just reached out for her hand, holding her tightly and he thought, judging from the way she glowed at her father the next time she saw him, that she already knew.

After two weeks, Hershel announced that Daryl was recovering well enough that he didn’t need round the clock care and Daryl thankfully went back to his apartment with a bag full of painkillers and bandages. He was eternally grateful for everything Hershel had done for him but he was itching to leave. He guessed that part of his personality would always be there – the hatred on relying on anyone else. He was learning to be okay with doing the opposite though, and after even a day at his apartment alone he realised that he missed being around the Greene’s more than he thought he would.

* * *

Weeks went by and then months, and then somehow it was December and Beth was hauling a Christmas tree down the hallway of his apartment building and Daryl was watching her, shaking his head in disbelief. He was much better these days, a nasty scar across his abdomen that he knew would never fade but the only one he had that he could look at with pride instead of shame. If the cost of Beth’s safety was a mark on his body, then he’d sooner be covered in scars than see anything happen to her.

‘You gonna help or you just gonna stand there and gawk?’ Beth asked, half-amused, half-impatient, her hair falling messily across her face. She’d let it grow out longer in the last few months and now it went down to her elbows. Sometimes, when he was feeling the weight of his scars crushing against his lungs, he’d reach over to her and she’d pull her hair from its ponytail and he’d braid it messily, chasing away his demons in her tangles while she sang.

Daryl leaned against his doorframe, crossing his arms, smiling easily. He was always smiling now.

‘Ain’t you the one that said “screw you Dixon, I’m getting a tree”?’ He asked playfully, delighted when Beth blew out an exasperated breath and turned to smirk at him.

‘Think you’re real funny, huh?’

Daryl shrugged, quirking an eyebrow as Beth dragged the tree the rest of the way, shoving him lightly aside.

‘Can’t believe you’ve never had a tree before.’ She grumbled, but her face was alight with joy. Thistles and pine needles scattered across his floor, throwing the scent of the woods into the air and Daryl swayed with the familiarity of it as he helped Beth prop the tree up in the corner of the living room. Then, she went down to her car and returned with several giant bags stuffed with Christmas decorations, and they spent the better part of an hour scattering red and gold tinsel and hanging tiny stars and twinkling lights across his apartment. At some point she’d jammed a bright red Santa hat on his head and he’d rummaged through the bag and found her a pair of antlers to match.

There was no real finesse to the decorating and Daryl had no idea what it was meant to look like but he wouldn’t have it any other way. This is what he’d been waiting for all those years. He’d never known exactly what it was but it was that promise of something better, and now he had it. Sometimes he could hardly dare to believe that Beth was here, that she was his.

‘Hey!’ Beth laughed as Daryl threw a string of blue tinsel around her, pulling her closer. Her eyes were bright as she fell into his chest. When he picked her up and hauled her over his shoulder, she let out a squeal of delight.

‘What’re you doing?’ Beth’s voice came from somewhere near his shoulder blade, casual, used to him scooping her up in his arms when she was moving too slow in front of him, when she was being unreasonable, when she looked at him with those wild blue eyes filled with desire and he needed her then and there.

‘Angel goes on top of the tree, don’t it?’ Daryl grunted, making his way towards the tree and Beth let out a surprised giggle at that. She wrestled against his strong grip until he finally put her down, and she adjusted her falling antlers before kissing him. Everything else melted away under her lips, as it always did.

Within minutes the door was slammed shut and their clothes were thrown haphazardly over the furniture. Daryl let himself be swept away by Beth’s touch, by the sharp scratch of her fingernails against the small of his back, by the warmth of her hungry mouth over his skin. He laid her gently onto the cool floor amongst the pine needles and Daryl had no other name for it, although he’d never in his wildest dreams believe he’d ever think of having sex like this before. They were making love. The raw intimacy of it never ceased to stagger him, the heady atmosphere enveloping them, as their limbs tangled up around each other and he swallowed her gasps and she trembled as he made her sing. And then it was his turn and Beth was just as hungry as she’d been before, pulling out moans and grunts from deep within his belly until he came inside her when he couldn’t take her teasing fingers and the soaking wet heat between her legs any longer.

Beth placed her head gently on his shoulder, the antlers still tangled in her hair tickling his ear. She flicked the white pom pom at the end of his hat away from her nose and traced her fingers across his chest lightly.

Daryl had never felt so content before, laying there with her in the heat they’d created. The golden lights of the Christmas tree glowed off and on in slow waves, reflecting light all around them. On the coffee table were several dozen pictures, a polaroid camera next to them. Beth had turned up at his apartment one morning with it, stammering that it was an early Christmas present but Daryl knew her too well. Her eyes had always fallen over his empty apartment wistfully, bringing small things to place around here and there, but she could not give him memories that he did not have. Daryl’s chest had swelled with emotion as she’d handed him the camera and sheepishly tried to downplay its intended use. He’d snapped a photo of her within minutes and kept it in his pocket every day since.

That had been weeks ago and now Daryl’s coffee table was covered in polaroids, more than enough to make up for everything he’d ever missed out on. Laughing snaps of Maggie and Glenn soaked to the bone after they’d been stuck in a storm, Hershel smiling proudly with his daughters, close-ups of Shawn’s face when he’d stolen the camera for the day, pictures of them all around a bonfire at the farm, and Beth. Sometimes she was smiling at the camera, other times she was in the middle of flipping a pancake, her mouth hanging open and her eyes wide with fear as it stayed suspended in mid-air. Sometimes she was wrapped in blankets drowsily rubbing her eyes or laughing as she threw popcorn at him from the other end of the couch or asleep against her guitar but everytime she was beautiful.

Daryl turned now to look at Beth and found her eyes were filled with the same fondness that he felt. The golden hue around them bounced across her skin, making her luminous.

‘Adore you.’ He muttered, pulling her closer and feeling a thrill shoot through his stomach as she smiled into his neck.

‘Adore you.’ Beth breathed through a smile, as though each time he told her how much he loved her was something she never wanted to forget. She kissed the point of his collarbone softly and Daryl thought he could stay there like this with her for the rest of his life. All around them was the smell of pine and Daryl was more at peace than he’d ever been in his whole life; he was home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> anddd it's finished!! had so much fun writing this fic, let me know what you thought :) i've just posted chapter one of my newest bethyl fic, so make sure you go check that out!!


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